William Clarke vs. Yugo Ogami | Dan Hibiki vs. Gene Starwind | Switch Akaisuko vs. Christina Callad | Ethan Rice vs. Sasa Dark | S³ vs. Robert Hinden | Andre Tau vs. Countdown | Gene Starwind vs. William Clarke

*The scene fades in on the Grand Title Belt, as "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" starts playing in the background. Don’t know that song? It’s the background music for the Kill Bill trailers. e_e Now you do.*

Since 1998… the UCTF Grand Title has been the ultimate goal for fighters all over the planet.

*Over the image of the grand title belt, various black and white video clips are shown from past title victories*

From the first ever title victory in 1998… to the tournament of 2003, the Grand Title has held a kind of prestige that no other championship has ever had.

*Vegeta’s first ever title win is shown first, along with Ranma’s first ever victory for the belt. The scenes fade in and out as they cross over each other, as scenes of Jin and a bloody Alex are shown as well*

Through pain, determination, and sheer willpower, these men and women have risen to the top to become more than just champions… they become LEGENDS.

*The scenes continue to scroll over the grand title belt, showing scenes of Morrigan winning the belt, along with Dayvid Nite’s victory, then scenes from his spectacular 4 out of 7 match against Miko Mido, and Miko’s victory. Then, scenes of Android 17 winning the 7-way match at Only the Strong, his match against Jeice in Japan, then finally, scenes of Dan’s title victory, then his match against Rott, where Rott defeated him. At that point, the scene fades away*

Now, tonight… a new champion will be crowned.

*Rott’s retirement speech appears overlayed on the Grand Title belt, and scenes from the Grand tournament are shown*

A field of many, ever changing over time, has been reduced down to four men…

*As he says that, pictures of William, Gene, Dan, and Yugo are shown over the Grand Title belt*

And now is the time…. for a new champion for a new era.

*Everything fades out*

Welcome…. to On Your Computer 2003


*As the "On Your Computer" logo displays on the jumbotron "This Time" By Depswa keys up over the sound system followed by hundreds of pyrotechnical explosions all through the arena! The cameras pan out through the arena showing thousands of screaming fans in attendance!*

Yuri: Welcome to the UCTF and Welcome to On Your Computer! With me is everyone’s favorite color commentator, Ralph Gerrard!
Ralph: I can’t wait to s–

*"MotorCycle Driver" is keyed up first, drawing a HUGE pop from the crowd as the former bodyguard to Sasa Dark, Yugo, makes his way down to the ring!*

Ralph: O_O! Holy crap we’re wasting no time tonight!
Yuri: That’s right! Here comes Yugo Ogami.. tonight’s fan favorite, AND the odds on favorite for this match!
Ralph: Last week, the fans were turned against William after he ATTACKED Yugo during Carmencita’s interview!

*Yugo climbs into the ring, and stretches a little, just as "Freak Daddy" by Mos Def is keyed up, drawing HUGE heel heat from the crowd!*


*William comes out from behind the curtain, with a DETERMINED look on his face! He only walks down to the ring, and climbs straight in! The ref stops him mid-ring, and pushes Will back into his own corner!*

Ralph: William wanting to get this match started early!

*Arzie climbs into the ring*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen… the following match, is a SEMI FINAL match in the Grand Title TOurnament, and it is a Boxing vs Tai Kwon Do match, for the UCTF Intergalactic Championship!

Crowd: *POPS!*

Arzie: Introducing first… From Brooklyn New York… he weighs in 185 pounds… ladies and gentlemen… this is… WILLIAAAAMMMMM CLARKEEE!!!


Will: e_e… *cricks neck*

Arzie: And his opponent…. Hailing from Japan… weighing in at 81 kilos… and is the CURRENT UCTF Interglactic champion… ladies and gentlmen… YUGOOOOO OGAMMMIIII!!!!

*Yugo takes off his IG belt, and hands it to the ref. The ref holds it up, drops it out of the ring, and calls for the bell!*


Yugo Ogami vs William Clarke
Boxing vs Tae Kwon Do Match
Intergalactic Championship

Yugo: >=|………
Will: >=|…………..

*The two stare each other down…. YEAH UH HUH for about two seconds! >=| Will goes for a REALLY quick kick to Yugo’s head, but Yugo gets up his arm, deflecting the kick! Yugo rolls with the motion, and goes into a punch at Will’s head! William ducks under it, and goes for a leg sweep! Yugo flips up, but does a cartwheel, lands on his feet, and swings a backhand at Will! Will catches the fist, and tries to kick Yugo low! Yugo, however, blocks the kick with his leg, then grabs Will’s leg! He picks Will up by it, and goes to toss him to the side! Will, though, manages to hold onto Yugo’s arm, and pulls Yugo along with him in an armdrag! Yugo flips onto the mat, but holds on, and yanks Will towards him, and swings his other fist at him! Will ducks it, then runs up the ropes, moonsaulting off them, going to a kick to Yugo’s head! But, Yugo turns around JUST in time, and NAILS Will with a clothesline that just DRILLS him down into the mat!*

Crowd: OOOOHHH!!

Yuri: HUGE opening sequence there!
Ralph: But Yugo just killed Will DEAD with that clothesline!

*Will rolls out of the ring, the wind knocked out of him! Yugo only cracks his shoulders, then sits on the middle rope, cockily holding it open for Will!*

Will: e_e…
Yugo: >=)…

*Will STARTS to climb in, but then Yugo lets the ropes go, and they SNAP on Will, knocking him down onto his back on the mat! Yugo then tries for a quick fist drop on Will, but Will rolls out of the way, and Yugo’s fist SLAMS into the mat!*


*Will rolls to his feet, and sees Yugo pull up his fist… and sees the DENT in the mat that Yugo made!*

Will: o_o…..

Yuri: My goodness… o_o I never knew Yugo was so POWERFUL!
Ralph: William is in some BAD trouble now!

*William slowly gets up, as Yugo is cracking his knuckles! The crows starts to chant!*


Will: e_e………

*William starts to circle Yugo again, then goes for another quick roundhouse to the head! Yugo, though, grabs his leg out of the air, and using Will’s momentum, flips Will OVER his head! Will’s head BOUNCES off of the turnbuckle, and he lays with his arms draped over the ropes! Yugo, though, comes from behind, and punches Will RIGHT in the back of the head! Will’s head SLAMS into the turnbuckle, then is pulled back, since Yugo has pracically PALMED the back of his head, and yanks him back, sending him flipping out of the corner! Will is laying on his side, holding the back of his head, trying to regain his composure!*

Will: X_x……..

Yuri: Yugo just OVERPOWERING Will here!

*Will slowly gets to his feet, as Yugo only waits for him! Will cautiously looks at Yugo, as if trying to formulate a plan!*

Ralph: William KNOWS that Yugo is overpowering him here, and he knows that he’ll need some kind of strategy to beat him!

*William shakes his head, then scowls at Yugo! He gets into his stance, and goes for a quick kick to Yugo’s head! Yugo goes to block it, but Will suddenly LEAPS back with it, so his head swishes by Yugo’s face! William spins with it, and hits Yugo in the stomach with a kick! Yugo doubles over slightly, and Will hits him with another quick kick to the side! Will grabs Yugo’s hand, whipping him into the ropes, then catches him on the way back with an armdrag! Yugo, though, manages to roll with it, lands on his feet, then spins around, SLAMMING Will in the face with a punch!*


Crowd: OOOOHHHH!!!!!

*Will goes FLYING back, rolls on the mat, and rolls under the ropes, and onto the floor in a heap, holding his face!*

Ralph: William just got DRILLED by Yugo! He’s down!

*But instead of waiting for Will to get up, Yugo FOLLOWS him down to the floor! He picks up Will, and SLAMS him with a forearm to the face! He rolls William into the ring, and slides in himself, grabbing the back of Will’s shirt as Will is trying to get up! Will spins around with a wild forearm, but Yugo EASILY blocks it, jabs Will with the other hand, and whips him into the ropes! William reverses it, though, and sends Yugo into the ropes, and goes to try and leapfrog him! But, Yugo holds onto the ropes, STOPS himself, and slams Will in mid-air with a punch!*


*The punch is angled downward, and Will goes SLAMMING into the mat! He is curled up, holding his gut, and Yugo cracks his neck!*

Yuri: And William’s offense gets SHUT down!

*Yugo picks up Will, and stands him up! Yugo goes for a quick punch, but William JUST ducks it! Yugo spins around with another punch, but Will LEANS back to duck it! Yugo recovers, but Will is able to hit a quick kick to his side! William goes to kick him in the other side, but Yugo catches it! William, though, leaps off with his other foot, and dropkicks Yugo in the face, sending him into the corner! William flips back with the dropkick, and lands on his feet in the corner across from Yugo! William gets a running start, and SLAMS Yugo in the chest with both knees!!*


Crowd: OOOHHH!!!!

*Yugo slumps down into the corner, but Will’s already halfway back across the ring! He gets another running start, and comes down with a dropkick to Yugo’s FACE!*


Crowd: OOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!

*William is PUMPED and the fans are heating up! He picks up the stunned Yugo, and leans him in the corner again! He gets one more running start, and LAUNCHES into the 540! But, Yugo regains his composure just in time, and CATCHES Will in mid-air! One of Will’s legs is draped over Yugo’s shoulder as he catches him, and Yugo gets a running start, and SLAMS Will with a sit-out powerbomb!*


Crowd: *HUGE POP!!!*

Yuri: William going for the 540 early, and paying dearly for it!

*William is crumpled up from the move, and is holding his back in pain! Yugo just pulls him up from the mat, and forearms him in the head! He whips Will into the ropes, and jabs him right in the face on the way back! Will is staggering on his feet, as Yugo started peppering him with lefts and rights!*


Will: X___X!!!

Crowd: *POPS!*

*Will isn’t able to block a single one! Yugo takes a step back, and comes in with a haymaker!*


*Will takes it RIGHT to the jaw! He falls back, but lands on the ropes, leaning up against them! Yugo charges forward, and SLAMS Will in the gut with a punch! Will doubles over, and Yugo catches him with another quick uppercut, that sends Will spinning down to his knees, and hanging on the middle rope! Yugo takes his knee, and presses down on the back of Will’s head and neck, choking him on the middle rope!*

Ralph: William in trouble here!

*But, William manages to somehow shove Yugo back, and pull himself up to his feet! He grabs Yugo by the head, snapmares him down…*


Crowd: OOOHHHH!!!!

*And just KICKS Yugo right in the spine!*

Yugo: X_X…. e_e….

*Yugo just LOOKS up at Will with a nasty look on his face!*

Will: …….>=|!!!


Crowd: OOOHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

*Will just kicks him AGAIN! Yugo looks up at him AGAIN!*

Yugo: That your best? e_e

Will: >=|!!!!!


Crowd: X____X!!! OOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!

*Will just HAMMERS Yugo’s back with kick after kick!*

Yugo: X___X!!! …………….e_e………..

*Yugo, however, slowly rolls over, and gets up to his feet!*

Will: ………………..
Yugo: e_e……. *cracks his neck*


Ralph: And Yugo is ON HIS FEET after that BARRAGE of kicks to his spine by Will!
Yuri: Can Will faze Yugo at ALL?

*Yugo takes advantage of the stunned Will by delivering a quick punch to the gut! He grabs Will into a front facelock, and starts PUMMELING Will with clubbing blows to the back! He grabs Will’s shirt with both hands, then yanks him over with a suplex! Will flips over onto his back, and rolls to a sitting position, leaning up against the ropes trying to catch his breath! Yugo tries to pull him up, but Will manages to get in a wild blow to Yugo’s gut, allowing himself time to get up to his feet!*

Will: *shakes his head* >=|!!

*Will then goes high for a kick! Yugo, however, JUST ducks under it! Will, however, uses his momentum, and spins around, kicking Yugo’s legs! Yugo can’t react in time, and goes FLIPPING down to the mat! Will’s kick is so foreful, Yugo actually lands on the side of his HEAD!*

Crowd: OOOHHHH!!!!!

Will: o_o……… >=D!!!

Ralph: I think Will’s just found Yugo’s weak point!

