NRA Invitational  | Dan Hibiki vs. NNNN | Thing vs. Guy | Jann Lee vs. Sanosuke Sagara | Kaede vs. Chipp Zanuff | Suicide vs. Raven Darc | Dominique Cross vs. Chibi V | Jeice vs. Shawn Shane Shields | Miko Mido vs. Fubuki Kai | Ranma Saotome vs. William Clarke | Melvic Lillith vs. Kunoi Ishigami


The bell sounds.

Ralph: Suicide is hit with a Sidewalk Slam by Andre Tau.

Bob: That’s a textbook Sidewalk Slam.

Ralph: Suicide hits Andre Tau with a Clothesline.

Bob: That’s a nice Clothesline.

Ralph: Andre Tau is hit with a Body Slam by Suicide.

Bob: That’s a nice Body Slam.

Ralph: Andre Tau locks in that Torture Rack on Suicide.

Bob: Andre Tau is trying to do some damage here with that Torture Rack.

Suicide grabs the ropes, breaking the Torture Rack.

Ralph: Andre Tau hits Suicide with a Body Press Flapjack.

Bob: That’s a textbook Body Press Flapjack.

Ralph: Suicide hits Andre Tau with a Body Slam.

Bob: Suicide does one of the best Body Slams that I have ever seen.

Ralph: Suicide gets hit by Andre Tau with a Shock Treatment.

Bob: Andre Tau does one of the best Shock Treatments that I have ever seen.

Ralph: Suicide gets hit by Andre Tau with a Chokeslam.

Bob: Good move.

Ralph: Suicide hits Andre Tau with a Stalling Suplex.

Bob: That’s a nice Stalling Suplex.

Ralph: Suicide is hit with a Shock Treatment by Andre Tau.

Bob: Andre Tau could be getting ready to go for the Black Hole Slam soon.

Ralph: Andre Tau looks to be setting up for the Black Hole Slam.

Ralph: Andre Tau was getting ready for the Black Hole Slam, but saw that Suicide was ready for it and instead, hooks Suicide in a Torture Rack.

Bob: I don’t really see the point of that. The Black Hole Slam is a better submission than the Torture Rack. It doesn’t make sense that Andre Tau wouldn’t go for it.

Suicide grabs the ropes, breaking the Torture Rack.

Ralph: Suicide gets hit by Andre Tau with a Sidewalk Slam.

Bob: This should be it!

Ralph: Andre Tau defeats Suicide via knock-out.

*Jeice’s blue haired sidekick enters the room*

Xiu: Hey, Boss. The show’s about to start.

Jeice: Give me a second. I’m playing with this new “PWN 1VS1” Wrestling Simulator I downloaded off the net! All you have to do is type in two fighter’s names, some moves and it does all the work for you!

Xiu: …but it looks shitty…

Jeice: So what! It doesn’t matter that the quality is non-existent! What’s important is that with it, we can have like.. Three shows every week!! Think about it! We can hire a bunch of losers who’ve never lifted a finger in battle before, just punch their names into this database, press enter, and presto! 5 star matches every two days!

Xiu: … That’s probably dumber idea than the time we went Karaoke singing in the Indian Ocean with Black Bolt from the Inhumans in 2004.

–FLASHBACK–

Jeice: A MODERN-DAY WARRIOR, MEAN MEAN STRIDE, TODAY’S TOM SAWYER, MEAN MEAN PRIDE! TAKE IT AWAY BLACK BOLT!

Black Bolt: ……………………… *inhales*

*Seconds later on the coast of India, a HUGE Tidal Wave approaches!*

Villager: ……….lolfu–

–END FLASHBACK–

Jeice: IT’S GENIUS I TELL YOU!! BLOODY GENIUS!!

Xiu: I’m going to tell the ref to start the NRA title match.. O_o..

Jeice: THEN WE CAN RULE THE INTERNET!!! WE’LL TAKE OVER THE WORLD! YOU HEAR ME!?!? THE WORLD?!!?

*Xiu, long finished with listening to another insane rant by the UCTF president continues walking out of the room while speaking to Senior Official Guy Lombardo on his two way.*

Xiu: yeah, Guy? Go ahead and start the card.

Jeice: IT’LL BE LIKE THE DARK AGES OF THE UCTF AGAIN!!! SOMEBODY CALL TETSUKO MIROKI!!! THE KISS OFF SLAPPY GUY!!! PUT HIM IN A MATCH AGAINST GOURRY GABRIEV!!! WE’RE BACK BABY!!! WRESTLING SIMS!!

*We’re brought into an abandoned, dilapidated gas station in the outskirts of Anime City. The poorly lit area provides difficulty for the cameraman to focus on a lone figure in the distance, struggling to rip a cube of Nicotine gum from it’s plastic packaging. Frustrated, the dark figure shoves it, and several more pieces into his mouth before tossing the empty package to the ground. The camera finally manages to focus on the empty “Nictorel” brand gum package, a half second before it’s stomped on by a dusty, black military issued combat boot.*

Rott: Damnit. This fucking gum just isn’t the same.

*The camera pans up, revealing the gum chewer to be none other than the former UCTF Grand Champion and chain smoker, Rott. Aged and pale faced from the lack of nicotine coursing through his veins, the former UCTF competitor looks as agitated as ever.*

Bob: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE 200TH ANNIVERSARY OF UCTF TELEVISED ACTION!

Ralph: Oh man, this card is stacked. Jeice has out done himself this time. I just hope we don’t get attacked by an invading army, demons, or galactic super powers tonight >=|

Bob: UCTF Superstars of the past and present collide in a once in a life time event, only to be capped off by a MASSIVE main event tonight! The Rematch for the UCTF Grand Championship Title between Melvic Lillith and Kunoi Ishigami will take place in just a few hours!

*Ralph points at the jumbotron with a drumstick he grabbed from the local KFC.*

Ralph: Check it out! The other NRA fighters just showed up! Looks like our NRA Invitational is about to start!

Bob: Senior Official Guy Lombardo has the unlucky job of being out there with the gun fighters… Let’s listen in as he gives the rules for tonight’s match!

*Faye Valentine, another pioneer of the UCTF NRA Division arrives at the gas station next, followed by Vash The Stampede. The party continues to grow as Garshrink Grimjaw, Cameron Baine, Gene Starwind, Bad Kitty, Euridice Reed, and finally, Carmencita Benitez arrive on the scene.

Guy: Alright guys. Everyone’s accounted for, so let’s go through the rules. THERE AREN’T ANY. The winner is the last man… or woman standing. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a bunker to hide in!

Garshrink: WAIT YA UME! >=| SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS TOO.

Guy: oh.. I guess you’re right.. Sh–

!!KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*Garshrink is taken out with a ROCKET LAUNCHER before the match even starts! As the other NRA competitors scramble for cover, the camera gets a shot of BB Hood high above everyone else with dozens of weapons, INCLUDING a sniper Rifle!*

BB: e_e. *reloads*

Bob: GARSHRINK’S ALREADY ELIMINATED!

Ralph: BUT BB GAVE HIM A DAMN PUPPY FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!

Bob: THERE’S NO FRIENDS OR ENEMIES IN THIS BATTLE! LET’S GET TO THE ACTION!

NRA Invitational

Vash The Stampede

Faye Valentine

Garshrink Grimjaw

Rott

Euridice Reed

Cameron Baine

Gene Starwind

BB Hood

Bad Kitty

Carmencita Benitez

*Everyone finds a hiding space, except for one person DUMB enough to stand out in the open and wave at his ex-girlfriend like a jackass! That’s right! Vash The Stampede in all his Flat top hair glory isn’t afraid of getting shot! Nooooo not by someone who he used to cuddle with at night!*

Vash: HEY B.B.!!

BB: e_e!!!!!!

Vash: sorry about not calling you over the years! I had this whole thing with my brother trying to kill everyone on a planet and stuff! Hope you understand! Why don’t you come down here and let’s talk about it?

!!POP!!

*A round from the sniper rifle BARELY misses him!*

Vash: Ok..ok.. I know you’re mad, but–

!!POP!!

*Again, Vash narrowly escapes!*

Vash: BB! We can talk about this!

Rott: Hey.. Isn’t that the girl who almost got my ass killed by Sano.. Along with that Fan-slut?

Faye: …yeah, that’s her alright.

Rott: ..e_e…

Gene: HEY VASH, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP BEFORE I SHOOT YOU MYSELF! >=|

*Seeing that a single bullet won’t be enough to shut Vash up, BB turns her sights toward something a little more… big. Vash turns to see a single red dot, targeted on the gas nozzle to his side.*

Vash: lolf-

!!!!POP—KLAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!

*The BLOCKBUSTER takes Vash out with ease! But the explosion also serves as a diversion of BB’s attention. Faye Valentine, Reed, and Cameron Baine make their way to BB’s hiding place with weapons drawn! Upon arrival they discover a vast array of weapons all scattered amounts a plaid blanket on the top of the roof!*

Faye: o_o It’s an Al-Queda picnic up here! Somebody’s been preparing for weeks!

BB: e_e who do you think invited you all?

*BB pulls out a freaking DESERT EAGLE from her white apron before firing upon the diving Faye! Cameron grabs the Champion from behind only to get mule kicked in the sack!*

BB: >=|!

*BB Spins around, driving her dagger DEEP into the shoulder of the former champion! He goes down, only to be grabbed by the neck and now has the unfortunate of being BB’s human shield, as he’s bombarded by non-lethal rounds by both Reed AND Valentine!*

Cameron: X_X!!!

*BB kicks him away, but not before disarming him! Now using double fisted action, she takes out BOTH Reed AND Faye in a BADASS show of gunplay!*

Gene: OH SHIT SHE’S GOING INSANE AGAIN O_O

Rott: e_e… I really need a cigarette.

Gene: I’m gonna need a castor gun for this.

Rott: You got any nicotine gum? >=\

*Gene shakes his head in disgust…*

Bad Kitty: Hey, Starwind. She set us all up. You got that magic bullet of yours?

Gene: Yeah?

Bad Kitty: Good. Carmencita and I have a plan. Flash Grenades. We distract her, you use the bullet.

Gene: good plan. e_e.

Rott: What if the bullet turns him into a giant chicken again? e_e.

Gene: WELL I DON’T SEE YOU COMING UP WITH A STRATEGY.

Rott: The last time I checked, this was every man for himself.

Gene: forget you! Ladies. I’m all up for it!

*The Former NRA Rivals, Bad Kitty and Carmencita Benitez spring into action! Two flash grenades fly through the air, garnering the attention of the NRA Champion! BB shoots one out of the sky, causing a VIOLENT light to flash before her eyes!*

Kitty: GENE!

Gene: I’M ON IT!

*Gene jumps to his feet, firing his special bullet!*

Gene: …………………………………………………………………. OHSHITITSTHESTAYPUFTMARSHMELLOWMAN!

*Before the women can react, they’re STOMPED on by the marshmellowy goodness from Ghostbuster!*

Rott: *shakes head* I knew that was a dumb fucking idea.

*Back to her feet and able to see again, BB now has a hold of her rocket launcher, and has her sites dead set on Gene Starwind! She’s SURGICAL with the damn thing, but not like she needs to.. It’s a fucking ROCKET LAUNCHER! And Starwind? The poor bastard is without anything good that can stop the onslaught that he’s about to face!*

Gene: ROTT! ROTT! ROTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rott: SHUT UP!! >=| Fine. The faster this is over the faster I can go to the store and get some more gum. Besides, this little puta caused me a ton of pain in my life.

*The Former Grand Champion rises from his shielding, slowly walking towards the NRA Champion, who already has the rocket launcher primed and ready to fire! Like a cowboy from the old west, Rott quickly draws his gun and fires in a single, fluid movement! The bullet goes through the barrel of the launcher, and setting off the missile!*

!!KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*BB is taken off of her feet by the explosion, and sent tumbling off the roof and into a pile of garbage!*

Gene: THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME! >=| THAT’S WHY YOU’RE THE MAN! YOU ARE THE —–

!!POP!!

*Without a second through, Rott shoots Gene right between the eyes, knocking the former multiple NRA Champion OUT! COLD!*

Rott: e_e… apple sauce, bitch.

*He turns back around, watching BB Hood struggle to climb back to her feet!*

Rott: =\ I’ll give you credit. You almost won. But you know what they say… Grenades and Horseshoes.

!!POP!!

*Another bullet right between BB’s eyes, and it’s over!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Arzie: The winner of the NRA INVITATIONAL…. ROTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!

Bob: …w..wow.

Ralph: wow indeed. o_o

Winner: Rott

*Seth is in the back his “usual” chipper self when he runs into someone he hasn’t seen for over 2 years.*

William: …………Conway.

Suicide:…………Clarke.

*The two of them look at each other for a moment before they both lift there hands and slap them together and shake.*

Suicide: Took you long enough. e_e

William: heh. You been alright?

Suicide: Top of the world actually. Had kind of an epiphany, you know. Good to have you back, ya damn Yorker.

William: Thanks, but don’t get used to me. After tonight, I got some business to handle.

*He points to the custom made S.H.I.E.L.D. Necklace, still secured firmly around his neck*

William: Good luck against the IG champ.

*He slaps Suicide on the back, and prepares to leave the room.*

Suicide: Hey, Will… Kick Ranma’s ass.

*William smiles (for maybe the first time in his life) before leaving the room. Suicide keeps his old stern expression for a few more seconds before reverting back to Mr. Niceguy!*

Suicide: ^_________^ HEY XAMOT! GET OVER HERE AND GIVE ME A HUG!

!!YOU ARE THE FLUUUUUUUUUKE…. OF THE UNNNIVERRRRSSSSEEE!!

*That proclamation can only mean one thing! It’s time for the assest fighter the UCTF has ever seen, the man who can’t even pronounce his own ridiculously long name, The former Interplanetary Champion… NNNN! The overweight saiya-jin saunters to the ring at the assist of the live band playing his theme “Mr. Wonderful!*

Ralph: I can’t believe THIS idiot got booked on the show tonight >=|

Bob: It’s all about nostalgia, Ralphy! I’m sure you remember the Anal Explosion Death Match of May 11th 2001!

Ralph: yeah…

Bob: and the TOILET MATCH of June 16th 2001!

Ralph: unfortunately…

Bob: And here we are.. Five years later, ready to put an end to this feud once and for all!

Ralph: Yeah, that and uhh.. I hear that Dan needed the money. He’s still working as a dish washer boy somewhere in Anime City after being screwed out of all his money via Johnny Cockring…

*Yeah, remember that thing a few years ago where Dan would run off, and the Shotokan Kamen would appear? Everyone thought it was Dan just putting on a mask? Well, it wasn’t. Dan was broke as shit, and would run off to change into his bus boy attire after his matches. The Shotokan Kamen really WAS someone else. Gouki. LOOSE ENDS BEING TIED UP HERE TONIGHT!*

Keep posin’ posin’ posin’ YOSHAAA!

Keep posin’ posin’ posin’ ORAAA!

Keep posin’ posin’ posin’ KIZURAAAA!!!

Keep posin’ posin’ posin’ posin’!!!!!

!!!BLOOOOOOM!!!!

*The Pink Pyrotechnics explodes, and out rides the “GREATEST FORMER GRAND CHAMPION OF ALL TIME,” Dan Hibiki, in his pussy pink Volkswagen Bug!*

Bob: LISTEN TO THIS OVATION RALPH!

Ralph: >=\

Bob: The last time we saw this man in action, it was hitting Aisha Clan-Clan in the face with a flaming scratching post, and helping William Clarke win the UCTF Grand Championship title at On Your Computer in 2003!

Ralph: And he looks just as shitty.

Dan Hibiki: DOUBLE N, ARE YOU READY FOR ONE MORE EMBARRASSING LOSS TO THE GREATEST SUPERSTAR TO EVER APPEAR IN A UCTF EVENT?!

NNNN: >=\

!!DING DING DING!!

Dan Hibiki vs. NNNN

*The match is under way, and these old rivals don’t waste a second going after each other! NNNN swings high, and misses huge as Dan rolls the punch, turning it into a pose!*

Dan: YOSSHAAAA!!!

Crowd: *POPS!!*

Ralph: That’s embarrassing! >=| He can’t even hit someone who hasn’t fought in over THREE YEARS.

Bob: Well to defend NNNN… Dan is in twice the shape he’s in … o_o…

Ralph: Yeah. Dan’s actually been inside a gym, and it looks like the only thing NNNN’s ever done is the 12oz curl with a Budweiser.

*NNNN leaps towards Hibiki again, this time missing with another punch that goes too high. He comes back around with a sweeping kick, which Dan leaps over with ease, before delivering a stiff kick to NNNN’s face! It sends the saiyan flying into the ropes, only to be caught with a dragon punch by the former Grand Champion! The tubby bastard spills into the corner, much to the concern of his personal band!*

Bob: Uppercut to NNNN and he’s down!