*Will grabs one of Yugo’s legs, and delivers a few quick kicks to the knee! He drags Yugo over to the corner, jumping back through the ropes to the floor! He takes Yugo’s leg, and SLAMS it against the ring post!*


Crowd: OOOOHHHH!!!!

*Yugo’s knee WRAPS around the ringpost! Will grabs the leg, and slams it AGAIN over the ringpost! Will jumps up onto the apron, wraps Yugo’s leg around the ringpost, and LEANS back with a figure four around the ringpost!*


*Will LEANS back with the move, and Yugo grunts in pain! He lets go, and Yugo rolls into the center of the ring, holding his knee! Will climbs up to the top turnbucke, and LEAPS off, driving his knees into Yugo’s leg!*



Yugo: X_X!!

*Will gets up, and stomps Yugo’s knee again! He pulls up Yugo to his knees, and takes a few steps back! He charges, and launches towards Yugo with a kick!*

Yugo: x_X… >=|!

*Yugo, though, deflects Will’s kick to one side! He sweeps out Will’s legs, and CATCHES him in mid-air! Yugo struggles up to his feet, and while balancing on ONE leg, flips Will over his head, and back first into the turnbuckle! Will SLAMS into it, and falls RIGHT onto the top of his head!*


Yuri: Fallaway slam by Yugo!
Ralph: Will landed RIGHT on his head!

*BOTH fighters are down on the mat! Yugo is holding his leg, and Will is BARELY able to keep his balance as he pulls himself up to his feet! Yugo manages to pull himself up, and…*



*DRILLS Will in the head with a punch! Will stagges back from the blow, but stays on his feet, and…*



*Kicks Yugo RIGHT in the side with a SICKENING roundhouse! Yugo yells out in pain, clutching his side!*



*But he’s still able to SLAM Will with another punch! Will staggers back into the ropes…*



*But bounces back with a HUGE Yakuza kick to Yugo’s face! Yugo SPINS from the kick, and..*


*Lands a WILD punch to Will’s face! BOTH men go down to the mat, FLAT on their backs!*


Ralph: And a HUGE exchange of moves from both men here!
Yuri: Just STIFF punches and kicks delivered! I’ll be suprised if they can get up!

*BOTH men are woozy from the strikes! Yugo pulls himself up, and limps over to Will! He grabs Will by the back of his shirt, and pulls him up! But, Will gives him a quick back elbow, stunning him! Will grabs the top rope, and jumps onto it!*

Ralph: This could be it!

*Will backflips off the top rope, going for the 540 on Yugo! Yugo, though, BARELY moves out of the way, and instead of hitting his head, he SLAMS into Yugo’s shoulder! Both go down to the mat, and Yugo is holding his sholder in pain!*

Yuri: William ALMOST finished the match there! Yugo was INCHES away from a KO!

*William rolls up to his feet, and sees Yugo down! He wastes NO time, and comes up behind him! He grabs Yugo from behind, and…*


*Wrist Clutch Suplex from behind! Yugo lands on his NECK! Will then grabs Yugo’s bad leg, and DRAGS him across the ring by it! Holding onto it, he jumps up the turnbuckle, and LEAPS off, landing ON Yugo’s bad leg!*

Yugo: X____X!!!

*Will hoists up Yugo, hooks his arm, and lifts him up! The crowd starts becoming UNGLUED at Will’s second wind!*

Yuri: Will’s got Yugo up!

*Will HOLDS Yugo up there, then JUMPS backwards!*



*Will practically KIPS UP from it!*

Will: YEAH!!! >=|!!!

*The crowd POPS for him!!*

Ralph: And the crowd is rallying BEHIND Will!

*Will jumps back, and waits for Yugo! Yugo, groggy, slowly gets up to his feet!*

Yugo: o_<…. oh shi-
Will: YAAAAHHHH!!!! >=|!!!


Ralph: 540!!! 540!!! 540!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Yugo goes FLYING from the kick, bounces off the ropes, and lands FLAT on his back, ASS out on the mat! The crowd goes CRAZY!*


*William drops down onto Yugo for the cover!*

Crowd: *COUNTS ALONG* 1!!! 2!!!!! TH-OOOOHHHH!!!!!!!

Ralph: WHAT!?!?
Yuri: NO WAY!!!


Ralph: SOMEHOW… Yugo has KICKED OUT of William’s 540!
Yuri: Can ANYTHING beat him!?

*William is STUNNED! He picks up Yugo off the mat, but Yugo gives him a quick punch to the stomach! He elbows Will to the back of the head, and steps back!*

Yugo: >=|!!!

*Yugo gets a running start, and…*


*POPS William up into the air with an uppercut!*

Yuri: Oh my go-
Ralph: LOOK OUT!!!



*The force of the blow is SO great, William goes HIGH into the air, OVER the top rope, and SMACKS onto the concrete floor! William is LIMP on the ground!*

Ralph: DEAR GOD!!!

Crowd: HO-LY SHIT!!! HO-LY SHIT!!!!!! HO-LY SHIT!!!!!

*Yugo climbs out of the ring, but Will is just DEAD WEIGHT. Yugo just TOSSES Will’s body into the ring, and Will is just SPREAD EAGLE on the mat! Yugo covers!*

Ref: 1!!…. 2!!!…. NO!!! TWO!!!

Ralph: WHAT!?!

Crowd: *HUGE POP!!!*

*William SOMEHOW gathers up enough strength to kick out! Yugo can’t believe it, and just YANKS William up! He shoves William into the ropes, and tries for a roundhouse! William ducks under it, and bounces off the other ropes! Yugo tries to catch him, but…*


Crowd: OOOOHHHH!!!

*Quick Savate Kick to the face!! Yugo holds his face, doubled over, as Will climbs the turnbuckle!*

Yuri: What’s he doing??

*William WAITS perched on the top turnbuckle, and just as Yugo looks up, he LEAPS off! He spins through the air not once… but TWO TIMES!*

Yugo: O_O!!!
Will: YAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!


Ralph: 720!!! 720!!! 720 KICK!!!

*William rolls over and covers Yugo!

Ref: 1!!! 2!!!! 3!!!! RING IT!!!!

*DING, DING, DING!!!!!!!!!!*

Crowd: *EXPLODES!!!*



WINNER and NEW UCTF IG Champ: William Clarke

*William slowly gets up, the ref raising his hand, and handing him the IG belt!*

Ralph: What a battle! William was overpowered at first, but he managed to battle back, and DEFEAT Yugo!

*Yugo slowly gets up, limping on his bad leg! He looks at William, who’s standing there with his arms crossed!*

William: e_e…
Yugo: e_x……..

*Yugo holds out his hand! William looks out to the crowd, then shakes Yugo’s hand!*

Crowd: *POPS!!!*

Ralph: And after it all… William STILL shows respect to Yugo!
Yuri: And Yugo shows respect to Will!

*The two give a quick hug, then Yugo holds up William’s hand! As William leaves the ring, we go backstage where Sue Tellarusso is standing by!*

Ralph: HI SUE! *^_^*
Sue: Hi Ralphy: *^_^*
Yuri: e_e…… UM, SUE.

Sue: OH RIGHT! I’m getting ready to interview the NEW Intergalatic Champion just as soon as he… WILLIAM WILLIAM!

*William limps through the curtain with the Intergalactic Championship dragging behind him..*

Sue: Congratulations on your victory over Yugo! Who are you looking forward to facing in the finals?!
William: …

*Without saying a word, the half unconscious William simply walks past Sue and into his locker room! Meanwhile back in the arena…*


*The crowd lets out a HUGE HUGE pop as Dan Hibiki makes his way down to the ring!*

Ralph: And here comes the man who’s the odds-on favorite to win this match, Dan Hibiki!
Yuri: Do you know what the stipulation is for this match?
Ralph: Not a clue.

*Dan rolls into the ring, and poses on one knee!*

Dan: YOSHAA!!!!!

Crowd: *HUGE POP!!*

*But the cheers turn to boos as "Through The Night" is keyed up, and down the ramp comes the current UCTF world champ, Gene Starwind, with his World Title belt in his right hand!*

Ralph: I’m STILL in shock how he was able to get a bye to the SEMIFINALS!
Yuri: Hey, he got lucky. Right place, right time, right belt.
Ralph: Yeah… ~_~

*Gene slides into the ring, and takes off his jacket, as Arzie climbs in for the introductions!*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen… the following match, is a semifinal match in the UCTF Grand Title Tournament, and it is for the UCTF World Championship!

Gene: *cracks his knuckles*


Gene: OMGWTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Crowd: *HUGE POP!!!*

Ralph: *SPIT TAKE* WHAT!?!
Yuri: NO!!

Arzie: The ONLY way to win this match, is to set off an explosion in the ANUS of your opponent!*

Gene: ……………

Arzie: Intoducing first… From the Sakiyo Dojo in Japan… He is a FORMER UCTF Grand Champion… weighing in at 163 pounds…. THE SAKIYO-RYUU MASTER HIMSELF… DANNNN HIBIKI!!!!


Crowd: *HUGE POP!*

Arzie: And his opponent…. Hailing from Sentiel III… he is the CURRENT UCTF World Champion… weighing in at 185 pounds…. GEEENEEE STARWIIINNNNDDD!!!!

Gene: ……

Crowd: *HEEL HEAT*

Ralph: LOL!! Gene is in SHOCK!
Yuri: YOU’D be too if you found out you were in an Anus Explosion Match!
Ralph: ………..yeah, I guess. ~_~


*RIGHT as the bell rings, Dan just CHARGES Gene, and starts PUMMELING him in the corner! Blow after blow Dan lands on Gene, and Gene goes down like a BITCH from the shots! Dan gets him down onto the mat, then just KICKS him out of the ring to the floor!*

Yuri: Dan TAKING it to Gene here!

*Dan LEAPS over the top rope, and lands feet first on Gene’s back! Gene yells out in pain, as Dan poses AGAIN for the crowd!*

Dan: ORRAAA!!!

Crowd: *POPS!!*

*Dan climbs into the ring, and goes for the jump again!*


Crowd: OOOOHHHH!!!!

*But, while Dan was climbing in, Gene managed to grab a chair from under the ring, and CLOBBERS Dan in the head with it while he’s in mid-air! Dan falls FLAT on the ground, and Gene just LAYS into him with the chair!*

Gene: … now to find something explosive. e_e

*Gene flips up the ring apron, and starts rummaging around! He pulls out tables, ladders, chairs, spare cabling, but NO WHERE is there any explosive substances! Dan, however, has time to recover, and sneaks up on Gene…*



*And KICKS him right in the ass! Gene FLIPS onto his back, and Dan rolls him into the ring! Dan tosses in one of the tables, slides in, and holds it up with both hands! Gene slowly gets up and… *


Crowd: OOOH!!!!

*Dan just BREAKS the table over his head like it was a piece of drywall! Gene goes down HARD, and his forehead is split open and bleeding!*

Yuri: Dan just TAKING it to Gene here!
Ralph: Has he gotten ANY offense?
Yuri: There was that chairshot….

*Dan picks up Gene, and hoists him up onto his shoulders in a powerbomb position! He gets a running start, and then CHUCKS Gene over the top rope!!*


Crowd: OOOHHH!!!

*Gene SMACKS the concrete! His head BOUNCES off the floor!*

Ralph: My GOD!!!

Crowd: *HUGE POP!!!*

*Dan rolls out of the ring, and goes after Gene! Gene is struggling up to his feet, and Dan just starts BEATING him up the ramp, and up onto the stage! Dan whips Gene into the set, and Gene hits his head and goes down!*

Dan: ORA!! Is this all??

*Dan WRENCHES off a pipe from the set, and swings it at Gene! Gene, however, is able to duck the pipe shot, and trips up Dan! He stomps Dan quickly, and rolls him off to the side!*

Gene: *pants* x_x…

Yuri: And Gene FINALLY getting on the offensive here!

*Gene looks down at Dan, then up at the Jumbotron!*

Gene: …….>=)

Ralph: What is he DOING?!

*Gene starts CLIMBING the titantron! Dan shakes his head, looks up, sees Gene climbing…*


*…and starts FOLLOWING him up!!*

Ralph: Some things never change. x_x

*Gene manages to scramble his way up to the top, and waits for Dan! Right as Dan reaches the top, Gene grabs him by his hair, and hoists him up onto the top!*

Dan: >=|! ORA!


Gene: X_X!!!

*Dan just sucker punches Gene right in the face! Gene goes stumbling back, and struggles to keep his balance on the top of the titantron, which is only about two feet wide! Dan gets up to his feet, and gives Gene ANOTHER hard punch to the face!*

Yuri: Dan pummeling Gene on top of the-
Ralph: Wait a minute! What’s SHE doing here!?

*The cameras cut to the stage under the titantron, where AISHA CLAN CLAN is dragging out some huge pit from backstage, and positioning it on the stage! She then runs back behind the curtain and starts throwing ANYTHING that can be considered explosive into the pit! Fire extinguishers, bottles of lighter fluid, plastic explosives, Chinatown Fireworks, hell, even a bucket of Popeye’s fried chicken!*

Ralph: Is this a set-up!?

*Meanwhile, on the top of the ‘tron, Dan is TAKING it to Gene! Gene is being pushed back more and more on the top of the screen with every punch Dan lands on him! Dan smacks him with an uppercut, and Gene lands face-down on top of the tron! He starts to get up… with his ass pointing RIGHT at Dan!*

Yuri: OH no!!


*He CHARGES forward with his Otoki Michi that he used to defeat NNNN in the LAST Anal Explosion Deathmatch! But…*

Dan: OOYAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdlkhelkjheljlf………X_X!!!

*Dan just suddenly COLLAPSES in the middle of it!*

Ralph: WTF!?!
Yuri: LOOK!

*The cameras cut back to Aisha, who’s got a tranquilizer gun in her hand, and pointing it up at the top of the Tron!*

Ralph: Can we get a replay?!

*The cameras cut to a replay of Aisha FIRING the gun at Dan, and the dart hitting Dan RIGHT in the neck, causing him to collapse! Back in real time, Aisha is SCREAMING for people to move away, as she runs off herself! Gene picks up Dan’s limp body….*


*….and TOSSES it off the tron! Dan goes FLIPPING through the air, and lands ASS FIRST in the pit that Aisha set up!!*


Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*There’s a HUGE explosion, FILLING the arena with smoke! As the smoke starts to clear, everyone can see Dan laying on the ramp, COMPLETELY assed out, and a huge hole burned in the back of his pants, showing his charred, blown apart ass!*

!!!DING, DING, DING!!!!!


*The crowd lets out HUGE heel heat, as Gene stands on top of the tron, his arms raised high!*

WINNER and STILL UCTF World Champ: Gene Starwind.

Ralph: And with the HUGE assist from Aisha, Gene moves on to the FINALS! GENE IS IN THE FINALS FOR THE GRAND TITLE >=|!!!
Yuri: x_x!!!

*We’re in the back, this time with Ralph’s former stalker victim, Ukyo!*

Ralph: e_e!!
Yuri: umm.. Ukyo
Ukyo: Right. e_e I’m back here with Gene Starwind and Gene… Do you know how many fans are upset with you that you CHEATED to get to the finals?! They’re already pissed that you got a buy into the tournament!

Gene: You know, the funniest part about that? I don’t’ CARE what the fans think e_e Yeah, I cheated to beat Dan, and I’m certainly going to cheat against William. Why? There’s nothing personal, but this is all about the money. I’M GONNA BE RICH, BITCH!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!! @_@

*And with that, Gene runs off laughing evilly!*

Ukyo: o_o… back.. to you guys..

*Back in the arena, "Epic" from Faith No More bringing out former "Queen of the Indies" superstarlet.. Christina Callad to a moderate ovation from the crowd.. a refreshing sight after seeing Dan Hibiki’s ass get set on fire in the middle of the arena!*

Ralph: And what a way to get the thought of the… anal explosion death match out of our heads, then to see a chick fight! YES!
Yuri: oh no, you’re not gonna act like this the entire time, are you?
Yuri: …Well of course you’re what?
Ralph: exactly. e_e

*She climbs into the ring, climbs onto the top turnbuckle and raises her arms towards the fans.*

Ralph: ANYWAY. heh.. we haven’t seen her since she got knocked on her ass by Kunoi.. remember that.
Yuri: I sure do..
Ralph: what happened to him anyway?
Yuri: *shrug* o_o


*Those words go blasting from the sound system which causes poor Ralph to almost have a heart attack! Literally! He clutches his heart as if it’s about to burst from his chest!*

Ralph: ARRGHH!! What the hell ?!

*It’s "Real Emotion" from the Final Fantasy X-2 soundtrack, meaning it’s time for Switch to make her debut appearance in the UCTF as a fighter! And what a debut it’s gonna be, because out comes the red haired cat girl in full Jet Set Radio cosplay as Gum! H_H Complete with roller skates and all. Ralph has gone from almost heart attack from being scared, to almost heart attack from hentai overload!*

Ralph: H_H!! YES!!
Yuri: oh geez ~_~
Ralph: I’m going for Switch for the remainder of the match JUST because of that outfit!
Yuri: But you’re supposed to be unbiased!
Ralph: Too bad! Don’t you remember I’m supposed to be a HEEEEEL commentator? And besides, Christina Callad doesn’t even have tits. >=|
Yuri: Please let’s go to the match!

Switch Akaisuko vs. Christina Callad

*Switch gets into the ring and with a press of the button her grinding blades turn into regular shoes.. Hey, I’m not kidding you can get those things for like … $50 bucks at Toys R Us! Anyway, Christina of course, is not impressed (now someone taking a Cash Flow through 239823 glass panes is impressive). She cracks her knuckles and prepares for the match*

!!Ding Ding Ding!!

Yuri: Alright! The match is under way, this should be interesting with Christina’s independant wrestling background against Switches Hakkyoku-ken technique!
Ralph: mmm.. I wonder if Hakkyoku-ken means Hentai Style in Japanese H_H
Yuri: …

*I have NO idea how Sue puts up with him, but back in the ring… Callad goes for the wrestling Tie up, but Switch wisely ducks the grapple. Both females turn around with Switch going for the straight knuckle. Callad parries the attack away with both arms, followed by a kick from Called. Switch blocks the kick with her own leg, followed by a kick aimed at Callad’s face. Callad parries with both hands once again, this time spinning around with the momentum, she goes for a HUGE clothesline! Switch ducks, then comes back around with a heel kick! Callad catches the foot, and Switch immediately tries to enzeguri her! Callad ducks the enseguri! However, Switch is unphased, and lands on that SAME foot! But thinking quickly, Christina spins Switch in a complete 360 using the leg she had a hold of. Once Switch spins around, Callad hastefully arm drags her across the ring! Switch bounces off of the ground, back to her feet, and stumbles into the corner from the wrestling move, while Callad crouches in the opposing corners with a smirk on her face*

Ralph: Pretty good for a chick with no tits. e_e
Yuri: Will you stop that!? *SIGHS*

*Switch comes out of the corner as does Christina, and circle each other around the ring, jocking for position.. The mini-skirt wearing cat girl crouches into a side-ways horseback riding position–*

Male Fans: H_H!!

*…and leaps towards Christina with a palm strike! The ex-indy girl prepares to reverse, but Switch side-steps with a feint! Christina now finds herself WIDE open! It’s too late for the wrestler, as her ankles are kicked right from under her! However, the queen kips right back up followed by a quick jab to Switch. Callad goes for the Irish Whip, which is reversed, then reversed again, sending Switch into the ropes! Christina goes for a running clothesline that Switch ducks under! Christina comes off the ropes just as Switch preforms a back handspring, catching Christina around the neck with both legs and sending her flying with a leg scissors take down!*

Crowd: O_O! *CLAPS*

Yuri: Now that was AWESOME!
Ralph: YES! Did you see how far she bent over?

*No time for celebration just yet, as Christina has already gone back to work on her well-endowed opponent with an array of punches and kicks like SSS in Smackdown 4! After a kick to the back of the legs takes Switch down to her knees Christina delivers a chop to the face, to the chest, followed by tossing the cat girl face first into the canvas!*

Switch: >_< !

Ralph: Not the face!

*Switch gets in a nice hit that stumbles up the Indy Queen.. quick to take advantage, Switch irish whips! However, Christina ducks under, lifts the cat girl into the air and drops her face first onto the turnbuckle, hitting the "Snake Eyes" as wrestling fans would call it! Either way, Switch wonders if her pretty little nose is now broken, as she’s swept off of her feet and to the mat. Christina quickly displays her submission skills, by locking on a leg lace, while reaching over and locking on an armbar! The fans freak out, not because of the radical move, but because someone’s UNDIES are showing!*


Ralph: *with binoculars* H_H!! WONDER WOMAN UNDEROOS!
Yuri: …I really hope the table didn’t just move.. ;_; I hope I was just imagining things!

*Christina let’s go of the leg lock, and floats right into a full blown, fujiwara armbar!*

Yuri: That’s a prefectly executed Armbar, Christina has all of her weight on top of Switch.. there’s no getting out of this one!
Ralph: Cleavage.
Yuri: what?
Ralph: Look at how Switch is laying.. *^_^* TONS of Clevage!
Yuri: ….. e_e… And The fans are starting to get behind Switch!


*Damn right they’re getting behind her! The loud roar of the spectators fills the powerful catgirl with confidence and strength… as she literally begins to raise not only herself but CHRISTINA off of the canvas!*

Christina: O_O!
Switch: >_< !!!!!!!!!


*If you didn’t notice by now, this bitch is strong! I mean, beating Brock Lesnar in an arm wrestling contest kinda strong! She throws Christina across the ring with ONE arm! The frail indy wrestler bounces off of the ropes like a ball, and collides right into the cat girls "Cold Shoulder" attack! This almost puts Callad IN the canvas! We’re talking spread eagled after being hit by a tank kinda thing!*

Ralph: she is REALLY going to feel that one in the morning!
Yuri: is she ever.. o_o…

*Switch leaps to the top rope in a single bound, before coming right off with a picture purrrfect (…I can’t believe I just typed that ) moonsault!*


Yuri: Moonsault!
Ralph: … but no cover!
Yuri: well.. that wasn’t that smart.. but none the less, Switch now in a crouching position!
Ralph: …is she going for the rock bottom ? O_o

*Christina slowly rises to her feet, only to get NAILED in the throat by Switch! The chop amazingly doesn’t kill her, but is strong enough to send her flying between the first and second ropes to the unpadded floor! Holding her neck in pain.. Christina still has enough presence of mine to telegraph Switch, who’s leaped to the top rope in preparation for a huge plancha! She jumps out of the way to avoid it JUST as Switch jumps! However, the catgirl changes directions in mid-air, lands on the ropes, leaps off AGAIN and this time NAILS the plancha!*


Yuri: How in the HELL did she change direction in mid air like that?!
Ralph: Dunno, but I’ve seen more wonder woman than in my entire life within five minutes of this match H_H!!

*Christina may be very well Koed from that move and Switch knows it.. that’s why instead of tossing her back into the ring, the cute red head walks over to a kid and secures him as the future most heterosexual male of all time by giving him a kiss on the forehead!*


Crowd: LOL!!

Yuri: Oh that’s not a good idea! She’s not capitalizing after an amazing move off the top rope!
Ralph: Hey well.. you gotta learn somehow.. I hope she’s taught by a spanking though H_H
Yuri: >=\!

*From behind.. Christina proves her toughness by GETTING UP after the springboard plancha! She flies towards The cat-girl, who parries her into the guardrail! Christina hits upside down before falling neck first! Now on the ground, she’s completely prone to Switch, now perched on the apron!*

Ralph: What’s this??

*Showing magnificant flexibility, Switch preforms a shooting star press!*

Crowd: *POPS!*

Yuri: Beautiful shooting star press!
Ralph: indeed.. H_H..
Yuri: Christina tossed back into the ring.. and look at this!