Ralph: This is embarrassing.. Dan was right… *shakes head*

Dan: ORA!!! THIS IS THE BEST COMPETITION YOU GUYS HAVE?! GET KUNOI MACARONI AND THE GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP BELT OUT HERE! I WA–

!!BLAM!!

*During his rant, Dan NEVER sees NNNN being supplied with a cane from one of the band members! He CERTAINLY never sees it breaking over the back of his neck by the half saiyan, either! That shot turns the tide of the match INSTANTLY!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOHH!!

Bob: DAN’S DOWN!

Ralph: never turn your back on an opponent.. Not even one who’s so horribly out of shape!

NNNN: >=| GET ME SOME MORE WEAPONS!

*The fans pop huge, as the girls toss in trash cans, brooms, mops, and other assorted cleaning supplies from underneath the ring!*

Ralph: Now this thing is gonna get interesting!

Bob: NNNN may be a worthless fighter, but a few shots to the face with a broom stick will be enough to put anyone down! Especially the former Grand Champion!

NNNN: GET UP DAN! TALK SHIT NOW!

Dan: o..o..oyaaa..jiii x_x

!!WHAM!!

*Dan may be calling for his long since departed father, but instead, gets a trash can lid to the face! The aluminum object bends in half from the shot, knocking the Saikyo-Ryuu master flat on his back! NNNN can feel it now, as he powers up into the first level of super-saiya-jin!*

NNNN: YEAH!!!!!! I CAN FEEL IT! >=| YOUR ASS IS MINE DAN! GET UP!

*NNNN begins powering up for his ultimate attack! Meanwhile, back to his feet, a woozy Hibiki senses the danger! There’s only one thing he do to counter act the “FINAL LIGHT” attack.. And that is the–*

Dan: SHINNNNKUUUU.. GADOUKEN!!!!!!!!!

NNNN: FINAL LIGHT ATTACK!

Bob: HERE IT COMES!! BOTH OF THE WARRIOR’S MOST POWERFUL MOVES!

!!!FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSHHH!!

*The blasts take off from opposite sides of the ring, and they fizzle out! They don’t even CONNECT with each other! Both Dan and NNNN look at each other in both embarrassment and confusion, before rushing to pick up mop and broom sticks from their respective sides of the ring!*

Ralph: OH GIVE ME A BREAK!

*They swing at each other wildly, and BOTH connect with each other! Splinters of broken wood fly everywhere, as both men hit the canvas!*

Bob: Both men are down!

Ralph: THEIR BLASTS DIDN’T EVEN MEET EACH OTHER!

*The Band members are pounding on the canvas to will their leader, their boss, NNNN back to his feet, while EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ARENA is cheering for Dan Hibiki to stand back to his feet! As they struggle to beat each other back to their vertical bases, Dan dives forward, grabbing NNNN by the yellow mustard stained shirt!*

Dan: THIS IS IT! >=| OOOOOOOOOOYAAAAAJIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

Ralph: OH SHIT ITS–

Bob: THE OTOKO MICHI!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!FLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!

Bob: IT CONNECTS!

*The move hits full on, and when it’s over, NNNN is out on his back, with an equally unconscious Dan Hibiki on top! The ref shrugs, before sliding into position.*

Ref: 1………. 2………… 3!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crowd: *POP!*

Bob: Three count and it’s over!

Ralph: Jesus Christ…

Bob: Dan returns for one night only, and gets another win over his rival, NNNN!

Winner: Dan Hibiki

Arzie: The Following match is scheduled for one fall… Introducing first, Currently residing in Paris, France… He is the Ever Loving, Blue Eyed.. THINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

*Former World Champion, Benjamin Grimm makes his way down the aisle to a massive ovation!*

Ralph: France? O_o

Bob: You didn’t hear?? The Thing has decided to leave the United States until that whole “Registration Act” thing is settled.

Ralph: But why FRANCE. They raise dirty bitch whores there! >=|

Bob: you’re certainly right about that..

Janne: I HEARD THAT. AND BOB. COME VISIT YOUR SON MORE!

Ralph: 9_9

Bob: oh God Almighty =( Anyway, Guy requested this match from Jeice personally. January 12th 2002, Guy defended the World Championship against Thing, and was almost KILLED in battle!

Ralph: Yeah, Thing ended up leaving with the World Title, and Guy just left on a stretcher and new bruises he never had before. I don’t think Guy EVER recovered mentally from that match, and he wants retribution tonight! …can’t say it’s a good idea though.. It’s the freaking THING.

*”My Frustration” starts up, with Guy storming down to the ring with ruthless intent! He’s been waiting for 4 years for this opportunity to settle the score with Benjamin Grimm, and tonight, he FINALLY gets his chance!*

Ralph: uhh.. O_O he doesn’t look too happy, does he?

Bob: Not at all!

Arzie: Introducing next, from Metro City… he is the former world champion… GUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYY!!!!

Ralph: He seriously looks like he’s going to rip Thing’s head off of his shoulders!

Bob: Good luck with that!

Ralph: Exactly! I think the beating he got from Grimm last time did something to his brain! You’re no match for this guy…. Guy!

!!DING DING DING!!

Guy vs. The Thing

*The match is officially under way, and Guy prepares to go right into the action! However, Thing has other ideas! Pushing the referee in between the two men, he wants to TALK this out first!*

Thing: Wait wait wait.. Kid! Hold up a second, will ya?

Guy: What?! >=|

Thing: …o_o I’m sorry, but.. Could you remind me of who you are???

Guy: …………………….

Everyone: *FACEFAULTS*

Ralph: He doesn’t even remember?!?!?!

Thing: I know I know.. But with M-Day happening, the Avengers killing each other off, and this damn Civil War, I don’t remember.. We have a beef or somethin’ man??

Guy: YOU ALMOST KILLED ME OVER A GOLD BELT!?!?!? AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER?!?!

Thing: …o_o…

*Guy SHOVES the ref out of the way, sending the poor bastard OVER the top rope!*

Everyone: O_O!

Bob: THE REF’S OUT OF THE RING!

Ralph: uh oh! He’s going to refresh Ben’s Memory the hard way!

*Guy steps into Thing with the “Hou Zan To” punch, made to go through KI PROJECTILES! The punch lands right in the center of Thing’s massive Rock chest, and manages to knock the Fantastic Four enforcer back a half a step! Guy wisely keeps the attacks pouring in, nailing a flip kick roundhouse to the butt of Ben’s chin! Guy doesn’t wait to see if it works or not, as he’s already hitting the ropes, gaining more momentum for his next attack!*

Guy: BUSHIN GORAI KYAKU!!!

*Guy unleashes a vicious seven hit combination into Thing!*

Bob: THING GOES DOWN TO ONE KNEE!

Ralph: He’s giving it to him alright o_o!

*He takes advantage of Thing’s big size, by nailing his “BUSHIN MUSOU REN GE,” another TEN HIT COMBINATION into Ben Grimm! This time, it’s enough to put the big man on his back! The fans are STUNNED!*

Bob: Guy has unleashed his ENTIRE arsenal on The Thing! I’ve never seen anyone put it on Thing like that since.. Since JANN LEE!

Ralph: and that was a MIRACLE Bob, don’t you forget that!

*The boss of Metro city spits on Thing before turning to leave…*

Guy: e_e!

Thing: oh.. Oh x_x I remember you now.

Guy: …o_o..

*Guy turns around to see Thing standing back to his feet!*

Thing: e_e you’re still mad about that? Fighters in the UCWF wouldn’t have complained about me being “Too Rough!” Fine. IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME!

Bob and Ralph: OH SHIT!!

Ralph: WAIT. UCWF?!!?!?

Bob: Unlimited Class Wrestling Federation!

Ralph: WHAT?!!? WE NEED TO SUE!! WHAT THE HELL?!

Bob: It was created in 1985.

Ralph: …ok, I’ll shut my mouth now.

*Guy springs to the top rope, before a second leap swings him flying towards Thing with a wide roundhouse! Thing however, intercepts the former champion with a HUGE fist that collides with Guy’s ENTIRE body! Guy damn near turns INSIDE OUT from the hit, before bouncing off the canvas!*

Bob: JESUS CHRIST!

*He bounces back to his feet, firing back with the “Bushin Sempu Kyaku!” The Triple Roundhouse connects all three times, but serves to be little to no help against the super human bastard!*

Thing: >=|!

Ralph: RUN GUY! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

*Guy runs TOWARDS Thing, leaping over his head an attempt to throw the superhero! Grimm doesn’t budge an INCH! Instead, he reverses the throw, sending Guy into the corner! Guy lands on his feet in the top rope, before flipping backwards, connecting a two-hit Crescent kick on the top of Ben’s dome!*

Bob: Guy is still in this!

Ralph: yeah, well he’s only been hit ONCE by Thing. If he manages to get another hit in >=|

*His legs are bruised to hell, his fists are bleeding, but Guy won’t stay down! Thing fires back with another wrecking ball like right hand, but it’s parried away by Guy, who uses the LAST of his strength to–*

Guy: BUSHIN MUSOU REN GE!!!

*He musters another Ten Hit combination on the WIDE OPEN Ben Grimm!*

Bob: HE CONNECTS WITH EVERY SINGLE HIT!!!

Ralph: BUT IT’S NOT —

*Thing fires back immediately, REPEATEDLY punching Guy in the face, followed by a NASTY uppercut to his chin that not only takes Guy off of his feet, but sends him OVER the top rope and to the apron! Shades of their match four years ago on Saturday Massacre!*

Ralph: HOLY SHIT!

Bob: X_X MY GOD!!!

*The referee has seen enough, immediately calling for the bell!*

!!DING DING DING!! DING DING DING!!

Bob: That’s it! It’s over! It’s over!

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen.. The winner by decision.. THE THINGGGGG!!!!

Thing: *cracks knuckles* e_e.

Ralph: he just.. It.. Wh..

Bob: Guy brought it all tonight.. It just.. It just wasn’t enough.. My GOD what a brawl that was!

Ralph: He just.. X_x

Winner: The Thing

*As EMTs DRAG Guy’s ass away, we set up for the next match..*

Bob: Ladies and Gentlemen… This NEXT match was made a few weeks ago, after the debacle with Ralph Flagg in the UCTF!

–FLASHBACK–

*The UCTF.com exclusive camera footage goes back several weeks ago where President Jeice approaches Chipp Zanuff, who was JUST finished scaring away Mr. Flagg from the back.*

Jeice: uhh.. O_o what the HELL are you doing here?

Chipp: …>.> wouldn’t you like to know.

Jeice: Well since it seems you’re an active employee again. You’ve got a match at our 200th show… I’m going to call it.. O_O a battle between swordmaster LEGENDS. You ever meet Kaede?

Chipp: no. e_e

Jeice: You will.. BWAHAHAHAHAHA OOOOH YOU WILL!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA just bring your ass back at the 200th show. e_e

Chipp: K. o_o

–END FLASHBACK–

Ralph: Well that was completely random.. But …makes perfect since I guess.

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall.. And will be contested under SWORDMASTER RULES!!!

*”Sucka Sage” starts up to a big ovation, bringing out the former sword champion ninja, Chipp Zanuff! The Loose Cannon of the UCTF teleports into the ring, showing off his superior speed and agility, before pulling off his red mask. He still has NO idea as to who or what he’s up against!*

Ralph: This is going to be fun.. We’re going to see the demise of this loser to someone who took it to VEGETA and DAYVID NITE in the same month!

Bob: Oh come on Ralph.. I don’t think it’ll be one sided.. I mean.. Chipp’s beaten some big names too! Like…. that guy who wore pink all the time?

Ralph: Dan?

Bob: No.. The other guy W..JESSE HALL!

Ralph: You’re an IDIOT.

*Rammstein’s “DER MEISTER” begins playing to an even LARGER ovation! That Sweet Sweet Seiryuu slowly makes his way from the back, sporting his lavender hair and pretty boy samurai clothing! It’s the God himself, KAEDE, back in the UCTF for the big 200th show!*

Ralph: wait.. I just said I want to see Chipp get his ass whipped to Kaede… ……..I don’t hate him THAT much. GO CHIPP! WHIP THIS PRETTY BOY’S ASS!

Bob: I was wondering when you’d remember your feud with him -_-.

Kaede: HEY RALPH!!!

Ralph: =\!

Bob: I for one, can not wait for the first of many Dream matches tonight on UCTF’s 200th show! Let’s get this one under way!

!!DING DING DING!!

Kaede vs. Chipp Zanuff

*The fans are at the edges of their seats, preparing to see the Zansi Roga vs. The Dragon Crash! The Gamma Blade vs. The Lightning Slash! Kaede and Chipp prepare to lock hands for the first and only time inside of the Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting League’s open air arena! With both hands clenched around his Katana, Kaede leans in for an attack. In the same breath, Chipp leaps into the air, throwing a single shriuken towards the Seiryuu. Kaede falls right into Chipp’s game, and blocks the ninja’s star. That half a second of distraction is enough for Chipp, who dashes across the ring with the “Alpha Blade.”*

Chipp: ALPHA BLADE!

*Kaede manages to block, but is off balance, giving Chipp room to deliver a five hit combination! Kaede battles back, misses a punch, and is kicked in the face for his troubles! Chipp teleports to the corner behind the Seiryuu before delivering a flying kick to the back! Kaede is sent to the canvas, but rolls forward and back to his feet thanks to the momentum from the kick. However, by the time he’s back to his feet, Chipp is already in front of him!*

!!WHAM!!

*A hard slash sends Kaede right back to the ground!*

Ralph: YEAH!!! GO CHIPP!

Bob: Chipp is apparently the faster of the two, so far!

Ralph: SO FAR?! HE JUST RAN CIRCLES AROUND KAEDE! KEEP ON HIM!

*Chipp DOES keep the pressure on, Forcing Kaede to block another “Alpha Blade,” Chipp ends up behind the now vulnerable Seiryuu, and opens up on him with a quick five hit combination, into the “Beta Blade” ki blade uppercut! Kaede flips backwards to regain his footing, but is caught when Chipp uses his “GAMMA BLADE” to create a spirit version of himself who catches the Seiryuu in midair!*

Kaede: damnit!

Bob: Kaede can’t even get a single hit out! Chipp’s speed is mind numbing!

Ralph: HAHAHAHA, HE’S EMBARRASSING THE LEGEND! HAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS GREAT!

*As Chipp springs forward to take advantage of his bound opponent, Kaede shakes off Chipp’s after image, before swinging the his katana downward to create a lightning bolt in the center of the ring! Chipp teleports at the LAST possible second, reappearing on the top rope with a look of shock on his face! A black singe mark now resides in the ring that very well could have been the American Born Ninja’s remains!*

Chipp: o_o

Kaede: >=|

Bob: Kaede almost finished it there!

Ralph: That’s was a close one Chipp! But keep on him! Get more of those shirukens out there!!!

*Chipp dives off the top rope, missing Kaede with a kick, as the ancient samurai SNK rolls out of the way! Back to his feet, Kaede swings the sword wildly, Chipp gets his arm in the way, blocking the Katana with his arm blade, but not the following kick to the bread basket! The Sucka Sage is knocked backwards just as Kaede rushes forward into his infamous electrified triple slash attack!*

Ralph: NO!!!

*Chipp falls victim to the first two hits, but wisely teleports out of the way of the third. Kaede spins around and his face feels the FULL brunt of Chipp’s “Resso” Strike, followed by the low sweeping “Rokusai” kick! Kaede is airborne for a split second before being hit with the “Senshu” Heel strike, causing the Seiryuu to BOUNCE off of the canvas and fly through the air!*

Ralph: YES!!

Bob: Kaede is helpless!

Ralph: YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

*With Kaede coming back to the earth, Chipp leaps towards him with his arm blade primed and ready to go! What he DIDN’T expect however, was Kaede suddenly EXPLODING into his Awakened state!*

Chipp: LOLFU–

!!KATHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOM!!!

*The smoke clears, with Kaede now powered up with Green eyes, blonde hair, and conceited smirk!*

Ralph: NOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOO!!!!

Bob: Kaede has Awakened!! This is going to get interesting, REALLY fast!

*Chipp teleports back to his feet surprised, but not impressed. Kaede raises his blade in the air, a surge of electric Ki begins to manifest around him! Chipp may have but one chance, and he takes it by lunging forwards, activating his “Banki Messai” Super Combination! IT connects, landing all of twenty hits into the powered up Seiryuu! Kaede goes down for a split second, before climbing back to his feet! He smirks, before unleashing the electricity he gathered into a Lightning Slash across the ring! Chipp teleports out of the way, but unlike before, Kaede SENSES where Chipp’s body will reappear, and already has a Lightning attack heading in that direction! The second Chipp reappears, he’s NAILED!*

Bob: HE GOT HIM!