*Back in the ring, Switch crouches low again, waiting for Christina as she slowly stands back to her feet!*

Yuri: Switch sizing her opponent up here…

*Christina turns around and runs directly into the straight knuckle, followed by the ACL breaker, into the ACL to Dagger Punch and into the Heaven Kick! Christina goes for the double Kick, but it’s reversed into a dragon screw! Switch bounces off of the canvas and into the corner! Determined not to let her advantage slip from her … sexy grasp H_H, Switch flies out of the corner with a huge thrust kick which is CAUGHT by the Queen of the Indy feds! She immediately tosses Switch over her head with the leg lift suplex! Mid-air, she turns the attack into a freaking ARMBAR!*

Crowd: O_O!! *CLAPS*

Yuri: and what a reversal!
Ralph: and right back to that arm!
Yuri: …………so… you’re actually watching the match?
Ralph: e_e I’ve been doing this position here for five years. I know how to call a match WHILE staring at tits.
Yuri: I see. o_o
Ralph: .. and speaking of doing positions, I’d love to Do Sw–
Yuri: RALPH! >=|!

*Bryan’s "good friend" arm has already been severly weakened during this match, and knows that it won’t be able to take much more! Using her inhuman strength, she tries desperately to pry her arm out.. Christina has other plans who tightens the grip!*


Switch: .. >=|!!

*She rolls into the armbar and delivers the Tiger Palm! The hold is broken, and Switch scrambles to get back to her feet! Favoring her arm and neck, Switch stumbles down to one knee.. that’s when out of NO WHERE, Christina lands a Shining Wizard!*


Ralph: O_O! Christina hits the Wizard!

Ref: 1…….2……….2.9999!

*Christina CAN NOT BELIEVE Switch kicked out! No longer playing by Ring of Honor rules, she yanks one of the blades right off of the cat girls feet! She unsheathes the grinder and allows Switch to stand back up!*

Ralph: Don’t turn around Switch! You’ll regret it! Don’t do it!

*It’s unfortunate that Switch can’t hear Ralph’s cries from so far away, because right when she turns around… Christina hits a spinning shot to the face with the shoe! Switch is knocked off of her feet and to the canvas! Christina quickly covers to a chorus of boos from the crowd!*

Ref: 1…….2………2.99999!!

*And it’s not enough! Christina is PISSED. Raising Switch back to her feet, She immediately goes for the Osaka Street Cutter, but is pushed away! She bounces off of the and right into the arms of Switch! The powerful cat girl delivers the Cat’s Cradle!*

Crowd: OOOOH!!!

Yuri: Christina’s back could be broken!
Ralph: I seriously doubt that, she’s getting up! >=\
Yuri: you know what I… …;_; stop being mean!!

*Yeah! Christina is somehow getting up after that grueling move! Switch delivers an eye rake, followed by the devestating "Tiger Palm 2" which knocks Christina into the ropes! When she bounces back, Switch meets her with a spinning backfist! Christina DUCKS, and picks the cat girl into her arms! She spins her around before nailing the CUT-THROAT suplex!*


Ralph: What the hell was that?!!?!? O_O…
Yuri: I.. I don’t know.. looked like some kind of burning hammer!

*Christina Covers!*

Ref: 1…2….2.9999999

*But Switch KICKS OUT! This time however.. Christina smirks.. stands up and claps along WITH the crowd! NOT a good sign! As the catgirl begins to slowly stand, Christina grabs her arms from UNDER her legs, yanks, and hits a DEVESTATING inverted Tiger Driver looking sorta thing known as the SPINESPLITTER onto Switch’s very boot! X_X*



*Christina Covers, and this time folks… There ain’t no kicking out!*

Ref: 1……2………3!!


*"Epic" starts up again as Christina’s arm is raised in victory! The fans give her a mixed reaction after a great exhibition match between the two UCTF women…*

Ralph: what a match.. what a hot …. sexy match! H_H!
Yuri: >=\

*Switch is slow to stand up, and when she finally does… Christina raises her hand to Switch to shake.. an impressive show of athletism! Switch takes the hand, and both girls shake to a HUGE ovation!*

Ralph: alright.. now pull her in… give her a slow kiss.. but not too slow…. not to fast either..

*Switch turns to leave, but is suddenly JERKED back towards Christina, who tosses her into a fireman’s carry before nailing another cut-throat suplex! The fans EXPLODE with heat!*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Christina: *^_^*!


Winner: Christina Callad

*Christina leaves to a boos as EMTs come running down the aisle to check on Switch!*

Ralph: Is she alright Yuri?! Huh?! huh?!
Yuri: I DON’T KNOW! >_<! I’M waiting to find out just like you are!

*As the EMTs begin to help Switch up, she pushes them away, and shows that she’s still able to walk under her own power! The fans give her a nice pop as her theme music begins playing again!*

Ralph: whew.. that was a close one.. I coulda sworn her neck was broken after that suplex!
Yuri: O_O Ralph! I’ve just received word that Sue Tellarusso is backstage with…

*The Jumbotron switches over to Sue who’s got a "I better not screw this up" look on her face.. and we know way.. x_X As the camera pans out we see none other than PRESIDENT VEGETA with Raven Darc towering next to him! Over his shoulder wrapped in a black towel could only be what we imagine to be the UCTF Grand Championship Title! A belt that means a helluva lot to the CEO of the company!*

Sue: Mr..Mr. President It’s an honor to have you.. here.. is that.. is that the Grand Championship Title in your arms?

Vegeta: Of course it is you twit. e_e This title that I have in my hands is a newly forged Grand Championship Title. A new title that will signify the next Generation of Superstars in the UCTF. And as far as tonight’s main event.. It will not only be for this coveted title on my shoulders. e_e. The World Title as well as the Intergalactic Championships will both be up for grabs tonight.

*And with that, Vegeta and his protégé leave Sue with her mouth WIDE open*

Sue: d…d…did you guys hear that?!

Yuri: As if the main event won’t mean enough tonight!

Arzie: The Following Special Referee, FLAMING CELL Match, is for the UCTF ANIME CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

Crowd: *Massive Pop*

Arzie: Entering first, is the special Referee for the match! NABEEEEEESHINNNNNNN!!!!

*"Hall of the Mountain King" kicks up and the one, the only, the man, Nabeshin comes strutting out onto the stage! Sporting a referee uniform with a giant Barf Burger on the chest and the slogan "Stuff It In Your Face! :)" imprinted on the back. He stops at the center of the stage and holds his arms high, then points to himself with his thumbs.*

Yuri: No way…

Nabeshin: >=)… *looks to the crowd*

Ralph: You’ve got to be kidding me!

Nabeshin: *starts doing an RVD taunt* NA! BE! SHIN!

Crowd: ….. o_o…

Ralph: lol! The crowd didn’t give him anything!
Yuri: I don’t think he cares… look. ~_~

Nabeshin: OH YEAH! WHO THE MAN!? NA BE MAN! *struts to the ring*

Arzie: And now, introducing the challenger… Weighing in at 243 pounds… COUNTDOWNNNNNNNN!!!!!

*Nabeshin steps into the ring as "Demon Speeding" kicks up on the sound system. The crowd gives heel heat as Countdown comes majestically walking out onto the stage in a friggin’ Rick Flair robe! "Barf Burger" is engraved in cursive on the back. Countdown elegantly glides down the ramp, giving a perfect celebrity waves to the fans.*

Ralph: What an arrogant bastard!
Yuri: Maybe, but remember what he did to Andre last week on Massacre?
Ralph: Don’t remind me x_X I’m amazed Andre still wanted to show up after that!

*Countdown steps onto the apron of the ring and wipes his feet Regal style! He then steps inside the ring and walks to the center where he drops the robe. Around his waist is the friggin’ Anime Champion Belt!*

Yuri: What the hell!? When did he get that belt?!
Ralph: Didn’t ya know? It was all over the news! Countdown stole the belt and Andre chased him all over Anime City trying to get it back! (Yeah, this means if ya didn’t read the RP you wouldn’t get it e_e)

*Countdown removes the belt and hands it over to Nabeshin.*

Arzie: AND NOW, Introducing the UCTF ANIME CHAMPION!!!

* "Sleep Now in the Fire" kicks up and the crowd starts to go friggin’ insane! Andre steps out onto the stage accompanied by Mio, the punk-rock bitch that’s pretty much been stalking Andre for the past few months!*

Yuri: Who the heck is that? O_o
Ralph: I know! It’s punk girl puppies! H_H!
Yuri: ~_~… Damn, and here I thought Andre really might have been…
Ralph: What? A flamer?

Arzie: Wieghing in at 187 pounds, The Ragin’ Pyro… ANNNNNNDREEEEEE TAUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

*Andre and Mio stop at the center of the stage and Andre points his palms to the edge. A spark of flame and the pyro around the edges are set off! An explosive show takes off around Andre as he and Mio walk through the sparks towards the ring*


Andre: Do I have to? ~_~
Mio: You want to intimidate them, right? ^_^
Andre: But… I don’t normally HAVE pyro ~_~
Mio: … That doesn’t even make sense! You’re such a hypocrite e_e


*Andre steps into the ring slowly while Mio stays outside. The cell that had been hanging above the ring is slowly lowered, encasing the two competitors and Nabeshin. Andre and Countdown swagger to the center of the ring and come face to face. They both stare right at each other as the edges of the cell begin to ignite.*

Yuri: Obviously this rivalry has seriously heated up over the past few weeks!
Ralph: I’ll say! This ex-tag-team has had some serious disputes after the break up!

*They both back away from each other, then charge! Countdown ducks off to the side and goes for an amateur go-behind and delivers an elbow to the back of Andre’s head. Andre staggers forward while Countdown starts to taunt out to the crowd. It’s short lived though! Andre spins around and delivers a hard hook shot to Countdown’s jaw! Countdown spirals to the ground!*

Yuri: LOL! He laid him down in one hit!
Ralph: Yeah! Payback for putting Andre through a windshield!

*Andre grabs Countdown by the mask and yanks him back to his feet. Andre grabs the groggy Countdown and pulls him into a Gutwrench Suplex. Andre springs back to his feet and jumps into the air, landing a knee on the chest of the downed Count… down. Andre rolls to Countdown’s feet and grabs him by the legs. He gets back to his feet and slingshots Countdown into the turnbuckle!*

Yuri: o_o…
Ralph: Oh my gentle Jesus! He’s beating the living hell out of Countdown!

*Andre isn’t even half-finished! The groggy Countdown stumbles stupidly around the ring as Andre gets back to his feet. Just as Countdown turns around…


*A Running DDT sends Countdown right back to the ground. Andre kips back to his feet and gets some distance. Countdown starts to slowly get to his feet when Andre suddenly runs in and connects with some Flash Magic!*

Yuri: Countdown doesn’t even stand a chance! This is a slaughter!

*Andre yanks Countdown back to his feet, but is met with an eye rake! He staggers back a step as Countdown desperately falls to the ropes. While Andre’s clearing his eyes Countdown slips under the ropes and gets a chair from under the ring. He gets back into the ring and swings at Andre! Too bad Andre sees it and ducks under the swing. Countdown hits the ropes with the chair and it bounces back and knocks Countdown in the face! The stunned sellout drops the chair and wobbles around like a drunken idiot.*

Ralph: LOL! He looks like a drunken idiot!
Yuri: Whoa! Deja vu o_o…

*Andre whips the sellout to the corner and runs in to follow up with a quick clothesline, but right before Countdown hits the turnbuckle, he puts his hands out and then leaps back over the flamer*

Countdown: o_o!

Andre: >=)

*Or at least tries to as Andre stopped and caught the masked man on his shoulders…*

Ralph: What’s Tau gonna do here?

*Tau quickly answers by tossing Countdown over his head, face first into the turnbuckle…*



Countdown: X_X

Yuri: What an electric chair drop!!!
Ralph: That should be it for the sellout!

*Andre rolls Countdown up and Nabeshin walks over and begins to count…*

Ralph: Andre with the pin!

Nabeshin: 1…………..


Nabeshin: …………………………………… 2……………………………………..

Yuri: This is just stupid! There’s no way Andre can win this with Nabeshin doing the counting!
Ralph: But even at this rate he’ll reach 3 before Countdown can kick out!

Nabeshin: …….. Wait… what comes after 2? O_o


Andre: >=|!!! DAMMIT!

*Andre gives up on the pin and storms over to Nabeshin. Nabeshin back up and holds up his hands*

Nabeshin: Hey, c’mon meign! You gotta understand! ^_^;;;

Andre: *grabs Nabeshin by the fro* What the hell is your problem!??! >=|!

Nabeshin: Hey! Hey! Easy on the Ref-ro! I just washed it!

Andre: e_e…

*Andre gets ready to knock Nabeshin’s lights out when Countdown suddenly comes up from behind with a schoolboy!*

Nabeshin: *instantly drops for the count* 1,2, …………..

Countdown: …… =|… >=|…. What’s taking so long!?

Nabeshin: Dude! You never answered my question! What’s after 2!?

Everyone Watching the Match: O_O *face-plants*

Countdown: 3!!!! >_<!

Nabeshin: Ohhhhhh ^_^… *kick out*

Ralph: That was a lucky break by Andre!
Yuri: Lucky… what the hell are the chances that there is someone that stupid in the UCTF!?

Nabeshin: *picks a lollipop out of his afro* So THAT’s where it went! ^_^! *slurp*

*As Countdown lifts Andre, the flamer powers out and tosses Countdown to the ropes. He lunges at him with a cross-body, but is caught! Countdown gives a triumphant laugh and looks around like a wanna-be Scott Hall. He then executes a perfect Fall-Away Slam!*

Countdown: >=D! … What? No thud? *looks around*

*Andre hadn’t hit the mat! He was caught… by Nabeshin!*

Ralph: LOL!
Yuri: Finally Nabeshin did something to help ANDRE!

Andre: o_O!?

Countdown: o_O!?

Crowd: o_o…. *CHEERS!*

Nabeshin: ^_^!

Countdown: NABESHIN! >=|!!!!

Nabeshin: OH! RIGHT! *drops Andre*


Crowd: BOOOOOOO!!!

*Andre quickly gets back to his feet, grabs Countdown by the head and starts to mercilessly pound on the masked wrestler. With each hit they slowly move closer to the ropes. At the very edge Countdown finally manages to block a shot! He throws the fist to the side, but Andre spins with it and comes back around with a clothesline that sends them both over the top rope!*

Yuri: They’re finally moving towards the cell! Now Countdown’s in trouble, fire is everywhere out there!

*Andre staggers to his feet followed by Countdown. Andre goes to grab him, but Countdown suddenly gets a burst of energy. He grabs onto Andre’s arm and flings him into the burning cell! Countdown bounces away with an exasperated taunt. He turns around just in time, however, to see Andre standing there unscathed.*

Andre: You just don’t get it do you!? >=|!!

*Andre grabs Countdown by the back of the head and SLAMS him into the burning cell! Countdown bounces back like a green-headed ball, only to have his head smashed into the burning walls again! This time, Andre pushes against Countdown’s head, forcing it to stay on the burning cell!*

Yuri: Dear god!
Ralph: DAMN RIGHT! >=|

*Andre starts to rake Countdown’s face along the flaming cell!*

Andre: You like it!? You wanna give up!? >=|


*Andre (literally) rips Countdown’s face from the cell and throws his head into the apron. He then lifts Countdown back up and rolls him into the ring. Andre slides in after him, then quickly gets onto the turnbuckle. He stands up facing the crowd and motions for a moonsault!*

Yuri: This has got to be it!

*BUT NO! Energy from nowhere allows Countdown to get up and get to the turnbuckle in time! He grabs Andre for a super-backdrop!*

Ralph: How in the hell…


Andre: e_e *back-elbows Countdown off of him!*

*Countdown hits hard, but manages to slowly push himself up to his feet. He looks up just in time to see Andre leaping from the top turnbuckle and*


Crowd: O_O! *Breaks into wild cheering*

Yuri: An incredible Flying DDT that just sent Countdown across the ring! Countdown and Andre are both down after that one!
Ralph: I’ll say! … But wait… what the hell is Nabeshin doing!?

*"What the hell" is right! He’s outside the ring and pulls a freakin’ fire-extinguisher from his ‘fro! He then starts to spray every inch of the cell! Before either fighter can get back up the entire cell is reduced to a mere… metal… death trap.*

Ralph: That Afroed Bastard just put out the cell!
Yuri: Well there went Andre’s big advantage… e_e

*Andre slowly gets to his feet and sees what Nabeshin has done. He gives a look of total disbelief and turns around just in time to see Countdown going for a cheap punch! Andre puts his arm up and blocks the punch, looking seriously pissed now.*

Yuri: And Andre blocks the punch! It looks like he’s finally tired of all of Countdown’s little tricks…
Ralph: It’s about time… e_e

*Andre tosses Countdown arm aside and grabs his necktie*

Andre: >=|


*And in a burst of flame Andre incinerates the tip of Countdown’s tie!*

Crowd: LOL!!!

Countdown: O_O… >=| !

*That did it! Now Countdown drives forward with a volley of forearms driving the flamer back into a corner. He then continues the assault, stomping Tau down into the turnbuckle…*

Countdown: You know how much this outfit costs!?! >=|

Andre: x_x…

*Countdown lifts Andre up and gives him a quick side slam, he then quickly rolls him up getting a handful of the flamer’s jeans for leverage! Nabeshin slid in for another insanely fast count*

Nabeshin: 1,2,- *kickout* O_O

Crowd: O_O!!! ^_^ AN-DRE TAU!!! AN-DRE TAU!!! AN-DRE TAU!!! AN-DRE TAU!!!

Andre: x_x

Countdown: O_O What the hell Nabeshin!?!?!?! >=|

Nabeshin: He just kicked out! o_o

*Countdown turned back to Andre and lifted him up off of the mat before sending him flying towards the ropes. As the pyro came back Countdown lifted him up for a tilt-a-whirl slam, however, somehow Andre managed to counter it into a big time flying headscissors! Leaving both men down*

Yuri: What a match this is turning out to be… C’mon Andre! ^__^
Ralph: YEAH!!! Put that masked sellout in his place! >=|

Countdown: X_x

Andre: x_X

*Slowly the two both get up, when suddenly it’s Countdown with a quick boot to the gut and…*

Andre: X_x

Ralph: Swinging neckbreaker!

*However Tau is quickly back to his feet, he turns and charges straight into…*


Yuri: And Countdown with a big boot! x_x

Andre: >_< … >=|

*but again, Andre is right back up, he goes for a kick to the midsection, but Countdown catches his foot!*

Countdown: >=D

Andre: e_e


Ralph: WOW!!! That was one hell of an Iziguri!!!
Yuri: Tau ignited his foot right as he made contact, Countdown might be concussed!

Countdown: X_x

*Andre slowly gets to his feet and begins to lift Countdown up… However as soon as Countdown was standing…*


Andre: >___<

Yuri: Countdown just doesn’t want to play fair here…

*Countdown grabs Andre from behind before he can recover and executes a huge German Suplex, but taking a page out of Benoit and Angles books, he holds onto it as he stands for another, yet as Countdown goes for yet another German, Andre delivers two stiff back elbows and quickly spins back to a waistlock of his own*

Ralph: And it looks like Andre might be going for a german of his own…

*Suddenly Tau ignites in a huge burst of flame and locks in a buffalo sleeper hold, Countdown collapses and cries out in pain*

Ralph: Tau used that move to burn the hell out of Countdown and cost him a match against Suicide and now it may win this match for him.

Countdown: X_x RAASSAAAHAHHHH!!!!

Andre: >=)

Nabeshin: O_O C’mon Charlie! You can make it!!!

*Countdown stuggles to make it to the ropes, but Andre has the hold locked in and isn’t letting him move an inch…*

Countdown: x_x Nabeshin… help…

Nabeshin: Of course ^_^

*And much to the chagrin of Andre and the fans Nabeshin does just that, he pulls the ropes over just enough for Countdown to put one foot on…*

Ralph: That’s Bullshit!!! >=|
Yuri: Yeah, but unfortunately in this match, what he says goes…

*Andre just stares at Nabeshin as he continues to wrench hard on Countdown’s arm and neck*

Nabeshin: LET GO!!! 1… 2… 3… 4…

*Andre lets go of the hold at the last second and gets up in Nabeshin’s face…*

Andre: You keep screwing with me and I’m gonna-

*However the flamer didn’t get a chance to finish, because Countdown had managed to get up and jerk Andre’s legs out from under him, he then quickly latched on his own inverted version of a sharpshooter…*

Countdown: >=D

Andre: x_X

Ralph: What the hell? The Edgeacator?
Yuri: Yeah, but Countdown is calling it his "Countout"… e_e
Ralph: Yeah, well either name is rather ghey to me…

*Andre desperately tried to get to the ropes but right as he managed to grap a hold, Nabeshin stumbled by and kicked his hand off*

Nabeshin: Oops sorry man? So ya give up? ^_^


Yuri: This crowd is quickly getting tired of Nabeshin’s tactics…
Ralph: And so am I! >=|

*Andre again pushed himself up and pulled himself to the ropes, this time managing to get a firm grip. Nabeshin slowly walked over to Countdown and signaled for him to break the hold… which Countdown reluctantly did*

Yuri: Finally… e_e

*As the two men stand Andre manages to quickly whip Countdown to the ropes and then lowers his head for a backdrop, however Countdown manages to stop in front of him and hoist him up for a desperation gutwrench powerbomb, only, before finishing the move, he spins around a full three times…*


Ralph: Good God! What the hell was that?
Yuri: Let’s see, that was his Triple B Deluxe!
Ralph: Triple B?
Yuri: Yeah, Barf Burger Bomb…
Ralph: e_e

*Countdown is barely able to roll over for the pin and Nabeshin dove down for another lightning fast count…*

Nabeshin: 1,2-*glomp*

*Nabeshin looked down to see that the punk girl Mio had grabbed his hand before he could finish and placed it on her breast…*

Ralph: What the hell? H_H
Yuri: I think she’s trying to help Andre via distraction…
Ralph: What a woman!

Nabeshin: H_H

*Mio slides into the ring and stands in front of the afroed ref…*

Mio: You know Nabeshin, there’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now…

Nabeshin: H____H


Nabeshin: >___________<

Ralph: Sweet mother of a Persian kitten! That was one hell of a low blow!
Yuri: And it doesn’t look like the punk girl is done yet!

*Indeed it doesn’t, with Nabeshin doubled over in pain, Mio quickly delivers an Evenflow DDT of her own…*

Mio: >=| Bastard…

*However she is quickly spun around by none other than the best dressed wrestler in the business…*

Mio: O_O

Countdown: >=D

*He grabbed Mio by the head and hauled her up into position for the Liftoff…*

Yuri: NO!!! Don’t do it!!!
Ralph: Not punk girl puppies! ;_;

*But in an instant Countdown had leapt up and delivered a crushing Mexican Stretch Buster, he looked at her limp body and for a second, it looked like he may have regretted what he had done…*

Mio: X_____________________x

Countdown: o_o… >=D


*Countdown soaks in the boos as he turns around and bumps right into the now uber-pissed off pyro… as Countdown starts to slowly back away, Andre’s entire body bursts into a huge pillar of flame… The crowd goes absolutely crazy as Countdown nearly faints*

Countdown: o_o Oh Shi-

*Before he can even finish, Andre begins to wail away on Countdown with a huge series of rights… desperate to escape, Countdown ducks out of the ring and runs to the door. But before he can escape, Tau is on him yet again.*

Tau: >=|


Countdown: X_x

Ralph: That was one hell of a DDT
Yuri: Andre must really love that punk girl…

*Speaking of which, Andre hurries back to the ring and checks on Mio. After seeing her condition he motions for the EMTs to come and take her away. He then stands back up and heads for a very groggy Countdown who has just managed to break out of the cell door and is crawling up the ramp, trying to get away…*

Tau: e_e

Ralph: It looks like Countdown has had enough…
Yuri: I don’t blame him, today he just hasn’t even been in Andre’s league…

*Andre walks out and catches Countdown before tossing him back towards the ring, Countdown falls and rolls to a stop at the foot of the cell before turning and seeing Andre walking back towards him…*

Countdown: O_O!!!