Ralph: NOOOOOOOOO!!!

*The ninja shakes it off, flinging himself across the ring!*

Chipp: ZANSI—

Bob: HE’S GOING FOR IT!

Ralph: DO IT!!

Chipp: ROOOOO—

*The Ninja teleports wildly from side to side, after images fly around as he throws punches at every direction into the Awakened Kaede, who, unfortunately for Chipp, BLOCKS EVERY SINGLE HIT!*

Ralph: OH NO!!!

*This leaves Chipp open for The “DRAGON CRASH” Kaede’s Double Super Finisher, an uppercut slash of pure electricity, unleashed in the form of several dragons that juggle Chipp’s body in midair!*

Bob: DRAGON CRASH!!

Ralph: NO NONONO GOD NO!!!

*The Former Sword Champion crashes to the canvas in a heap, and it’s over! The referee signals for the bell!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: What an ending! If Kaede hadn’t blocked the Zansi Roga!!

Ralph: NOTHING IS SACRED! THAT WAS CHIPP ALL THE WAY! THAT WAS BULLSHIT! >=| FUCK KAEDE!

Bob: KAEDE PICKS UP THE VICTORY!

*Now returned to normal, Kaede retreats to the back, raising his blade in victory!*

Winner: Kaede

*Backstage*

Jeice: HAHAHAHAHAHA! E_E MAKE RANDOM APPEARANCE IN MY FED CHIPP. THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU.

Xiu: o_o…

*Back in the ring*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen… the following dream match, is scheduled for one fall!

*The epic theme song “Kokoro no Hidaka” kicks up to a resounding ear shattering ovation, as the Ippatsu Yarou, The One punch bastard known as Sanosuke Sagara saunters to the ring, complete with a fish bone hanging loosely between his lips.*

Bob: I have personally been holding my breath for this match! Two of the hardest hitting UCTF competitors will face each other for the first and last time in a UCTF ring!

Ralph: That’s right.. I can’t wait to see if the Master of the “Way of the Dragon” can topple the Master of the Futae No Kiwami!

*Next, The Crystal Method’s “Trip Like I Do” begins, bringing down Jann Lee, who storms to the squared circle with purpose! He has not had an active match in the UCTF for almost four years now, and beating Sanosuke Sagara would instantly place him at “Legendary Status!”

Bob: Sano is famous for his feud against Rott during the early years of the UCTF, Jann Lee made a name for himself by knocking out warriors inside the ring who seemed at the time impossible to beat!

Ralph: Exactly.. I bet Ben Grimm is STILL feeling those attacks he received from Jann years ago!

*An agile spring from the apron lands Jann Lee inside the ring, staring across from Sanosuke!*

Bob: Just waiting for the bell now, and the match will begin!

Sanosuke vs. Jann Lee

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: THE MATCH IS UNDERWAY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

*Sano moves forward rapidly, as well as Jann, who plants his feet into the mat before launching himself across the ring, going for his devastating Flying Dragon Kick! However, Sano meets Jann’s greatest strike with one of his own, the–*

Sano: FUTAE NO KIWAMI!!

!!KATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!

*Both attacks meet in the center of the ring! Jann is sent flying from the attack, before hitting the ground and rolling into the corner!*

Bob: OH MY GOD!

Ralph: … I think Sano just broke Jann’s foot.

*The referee checks on Jann, who has INDEED broken his foot after being LEVELED with the FNK! He struggles to stand back up! Not a good idea!*

Sano: e_e Futae No Kiwami.

!!KATHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*A second FNK, even stronger connects to the side of Jann’s face, putting the Martial Arts legend out of the ring!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOHHH!! X_X

Ralph: HOLY SHIT!

Bob: SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!!!!

*With Jann Lee motionless, hanging upside down from the bottom rope and dangling just a few inches from the concrete below, the referee has seen enough!*

!!DING DING DING!!

*”Kokoro No Hidaka” returns to the sound system, Sano, without so much has breaking a sweat leaves the ring and slowly walks up the ramp.*

Crowd: SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO!

Ralph: TWO HITS?!!? TWO HITS?!?!

Bob: ..I..I guess any attack that made Vegeta’s lip bleed… I..I don’t know..

Winner: Sanosuke

*The Ippatsu Yarou stops at the top of the ramp, before returning to the backstage area, he glances back down at the beaten Jann Lee as he’s being attended to by the UCTF Staff.*

Sano: …e_e.. Feh.

*Halo by Soil kicks up on the sound system and out comes the current UCTF Intergalactic Champion Raven Darc! The crowd gives him a huge reception as he comes out looking SERIOUS.*

Bob: Raven looks all business tonight!

*Indeed he does. After handing his belt to the time keeper he hops in the ring and eyeballs the ramp for his young opponent.*

Ralph: Think Raven has anything to say about the Fubuki/Miko fight tonight?

Bob: He made it very clear that he has NO COMMENT about that whole situation, Ralph.

Ralph: Cuz he’s whipped.

Bob: You gonna tell him that?

Ralph: Hell no

*Next up is “Links 2,3,4” and out comes the seemingly reformed Military Brat(?) himself wearing a set of BLUE CAMO pants and jacket, Seth “Suicide” Conway! He’s all smiles and pumping up the still confused crowd ala Rocky Maivia.*

Ralph: ….

Bob: *ahem* And here comes Suicide.

Ralph: That’s debatable

*You can almost feel the tension building off of Raven. There is no love loss between these two. At least not on his side!*

DING!! DING!! DING!!

Raven vs. Suicide

*Seth comes right out of the corner with his hand extended and a smile on his face*

Suicide: May the best man win ^_^

Raven: You beat me with a nightstick you little shit! e__e

Suicide: o_o You’re still mad about that?

*Raven NAILS Seth with a clothesline that sends him FLIPPING 270 degrees and onto his stomach! The crowd winces and cheers at the same time as Seth lies assed out on the canvas!*

Bob: Whoa! Raven certainly not playing into the nice game!

*The IG Champ walks over and lifts Seth to his feet and starts cramming his fist down his throat in a repeated fashion. He HAMMERS Conway over to the corner and proceeds to mud stomp the kid down to the mat much to the delight of the crowd! After a good beating Raven picks Seth up off the ground and sends him into the opposite corner. Suicide hits the corner and comes back off with Raven heading RIGHT toward him with another clothesline! BUT-

*SMACCKK!!!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOHHHHHH!!

*Suicide, with all his dazed thought, reverses with a quick drop toe hold on the IG Champ! This does nothing more than PISS the champ off as he BOLTS up again and-*

*SMACCKK!!!*

*Runs into ANOTHER drop-toe-hold by the former Anime Champ! This time Seth even manages to hop up on the second rope to celebrate his latest face-plant.*

Suicide: ^__^ hoooooo!

Raven: >=|!!!

*Raven runs at Seth again who jumps off the second rope. Seth tucks and rolls underneath the champs 3rd clothesline attempt and gets back to his feet. Raven charges AGAIN and-*

*THUD!*

Suicide: o_o

Raven: >=)

*This time Raven BLOCKS the drop-toe-hold by planting his right foot forward to maintain his balance. He reaches down and latches onto Seth neck into a side head lock. He starts wrenching that shit like Randy Orton on crack rubbing his forearm into the military brat nose! Finally Suicide manages to back into the ropes and shoots Raven off of him. As Raven comes back Suicide pulls as drop down. Followed by a leapfrog and when Raven comes around for that third pass-*

*SMACCKK!!!*

Crowd: LMFAO!!!

*HE HITS A THIRD DROP-TOE-HOLD!! Raven powders out of the fucking ring holding his nose like its broken in five places. The crowd is laughing and cheering their asses off after that bizarre exchange.*

Bob: And the crowd is actually going wild for Suicide.

Ralph: -What is going on!? ;_;

*Seth is grinning like school girl in the ring, eating up all the face time he can get. But its not long before he forgets where the hell he is! Raven grabs the poor kid by his feet and DRAGS his ass to the outside! Raven wastes no time and whips Suicide into the guardrail, followed by another quick whip into the ring apron, then to the guardrail AGAIN! He whips Seth around like a rag doll between a rock and a hard place! The crowd is eating this up as well while Raven just mercilously slams the poor kid back and forth. Seth lower back is ACHING by the end of it and the rail is pushed back into the 5th row! Raven wipes his brow as Seth stumbles back from the rail and goes down to his knees in agony. Raven grabs the back of the kid neck and lifts him to his feet. From there the 6 demon wrestler body presses him OVER his head! A short run later Seth is LAUNCHED back into the ring over the top rope! *

Crowd: *POPS!!*

Bob: Now the crowd is thoroughly behind Raven!

Ralph: I guess that makes sense

*Raven climbs into the ring and is not content with just ending this thing right here. He picks Suicide back up and puts him in classic pile driver position. He lifts him all the way up into a power bomb! Seth starts tagging the demon in the face out of desperation. The shots throw Raven off guard and Suicide is able to roll down Raven back and attempt a pin!*

Bob: Nice move by Suicide but I don think Raven gonna topple!

*Bob’s right! Seth is on the mat holding Raven legs trying to knock him off balance by kicking his legs with all he worth. But Raven not going anywhere. He reaches down and grabs him by the neck lifting the former champion to his eye level.*

Suicide: o_o oh gee w-

*WHAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!*

*Before he can finish that sentence Raven drives him down to the mat with a vicious double hand choke slam. Raven covers!*

Ref: 1… 2 …..

*Suicide kicks out! Raven slaps his hand to the mat and gets back up. He lifts the kid back up from the mat in total control. But not for long as Seth swats his hands away and starts laying in second wind punches right to the half-demon face! Raven staggers back after 4 punches but quickly regains his composure and NAILS Seth with a hard knee to the midsection. Seth doubles over for a second but quickly nails Raven in the chest with a jumping drop kick!*

Bob: That came out of no where!!

Ralph: Why is the crowd cheering again!!?

*Ralph’s right! The crowd is goading Suicide to topple the big man who is staggering from the drop kick! Seth rears back and-*

*CRACK!!*

*Nails Raven with a powerful superkick! Though the big man almost pulls a matrix bend he is STILL on his feet! Finally, with even more encouragement from the fans, hits the ropes comes off and!*

*WHAAAMM!!!*

Crowd: OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!

Bob: ENDLESS WALTZ!! ENDLESS WALTZ!!

Ralph: From out of NOWHERE!!

*Raven and Seth hit the floor from the move. But Raven has more taken out of him that he realized as he CAN take advantage of the move! He fights to shake off the effects of the superkick but can throw his arm over for the pin. The Ref starts a Ten Count!*

Ref: 3…… 4…….. .

Bob: Raven needs to capitalize, or at least get up! Or this will be a draw!

Ref: 5…….. 6 …………

*Raven starts to get to his feet. Only a few inches from ending this thing as Suicide is still laid out!*

Bob: This looks to be over OH WHAT THE HELL!?!?

*X and Recon hit the ring with chairs!!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Bob: I KNEW IT!! I KNEW IT WAS AN ACT!!

Ralph: oh thank God!! Everything makes sense again! ^_^

*The ref tries his damnedest to keep the young cadets away from the tired out Raven and even tries to pry one of the chairs away from them but he gets chased out of the ring by the two! Raven slowly crawls up trying to get to his feet and make a decent counter attack!*

Bob: This is WRONG!! Someone stop this dammit!!

Ralph: Seriously I was gonna lose it there if it kept up much longer.

*Raven makes it to his knees but is still dazed. Recon lifts up his chair and-*

Bob: NO NO

*SUICIDE GET UP AND PULLS IT OUT OF HIS HANDS!!*

Crowd: O___O!!

Bob: O___O!!

Ralph: *mouth agape!*

*Seth throws the chair out of the ring and runs over to the stunned X and pulls his chair away from him as well! He looks pissed for the first time in months!*

Suicide: >=|!! What the hell is wrong with you two!?

X: But we thought that- o_o

Suicide: That’s enough! You know I play fair when I in the ring!

Everyone: X_X_X_X

Suicide: You two get your asses back stage and I will deal with you when my match is over!

*X and Recon leave the ring leaving a very stunned crowd. The ref climbs back in the ring and Seth offers his hand to Raven.*

Suicide: Let’s finish this fair and square, Ryan. ^_^

Raven: o_o

Bob: never thought I’d see the day….

Ralph: *fetal position*

*Seth helps Raven to his feet and the two start circling like it a legit match for the first time. Both are tired but not out. They lock up into a classic tie up but Seth quickly uses his speed and ducks under the bigger man gripping him from behind. Raven reaches back and snaps on a side headlock. Seth spins out of it and gets to his knees sweeping Raven leg out from under him. Seth goes for a quick cover!*

Ref: 1……

*Raven forces the kid off him after one! Raven gets back up and tries to land a shuffle side kick to Seth jaw. Seth ducks under and kicks the IG champ in the gut bending him over! He smiles and hits the ropes fast coming off with his patented axe kick! The crowd has one thing to say!*

Crowd: ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!

Suicide: *^^*

*Setting Raven up again he hits the ropes again and comes down for a SECOND axe kick! But this time Raven stands back up letting that powerful kick float right by! He spins the kid around and locks on a reverse Russian leg sweep position!*

Bob: Endless W- NO

*Raven goes for his finisher again but before he can Seth swats his arm away spinning Raven back to him! Seth uses all his strength and lifts Raven up into a Fireman carry!*

Bob: Coutmarsha- NO!!

*But Raven slips out of that, landing on his feet behind Suicide who promptly turns around and CHOPS the big man in the chest! Raven returns the favor! They trade chops back and forth for about 10 hits until Raven gets the upper hand with his strength and forces Seth into a corner. He leans back and nails the young marine in the jaw with his elbow!*

Bob: Raven setting up for something BIG here!*

*The crowd goes nuts as Raven sets the former Anime champ up on the top rope for a superplex! Raven throws his arm over and hooks the kid fatigues, gives a tug but it’s no go! Seth is holding on for dear life and starts tagging the big man in the ribs. Raven lets go from the shots and Suicide starts punching Raven in the face! Raven starts reeling on the top rope then Seth sets himself up!*

*SMAAACKK!!!*

Crowd: OOOOOHHHHHHHH!!

Bob: What a MOVE!

*Balancing himself on his hands Suicide delivers a jumping spin kick to the side of Raven head! Seth tumbles to the apron as a result, but the huge demon wrestler hits the mat with a HUGE crash. Shaking things off Suicide ascends the ropes again and goes to put him away!*

Bob: SMARTBOMB!! SMARTBOMB!!

*Suicide NAILS his top rope finisher! He covers and hooks Raven leg!*

Ref: 1 .2 3!!

DING DING DING!!

*The match is over and despite the actual pop the crowd is stunned. r. Nice Guy Suicide just beat the IG Champ fair and SQUARE!*

Bob: Suicide picks up a HUGE win here tonight! Ralph you’ve been quiet what do you have to say?

Ralph: *curled on the floor* so c-cold. X_x

Bob As I said, Suicide picks up the win!

*He lifts his hand in the air as Raven still dazed gets up to his knees. Suicide reaches down and shakes the champs hand who looks on still confused. Impressed but still confused.*

Winner: Suicide

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the ring at this time… MISTER WILLY WONKA!

*The lights dim, and what sounds like a 70’s electronic funk version of the Willy Wonka theme starts up, prompting nearly a dozen Oompa Loompas, all dressed in the metallic outfits from the recent remake of the movie, all come out, carrying the weapons to be used in the upcoming match! There are bales of candy canes, large sheets of gingerbread, boxes of what look like Nerds candy and wheelbarrows filled with marshmallows and other candy!*

Ralph: o_o… uhhh… This totally isn’t what I remember

*As the Oompa Loompas all head down the aisle and surround the ring, setting up the weapons, the curtain parts and Willy Wonka himself (the Johnny Depp one, so we’re all clear here) steps out from behind it, cane in his hand, holding his top hat! He saunters down to the ring, steps through the ropes, and takes the mic from Arzie. The Oompa Loompas are STILL piling up the candy weapons at ringside*

Wonka: Thank you, thank you ALL here, and I would like to welcome you all to the SECOND ever Hansel and Gretel match here in the UCTF, and of all time!

Bob: The first one took place back in April 1 of 2001!

Ralph: So we have a re-match… of an April fool’s day match!?

Bob: Second ever!

Wonka: Before we begin tonight, I would like to say a few words… due to what happened over five years ago in the first match up, and being the sponsor and supplier of tonight’s match, I am stipulating that my Oompa Loompas will REMAIN at ringside as enforcers for this match up! I WILL NOT HAVE INTERFERENCE IN MY MATCH TONIGHT!