*Countdown quickly does the only thing he can think of to escape… He begins to climb the cell…*

Ralph: Oh hell no! O_O
Yuri: Things seem to always go bad whenever people go up top in matches like this… x_x

*As Countdown gets to the top, he looks down and dares Andre to follow him*

Countdown: >=D C’mon fire boy!


Andre: e_e

Ralph: And Andre’s climbing up to meet Countdown atop the cell! O_O

*As soon as Andre got to the top, he was quickly met with several boots to the head, courtesy of his former partner. However as Countdown continued to stomp away, Andre suddenly caught him with a quick dragon screw that sent Countdown dangerously close to the edge of the cell…*

Yuri: o_o Calm down Ralph…

*Andre walked back over to Countdown and begin to lift him up, but was quickly met with Countdown’s last bit of desperate offense*


Andre: >_<

Ralph: LOW BLOW! That son of a bitch!!! >=|

*Countdown quickly stood and hauled Andre up over his head for a suplex, but in true Countdown style, he continued to hold Andre up as he walked over to the edge of the cell…*

Countdown: >=D

Ralph: OH MY GOD!!! O_O
Yuri: He’s gonna suplex Tau off the top of the cell!



*However, right as Countdown begin to drop Tau, Tau in a last ditch effort threw a spark down onto the cell and the whole thing ignited again sending BOTH Countdown and Tau flying off of the top of the cell and into the first few rows of fans below!!!*

Countdown: X________X

Andre: X__________X

Crowd: O_________O HOLY SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!

Yuri: Andre Ignited the cell to take Countdown down with him! o_o!
Ralph: We HAVE to see that one again!!!

*Up on the jumbotron it showed Andre triggering the explosion that sent both of them flying off the cell and into the crowd below from several different angles… Meanwhile down at ringside, EMTs were attending to the unfortunate fans who caught the falling wrestlers as Tau and Countdown both somehow began to crawl slowly back towards the ring…*

Ralph: How the hell are either of these two even moving?
Yuri: I guess they both want that Anime Title… o_o

*After several minutes both men are able to get back into the ring and they begin to exchange blows…*

Ralph: How much more can either of these fighters have left?

*Suddenly out of nowhere Countdown kicks Andre in the gut and hefts him up over his head*



*Countdown falls into a cover as Nabeshin finally begins to come to… and slowly begins the count*

Nabeshin: 1……!

Ralph: NO!!!!

Nabeshin: 2……!

Crowd: AN-DRE TAU!!!! AN-DRE TAU!!!! AN-DRE TAU!!!! AN-DRE TAU!!!!

Nabeshin: …… *KICKOUT*!!!

Countdown: O_______________O…. ;_;

*that’s right, Countdown is reduced to tears at not being able to pin the Anime Champ. He stands and hauls Tau to his feet when Tau suddenly bursts out of his grasp and hits and the Evenflow DDT!!!*


Crowd: O_O!!!! *Massive Pop*

*Andre suddenly kips up and stares right at Nabeshin…*

Andre: Count it right! >=|

Nabeshin: O_O

*Andre covers him as Nabeshin slides down and begins a completely fair count, to terrified to do otherwise…*

Nabeshin: 1…. 2…. *KICKOUT*

Ralph: It was a totally fair count and somehow that masked bastard managed to kick out!

*Andre sat up in disbelief as Countdown rolled over to his stomach*

Andre: >=|

*The Anime Champion stood and picked up the chair that Countdown had brought in earlier in the match, but before he could attack, it was pulled away from him…*

Nabeshin: >=| Nuh-uh!

Andre: >=|


Yuri: Serves him right!

*Andre gets up and goes back over to Countdown who is just now stumbling back up to his feet. He lifts up the sellout and whips him over to the corner. Andre then charges in to deliver a clothesline, but Countdown manages to get his boot up at the last second!*


Andre: X_x

*Andre stumbles back and does a full turn as Countdown manages to climb up to the top turnbuckle…*

Ralph: What’s Countdown going for here?

*But as soon as Andre sees Countdown, he charges up the ropes Kurt Angle style and grabs Countdown for…*


*A HUGE Evenflow off of the top rope!*


*Andre immediately rolls over into a cover*

Yuri: But who’s going to make the count! Nabeshin is still out cold!

Crowd: 1…. 2…. 3…. 4…. *HUGE pop!*

Ralph: What the?
Yuri: It’s Glen!!!

*Sure enough, the UCTF’s troubleshooting referee has run down to the ring, through the busted burning cell door and slid into the ring…*

Glen: 1…. 2….

*The entire arena is completely quiet as Glen’s hand comes down a third time!*

Glen: ….3!!! RING THE BELL!!!

Crowd: *Nearly blows the roof off of the arena*


*"Sleep Now in the Fire" kicks up!*

Ralph: DAMN RIGHT! As it shoulda been from the beginning!
Yuri: Holy crap… That was insane! Andre Tau fought for his friggin’ life in that match!


*The exhausted Andre uses the ropes to pull himself back to his feet as his hand is raised by Glenn! The crowd continues to go wild when suddenly… "LIVING IN AMERICA" INTERRUPTS ANDRE’S MUSIC!!*

Ralph & Yuri: What the hell!?

*That’s right! None other that Johnny Cockring comes out with a rancid greeting from the fans! He gives a smug smirk.*

Cockring: Heh… way to go, flamer.

Andre: >=\….

Cockring: Yeah, listen, I’m sorry to interrupt your little party, but there’s just one little problem. See, you’re not really the winner.

Ralph: WHAT!? >=|

Cockring: I believe you know what I’m talking about. I know it, and you know it: The match was a special referee match! You can’t just have another ref run out and make the count! >=)


Andre: >=|…
Cockring: Albeit, I have been paid for my expertise in this situation. See, I’ve been hired to represent Charlie in this… endevor.

Yuri: No way…

Cockring: Now, start that damn match up again!


*Hearing the bell ring again, Andre, literally ready to die by this point, slumps over to Countdown’s strewn body and with the last bit of his strength lifts him to his feet. He wraps Countdown’s head for one last Evenflow…*

Yuri: Looks like Cockring’s little distraction won’t be enough though… Nabeshin is recovering!
Ralph: Like it will make any difference? e_e
Yuri: Shut up >=|

*Andre looks around, the crowd is going absolutely insane! He tightens the grip.*

Crowd: DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

*Andre leans his weight and… NO! A FREAKIN’ KIDNEY SHOT BY COUNTDOWN!!*

Ralph: Damn! Countdown was somehow able to recover!

*Andre gives Countdown a knee in response, but ANOTHER kidney shot by Countdown! Then another! Andre slumps and his grip loosens. Countdown slings his arm over Andre’s head with one final burst of energy and lifts the fire fly from the ground!*

Yuri: O_O!!! NO!! IT CAN’T BE!!


*IGNITION! Countdown falls, literally in a heap, over Andre as Nabeshin slowly crawls over to them. He lifts his arm…*

Nabeshin: 1…….

Yuri: No way…

Nabeshin: 2…….

Ralph: No no no no no no no! NO! For the love of god don’t let it end like this!

Nabeshin: ……..3 x_x *falls limp*


Yuri: Thanks to Cockring!
Ralph: How much did you pay to win that title! Damn sellout, cheating bastard! >=|

*"Demon Speeding" begins to play as Nabeshin rolls out of the ring and gets the Anime title, he then helps Countdown out of the ring and hands him Anime Championship. Countdown’s barely able to hold up one hand as Nabeshin helps him to the back…*

Countdown: >_<

*Back in the ring… Andre slowly sits up… He shakes his head in disbelief and then looks up the ramp at Countdown. As he stands however, the crowd still gives him their support as "Sleep Now In The Fire" is keyed up on the sound system.*

Crowd: AN-DRE TAU!!!! AN-DRE TAU!!!! AN-DRE TAU!!!! AN-DRE TAU!!!!

Ralph: Even though Countdown stole that match and the title, Tau is still getting the respect he deserves…
Yuri: He’s one hell of a competitor.

*Andre stood and looked at all of his fans before giving a slight grin, and walking backstage while holding his ribs…*

Ralph: That match was one for the record books…

*In the back, we see Switch coming into her locker room after being checked on by the resident doctors, upset that a certain someone didn’t even have the courtesy to stand by her side during her DEBUT match at On Your Computer! Hell, her Debut match in the damn UCTF!! What’s the first thing she sees when she walks in… an image of former sword champion Yakuu’s BREASTS on a big screen Television Set!*

Switch: Bryan how d–.. o_o.. WHAT THE HELL!?
Bryan: e_e………hey.

*That’s right, he’s STILL watching old Yakuu matches! And man, Bryan looks like he hasn’t slept in WEEKS!*

Switch: o_o.. umm…

Yuri: ok.. that guy is WEIRDING ME OUT!!

*Back in the arena, "Are You There" kicks up! That means it’s time for the.. O_o LARPer vs. UCTF Columnist part 2 match!*

Ralph: Oh and what a way to kill a boner! >=|

*Yep… going from seeing Yakuu’s rack to seeing Ethan Rice’s face on the jumbotron tends to do that! Out first is the gamer, along side his manager, Earl Julius Slackmoser!*

Ralph: *SIGHS* And because we all needed to see it.. Ethan Rice vs. Sasa Dark part 2. e_e
Yuri: oh stop being mean!
Ralph: Yeah, you’re right. We’ve already seen two titles change tonight, maybe this one will be an actual entertaining match. e_e.
Yuri: And just to let you folks know, as a result of the last Ethan/Sasa Dark match, All Transformers have been barred from the building!

*elsewhere.. OUTSIDE the arena. e_e*

Optimus Prime: ;_;…

*Next up is "Intensity!" one of those songs that after the first BAR of music, the crowd automatically goes into a riot!*

Ralph: And just when I thought Theme musics couldn’t get anymore crappy! >=|
Yuri: Ralph!
Yuri: Let’s go back to see how this match came to pass!

*The Jumbotron takes us back to the interview that made this match a reality ~_~*

Sasa: >=|!!! ETHAN! You stupid, no-good brat from the redneck hills of Indiana! Even though I hate my sister now, I’m still angry that you’re dating her! WHY? Because Sasha is my own flesh and blood, as much as that disgusts me. I’m also angry because you’re the type that never learns from mistakes! Jann Lee kicked your ass… how many times? How many times have you made a complete fool out of yourself in television? How many times have I spat on your face and stomped you to the mud, and made your life a living HELL?? Why don’t you give up and go away?!!

Ethan: ^___^! Now Sasa, if you feel the need to beat the hell out of me, here’s what you gotta do. e_e…Put up or SHUT up! Do it yourself instead of sending hired guns after me!! Unless….>=D….you’re afraid…after seeing me lay out Raven Darc with ONE SWING!

Sasa: So… you want me to kick your ass the easy way huh? I don’t know if it’s my sister or your lame gaming, but day after day, your brain cells escape through your ears, simply because they don’t like it in there. Fine then, I won’t hire more thugs to turn you into a pool of blood. In fact…. I want a rematch…


Ethan Rice vs. Sasa (no Relation to Raven) Dark

Yuri: Alright! This is more than a match guys! This is more than a year of hatred built up to the boiling point! This is ab–
Yuri: >_< !

*Sasa and Ethan waste no time attacking each other in the center of the ring, but to a surprise to no one, Ethan quickly takes control of the fight, pounding the columnist into the corner continous rights about the body! Sasa is nothing more than an open target to Ethan’s wrath, before being hiptossed from the corner ALL the way to the middle of the ring! Sasa is back up amazingly, but only to be floored with a diving clothesline! Ethan mounts his hated enemy and pounds away on the jaw while pinning him down! Ethan stands up, but only to put the boots to Sasa, who wisely crawls away to the ropes while holding a "Time-Out" sign with his hands! He’s had enough already! The ref steps in and pulls Ethan away to a chorus of boos! While Ethan protests, Sasa pulls out something from his pocket! Ethan shoves the ref out of the way and grabs the Korean by the hair.. only to get a shot right in the eyes with PEPPER spray!*

Ethan: ARRGHH!!!

Crowd: O___O!!

*Ethan goes down, and Sasa is happy to show the crowd what he just used!*

Sasa: >=D!!

Ralph: LOL! YES! Cheat to win!
Yuri: Ralph! Ethan could go blind from that!
Ralph: *holds up a picture of a middle finger with the caption "NOBODY CARES" on the bottom*
Yuri: …

*Back to his feet, Ethan rubs his burning face while Sasa gains momentum from the other side of the ring. He delivers a NASTY clothesline that sends both he AND Ethan over the top rope and to the floor! The editor of "Analyze This!" hits the ground feet first and rolls, whereas Ethan’s not so lucky. He hits the apron neck first and splats the concrete canvas!*

Yuri: What a clothesline! That could have ended both their careers!
Ralph: eh. I’ve seen Vegeta blow up a Death Star before.. That was nothing.

*As Ethan still fights to get his sight back, Sasa snatches a pair of ten sided dice right off of the gamer, before shoving them right down Ethan’s pants! After that he takes a step back before NAILING Ethan with a kick to the balls!*


Ethan: X____X!!!!

*What does Ethan do? The same thing anyone would do if they got an exploding kick to the balls.. Go down to his knees in agonizing pain! And correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Ethan’s going to be down for a VERY long time after that one!*

Crowd: OOOOH!!!!!

Yuri: MY GOD!!
Ralph: O_O! That was.. That was EVIL! LMFAO!!! awesome!!!

*Sasa’s in complete control now, and under the ring he goes, pulling out a table and two chairs! He sets up the table, with Ethan’s head resting at the head of it.. He picks up one of the chairs, and places it firmly on top of the table, long ways..*

Sasa: e_e…

Ralph: uh oh.. I don’t like the looks of this!
Yuri: Me neither..this can’t be good!

*Sasa flings the chair across the table towards Ethan’s head as if it were a guillotine! Luckily, Ethan ducks a split second before he’s decapitated!*

Ralph: LOL! That would have been REALLY bad!

*Pissed, Sasa slides the second chair, but Ethan catches it before flinging it right back across the table! It connects into Sasa’s nuts, sending the columnist down to HIS knees! The crowd pops as Ethan stands back up, singed balls and all, and flings the second chair across the table! THIS one connects right on Sasa’s forhead, sending the korean off of his knees and into the guardrail! His head splits wide open and begins to rain down blood all over himself!*


Yuri: YUCK!

*While Sasa’s out of it, Ethan shows us all that the bloodshed has JUST begun! From another pocket, he pulls out one of his 100 sided dice, and lays it on top of the wooden table! And with that, he gives the fans a DEVIOUS grin!*

Ralph: ..you have to be… He’s not gonna…

*OH HE IS Ralph! Ethan now has Sasa, and throws him onto his shoulders in a powerbomb position! He’s going to powerbomb Sasa into the 100 sided die, THROUGH the table! And if he hits it, this match will be undoubtably over! However, Sasa sees his life flash before his eyes and attacks Ethan rapidly with several punches to the forehead! This is enough to daze the gamer as he stumbles towards the guardrail! Sasa turns the powerbomb into a LEG SCISSORS that sends both he and Ethan over the barrier and into the crowd!*

Yuri: Sasa saved his own hide right there!
Ralph: yeah, we woulda seen him DIE if he didn’t get those punches in.. X_x man that was a close one!
Yuri: And now they’re in the crowd.. After those high impact moves I don’t know how either of these two even have the strength to battle it out like this!
Ralph: you’re right, I would have been done after the chairshot!

*As they battle through the fans, Ethan regains the upper hand and drags Sasa through the crowd with numberous punches and kicks to the head, neck and torso! It’s almost as if Sasa is LETTING him get these hits in, he barely has enough strength to put his hands up and defend! This goes out into the concession area, where Sasa is thrown through the UCTF t-shirt display set up!*

Sasa: ARRGH!!!
Ethan: e_e!! Had enough?!?!
Sasa: x_x… *COUGH COUGH* …he….heh..hehehe…!! You IDIOT!
Ethan: ???
Sasa: You think I’d just LET you hit me like that without having a plan?!!? >=|

*Just then Sasa pulls out a small remote control and presses a button, The hotdog stand behind Ethan turns into a wheelchair, which rams Ethan into the seat!*

Ethan: WHAT THE HELL?!?!

Sasa: e_e heh. Thank the boys at Made in Japan Import Tuning for helping me build ANOTHER Wheel Chair of doom!

*Another button pressed, and Ethan’s arms and legs are pinned to the machine by custom restraints! Now the gamer is helpless! Sasa straddles the gamer and delivers a whirlwind of rights and lefts nonstop! Ethan soon looks like Tyson after the Lennox Lewis fight!*

Ethan: X___X!
Sasa: hahahaha!! >=|

*Sasa flips the control over and now it looks like a damn playstation joystick! A flick of the thumb and the wheelchair cuts a wheelie before BLASTING back into the arena and through the crowd with Ethan still attached!*

Ethan: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*It sends him THROUGH the guardrail and into the steel steps, knocking them several feet away! The restraints unlock, and it ejects Ethan to the floor! With an evil smile on his face, Sasa strolls back down to the ring to heated boos from the crowd!*

Sasa: And that’s not all my new baby can do.. Check THIS out!

*Another button pressed, and the damn thing turns into a mini MOBILE suit that fights right over Sasa’s body like an exo-skeleton! So what would you do if you hated Ethan, and now had body armor on? STOMP THE SHIT OUT OF HIM! And that’s what Sasa does!*


Ralph: O_O Whoa! Sasa is KILLING him!
Yuri: I know! Someone needs to come out here and stop this before it’s too late!

*Ask and you shall receive! Out comes Sasa’s baby sister!*

Sasha: Sasa! Stop this! You’re going to kill him!

*Sasha grabs his arm, but is knocked back almost immediately! This sends the crowd into a frenzy!*



Ethan: x_x.. Ugh…

*Sasa is distracted, and this is what Ethan needed! He quickly reaches into his bag and finds the second 100 sided die! He wastes no time throwing it into Sasa’s suit! It explodes on contact, destroy the entire exoskeleton! Sasa goes FLYING from the explosion, and lands face first into the ring post!*

Crowd: *POP!!*

*Sasa’s BARELY lucid!! That’s when Ethan pulls out the dreaded MACE!*

Ethan: … >=|!!!!!!!!!!!!


*He NAILS Sasa in the face with it, and throws him into the ring!*


*Ethan nails him in the stomach, sending Sasa to his knees before..*


*Delivering a second blow to the face! Sasa’s ass is LAID out! But… Ethan’s not done… He looks over at the corner, and begins his ascent to the top!!*


Ralph: oh not this stupid ass move! JUST END THE MATCH ETHAN!
Yuri: That’s the point! He doesn’t want to JUST END the match, he wants to put Sasa out of the UCTF for good!

*seconds before Ethan prepares to put the finishing mark on Sasa.. RAVEN DARC literally DROPS from the sky and lands on the apron!!*

Yuri and Ralph: OH SHIT!!

Raven: >=|!!!!!!!

*YOU KNOW he’s pissed from the last Massacre! And with a iron tight grip around Ethan’s throat, he chokeslams the camera ten feet to the canvas! The crowd is LIVID!*


*And believe it or not, Slackmoser pulls Raven off of the apron in attempt to stop him! This had to be the absolute WORST time to get a set of balls, because Raven immediately attacks the manager Visciously! Throwing the man into his arms like a small child, Raven takes him over to the set of steel steps, and hits the ENDLESS WALTZ on them! Earl is FINISHED!*

Raven: >=|!!

*With that little problem out of the way, Raven climbs back to the apron! But what he doesn’t notice is that Ethan is back to his feet! The gamer nails the demon with the Mace, sending him FLYING off of the apron, and into the table with the 100 sided dice!!*


Ralph: HAH!!
Yuri: And there goes Raven Darc through the table!

*Even though the demon’s plan failed, it still distracted Ethan long enough for Sasa Dark to recover! Sasa goes straight to the balls, a weakness he’s called out SEVERAL times in his columns (and you think UCTFers would have learned to protect themselves from the dreaded ballshot by now) which sends the gamer right to his knees! The very mace he’s been using to kick ass and take names this entire match flies out of Ethan’s hands, and right into Sasa’s! And trust me folks, that’s not a good thing.. That’s a BAD thing.*

Sasa: … >=)!! HAHAHA!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

*Bloody, enraged, and just damn crazy, Sasa finally gets a chance to draw blood on his opponent.. With the Mace raised over his head, the columnist swings wildly and full of haste!*


*Ethan hits a desperation punch to the lower abdomen, followed by a STIFF DDT! The mace goes flying, and Sasa lies motionless, spread eagled on the center of the canvas! Ethan looks over at the mace… then back over at Sasa with an EVIL grin.*

Ethan: ….. >=)

Ralph: That idiot had the match right there and blew it!
Yuri: aand…. He better do something soon.. Because look where our favorite Gamer is going..
Ralph: oh no.. not this again. ~_~

*That’s right! Armed with the mace, Ethan begins his ascent to the top rope… The audience sees where this is going, and begins their chant!*


*Sasa begins to move again after the devestating DDT… and slowly begins to rise to his feet!*

Ralph: Sasa if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay down!
Yuri: I think Sasa’s too hurt to know he’s even moving!

*The wobbly korean is back to his vertical base, but is still pretty much Koed on his feet! He turns around just as Ethan flies from the top rope….*


*And Crowns Sasa! As I’ve said many times over the years… if Sasa wasn’t out before.. HE IS NOW! >=| Ethan rolls Sasa up, complete with holding the tights!*

Crowd: 1……..2……….3!!!!

Winner: Ethan Rice

*The ref raises Ethan’s hand in the air as EMTs come down to not only check on Sasa Dark, but Raven as well. Raven pushes the team away, and stumbles away without taking his eye off of Ethan Rice.. back in the ring, Ethan raises his climbs to the second rope holding the mace high in the air in victory!*

Ralph: There, he beat him.. please let this fued be over now!

*Sasha gets into the ring and they begin making out like Al and Tipper Gore! Yeah.. sickening I know x_x*

Yuri: aww!! Look at that, that’s so sweet!!
Ralph: … I think I’m gonna go look for Sue pretty soon o_o

*The screen fades into a junkyard. Rusted, old, and neglected, its gates hang wide open, barely holding to their hinges. In a series of jerky and distorted flashes, the image pans into the piles of waste, and passes right through to stop and train in on a single old locker. It stands alone in a small clearing, its door flung back and forth on the wind, banging shut and opening again and again. The screen zooms in on it slowly, low to the ground, and stops abruptly as a cloth sack is thrown into view, against the open locker. A few of the contents spill out… brass doorknobs, tarnished by years of aging. A dingy, cracked fluorescent light tube falls forward out of the locker, and under the grime a shadowy image of Shawn Shane Shields delivering a flying elbow drop can be seen. On the dulled surfaces of the doorknobs is the face of Robert Hinden, mouthing silently into his headset.