*the crowd gives a nice pop for that! Wonka, however, in the ring is giggling!*

Wonka: Oh, I’m so excited! I haven’t been this excited ever since I went on the “small world” ride at Disneyland!! ^_^

Crowd: o_o

Wonka: All those wonderful children singing and playing and playing…

*he starts slowing down*

Wonka: ….and singing… H_H

Bob: Oh hell no

Ralph: GET HIM OUT OF THERE

*RIGHT as Wonka’s hand is going into the front of his pants, UCTF security is IMMEDIATELY on him, subduing him!*

Wonka: YOU CAN’T DO THIS!! I SPONSORED THIS MATCH!!! YOU’LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYERS!!!

*Wonka is carried off kicking and screaming as Arzie re-enters the ring*

Bob: *Whew* That was close.

Ralph: I hope we NEVER have to have one of these again.

*As Arzie climbs in, “Still a Secret” is keyed up, drawing a nice reaction from the fans as Chibi Venus makes her way down to the ring, smiling and winking and tweaking noses of the fans!*

Ralph: And look who’s back!

*As she climbs into the ring, “Honey” started booming over the speakers, also gartering a nice reaction from the crowd as Dominique Cross makes her way down the aisle, looking INCREDIBLY excited by the candy! The Oompa loompas practically have to FORCE her to get in the ring!*

Dominique: CANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY!!!

Ooompa Loompas: >_<!!!

*they FINALLY get her into the ring, and the ref calls for the bell!*

*DING, DING, DING!!*

Chibi Venus vs Dominque Cross

Hansel and Gretel Match II

*as SOON as the bell rings, Venus and Dominique charge the center of the ring, fists and limbs flying! The two strike each other a few times, but their quickness on both sides is causing them both to be dodging each other! Venus swings her fists wildly, then swings with a roundhouse kick, JUST missing Dominique’s head! Dominique swings, and BACKHANDS AT into the corner!*

Venus: >_< !

*Venus looks down to the outside, where an Oompa Loompa is holing a length of Nerds Rope! AT reaches down and SNATCHES it out of his hand! She turns to Dominque, who’s charging head-first at her! Venus, though, slingshots herself over Dominque, and spins around, WHIPPING her with the nerds rope!*

Dominique: @___@_@_@_@_@

*Venus’s repeatedly whipping her with the rope, then laces it around her neck, and starts to strangle her with it! She drags Dominique near the ropes, leaning her on the second rope, and yells to the Oompa Loompas again! Several of them congregate, all welding bales of large candy canes!*

!!!!SMASSSHHH!!!

*They all start repeatedly SMASHING the candy canes over Dominique’s head! They get off a couple before Dominque fights Venus off, and pushes herself back towards the center of the ring, holding her head!*

Ralph: Is Venus controlling the Oomopa Loompas??

Bob: I’m sure that if need be, they’ll help out Dominique too

Ralph: Why?

Bob: That’s the JOB of a lumberjack in this kind of match! >=|

*Dominique is brushing the candy scraps out of her hair, and in finding her hands are covered in sticky sugar… starts LICKING the candy off them!*

Dominique: @______^________^!!! CANDYDANYDNADYDNADN

*She KIPS UP to her feet, and SPINS towards Venus, knocking her back into the corner again! She charges at her, and this time DOESN’T miss, and runs up Venus’s body, and starts STOMPING her in the face all the way to the mat!*

Dominique: CANDAYDNADNDADNAYDN*STOMPSTOMPSTOMPSTOMPSTOMP*

Venus: AJSAKJAKLFJSLFSLFJFSLKJSFLFSJ

*with one final stomp, Venus’s head is driven to the mat! Dominique pulls her up quickly, and grabs her into a bear hug position! She then starts SPINNING around with Venus in her arms! She lets go of her, and Venus goes flopping to the ground again!*

Venus: X_X_X_X_X

Bob: Dominique taking control here!

Ralph: Yeah at what cost?

*Dominique is woozy, and falls through the ropes to the outside! She looks to one of the oompa loompas nearby, and sees he’s holding a bucket!

Dominique: ooooo GIMMIE

*She snatches the bucket from him, and slides into the ring! She looks into the bucket and squeals again!*

Dominique: CHOCOLATE!!!

*She tips over the bucket and starts dumping chocolate chips all over the ring! She’s running in circles, COVERING the mat, then eventually overturns it over her head, dumping the rest into her mouth!*

Dominique: CANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY

*She dashes around over to Venus, who’s just now getting up to her feet! As soon as she grabs Venus, she WHIPS a handful of the chips into Dominique’s face! Dominique holds her face for a moment, then is nearly yanked off her feet as Venus just grabs and RIPS off her oversized jacket to the roar of the crowd! Dominique’s now exposed as wearing a tight blue top and shorts!*

Ralph: YES!!! PUPPIES!!!

Bob: This isn’t boding well for Dominique!

Ralph: It’s boding well for ME!

*Venus grabs Dominique from behind, and quickly lifts her up off the ground into a back suplex! Dominique comes crashing down on her back, and starts SCREAMING in pain as she rolls over and the chocolate chips are now STICKING out of her back!*

Ralph: WHAT THE HELL!?

Bob: Well that was… unexpected! On the other hand, why WOULDN’T we expect this!?

Ralph: They’re CHOCOLATE CHIPS!! She was just EATING them!!

Bob: AND THE LAST TIME WE HAD EXPLODING MARSHMALLOWS WHAT’S YOUR POINT

*Venus takes the moment to catch her breath, then slides out of the ring to grab a chair that’s been constructed out of Jolly Ranchers! In the meantime she snaps at the Oompa Loompas, and they start setting up a table made completely out of chocolate on the outside, and stacking candy canes on it!*

Bob: Oh this isn’t going to end well. Not at ALL.

*Venus slides into the ring with the chair, and goes after Dominique with it! Dominique ducks the shot though, and bounces off the ropes! Venus tries for it again, but again she misses and Dominique bounces off the ropes again! This time, though, she picks up speed and just as Venus turns around…*

!!!!BLAAAAAOOOWWW!!!!

Crowd: OOOOOHHH!!!!

*She DRILLS Venus in the face with a boot that goes THROUGH the chair, leaving a hole! Venus hits the mat, staggered from the shot! Dominique brushes herself off, and grabs a fistful of the candy littering the mat and dumps it into her mouth!*

Dominique: ^_^_^_^_^%_^_^_^_^____^_^_^_^!!!!!

*She does a cute little ballerina spin before turning to Venus,

!!!SMASSSHHH!!!

*And gets the remainder of the Jolly Rancher chair smashed over her head, knocking her down! Venus throws the shards to the ground, then points to the table on the outside! She starts lifting up Dominique!*

Bob: Oh this isn’t going to end well.

*Mustering her last bit of strength, she lifts Dominique HIGH above her head…*

Venus: RRAAAAUUUGGHHH!!!

*and runs to PITCH her over the top rope! However, Dominique slides out of her hands, and drops down over the top rope, to the floor! In the process, she grabs Venus’s neck, and drops her with a sloppy-looking Stun Gun on the top rope, sending Venus flipping back into the chip-filled ring!*

Bob: THAT was close!

Ralph: Dominique almost went FLYING into the… uh… pit of sugar death I guess you could call it o_o

*Dominique is getting her bearings, and grabs another jolly rancher chair, and throws it over the top rope into the ring, near Venus! She jumps up onto the apron, and then starts playing to the crowd, who give her a nice pop!*

Dominique: ^____^!!!

*She grabs the top rope, and jumps on top of it for a springboard! However, as SOON as her feet touch the rope…*

Venus: >=|!!!

!!!!!BLAAAOOOWWWW!!!!

*Venus just CHUCKS the chair at Dominique’s face…*

!!!!!CRASSSHHH!!!!!!!

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

*And it knocks Dominique BACKWARDS and through the table covered with candy canes! The shards go flying EVERYWHERE, and Dominique is OUT!*

Ralph: WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM!?!?

Bob: A Last-Ditch effort by Chibi Venus may have just saved the match for her!

*Dominique is NOT MOVING in the rubble, and Venus climbs out of the ring, and throws her back in! Venus flips up the apron and starts searching around!*

Bob: What’s she doing NOW?? All the weapons are already outside!

*She re-emerges, with HUGE gloves on, and holding a giant piece of broccoli!*

Ralph: THAT’S what!

Bob: And five years later, it all STILL comes full circle!

*Venus climbs into the ring, and grabs Dominique by her hair! She takes the broccoli and STUFFS it into her mouth! Then as a final insult, she picks up Dominque, and gives her a stunner, causing her to bite down and send a hunk of the broccoli down her throat! Dominique starts CONVULSING on the mat! The ref bends down, checking on her, and…*

Ref: THAT’S IT! SHE CAN’T CONTINUE! RING IT!!

!!!DING, DING, DING!!!

*”Still a Secret” starts playing again, as the ref raises Venus’ hand up high!*

Ralph: I don’t know what to make of that, honestly.

Bob: Ralph, it was a hardcore match with candy. Why WOULDN’T it end with Broccoli?

WINNER: Chibi Venus

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen.. The following match is scheduled for one fall, and it is a PREVIEW, for the First Annual April Fools Day “One Sided Fight” Extravaganza!!!

Ralph: What the hell??

Tckt… tckt… tckt.. Tckt…

*”Testing” By CKY kicks up, which is almost engulfed by a collective ROARING explosion of laughter from the crowd, that fills the night sky!*

Ralph: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! ONE SIDED X_X YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Bob: oh no.. it’s THIS match x_x

Ralph: AHAHAHAHAH ONE SI–AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*The Raging Idiot, SSS walks from behind the curtain with the look on his face that can only be described as “A normal assed human being about to fight Jeice” slowly saunters down to the ring! Hey, would YOU want to rush what might be the biggest beating of your post-professional career?! I know I wouldn’t!*

Bob: You.. You got to give this man credit.. He’s a man of his word! He’s going through with the match!

Ralph: HAHAHAA–*CHOKING* AHASDHHAHAHAHAH! ONE SIDED! THAT’S RICH! If you guys thought that Sano/Jann Lee match was short, don’t go to the bathroom! This one’s going to be over quicker than Britney Spears’ last trip to Rehab! AHAHAHAHAHAHA–

*Inside the ring, SSS turns to see what noise is making his ears ringing, and it’s Ralph bent backwards with his mouth WIDE open. Yeah, he’s laughing THAT hard!*

SSS: Jesus Tap-dancing Christ. -_-

Arzie: INTRODUCING FIRST, FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA… HE IS THE RETIRED RETARDED RISKTAKER… SHAWNNNNNNN SHANEEEE SHIEEELLLLDDDSSSSSS!!!

Ralph: DEAD MAN WALKING! DEAD MAN WALKING!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Bob: Ok, would you cool out with the Taz circa 2003 style of Commentating?

*Prodigy’s “Serial Thrilla” starts up next to a staggering ovation! Jeice steps onto the ramp, transitioned from his normal Presidential Suit into an all black with white stripes Track Suit with a matching cap and sweat towel! On the back of his Track Code, the words “THE JEICE EXPERIENCE” is embroidered into the fabric!*

Jeice: =D!!

Bob: and he wonders why he’s being sued so much! LOOK AT THAT COAT!

Arzie: And Introducing next… Now Residing in Las Vegas, Nevada… He is the former two time, and GREATEST ANIME CHAMPION THAT HAS EVER LIVED… HE IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UCTF.. THE ORANGE CRUSHER… JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ralph: GREATEST ENTRANCE OF THE NIGHT RIGHT THERE! GREATEST ENTRANCE OF THE NIGHT!

Bob: … *sighs*

Jeice vs. SSS

(Or, Watch Blue Haired Guy get owned again)

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: THE GREATEST ONE SIDED BOUT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UCTF HAS BEGUN!

Jeice: Alright Kid, let’s get this over wi—

!!HEY JEICE!!

Jeice: …

!!HEEEEEEEEEEEEYYY JEEEIICCCEEEE!!

*That slimy, graveling voice can only belong to one person, and it’s someone that Jeice or the UCTF hasn’t seen in a number of years! Sitting right in the front row, wearing an “Auntie Anne’s” pretzel hat from the concession stands is the big blue goofball known as Burter!*

Jeice: …

Burter: HEY JEICE!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUU!!! YOU SUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

*The complete RANDOMNESS of it all confuses the President, who is now left wide open for SSS to ROLL HIM UP INTO A SCHOOL BOY!*

Ref: 1………… 2…………….. 2.99999999999999999999999

*The surprised President is back to his feet before SSS, and is shocked that he was literally just .00000000000001 of a second away from being pinned in the first Singles Match in his career! …He’s not happy. e_e*

Jeice: >=|!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SSS: LOL FU–

*SSS ducks the western lariat before sliding out of the ring! He has to break out the old school heel tactics for this one! Running ALL the way around the ring with Jeice just a BREATH away from him, he pulls out the oldest heel trick in the book! He slides back into the ring, and greets the following Orange Crusher with several boots to the back! …Unfortunately, those hits to the Orange Crusher are the equivalent to being hit by a gnat! It’s WORTHLESS! Jeice catches one of SSS’s kicks–*

Bob: OH GOD NO

*Before FLIPPING SSS backwards with the lightest of flicks of his wrist, sending the Toothless Indy wrestler flat on his face!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOHHHH X_x

*He’s back up, holding his aching nose, and possibly through the miracle of Jesus Christ himself, ducks a SECOND Western Lariat attempt! Rolling behind the President, SSS rolls him up for a SECOND time, this time using a hand full of tights AND the top rope for added leverage!*

Ref: 1…………. 2…………… 2.999999999999999999999999!!!

*Jeice kicks out again! Diving for SSS to kill the bastard, he misses as the Game WISELY gets the fuck out of the ring!*

Crowd: LOLLOLLOLLOL X_x

Bob: SSS WITH TWO NEAR FALLS WITHIN A MINUTE!

Ralph: IS HE TRYING TO DIE?! IS HE TRYING TO DIE!? >=| JUST TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN!

Bob: MAYBE HE CAN BEAT JEICE BY OUTSMARTING HIM!

Ralph: DID HEERO INJURE YOUR BRAIN WHEN HE CHOKED YOU OUT? >=| SSS IS FIGHTING THE GREATEST HEEL IN UCTF HISTORY! OUTSMART HIM?! >=|

Jeice: You’re Starting to Piss me off, Kid!

SSS: *POSES* =D!!!!!

*Jeice damn near LEAPS over the top rope in attempt to grab SSS, who slides back into the ring BETWEEN the Orange Crusher’s legs! Now back to back, SSS locks Jeice’s arms, before falling forward into the BACKSLIDE FROM HEAVEN!*

Jeice: O_O!!!

Bob: BACKSLIDE FROM HEAVEN!! BACKSLIDE FROM HEAVEN!!!

Ref: 1…….. 2……………. 2.999999999999!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob: ANOTHER NEAR FALL X_X

Ralph: ……………………

*THAT’S IT. Seconds after the Blue Haired Bastard leaps out of the ring, Jeice attempts to take his head off with a Sliding Dropkick to the outside of the ring! Once again, SSS’s Guardian Angel pushes him under the kick, INCHES from being decapitated!*

Jeice: SDLKFJASDLFKADSJFLJ!!

SSS: >_<

*The former Champ crawls under the ring like a COMPLETE bitch! I’m serious! HE’S GONE.*

Jeice: ………

Ralph: OH COME THE HELL ON. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!

Bob: Ralph! We’re on regular Tv!

Ralph: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. I WANTED A MURDERING AND I’M NOT GETTING IT.

*And Shields is NOT coming back up! Seconds turn to minutes, as the President circles the ring!*

Ralph: IS HE JUST GOING TO STAY UNDER THERE?!

Bob: WHO KNOWS! HOW LONG CAN SSS POSSIBLY HIDE BEFORE JEICE JUST DESTROYS THE RING??? WE’LL BE BACK AFTER A COMMERCIAL BREAK!


*we see the backstage area of the UCTF arena, where Steve and Brian Babaganoush come to the back after a strenuous dark match!*

Steve: Man, ANOTHER loss! That’s our 767th one! We’re NEVER going to win!

Brian: Ahhh, it’s cool, bro!

Steve: COOL!?! WE’VE BEEN WRESTLING FOR YEARS AND WE’VE NEVER WON A MATCH! NOBODY EVEN REMEMBERS OUR NAMES!!! WE HAVE GENERIC BLACK TIGHTS!? HOW CAN IT BE COOL!?

Brian: Because dude…. I had Reese’s for breakfast!

Steve: O_____O!

*suddenly the background EXPLODES into mid-90’s colors and shapes flying across the screen!*

Steve: CANDY!?! FOR BREAKFAST!?!?

Brian: NOT CANDY!!!!

*He pulls out a HUGE bowl filled with cereal!*

Brian: REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER PUFFS!

*he THROWS the bowl at Steve, who catches the WHOLE DAMN THING in his mouth and crunches down on it! His eyes bug out of his head!*

Steve: WOW!!!!!!!!!

*The two of them converge in the middle of the screen!*

Steve & Brian: REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER PUFFS! IT’S CANDY, FOR BREAKFAST!!!!


*Back in the arena, Jeice is chillin at ring side, signing autographs for the fans. I mean, what else is he gonna do? Shawn hasn’t been seen since BEFORE the commercial break!*

Bob: ……..We’re back folks.

Ralph: He’s still under the ring. e_e You guys didn’t miss anything at all.

Bob: You’d almost think that SSS is TRYING to stink up the place tonight with his lackluster performance!

Jeice: e_e so who do you want me to make this out to?

Man: My son V–Uhh, sir, something’s happening on the other side of the ring.

*All the way across the ring, Shawn is FINALLY crawling from underneath the ring! The fans, now livid and in DIRE need of seeing this blue haired punk’s blood splattered all over the arena, SCREAM for Jeice’s attention! Jeice is no normal Face wrestler, he’ll actually PAY ATTENTION when the fans yell at him in unison!*

Jeice: E_E!

Ralph: HERE WE GO! Murdering time!

SSS: WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FU –OH SHIT GOTTA GO!

*A half second before the Orange Crusher, who’s now back in the squared circle, shows up, SSS goes RIGHT BACK UNDER THE RING!*

Jeice: OH GIVE ME A BLOODY BREAK! >=|.

Ralph: JUST PICK UP THE RING JEICE! YOU’RE SUPER POWERED!

Bob: ..that would be a pretty good idea…

Jeice: LOOK, I don’t want to have to pick up this ENTIRE RING, BUT I WILL! AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR POOR SOUL IF YOUR DILLY DALLYING AROUND CAUSES THIS SHOW TO GO OVER IT’S ALLOTTED TIME SLOT TONIGHT. E_E! GET OUT FROM UNDERNEATH THE RING!

Bob: Uh oh! Sounds like Jeice has finally had enough of–OH GOD NO, DON’T BE AN IDIOT!

*While the annoyed president focuses his full attention to the outside of the ring, Shawn slips back in from behind, holding a Baker’s dozen of Light tubes, tied together with an extension chord! Either years of being slammed on his head has diluted the former UCTF Champion into thinking this will bare ANY effect on Jeice whatsoever, or he just doesn’t care… Whatever the reason is, SSS NAILS the president from behind with the light tube structure!*

!!CRASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHH!!

*Jeice slowly turns around, looking at the shards of glass around the ring, and the smoking gun… The broken lighttube stubs still in The Game’s hand…*

SSS: ……….

Jeice: ……….o_o Did you just…

*He slowly reaches into his hair, and pulls out a shard of glass*

Jeice: ………………

*Lightly brushing it, dust from the broken lighttube falls to the mat. DUST.*

Jeice: *WORST GLARE IN HIS CAREER*

SSS: *BIGGEST MISTAKE IN HIS CAREER*

Ralph: *BIGGEST GRIN IN HIS CAREER*

*Oh God why didn’t SSS just take his initial beating like a man!? The poor bastard turns to run out of the ring again, but this time, Jeice has already ONE-PATTERNED in front of him, meeting the now full speed moving Shields with a DEVASTATING Western Lariat! SSS hits the canvas face first with SUCH force that he’s knocked BACK to his feet! Jeice is already there behind him, lifting the poor kid onto his shoulders! Without a second to think, SSS is already dropped on his back with a back breaking Electric Chair Drop! Jeice keeps it locked on, as he rolls through, standing himself back up with SSS still on his shoulders!*

Jeice: >=| YOU LIKE MESSING UP HAIR?!

*SSS is brought down for a SECOND Electric Chair Drop! Jeice rolls through, standing back up with SSS STILL on his shoulders!*

Bob: oh my god..

*Jeice throws SSS down into a reverse Electric Chair, bringing the poor bastard FACE FIRST on the canvas! Jeice ROLLS FORWARD, almost breaking SSS’s back in the process, before standing back to his feet.. STILL holding onto the retired Shields! He throws SSS backwards into the BACKDROP DRIVER!*

Crowd: *TURNS* X_X

*Jeice ROLLS THROUGH AGAIN! Standing back to his feet, he uses the fierce momentum to hit a SPINNING URANAGE SUPLEX! SSS of course, reacts like a student from Curt Hennig’s school of overselling, a.k.a. flopping around like a fucking fish out of water!*

SSS: X_X_X!

Jeice: YOU LIKE FUCKING UP HAIR HUH?!!?

Ralph: SAY IT.

Bob: S..Somebody..

Ralph: IF YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY IT E_E

Bob: SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!!!!!

*SSS INSTINCTIVELY rolls out of the fucking ring, after being slammed approximately 2348348 times in a span of .00000000001 seconds! Jeice is right behind him, however, and he’s talking shit the ENTIRE time!*

Jeice: SO YOU WANNA MESS UP MY EVENT HUH?! YOU WANNA HIDE UNDER THE RING AND TRY TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT?! YOU WANNA POSE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING?!!? WELL HERE, GET UNDERNEATH THE RING AGAIN! I’LL HELP YOU E_E!

*Using his Z Strength, Jeice tosses SSS back under the ring.. But unfortunately for the Game, the throw is a little TOO strong. Strong enough to send SSS flying through the OPPOSITE side of the ring apron and into the fan protective railings on the other side! His skull cracks open in the process, spewing out PINTS of blood all over the place like a Mel Gibson/Tarantino Collaboration movie!*

SSS: OH GOD!! OH GOD!!!! OH GODDDDDD

Jeice: WHOOPS, A LITTLE TOO HARD HUH!?

Bob: oh.. My.. GOD!

Ralph: YES! YES!! YES THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE!

*SSS is back to his feet with the aid of the dented Railing… He should have stayed down x_x! Jeice literally FLIES around the ring in a blur of orange ki, before delivering the BIGGEST ballshot in the history of the UCTF! SSS flies OVER the top rope and lands in the center of the ring!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH X_X!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob: LOW BLOW LOW BLOW LOW BLOW!!

Ralph: LMFAO!! SOMEONE GET A SURGEON! SSS’S BALLS ARE IN HIS CHEST!

*Back in the ring, Jeice stands over his downed opponent.*

Jeice: e_e Alright, I’ve made my point. Make your ten count, ref.

Ref: yes sir x_x

Bob: Whew.. He’s going to let it end here. Thank God.. I can’t see SSS taking much more of Jeice’s offense.

Ralph: ah man =(.. It was fun while it lasted, I guess.

*While the ref is making his ten count, The president, now with a microphone speaks to the crowd–*

Jeice: So guys, we’re running a vote on the UCTF.com Webpage right now.. How good was Shawn’s ass beating at the hands at the President? Polls are open now so hurry up and g— Hey, ref, why aren’t you counting? e_e

Ref: *points*

*Jeice turns around to see that SSS is BACK UP TO HIS FEET. Yeah, he’s holding onto the top rope, but he’s beat the ten count! Slowly.. He raises his right arm..*

Jeice: ……don’t you do it!

*He lifts his fist*

Jeice: DON’T YOU FUCKING DO IT.

*AND FLIPS JEICE OFF*

Ralph: YOU FUCKING

Bob: IDIOT!

*Jeice: CLOTHESLINES HIS DAMN HEAD OFF!*

SSS: X_X_X_X_X!!

Ralph: WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST STAY DOWN YOU IDIOT?!

Bob: BECAUSE HE’S A MORON! JUST LAY DOWN AND LET THE MATCH END, YOU IDIOT!

*Jeice CATCHES SSS’s flipping body in midair, hooking his arm, he turns SSS upside down into the stalling vertical suplex position!*

Bob: THIS DOESN’T LOOK GOOD!

*But instead of dropping backwards, Jeice turns it into the ORANGE CRUSHER PIN! The center of the ring embeds, almost causing the ring to implode on itself!*

Bob: THAT’S IT! HIS BACK IS BROKEN!

Ralph: YEP!

Ref: 1………….. 2…………………. O_O

*Jeice LIFTS SSS’s shoulders off the mat!*

Bob: oooh no.. X_x OH NO.

*Jeice picks him up AGAIN!*

Bob: I GUESS ONE ORANGE CRUSH WASN’T ENOUGH X_X

*SSS won’t let it happen again, however, he slips out of the vertical suplex, somehow landing on his feet! He quickly digs into his cargo pants, pulling out a GIANT baggy of salt! He spins around, CONNECTING it with Jeice’s eyes! The Orange Crusher Sells it violently! He hits the canvas back first like he’s just been hit by an 18 wheeler, and rolls around the ring in PURE agony!*

Everyone: O_O!!

Bob: OH MY GOD!!

Ralph: ASL;DFKJASD;FLKJ WHAT ?!!? THAT FUCKING BAG OF SALT?!!? WHAT THE HELL?!

Bob: HE’S BLINDED JEICE! HE’S BLINDED JEICE! SSS HAS A CHANCE OF WINNING!!

Ralph: >=| WHAT?!?! NO THIS ISN’T BULLSHIT. JEICE WILL NOT JOB TO A BAG OF FUCKING ROCK SALT!

*NONE THE LESS, the bloody mess known as Shawn Shane Shields is now digging under the ring! The first thing he pulls out? A LIVE BOARD WITH LIT LIGHT TUBES!*

Bob: OH GOD. OH GOD! THAT’S WHAT HE WAS DOING UNDER THE RING! HE WAS BUILDING SHIT TO USE AGAINST JEICE! X_X

*ANOTHER BOARD WITH BROKEN GLASS AND SALT*

Ralph: .. Oh shit.. o_o..

*Now that it’s in the ring, SSS then runs to the ramp, and from underneath it pulls out a TWENTY FIVE FOOT FUCKING LADDER!*

Ralph: … how damn long has he been planning this?!!?

Bob: I .. I don’t know!

*After setting it up, SSS goes back to the ramp and pulls out a SECOND TWENTY FIVE FOOT FUCKING LADDER! (That’s the name of the company “FUCKING LADDER”)*

Bob: A SECOND?!!?

*Meanwhile, Jeice is STILL writhing around in pain!*

Burter: *eating popcorn* LMFAO!! THIS IS RICH X_X

*SSS has set the ladders up, who then returns to the apron, he pulls out.. A TABLE!*

Bob: And as if the glass, the salt, the light tubes and the electric wiring weren’t enough, he’s got a TABLE. What in the FUCK does he want with the table?!

Ralph: Bob, we’re on free tv!

Bob: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! >=|

*Shawn places the table on the top rung of both the ladders, turning it into a makeshift bridge!*

Bob: … he’s not.. Don’t tell me he’s going to..

*With that trademark “SHIT EATING GRIN” he carries so well, SSS slowly picks the President back to his feet, who in return, bitch slaps the TASTE out of SSS’s mouth! Jeice was FAKING THE ENTIRE TIME!*

Jeice: I can’t believe you FELL for that! >=|

Shawn: O_O but.. The salt!

Jeice: I CLOSED MY EYES. PRO WRESTLING IS FAKE, DUMB ASS!

*Shawn swings desperately ONE last time! Jeice easily ducks, wraps his arms around SSS’s waist, and flies thirty feet in the air!*

Jeice: ORE GA JEICE!!!!!!!!!! >=|!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Jeice turns the backdrop driver into a CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE TABLE, THROUGH THE EXPOSED LIGHT TUBES, AND INTO THE BROKEN SHARDS OF GLASS WITH SALT*

Crowd: SLDKFJASDLFKDJFL!!

Bob: SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!! SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!!

Ralph: *CHOKING WITH LAUGHTER*

Ref: 1………….. 2…………. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*AND JUST FOR ADDED RANDOMNESS, SSS IS NOW ON FIRE!*

SSS: OH GOD, I’M ON FIRE! I’M ON FIRE!

Jeice: e_e get that whore AT to put you out, punk. e_e.

Bob: JEICE WINS! JEICE WINS!

Ralph: …Jeice… sold that salt so well, I was actually convinced SSS had a chance o_o…

*Okok, I’m nice, firemen come out and put SSS out, while Jeice walks away to Prodigy’s “Serial Thrilla!” And for the record, he’s STILL undefeated in single’s action!*

Winner: LOL Like you guys don’t know e_e

Arzie: The Following, is the BATTLE OF THE NINJAS match, and is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first… Hailing from Tokyo, Japan and currently residing in the Masenka Complex in ANIME CITY-

Crowd: *HUGE POP*

*The Crowd’s cheer’s are silenced when “Akaikajitsu” by SATTIN kicks up, bringing out not their beloved former Two Time Grand Champion, but Fubuki Kai!*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!!!! >=|!!

Arzie: –Standing at Five Feet, Five Inches.. And weighing in at 110lbs… She is a Former UCTF Tag Team and Anime Champion, and self proclaimed master of EVERY form of Ninjitsu known to man… FUUUUUBUUUKIIIII KAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

*The Self-Taught Kunoichi doesn’t react to the announcement of her credentials. She stays completely focused, eyes deadlocked at the entrance, awaiting her opponent.*

Bob: It’s The Evil Jealous Bitch Best Friend of Miko Mido!

Ralph: WAY TO STAY IMPARTIAL BOB! NO, SERIOUSLY! THAT WAS GREAT! Do you blame her for thinking she’s been in Miko’s Shadow for Years?! How many Grand Title matches did she get offered?! She was a former Anime AND Tag Team Champion!

Bob: None the less, she has something to prove!

Ralph: Something to prove! SOMETHING TO PROVE!? >=| YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT!!! SHE BEATS MIKO HERE AT THE 200TH SHOW AND SHE PROVES THAT SHE’S THE BETTER WOMAN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!

Bob: o_o

Ralph: NO I’M NOT GONNA CALM DOWN!

Bob: I didn’t say a damn word!

*As Akaikajitsu dies down, the fans are greeted with a few moments of pure silence, before the haunting sound of a single Shakuhachi flute begins playing “Taniguchi-Kumoijishi.” As the echoing sound of the wooden instrument fills the arena, several men of japanese descent, all wearing black shades to match their equally black suits slowly march from the back, all equipped with sheathed swords.*

Ralph: What the hell is THIS?!

*As the unnamed men surround the ring, Fubuki Kai barely gives them a glance, as she’s full aware that Miko’s simply playing mind games with her… Slowly, the Shakuhachih stops playing, and after a few more seconds of silence, Evanescence’s “Weight of the World” begins playing. Miko Mido, dressed in full Kimono garb slowly walks out, being escorted by two more suited men to a HUGE ovation!*

Arzie: And introducing next, Hailing from Tokyo, Japan and currently residing in the Masenka Complex in ANIME CITY.. Standing at five feet, six inches, and weighing in at 125lbs… She is only two time UCTF Grand Champion in the HISTORY of the organization… MIIIIIIIIKKKKOOOOO MIIIDDDDDOOOOO!

*The two Escorts remove Miko’s Kimono, revealing Miko’s custom-fit fishnet catsuit!*

Ralph: oh god.. Oh God I miss that uniform.. A lot x_x. BUT LOOK AT THIS E_E Fubuki had a simple ring entrance, and here comes Miko Mido, using up five minutes just to get to the ring, and having like 15 guys escort her down! Talk about Egos! >=|

*Miko FINALLY enters the ring, and stares into the ice cold blue eyes of her opponent!*

!!DING D–

*Fubuki springs forward at the sound of the bell, thrusting a forearm into Miko’s jaw that knocks the former Grand Champion into the corner!*

Bob: Fubuki on the attack not even a SECOND into the match!

*Fubuki fires away with a stiff roundhouse right with her leg, followed by a left! Miko catches the leg on the second strike, before sprinting out of the corner, sending Fubuki flying with a spinning Dragon Screw leg whip! Fubuki prepares for the move, however, as she rolls through the whip! They both kip up at the same time without hesitation! A half a second later, she lunges towards Miko again, connecting with a drop kick! Miko isn’t down for a complete second before kipping right back up to her feet! Fubuki attacks again, going for a high spinning roundhouse! Miko ducks, and takes her best friend’s leg out a low spin kick! Fubuki goes down, and kips back up less than a second later! Miko misses a lariat, and now finds herself locked around the waist! Fubuki throws Miko backwards with a Bridged release German Suplex! Miko flips out of it, landing on her feet. Fubuki, bent backwards into a back bridge throws her legs into the air just as Miko sprints towards her and locks them around the former Grand Champion’s neck! Fubuki tries to send Miko flying face first with a leg scissors, but Miko forces her center of gravity low with a horseback riding stance! Kai is in trouble now, as Miko uses her inhuman strength to lift Fubuki onto her shoulders! Spinning Fubuki’s lightweight body around, Miko now has her set up for the powerbomb! She tosses Fubuki down with tremendous force, only for the ninja to reverse it into the hurricanrana mid-flight! Fubuki lands on her feet with cat-like agility! The Former Grand Champion flips over from the momentum, only to throw her arms down and turn the momentum into a cartwheel, bringing herself back to her feet, and we have a stand off!*

Miko: o_o

Fubuki: e_e…

Bob: What a beautiful exchange by these two!

Ralph: SEE THAT LOOK ON MIKO’S FACE?! SHE DIDN’T THINK FUBUKI WOULD BE ABLE TO GO TOE TO TOE WITH HER LIKE THAT IN THE RING! KEEP ON HER FUBUKI!

Bob: Why can’t you just appreciate the athleticism?!

Ralph: OH YEAH, YOU SAY THAT NOW, BUT JUST WAIT TILL KUNOI COMES OUT HERE AND FACES MELVIC =| YOU PARTISAN MOTHERFUCKER >=|!

Bob: X_X

*Miko slowly walks over to Fubuki for a hand shake, and why not!? That last exchange was BADASS. Fubuki however, in the spirit of competition, slaps the SHIT out of the former two time Grand Champion while shaking her head! Miko almost spins COMPLETELY around from the hit!*

Miko: ……….

Bob: NOT A GOOD IDEA BY FUBUKI!

*Blinded by Anger, Miko swings wildly with a right! Fubuki catches the strike, flipping Miko over with an armdrag! Miko lands flips over, but lands on her feet! She kicks away Fubuki’s right arm, before grabbing the left, and VIOLENTLY twisting it over into the wrist lock! Fubuki, handspring forward to avoid getting her wrist broken in the middle of the ring before sending a kick toward Miko’s midsection! Miko catches the foot, before BITCHSLAPPING Fubuki right in the face!*

Bob: PAYBACK!

*Fubuki IS spun all the way around from the move! Miko leaps onto the ninjas arms before throwing herself backwards with a standing hurricanrana pin! Fubuki’s shoulders are on the mat for less than a second before reversing the pin into one of her own! Again, Miko’s shoulders are on the mat for less than a second before she rolls backwards and into her feet! Instinctively, Miko goes for a drop kick to the face! Fubuki however leans backwards, BARELY avoiding a free Rhinoplasty! Miko lands on her back, and is immediately covered by Fubuki, who gets less than a second! Miko uses Fubuki’s own momentum to roll herself onto Fubuki’s chest! Fubuki tosses Miko off at less than a second, before both women kip back to their feet in tandem!*

Fubuki: >=|

Miko: >=|!!!

Bob: Both women still evenly matched!

Ralph: And Miko is getting frustrated! Look at her! Veins are starting to pop out of her forehead!

*Miko suddenly rushes Fubuki, kicking her hard in the midsection, before Irish whipping the blonde into the corner! Fubuki’s not in the corner for more than a second before Miko attacks with her Ultimo kick combination! However, Fubuki blocks the left round house, then the right, then the left, then DUCKS the spin kick! This leaves Miko staggered and disoriented in the corner… EXACTLY where Fubuki Kai wants her! The Former Anime Champion rushes Miko, who, at the last second, uses the top rope to pull herself up, and lock her long legs around the neck of Fubuki!*

Fubuki: OH SH–

Miko: HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

*Miko launches herself from the corner for the spinning hurricanrana, only to have it reversed into a SITTING POWERBOMB in the center of the ring!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Bob: POWERBOMB! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!

Fubuki: YES!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >=|!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Fubuki climbs to the top rope and CELEBRATES after finally outsmarting Miko and putting her into the mat! The fans boo wildly!*

Ralph: WHAT?! THEY’RE BOOING THAT?! >=| WHY?!!?

Bob: uhh.. It’s BAD SPORTSMANSHIP!! THAT’S WHY!

*Fubuki sits up her rival, before pulling the ninja’s arms behind her back, aided with her knee embedding into her back!*

Bob: Fubuki now working on the lower back of Miko.. More than likely setting her up for the that flipping double knee drop we saw her use a few weeks ago!

*Miko battles her way back to her feet in an attempt to break the hold… Fubuki however, sweeps her best friend off of her feet, before driving Miko back down to the mat in an over the knee back breaker! Miko cries out, as Fubuki keeps her there, using all of her strength to bend Miko backwards over the knee! Miko again, tries everything in her power to not only stand back up, but flip Fubuki over with a hiptoss.*

Bob: Miko is trying SOMETHING here!

*Fubuki easily takes back control of the situation, flipping Miko into her shoulder into the Canadian backbreaker! Miko flails about in attempt to break the hold, but it’s not enough.. Fubuki falls to her knees, snapping Miko’s back even further!*

Ralph: Look at this Bob! Look at it! Fubuki is simply taking Miko apart! This isn’t even a contest!!

*Still locked in the Canadian Backbreaker, Miko is helpless as Fubuki begins a running start across the ring! Seconds later, Fubuki LAUNCHES Miko into the corner back first! Miko lands small of the back first on the top turnbuckle, before snapping back and landing on her face!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!

*Instinctively climbing back to her knees, Miko is in the PERFECT position, as Fubuki steps over her!*

Bob: Oh no.. OOOOH NO!

*Fubuki simply powers her into the air, before hitting ANOTHER sit out powerbomb in the center of the ring!*

Ralph: THAT’S IT!

Bob: I gotta agree! What a powerbomb!

Ref: 1…….. 2………. 2.9999!

Bob: or not!

Ralph: DAMNIT!

Bob: o_o and you talk about ME being partisan..

*Miko’s back to her knees, and being assaulted in the face with several rights by Fubuki! Miko’s not even putting her hands up in defense!*

Bob: I think that last powerbomb may have given her a concussion!

*Fubuki hits the ropes, gaining speed and momentum for what’s to come next! However, whatever that may be, we’ll never know, as Miko pops back to her feet, NAILING the SHINING WIZARD out of no where! Fubuki never sees it coming, and lays in the ring COMPLETELY spread eagled!*

Crowd: *POP!*

Ralph: WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!

Bob: NO CLUE! But she needs to get up and capitalize or it’ll mean nothing!

*Miko rubs her face as she climbs back to her feet.. And unfortunately for Fubuki Kai, she discovers something from the repeated blows to the face she received earlier… Blood.*

Miko: ……… e_e!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob and Ralph: oh God no!

*Fubuki, on her knees and with her back turned to the champion, has no idea what’s about to happen to her! Flying toward the ninja at FULL SPEED, Miko hits the SHINING ENSEGURI TO THE BACK TO THE HEAD!*

Everyone: ASLDKFJASDLKFDKL

Bob: OH MY GOD!!

Ralph: WTF IS SHE TRYING TO KILL HER?!!? >=| SHE COULD HAVE JUST GIVEN HER FRIEND A CAREER ENDING CONCUSSION!

*And if there wasn’t a question that Fubuki had a concussion before.. Miko pulls Fubuki back to her feet! She snaps Fubuki backwards, hitting the BACKDROP DRIVER in the center of the ring!*

Bob: BACKDROPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!1 BACKDROPPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

Ralph: JESUS CHRIST!!

*Miko covers!*

Ref: 1……….. 2…………. 2.99999999999999999!!!

*BUT FUBUKI KICKS OUT!*

Miko: O_O!!!!!!!!!!!

Ralph: YES!! YES!! YE–ldkfja;sdlkfj *BANGS ON TABLE* YES!!

Bob: Fubuki just kicked out of the damn backdrop driver! After A SHINING WIZARD AND SHINING ENSEGURI TO THE BACK OF THE DAMN HEAD >=|!!

*Miko DRAGS Fubuki to the corner, resting the blonde kunoichi’s head on the bottom rope! She grabs a chair, before climbing onto the top rope of the opposing side of the ring!*

Miko: e_e!!!

Ralph: SOMEBODY CALL RVD!!!! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A MOVE JACKING HERE ;_;

Bob: IF MIKO HITS THIS.. FUBUKI IS DEAD. DEAD! IN FACT, SOMEONE CALL 9-1-1 ALREADY SO WE CAN HAVE THEM ON STAFF.

*Miko leaps off the top rope for the “Mirokushu Termination!” SECONDS before it connects, Fubuki TELEPORTS out of the way! YES. THE BITCH TELEPORTED! Miko hits ALL turnbuckle chest first, with the chair SMACKING her in the face!*

Ralph: SDL;FAJSDF;LJK WHAT TH.. SHE TELEPOR– SHE FUCKING TELEPORTED! HAAHAHAHAHAH! THAT WAS AWESOME!!

Bob: Fubuki teleports onto the apron, and look at this! LOOK AT THIS!

*Tangled in the corner, Miko is in PERFECT position! Fubuki climbs onto the top rope with Miko’s head locked in! Fubuki flips backwards for the Sliced Bread #2, but turns it into the BACK CRACKER! The Double Knee strike into the lower back! Miko BOUNCES from the finisher!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ralph: THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT!

*However, Miko WISELY rolls out of the ring and falls to the floor to avoid being pinned!*

Bob: THAT’S THE SIGN OF A VETERAN RIGHT THERE! Miko gets the hell out of the ring so she can’t be pinned!

Ralph: WHAT?! THAT’S BULLSHIT! GET BACK IN THE RING AND TAKE YOUR LOSS LIKE A WOMAN!

*Fubuki is going INSANE inside the ring after missing her chance to pin Miko! She reaches over the top rope in attempt to grab Miko! Big mistake, as Miko SLINGSHOTS Fubuki throat first over the top turnbuckle!*

Ralph: SLKDFJA;SDLKFJ SHE’S CHEATING NOW!!!

*Fubuki rolls to her knees just as Miko slides back into the ring! Fubuki’s in the perfect position for Miko’s “JUGULAR KICK!” Miko swings her leg with ALL that she has, and MISSES as Fubuki Teleports out of the way! Miko spins 180, and is now facing Fubuki who’s back to her feet! Fubuki hits a stiff kick to the midsection! Miko doubles over, and is instantly lifted into Fubuki’s arms! Kai takes a few steps backwards….*

Bob: I think we’re going to see the slam dunk powerbomb pin!

*Fubuki sprints across the ring! Miko however, throws ALL of her weight forward, bringing Fubuki backwards into a pin! Miko drives ALL of her weight over Fubuki’s shoulders, ALONG WITH a hand full of Ninja Gi!*

Ref: 1…. 2…….. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

*Fubuki kicks out at 3.00000000000001! An INSTANT after making the MIRACLE pin, Miko is outside the ring, spread eagled on the concrete floor!*

Crowd: !HUGE POP!

Ralph: SHE USED THE–THAT’S BULLSHIT!! THAT’S ASLDKJSA;F BULLSHIT!

Bob: ..

Ralph: SAY SOMETHING!

Bob: MIKO WINS! WHAT A MATCH!!

Ralph: LDFKJSD;LKJDSF!!

*As “Weight of the World” begins playing once more, the camera gets a shot of Fubuki’s expression inside the ring… It is nothing more but PURE shock! The ref leaves the ring to raise the hand of Miko, who’s BARELY back to her feet!*

Bob: Miko picks up the win at UCTF: 200!

Ralph: FUBUKI WAS SCREWED! SCREWED!!

Winner: Miko Mido

*Backstage, we see President Jeice in his office, celebrating his OVERWHELMING victory over SSS! In the office with him is Intern slash current babysitter, Xiu.. Who has a special somebody in his arms eating ice cream.. JEICE’S LITTLE GIRL!*

Her: ^___^

Jeice: HEY *BLEEP* did you see me kick SSS’s arse out there??

Her: (HEY. FORGIVE ME.. IT’S BEEN FIVE YEARS AND I HAVEN’T THOUGHT OF A NAME FOR HER YET) ^_^ Daddy kick.. Arse.

!!KNOCK KNOCK!!

Jeice: ENTER!

*Slowly walking into the room in a timid nature is none other than the former FOUR TIME Anime Champion.. The man who just pinned the IG champion in the middle of the ring… SUICIDE!*

Suicide: uh.. C..c..can I talk to you for a second?

Jeice: e_e. Yeah. What’s up, mate.

Suicide: I uhh.. listened to what you said.. Stopped being a jerk.. Started kissing babies, shaking hands.. And uhh… do you think I can get another shot at Andre Tau for the UCTF Anime Title now?

*Jeice leans back in his chair, and thinks about it.*

Jeice: Hmm.. You’re right. You’ve made great strides since I chewed you out so many months ago.. And you even just got a win over Raven Darc. So………..

Suicide: ………

Jeice: You know what? e_e I kinda miss the old Suicide.

Suicide: ..what

Jeice: yeah! The loud mouthed, don’t give a shit about anyone Suicide! Sure you picked up a few wins since you reverted, but.. I don’t want my title being carried around by a pink camoflauge wearing pussy. e_e face it, Suicide.. You just don’t have it anymore.

Suicide: …………………………………………………………… I…. I….. I voted for… John Yarmuth…. o__o

*That’s the LAST thing Suicide wanted to hear! After all these months of.. SDLFKAJSD;LFKAJSDF;LKJ*

Suicide: saldkfjasdlfkjSDLKFAJSDLFKJASDLFKJASDF AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! >=|!!!

*Suicide’s entire body glows in a CAMOFLAUGE GREEN tinted Ki! Papers and other files go FLYING in the opposite direction! Xiu covers up *BLEEP*, which leaves Suicide, focused intensely on the President who just screwed him over!*

Jeice: o_o lol fu–

!!THHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*a THUNDEROUS right from the Military Brat destroys Jeice’s mouth, shattering EVERY tooth in his mouth! I’m not kidding, Jeice’s ENTIRE GRILL is no more than red colored debris across the room! Jeice himself is put THROUGH his desk, through a wall, and into another room!*

Jeice: X_X_X_X_X_X_X

Suicide: >=| !! WAS THAT NICE?!!? HUH?!!? YOU ORANGE ILLEGAL ALIEN SON OF A BITCH!?!?

*He turns around and storms out of the room.*

Suicide: AND YOU. CHANGE YOUR HAIR, YOU BLUE HAIRED DEGENERATE!!!! >=|

*Suicide looks down at the cute little five year old girl, still holding her vanilla ice cream*

Suicide: …e_e…

*Suicide KNOCKS it out of her hand before leaving the room*

Her: …………..WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Xiu: …o_o.. Boss?

Jeice: geth.. Me…a … denthisth x_x……….

*Elsewhere see a close up shot of the UCTF logo, as the camera zooms out, we see Backstage interviewer, Ukyo, standing next to former UCTF Grand Champion, William Clarke!*

Crowd: *HUGE POP!*

Ukyo: William, tonight marks your triumphant return to UCTF competition, as you’ve been called out by Legend Ranma Saotome. Thoughts?

William: That’s right.. And I want to personally thank Ranma Saotome for challenging me tonight… I didn’t want UCTF’s last image of me to being a naked possessed wreck destroying everything in my path.. I want them to remember me as being the kid who was addicted to competition. Ranma, I appreciate it. I’m going to bring 110% to the table tonight. I’m sure you’ll do the same.

Ukyo: Last Image?? What are you saying???

William: That this is it. This will be the last time you see me in the UCTF. Win. Lose, or Draw.

*Back inside the squared circle, the ring announcer prepares to speak..*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen… the following BATTLE OF THE LEGENDS match is scheduled for one fall!

*”Love Panic” starts up, and as one would expect, as the former champion makes his way out, wearing a boxing robe with his “ANYTHING GOES MARTIAL ARTS” school logo displaying prominently, the fans give him one of the biggest ovations of the night!*

Arzie: Introducing first, Hailing from Okinawa, Japan.. He stands at five feet, eight inches, and weighs in at 158lbs… He is the second ever UCTF Grand Champion in the history of the UCTF… RANMAAAAAAAA SAOOOOOOTOMEEEEEEEE!!

Bob: It’s finally time! This match is finally here! We get to see a DREAM match between two of the most athletically gifted individuals that this federation has ever seen! Both men have only suffered three losses in their entire UCTF career, both men have held the biggest prize in the business!

Ralph: You know, I hear Ranma challenged William because of the Xanthius incident. e_e. This is about more than just about seeing who’s better… William embarrassed Ranma years ago, and this kid just couldn’t let it go. He couldn’t move on.

Bob: Where did you hear that?!

Ralph: My sources. e_e

*Ranma springs to the apron before leaping a second time into the ring seamlessly.. Taking off his boxing robe, Ranma reveals he’s shirtless underneath with traditional kung fu fighting pants underneath. His smirk slowly turns into a more serious glare as he stretches inside the ring.. After a few seconds of silence, the sound of several violins playing a simple beat in unison begins sounding off throughout the arena, before Fort Minor’s “Remember The Name’s” Beat drops over the sound system! William slowly walks from the backstage area to a DEAFENING pop!*

Bob: I honestly NEVER thought I’d see this man in active competition!

Ralph: Hell, we thought he was dead for the last two years!

Bob: But tonight, he’s here… for just one more night.. In what could be the biggest match in his unfortunately short career!

Arzie: And next.. Hailing from the Fort Greene Section of Brooklyn, New York City.. He is the first and ONLY Grand Slam Winner in the history of the UCTF… WILLLIAAAAAAAAAMMMM CLARKEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

*William leaps into the ring in a similar fashion to Ranma’s just seconds ago.. He and the Anything Goes Martial Artist stand face to face in the center of the ring! The fans are 50% pro Clarke, and 50% pro Saotome! As the arena begins to shake from the opposing chants, fans litter the ring with Red, White, and Blue Streamers! Neither Ranma nor William take their eyes off of each other!*

Ralph: Jesus.. Streamers make EVERYTHING more badass!

Bob: INDEED! LET’S DO THIS! IT’S TIME!

!!DING DING DING!!

*The Match has officially started, but neither men make the first move! It’s a battle of wits in the center of the ring! Saotome and Clarke, battling for mental supremacy, never take their eyes off of each other! The fans, who are now rabid for action, begin a 50/50 chant for the two legends inside the squared circle!*

LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM!

*The Crowd is SPLIT!*

Bob: I’ve never seen anything like this before in my life!

Ralph: I don’t think either Ranma or William have either!

*They break eye contact to survey the cheering fans on their feet chanting throughout the arena…*

LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM!

*In the crowd, that one slow witted fan FINALLY throws his streamer into the ring. Ranma, who’s head is turned to the other side of the arena, catches a glimpse of an object coming toward him via peripheral vision, mistaking it for a sneak attack from William! Ranma reacts accordingly, swinging a lightning fast left! William blocks and parries the strike away equally as fast!*

Bob: HERE WE GO!

*Continuing the momentum, Ranma swings around with a right spinning heel kick, again easily blocked and pushed away! Ranma spins in the direction of the parry again, now attacking with the same foot, but this time with a spinning roundhouse. William catches Ranma’s foot and shoves the lighter fighter into the ropes! Hitting the ropes springs Ranma back even faster, as he leaps in the air! He strikes with his right foot, followed by a second kick with his left! William smacks away both kicks… which doesn’t discourage Saotome, who keeps the offense coming with a left punch. William uses circular motion to knock the left away, and when Ranma throws a right, William catches the attack, before winding his and Ranma’s arm into a lock that would have EASILY broken Saotome’s wrist, had he not rolled forward with the momentum. Using his remarkable agility, Ranma kips back to his feet before snatching his arm away from William. As he pulls away, he sends a flying roundhouse right into William’s face with almost enough speed to break the sound barrier! However, it’s NOT fast enough to connect with William, who CATCHES the kick!*

Ralph: OH SHI–

*William torque’s his body over, sending Ranma into a Dragon Screw Leg Lariat! However, Ranma lands in a handstand, before spring boarding back to his feet in a perfect stance! He goes to attack William, but comes to a screeching halt as The Kid from Brooklyn is one step ahead of him, already in the posture form known as the “Single Whip!”*

Crowd: *POPS!*

Ranma: DAMNIT! >=|

*Ranma POUNDS his fist into the top turnbuckle in frustration!*

Ralph: That’s not a Tae Kwon Do stance o_o

Bob: You’re right, it looks Chinese in nature, and I’ll be damned if whatever William has been doing over the last two years has worked! He looks as calm and confident as I’ve ever seen him! Ranma couldn’t land ONE SINGLE ATTACK!

Ralph: and William hasn’t made an offensive move yet o_o!

*Ranma SUDDENLY charges William, swinging wildly with a right! Again, William grabs the strike, followed by a swift low kick to Ranma’s new joint a half a second later, bringing the “Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu” master to the ground!*

Ralph: I TAKE THAT BACK!

*Saotome springs back to his feet, more angry than ever! A left is parried away, followed by a right, which William parries and locks, leaving Ranma now open for a BIG open palm strike to the back of the head! Ranma swings again, it’s parried away, and William UNLOADS on Ranma’s face, nailing four to five palm strikes in a row that sends Saotome flying across the ring, and almost through the ropes!*

Bob: Ranma’s down again! Ranma’s down again!

Ralph: And it looks like William is putting out little to no effort in those strikes he’s landing!

*Ranma slides out of the ring, before KICKING the steel steps, sending them flying into the fans guardrail!*

Bob: Ranma is not taking losing lightly!

Ralph: He’s certainly not in control right now.. e_e I’ve known this kid for 8 years, he HATES not being in control of a fight.

Bob: I still can’t believe the drastic fighting style change of Clarke! If I’m not mistaken, he’s using some form of Tai Chi Quan!

Ralph: What? That old folk shit!? >=| that geriatric bullshit?!

Bob: are you kidding?! LeiFang uses that style!

Ralph: Yeah, and you saw how her career went in the UCTF!

*Saotome leaps back into the ring, charging the former Grand Champion, who slinks back into his fighting position! A SECOND before attacking, Ranma comes to a sliding stop, before STOMPING on William’s foot, thumbing him in the eye, and finally, delivering the most BLATANT low blow in the HISTORY of the UCTF!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*William doubles over!*

Ralph: WHAT THE HELL?!

Bob: THAT DAMNED SAOTOME SCHOOL OF CHEATING!ASLDFKJADS;LFKJ

*As William falls to his knees, what WAS 50% William has now turned into 100% from the crowd!*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!

Ranma: e_e.. *shrugs*

*He resumes the attack, pummeling the downed William into the corner, REPEATEDLY stomping him in the lower extremities, as the crowd has now gone from loving him, to potentially RIOTING in the place! With William now collapsed in the corner, Ranma darts to the opposing side of the ring, before coming FULL SPEED at William with a thrust kick! William EATS it like a man, but also GRABS Ranma’s leg before standing up out of the corner!*

Bob: WILLIAM HAS THE FOOT!

*William SPINS Ranma around, before UNLOADING on the Martial Artist’s midsection with a non stop barrage of open palm strikes to a ERUPTING chorus of cheering from the crowd!*

Ralph: How is he up THAT quick from THAT many ballshots?!

Bob: I don’t know, but he’s letting the former Grand Champion have it!

*Ranma FIRES BACK with a open palm strike to William’s face!*

Crowd: BOO!!

*William shakes it off, firing back with a palm strike to Ranma’s face!*

Crowd: YAY!

*They begin trading hits on each other in the center of the ring! The fans react accordingly!*

YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO!

*William finally parries a punch from Ranma, who PARRIES THE PARRY, before NAILING William with a spin kick to the jaw!*

Ranma: >=|!

Ralph: uh oh…

*William attempts to parry another strike, but Ranma adapts, parrying away William’s reversal attempt, leaving William open for a BIG jumping spin kick, that takes the Grand Slam winner down to the canvas with INTENSE force!*

Bob: WILLIAM DOWN!

Ralph: William’s mistake is starting to catch up with him!

Bob: explain!

Ralph: Come on! Ranma’s martial art NATURALLY adapts to any fighter’s ability! That’s what makes Anything Goes the most dangerous martial art out there! If you don’t put Ranma away quickly enough, he’ll simply learn your style and defeat you with it! We’ve seen it happen with Jin, with Devilman! With Alex! Hystalin! William should have put Ranma away when he had the damn chance!

*Clarke climbs back to his feet, he manages to stave off a overhand right with a parry into a wrist lock with his land hand.. Using his right, he attempts to take Ranma down with a chop, but Saotome blocks with his left, snatching away his right arm, firing back with a back hand that takes William COMPLETELY around!*

Ranma: KACHU TENSHIN—

Bob: THIS IS IT!

Ranma: AMAGURIKEN!!!

*William spins RIGHT into the “Chestnuts over an Open Fire,” THREE HUNDRED punches finds it’s way into his midsection within ONE SECOND. I am not exaggerating here. ONE. SECOND! He staggers back, but for the most part, takes EVERY SINGLE PUNCH like a man!*

Bob: RANMA’S ULTIMATE ATTACK!

Ralph: o_o William didn’t…

Bob: HE MUST BE OUT ON HIS FEET!

*Ranma hits the ropes as HARD as he possibly can, exploding back towards William, who out of pure INSTINCT reverts to his Tae Kwon Do style, NAILING Ranma with the FIVE FORTY kick!*

Crowd: *POP!*

Bob: 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SEE THAT AGAIN!

*William covers!*

Ref: 1…….. 2…….. 2.99999999999999999!!!

*Ranma POWERS his way out of the pin at the LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!*

Ralph: HOLY SHIT HE KICKED OUT OF THAT!

Bob: RANMA KICKS OUT!!!

*William tries to get up, but FALLS back to the ground, holding his midsection in extreme pain! The Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken has taken it’s toll.. Meanwhile, Ranma is gradually climbing back to his feet, now covered in blood from the stiff kick to the face!*

Ranma: >=|!!

Bob: How is Ranma back up so quick?!

*Ranma crouches low, allowing William to stand back up! The brave fighter from Fort Greene manages to do just that with the aid of the ropes, before turning towards Saotome*

William: …

Ranma: ….

*Both men leap toward each other, William goes high with a spin kick that misses! Ranma rolls through to his knees, waiting for William to turn around.. And when he does.. SHISHKEBOB KICK right to the jaw!*

!!POP!!

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!

*William sells it like an oak being chopped down! He slowly falls to his backwards to the mat!*

Bob: WHAT A KICK BY SAOTOME!

Ralph: o_o.. Seriously.. William’s jaw has to be broken.. Or he’ll need a new set of teeth.. One of the two..

*William is spreadeagled on the canvas, giving Ranma time to climb to the top rope!*

Bob: Ranma! You’re in control! You don’t need to go up there!

Ralph: He wants to put the exclamation point on this match! And what better way to do that then by hitting–

*Ranma performs a FULL GAINER off the top rope, NAILING William in the center of the ring!*

Ralph: —THE SHOOTING STAR PRESS!

Bob: IT CONNECTS! IT CONNECTS!

*Ranma covers!*

Ref: 1…….. 2……..—

*But Saotome PULLS WILLIAM’S SHOULDERS OFF THE MAT!*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ralph: What is he DOING?!

Ranma: >=D!!!!!!

Ralph: WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?!!? >=|

Bob: He doesn’t want to win by inches, Ralph, Ranma wants to win by a MILE!

Ralph: Well you know what?! I’ve been calling this kid’s matches since 2002, and you know what I’ve learned? NEVER allow William Clarke a chance to recover! EVER!

*The Master, and Heir apparent of Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu is not finished with William Clarke! He’s not out to merely defeat him, he means to embarrass the kid in front of millions watching around the globe.. And the best way to do so? By beating him with his own move! Flinging William’s right arm behind him, Ranma firmly locks his right arm underneath William, and around his neck…*

Bob: Ranma plans to use the STO!

Ralph: Oh Christ!

Bob: And what a signal to send to Clarke by beating him with his own move!

*In perfect position, Ranma sweeps out William’s feet, DRIVING the former practitioner of Judo straight into the canvas with the STO!*

Bob: AND RANMA HITS THE ST—-

*However, USING the very momentum Ranma gained from performing the STO, William ROLLS backwards, keeping Ranma’s arm locked the entire time! Within a split second, William is back to his feet, one of which has Ranma’s right arm locked into the mat. Using his now free hands, He grabs onto Ranma’s right leg into a single crab, leaning backwards into the Tequila Sunrise Submission!*

Crowd: *HUGE POP*

Ralph: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Bob: WILLIAM SOMEHOW REVERSES THE STO INTO THE BROOKLYN STRETCH!!

*With a wide eyed, surprised expression, Ranma tries to hold off William’s deadly submission hold, but it’s to no use, as he TAPS OUT in the middle of the ring!*

Bob: RANMA TAPS! HE TAPS!

!!DING DING DING DING DING DING DING!!

*By the second Tap, William has released the hold and left the squared circle. “Remember The Name” once again, plays through the sound system as NO ONE realizes what just happened… William makes from one end of the ramp to the other, standing on the stage before finally turning and looking back at the surprised Ranma, who’s back to his feet looking on in astonishment. William gives one finally look to the fans before slowly turning back around and leaving through the curtain…*

Bob: That.. That reversal was amazing…!

Ralph: What did I tell you? WHAT DID I SAY?! Ranma had it WON, but he had to SCREW IT UP!

Winner: William Clarke

*Speaking of Ranma, the surprised and beaten martial artist can only stand in shock! Hell, within fifteen seconds he went from a COMMANDING lead to tapping out in the center of the ring! For the second time, William Clarke has embarrassed him in front of the entire world, and even though the UCTF capacity crowd are now to their feet, applauding his performance, Ranma can only focus on his now growing SEETHING anger.*

Ranma: …………

*He clutches his fist, before rocketing off into the sky in a blaze of red ki!*

Ralph: oh.. Oh he’s mad.. O_O he’s really mad.

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen…. I would like to Introduce the referee of our Final match up of the evening… Senior Official GLEN SANCHOS!

Crowd: *POPS!*

Glen: *raises fist* e_e

Bob: Good! We’re going to need THAT guy out here for this next match!

Ralph: Seriously…

Arzie: And The Following Match is scheduled for one fall. It is a qualifying match for the SIX person Judgment Day main event at Summer Chaos, and it is for the ULTIMATE CROSSOVER TOURNAMENT FIGHTING LEAGUE’S GRAAAAAAAAAANNNND CHAMPIONSHIP!

Ralph: MAIN EVENT TIME BOBBY!

*”Boys of Summer” by the Ataris starts up to a massive ovation!*

But I can see you-

Your brown skin shinin’ in the sun

You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby

And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong

After the boys of summer have gone

*The fans look into the sky, as The former Grand Champion slowly descends into the ring with the flame sword Azara already armed!*

Bob: And here it is.. Melvic has been granted a rematch, in what may be his last shot at the UCTF Grand Championship.

Ralph: And from the sight of that GIANT SWORD in his hands, he’s not taking any chances!

Bob: They threw everything but the kitchen sink at each other in their previous meeting, so it’ll be interesting to see what happens in this match up!

*Melvic softly lands in the ring, and stands completely still, awaiting his opponent in the center of the ring… He doesn’t have to wait long, as “Holy War” begins playing! That’s right, Kunoi’s ORIGINAL theme song begins playing over the sound system! Kunoi slowly walks from behind the curtain!*

Ralph: There he is!

Bob: And folks, This is a RARITY. Remember, the Grand Title is usually a PAY PER VIEW ONLY championship, and we’re getting to see it for free!

*Kunoi walks down to the ring slowly with a stern look in his eyes! Contrary to what his promos may lead you to believe.. Kunoi realizes he’s in a fight of his life tonight, and if SOMEHOW he managed to get past Melvic, he still has five other individuals waiting for him at Summer Chaos!*

Kunoi: e_e..

Melvic: e_e…

*Kunoi climbs into the ring, before slowly handing the Platinum Grand Championship over to the referee. Arzie, who stands bravely between the two men brings the mic to his lips…*

Arzie: Introducing… the challenger… hailing from QUAGMIRE.. Standing at six feet, two inches.. And weighing in at one hundred-ninety pounds… MELVICCCCCCCC LILLITHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Melvic raises his arm slowly, and gets a massive pop from the fans!*

Crowd: Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic! Melvic!

Arzie: And hailing from Sapporo City in the Hokkaido Prefecture of Japan… He stands at 178 centimeters and weighs in at 76 kilograms.. HE IS THE DESTROYER… THE ULTIMATE CROSSOVER TOURNAMENT FIGHTING LEAGUE’S GRAAAAAND CHAMPION… KUNOIIIIIIIIIIII ISHIGAMIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Kunoi ignores the jeers that are strong enough to shake the entire building! His eyes NEVER leave Melvic!*

Kunoi: Ready to be embarrassed again, Melvic? e_e Ready to tap out?

Melvic: e_e…………. I gave you ample chances, Kunoi. Your execution tonight, is your own fault.

Kunoi: e_e threatening to kill me, huh? You think I’ll fall for a lame trick like that?

Melvic: Trick? e_e when was the last time you heard from that low down cheating wrestling promoter, Roughkut?

Kunoi: o_o……………….

Melvic: Ring the bell. e_e

Kunoi: Um.. Ref….

Melvic: RING THE BELL. E_E

Kunoi: HE HAS A DAMN SWORD! >=| MAKE HIM PUT DOWN THE DAMN SWORD!

Melvic: RING THE MOTHER FUCKING B—

!!DING DING DING!!!

Kunoi Ishigami vs. Melvic Lillith

UCTF Grand Championship

Judgment Day Qualifying Match

*Melvic has become a flaming sword slinging nut job the SECOND the bell rings!*

!!FLOOM!! !!FLOOM!! !!FLOOM!! !!FLOOM!!

Ralph: I change my opinion about Glen Sanchos! HE’S LETTING MELVIC USE A FUCKING SWORD!

Bob: I–

Ralph: OH HERE’S WHERE YOU BECOME THE BIASED PRICK THAT YOU ARE AND SAY “IT’S THE UCTF! ANYTHING GOES HERE” WELL FUCK YOU, HE’S GOT A SWORD, KUNOI’S UNARMED E_E

Bob: >_<

*Kunoi does his best to avoid the four foot long, flame powered sword, but soon finds himself cornered with no where to go! It’s a hard decision to make, but Kunoi mans up, and RUSHES towards Melvic! Surprised, The Former champion swings the sword, and able to graze the chest of Ishigami! Kunoi doesn’t let it stop his motion, and SPEARS Lillith to the canvas, knocking the sword away!*

Ralph: YES!

Bob: Kunoi manages to knock the sword away, but it may have cost him too much!

*Both men are sprawled out on the canvas, one of which is bleeding PROFUSELY! Melvic, seeing another opportunity, rolls to his stomach in attempt to recapture Azara.*

Kunoi: NO THE HELL YOU DON’T! >=|

*Bleeding or not, Kunoi will NOT allow Melvic to grab his primary weapon! Springing across the ring, Kunoi shoots the half nelson, flipping Melvic onto his back. He quickly mounts, and unloads on the challenger with stiff palm strikes!*

Kunoi: NOT SHIT WITHOUT YOUR SWORD, HUH?!?! WH—WHOAAAA!!!!

*Melvic blocks a strike, and flips Kunoi off, switching him over into the Jujigatame, The Cross Arm Breaker! One of Kunoi’s very own signature holds!*

Bob: MELVIC SWITCHES KUNOI OVER WITH AN MMA MOVE OF HIS OWN!

Ralph: WHERE DID HE LEARN THAT?! >=|

Kunoi: Oh, you’ve been practicing. e_e.. How cute.

*One thing you don’t want to do is try to match MMA moves with a SHOOTO champion! Kunoi twists himself over with enough force to turn the armbar into a roll up pin!*

Ref: 1……. 2…….

*Melvic kicks out, and at the same time rolls backwards to his feet, right in time to catch a GIANT palm strike across the chest, knocking him into the corner! Kunoi doesn’t let up on the “transitional champion” unloading more open palm and backhand strikes that this narrator can count!*

Bob: KUNOI IS ON FIRE HERE!!

*Lillith fires back however, RIGHT into the open wound of Ishigami, halting ALL of the Destroyer’s offense! Melvic grabs the back of Kunoi’s head, and delivers KNEE after KNEE after KNEE into the open wound, until his slacks are covered in the Grand Champion’s blood! Kunoi catches a knee, sweeping M elvic to the mat with a single leg take down!*

Bob: Kunoi manages to take Melvic down again—

*Before he can mount, Melvic KICKS him in the wound! Kunoi stumbles back, giving Melvic enough time to rise to his feet.. He rushes forward, SPEARING the Champion to the canvas, followed by clubbing rights and lefts!*

Bob: But Melvic back on the attack! There is nothing scientific about this match! No reversals, just pure violence being inflicted on both parties!

*Kunoi twists his body over to avoid the mount.. Grabbing Melvic’s right arm with both of his, he braves unguarded shots to the face, while attempting to throw his leg around the front of Melvic’s neck…*

Bob: Now Kunoi attempting to lock on his version of the Jujigatame Cross Armbreaker! Melvic needs to be careful, he does not want to get into an MMA type match with Kunoi!

*He gets his leg around Melvic’s throat, and locks on a standing Cross Armbreaker! Melvic falls to one knee!*

Ralph: Say what you will about Kunoi, but he is a BRILLIANT submission expert!

Bob: Yeah, whatever e_e If he’s not careful, he’s going to pin himself!

Ralph: PIN HIMSELF!? MELVIC’S ABOUT TO DAMN TAP OUT! >=|

*Kunoi MAY be the master of submissions in the UCTF, but Melvic, has mastered the art of FLYING! His wings come out, lifting not only himself, but KUNOI as well, who stupidly keeps the Cross Armbreaker locked!*

Ralph: OH SHIT, KUNOI! LET GO!

*Too late! Melvic drops down, DRIVING Kunoi neck first with a TEN FOOT powerbomb in the center of the ring! Kunoi lays SPREAD EAGLED in the canvas!*

Bob: POWERRRRBOMBBB!!!!!

Ralph: Why didn’t you let go, Kunoi?! X_X

*Melvic retreats to the corner, crouching low into a three point stance with almost a SMIRK on his face! The fans see what’s coming, as they all stand up in preparation!*

Bob: I think we’re about to see the Sonic Tackle!

Ralph: HE HAD A DAMN SWORD AND CUT KUNOI IN THE CHEST WITH IT! How much blood do you think he’s lost?!

Bob: TH–

Ralph: THIS IS THE UCTF YEAH I KNOW. KEEP SAYING IT! >=|

Bob: e_e..

*Kunoi is now on his feet, with his back turned to the challenger!*

Ralph: DON’T TURN AROUND KUNOI! DON’T TURN AROUND!

*Kunoi turns around, and Melvic LITERALLY flies towards him! Acting on pure instinct alone, Kunoi SIDESTEPS the Sonic Tackle at the last second! Unfortunately, Glen Sanchos, who was right behind him wasn’t so lucky! Melvic damn near SLICES the poor referee in half, embedding him between the second and third turnbuckles! All you can see are four legs dangling!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Bob: I THINK KUNOI’S GUARDIAN ANGEL JUST PUSHED HIM OUT OF THE WAY!

Ralph: HAHAHAHAHA, THE REFEREE DESERVED THAT!

Bob: well.. Well.. Glen is a big guy.. Maybe he’s not too hurt!

Kunoi: o_o… e_e!!!!!

*Oh yeah??? The champion doesn’t rest for long! Grabbing Melvic by the legs, he delivers a SICK Wheel Barrel Suplex back into the center of the ring WITH Glen Sanchos attached!!*

Bob: JESUS CHRIST!

Ralph: AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Melvic and Ref: X_X!!!!!!!!!!

*Sanchos FLIES out of the ring, and the force of the suplex snaps Melvic completely backwards and all the way back to his feet! He’s glazed over, and will be in worse shape in less than 3 seconds!*

Kunoi: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

*Kunoi comes around with a HUGE spinning backhand to the face, sending Melvic into the corner! Kunoi hits the ropes, exploding into Melvic with a Rising Palm Strike, knocking the poor bastard ONTO the top rope!*

Bob: OH this isn’t good for Melvic! This isn’t good for Melvic!

*The challenger’s arms are crossed over, before he’s tossed off the top rope and into the GORICONOCLAM! He lands back first, and bounces into the sitting position! He won’t be there for long, as Kunoi SNATCHES him backwards into the rear naked choke!*

Ralph: REAR NAKED CHOKE!

Bob: And what a better time to lock in that hold! Right after driving the air right out of Melvic’s lungs!

*Melvic attempts to sit up, but is yanked back down!*

Ralph: Melvic’s freaking out! Look at him! He doesn’t seem to realize that leaning forward is only HELPING Kunoi choke the air out of him!

*Dispite Ralph’s Couch Quarter backing, he fights to bring himself back up to a sitting position! Kunoi however, YANKS the challenger back again! This time, however, Melvic ROLLS with it, and somehow ends up on top of Kunoi in a pinning position, while STILL in the rear naked choke!*

Ralph: *SPITS OUT DRINK* OH SHIT!

Ref: 1……….2… 2.99999999999999!!

*Kunoi lets go of the choke at the last second, breaking up the pinning combination!*

Bob: Kunoi was a SECOND away from the most embarrassing loss since the porta potty match!

*Melvic ducks a huge clothesline from Kunoi before hitting the ropes! He attempts the spear, but instead, EATS a front kick to the face! Kunoi shoots him into a fireman’s carry position!*

Ralph: KENTA’S ABOUT TO SUE!!

Bob: Melvic swinging around wildly! Can he escape!?

*He attempts to put Melvic to sleep, but the challenger lands on his feet, blocking the Buisaku knee! He follows this with a headbutt to Kunoi’s chin, then a KI aided strike to the chest that LIFTS the champion off his feet! Kunoi, now on his knees, slowly stands back up, and is NAILED with the sonic tackle!*

Bob: SONIC TACKLE! SONIC TACKLE! SONIC TACKLE!

Ralph: THAT DAMN SLASH TO THE CHEST REARS IT’S UGLY HEAD AGAIN! >=|

Bob: And what’s worse, Melvic’s going upstairs!

Ralph: SHIT! MOVE KUNOI! MOVE!

*Kunoi’s in NO position to get out of the way! He’s wide open from Melvic’s ELBOW FROM HELL which connects RIGHT in the center of the ring!*

Bob: MELVIC CONNECTS!! MELVIC CONNECTS!

*It’s a clean splash from up high, but does the Incubus go for the pin? e_e… No. Instead, he slowly turns around, and sees Azara. His mission is NOT complete.*

Ralph: ..oh..oh..oh no…

*The half demon picks up the blade, and slowly stalks Kunoi, DETERMINED to finish what he started!*

Ralph: SAY SOMETHING BOB! SAY SOMETHING NOW! YOU ADVOCATING ATTEMPTED MURDER IN THE RING!?

Bob: uhhh..

Ralph: YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT! THAT’S RIGHT. DON’T SAY SHIT!

*Kunoi is on one knee.. His heart is pumping faster than it ever has before in his life! Melvic stands above him, sword posed to strike and kill!*

Ralph: GLEN! GET IN THERE AND STOP THIS!

Melvic: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAARRRGGHHHHH!!!

Crowd: *COVERS EYES*

*In an act that could be described as pure heroism (if Kunoi wasn’t a pure jackass e_e), The Grand Champion CATCHES the blade between both of his palms!*

Everyone: O_O!!!

Ralph: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Bob: KUNOI CAUGHT THE FLAMING SWORD AZARA! WHAT IS THIS JAPANESE BASTARD MADE OF?!?!

Melvic: YOU SON OF A BITCH?!

Kunoi: YEAH! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?!

*Melvic responds by simply KICKING Kunoi SQUARE in the testicles!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The desired effect happens! Kunoi let’s the sword slip out of his hands to grasp his man fruit! That leaves himself open to attack, which Melvic takes full advantage off! One swing of the blade later, and Kunoi is RUN RIGHT THROUGH the arm!*

Kunoi: ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Bob: MELVIC FINALLY CONNECTS WITH THE BLADE!

Ralph: YOU HAPPY NOW BOB?! YOU HAPPY NOW?! KUNOI’S BLEEDING LIKE A FUCKING RIVER! YOU HAPPY?!!?!?

*The challenger is not finished.. After YANKING the blade from Kunoi’s wound, the Destroyer falls to his knees! With so much extreme and horrifying pain coursing through his body, he’s barely able to stay lucid! Unfortunately for him.. He won’t have to worry about the pain much longer, as Melvic lifts Azara above his head for the final blow…*

Ralph: GET SOMEBODY OUT THERE TO STOP THIS! >=|

Melvic: e_e The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. AND YOU WILL KNOW THAT I AM THE LORD, WHEN I LAY MY VENGEANCE UPON YOU!

Bob: OH NO, MELVIC HAS GONE JULES WINNFIELD!

*All hope seems to be lost for Kunoi, until a purple and green blur slides into the ring, and places itself between the Grand Champion and the challenge who is poised to end his life!*

Miko: e_e THAT’S ENOUGH!

Bob: MIKO MIDO!

Ralph: THANK GOD!!

Melvic: e_e.. Get out of the way.

Miko: No. e_e You’ve won. You don’t have to do this.

Melvic: Miko. Get out of the way. Last time I’m going to tell you.

Miko: No. You’re going to put the sword down… do you know why? Because you owe me. e_e.

Melvic: ……

Miko: you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?

Melvic: >=|

Miko: MAY 5TH. 2001. FUGLY DUO. I SAVED YOUR LIFE!

*Oh God, Miko brings THAT up. SIX years ago, The Fugly Duo destroyed Melvic Lillith when he was still a lowly up and coming UCTFer, if not for her interference that night, who knows if Melvic would have had to retire from the UCTF that night!*

Miko: YOU. OWE. ME.

*Melvic is many things, but most of all, he is a man of honor. His strong grip over Azara loosens… his arms slowly come down..*

Melvic: now, we’re e–

*Miko doesn’t let him finish, before NAILING Melvic with a BLATANT low blow via European uppercut! Azara goes FLYING out of the ring! Melvic hits the ground like a sack of potatoes, as Miko stands up, surveying the damage to a CHORUS of boos!*

Miko: e_e……………………………………

Bob: D: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ralph: o_o………..

*Melvic grabs her by the back of the hair in one final desperate act of revenge! Bad Idea for Melvic, as Kunoi springs forward, taking Melvic down via flying legsweep!*

Bob: OH NO!! OH GOD NO!!

*Kunoi converts it into the VICIOUS heel hook submission hold known as the “Melvic Capture!” It’s the move Kunoi used to WIN the damn title in the first place!*

Bob: NOT THIS WAY! NOT THIS WAY!

Ralph: YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! YOU WEREN’T THIS PISSED WHEN KUNOI WAS ABOUT TO BE SPLIT IN HALF!

Bob: YOU WANT BOB VS RALPH 3 TO HAPPEN!? >=|

Ralph: YEAH, I DO, IF I WASN’T CALLING A MATCH RIGHT NOW!

*Melvic won’t go down without a fight this time, however, he fights back viciously, pounding away on Kunoi, until–*

!!POP!!

*Miko RAILS him with a chairshot!*

Bob: GOOD GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ralph: YES!!!

*Melvic tries one more time to sit up.. NOT a good idea!*

!!CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!

*A second, even more powerful chairshot to the face SPLITS Melvic’s wig open, knocking the poor bastard COMPLETELY out! By now, the fans are RABID!*

Bob: *THROWING PAPERS EVERYWHERE* WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BULSDFKJASDL;FKJ

*The referee.. FINALLY conscious, sees Melvic LOCKED in the Capture, he rushes back into position…*

Glen: MELVIC! MELVIC YOU GOTTA RESPOND OR I’M STOPPING THIS ONE! MELVIC………. ……. RING THE BELL. RING THE DAMN BELL!

!!DING DING DING!!

*”Holy War” kicks up again… The arena has DIED!*

Everyone: …………

Ralph: YEAH! THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT! HE’S RETAINED!

Bob: ………

Fan: …b..b..bullshit o_o… BULLSHIT! >=|

Crowd: BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT!

*The fans, CLEARLY upset at the end of the match up, begins to FLOOD the ring with anything that’s not bolted to the floor! Kunoi, wounded chest, shoulder and all escape the ring along side Miko and the UCTF Platinum Grand Championship Title and retreat up the ramp like a thief in the night! And why not, as he’s STOLEN the victory away from Melvic Lillith!*

Arzie: THE WINNER, ADVANCING TO JUDGMENT DAY, AND STILL UCTF GRAND CHAMPION… KUNOIIIIIIII ISHIGAMIIIIIIIIII!!!!

Winner and Still UCTF Grand Champion: Kunoi Ishigami

Bob: Kunoi advances and will be in the judgment day main event along side Lo-Ruhamah and Inuyasha. For Ralph Gerrard, I’m Bobby Hinden saying goodnight. I’m done. Thanks.

Ralph: HEY BOB! WHERE’D ALL YOUR EXCITEMENT GO?!!?

Bob: I’M OUT. GODDAMNIT!! >=|

Ralph: o_o.. Uhh.. Hope you enjoyed the show, guys. Later.

*Now on top of the stage, Kunoi holds the Grand Championship high in the air with his bad arm.. Miko leaps into his arms, before planting a big, kiss on the cheek!*

Bob: *COMES BACK TO THE MIC* THAT FUCKING BITCH! E_E *LEAVES*

Ralph: X_X

end.

EXTRAS!

PINUPS – COURTESY BRANDON JONES! ENJOY!

Demons

Fugly Duo

Seven

 

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