The light tube SMASHES onto the sack of knobs, shattering into thousands of fragments as DEPSWA’s "This Time" kicks in.*

I want to hurt you and don’t know why
Though i know it’s not like me
I can not help it, though I try to keep you away

*Again the screen is taken over by distorted flashes of the scene moving jerkily along the ground, following a strand of barbed wire to a decrepit old television. Its screen is cracked, and half-buried, sticking out of the ground at an angle. The television suddenly turns on, however, rolling footage from the Archives.*

All this time i thought I knew who you were
But this time all your words were just lies for demise
And your thoughts were found unpure

*The television’s feed is scrambled, snowy, before tracking onto a fuzzy video of S3 in Vegeta’s office. But the image gets scrambled again, and then cuts in suddenly on Bob getting swarmed by stadium security and dragged out. Shawn takes Bob’s chair in the commentator’s booth, smirking.*

So when push comes to shove i found reasons
To not work it out or relate

*The television’s screen explodes, and the camera flashes along the ground, following the barbed wire to a crushed weedwhacker on top of a projector. The projector lights up, throwing images onto the sides of a pile of stacked cars.*

And get off on the fear that i get when your near
And the problems that I create

*S3’s match with Yugo Ogami, as he goes for a pin, but is interrupted by a masked fan in all black. He gets nailed by a lightbulb to the skull and a kick to the crotch at the same time from the masked man.*

This time, I think you’ll finally see
This time, I will not break

*The masked fan rips off the mask, revealing himself as Bobby Hinden.*

This time, I’m smart enough to know
There is only so much I’ll take

*Bob SLAMS his trademark sack of doorknobs into S3’s head, knocking him out cold as the sack bursts and sends the doorknobs flying everywhere. The screen then follows the projector’s light into one of the broken windows of the cars. A single comic book lay open on the seat, the pages showing Bob slamming a glass panel onto SSS’s back. A gust of wind tears into the car, causing the pages to flip by, and appear animated. The screen focuses in on it.*

This time, I’m gonna make change
This time, you’re in my way
This time, I will not play the same head trip on me game that you play

*Bob takes a swing at SSS with a shard of glass, but it’s reversed and SSS hits a Pedigree piledriver on Bob straight into the mat. He slowly stands up, before throwing a bloody snot-rag onto Bob’s unconscious form.*

Unresolved situations esculate
Inside something brings me to push you
To find out what you can take

*The comic gets blown out the window, and the screen continues out the other side of the car, going into the jerky distorted flashes again, stopping on the imposing silhouette of a giant compactor. The machine hisses out steam, lighted by a single lightbulb swinging on a line from a skeletal pole. Inside the steam more images appear.*

When we run out of love and change seasons
With our lives together at stake

*SSS in the ring once again, microphone in hand, facing the ramp. Bob explodes out from the back, spitting and screaming into a microphone of his own.*

I’m aware of tears that I give when you’re near
And the confusion that I make

*The color drains from SSS’s face as Jeice appears behind Bob. Bob stares hard at Shawn, while Jeice stands there smirking with his arms crossed.*

This time, I think you’ll finally see
This time, I will not break

*The steam gets blown out of the way, the screen flying through it and then up above the junkyard. It takes a sudden dive, spiraling down into the trash before pulling up just in time and smashing into a mirror.*

This time, I’m smart enough to know
There is only so much I’ll take

*The strand of barbed wire is once again focused on, as the screen follows it over, around, under, and through all types of filth, footage of Bob and Shawn flashing onto the screen like dirty smears.*

This time, I’m gonna make change
This time, you’re in my way
This time, I will not play the same head trip on me game that you play

*Shawn stands with Sue Tellarusso in the back, Swordmaster title slung over one shoulder, laughing his ass off with the crappy Cosplay Jeice next to him. We zoom in on the belt, in which there is the reflection of Bob with a crazed look in his eyes.*

I want to hurt you and dont know why
I can not help it, though I try to keep you away

*Shawn again, during the DISGUSTING beating he gave to Taki with the weedwhacker. A malicious grin spreads across his face, as the screen switches to his perspective, and an image of Bob is superimposed over Taki.*

This time, I think you’ll finally see
This time, I will not break

*Jeice and Bob running along some rough-looking city streets, Jeice barely holding onto the leashes of a dozen rabid hellhounds, all frothing at the mouth. Bob’s face is set.*

This time, I’m smart enough to know
There is only so much I’ll take

*Another flash, showing SSS ripping off his shirt to reveal a Ref’s stripes underneath. The screen flashes again, Bob hitting Cosplay Jeice with the Clothesline from Hell, sending him flying on his HEAD.*


*Shawn wailing on Bob outside the ring. *


*Jeice hitting Shawn with the REAL Clothesline from Hell, catching him in mid-air, and then slamming him into the mat with a sit-down powerbomb.*

This time, I’m gonna make change
This time, you’re in my way
This time, I will not play the same head trip on me game that you play

*Shawn’s hand hits the canvas three times, and Bob rolls out of the ring, a look of triumph on his pained face.*

I want to hurt you
I don’t want to lie

*The series of flashes stop, as the barbed wire ends right back at that locker, which falls aside. At one end of the clearing stands SSS, and the camera flips around to show Bob standing opposite of him. The screen switches to a wide shot, showing the both of them, before fading into an image of them staring each other down, faces mere inches away before flashing back to the arena! "Testing" by CKY starts up over the sound system immediately causing an eruption of boos! Out comes The UCTF Swordmaster Champion along with his personal trainer.. JEICE!*

SSS: e_e..

Yuri: It’s time!
Ralph: YES! This is the match I’ve been waiting for.. Triple S vs. my boy, Bobby Hinden!! Let’s hope this training has done wonders for Bob like it did for me in my match against Janne!
Yuri: Ralph… Janne kicked your ass that one time..
Ralph: But I cheated and won!!


*As SSS walks down the ring, he looks more focused than he has in a VERY long time.. He will not be losing tonight to some athletic, ambiguously gay commentator! HELL NO. It would be the most embarrassing loss since Leona/NNNN 2002! The cosplay Jeice gives SSS a manly back rub while telling him that Bob doesn’t stand a chance against him tonight! As they wait anxiously… "Dare" From The Transformer’s Movie kicks up which gets one of the LARGEST ovations of the night! That’s right.. Out comes Robert "Bob" Hinden followed by the former Two Time UCTF Anime Champion.. Jeice!*

Crowd: *POP!!*

*Bob, looking like a white clone of the Orange Crusher walks to the ring with purpose! Tonight will decide whether he’ll wake up tomorrow with a job or if he’ll be in the un-employment line with the rest of the Americans under Bush’s regime (ZING!). It’s safe to say he is going to put EVERY lesson taught from Jeice into this match tonight! Once he gets into the ring, he walks right up to SSS’s face with no fear! The two fighters stare each other down, neither stepping back! The referee comes between the two..*

Yuri: Bob looks REALLY good. ^__^
Ralph: you’ve said that every week! Give it a rest!

Referee: Alright! I want you in your respective corners until the bell rings! No funny business SSS, and the same goes for you Hinden!

*Both men BACK into their corners wisely.. Before the bell sounds, both Jeice’s give their fighters pep talks..*

CJ: e_e.. Alright.. He may look tough SSS, but all you ha-
SSS: Shutup you fat sloth! You’re here as a JOKE! Get outside the ring NOW. e_e…
CJ: ;_;!!

Jeice: You can take this guy. Look at him. He’s a punk. Crappy blue hair, scrawny ass frame! If you shaved him bald and put him in goldberg pants he’d look like Default from WWF Warzone! Now go out there and show him the results of your training!
Bob: e_e word.


Crowd: *HUGE POP*

Ralph: yeah! Let’s get it on!!

SSS vs. Bob Hinden

*Our competitors come from their respective corners and lock up. SSS quickly takes control by twisting Bob over into a hammer-lock position, however Bob easily reverses the move into a hammer-lock of his own, which gets a nice response from the crowd. Unimpressed, SSS reminds us he actually has SOME type of technical wrestling ability by rolling out of the hammer-lock, kipping up to his feet, and reversing the move BACK on the inexperienced commentator. Before giving him a chance to react, SSS slaps on a waistlock, and executes a textbook amateur wrestling takedown! Shawn lets go of the hold and ALLOWS Bob to get back up..*

SSS: Is this what you want BOB!? >=|

Crowd: BOOOO!!!

CJ: *blowing on a whistle* YEAH!!! THAT’S MY BOY IN THERE!
Jeice: e_e…

*Bob gets back up upset, but doesn’t let it discourage him..*

Ralph: Come on Bobby! That was nothing! You can take this jerk!

*He goes right after SSS, and they lock up once again. This time, It’s Bob who switches SSS into the hammer-lock. SSS smirks and goes into the rolling reversal once more. Fool me once, fool me twice, THIS time, Bobby telegraphs the move, and flips SSS over into a fireman’s carry! The punk rocker is shocked that he’s now on his back, but even more shocked that he is now in a wrist lock!*

Everyone: O_O!

*Then, still holding onto the arm, Bob slips on a firm leglock around the neck of his opponent! The shoulders are down and the ref does his job!*

Ref: 1….

*SSS KIPS out of the pinning predicament after one, shocked and embarrassed! He runs at full blast towards Bob, who easily reverses it into a drop toe hold!*

Crowd: OOOH!!

*Bob, surprised that he has SSS down on the mat looks to Jeice for support*

Bob: >_< !!!

*As SSS is getting back to his knees, Bob FLIES over him, rolling the game up into a western pin!*

Ref: 1…. 2….!!

*Another kick out by SSS, but this time he was a mere second away from losing to a non wrestler! He gets up PISSED. So pissed that his judgement is blinded.. He rushes Bob once again and goes for a HUGE clothesline! Bobby ducks, grabs SSS’s leg and sweeps him right off of his feet! He goes for a laterial pin but SSS kicks out before the one! They’re back up to their feet, SSS rushes and is thrown damn near halfway across the ring by a hiptoss! He bounces back to his feet, rushes again, and is armdragged right out of the damn ring!*

Crowd: OOOH!!! …*POPS!!!*

*The game falls to the outside shocked at the display of athletism by.. BOB while the crowd sings the commentator’s praises!*


*CJ attempts to fan off Shields, but is SHOVED to the floor!*

Yuri: wow.. Jeice really is a good trainer.. He should go into business if he’s making guys THIS good! He’s come along way from when he trained you!
Ralph: what’s that supposed to mean?! >=|

*After taking a few deep breathes, SSS calms back down, and climbs back into the ring.. Hell, he even gives Bob a small applause for his showing thus far.*

Ralph: … e_e uh oh.. I don’t like this..

*And with that, they go into a THIRD lock up, but this time, SSS quickly LOW BLOWS Bob with a vicious kick to the lower extremities! The former commentator is practically lifted off of his feet! The ref can’t do a damn thing about because.. Well this is the UCTF! We don’t stop fights for nutshots! >=| However, that’s BAD news for Bob, who’s now on a receiving end of a series of stiff jabs from the UCTF’s swordmaster! Then he’s irish whipped from one side of the ring into the turnbuckle of the other, seconds before being NAILED with a powerful clothesline! Bob bounces off of the turnbuckle and falls face first on the mat from the impact… and SSS glows with happiness to an amazing chorus of boos from the fans!*

SSS: >=)…

Yuri: you were right about that uh – oh Ralph
Ralph: ;LSDKFA!! That Cheater! >=| Damn him!

*He reaches down and smacks Bob in the back of the head, then antoher, then kicks him in the side! He is REALLY getting the crowd riled up!*


*He kicks him again, and Bob rolls over to the corner in attempt to get out of the ring.. Nuh uh.. He ain’t going anywhere, because SSS is right back on him with several rights to the forehead!*

Bob: >_<

Crowd: BOOOOO!!!!

*With Bob by the hair, SSS starts to stand him up, but Bob knocks his hands away, and out of no where begins a flurry of furious rights and lefts into The game! The crowd suddenly sits up to the edge of their seats cheering him on, as SSS is literally beaten from one side of the ring to the other! One finally punch sends the game off of his feet and into the corner assed out! Bob backs up, and gets a running start towards SSS, but catches a boot to the face! He is knocked backwards just as SSS comes BLAZING from the corner with the Venom Strike!*

Crowd: OOOH!!!

Ralph: NOO!! NOO!!
Yuri: x_x I’m sorry Ralph, but that’s gotta be it!

*It may be, but SSS doesn’t even go for the cover! Instead, he lets Bob get up, as slow as it takes, before hitting him in the lower abs with a kick, then NAILING the Pedigree Piledriver in the center of the ring!*

Yuri: Pedigree Piledriver!!
Ralph: ;_;!! NO!!! Not already!!

*SSS covers and it’s elementary!*

Ref: 1…..2…

*But SSS PULLS Bob’s shoulders from the mat! This punishment isn’t over, not by a long shot!*


Ralph: Oh what the HELL?!?!?
Yuri: >=| Just pin the man! It’s over!

*SSS looks over at Jeice, and FLIPS him off!*

Jeice: >=|!!

*Which almost prompts the orange crusher to step into the ring! SSS grabs the referee and makes him stop the crusher, then resumes his attack on Bob, who’s trying his DAMNDEST to pull himself up in the ropes…He grabs Bob by the back of the hair, but gets MULE KICKED in the balls! An eye for an eye! SSS stumbles back while doubling over, only to get a soccer kick to the mouth! After falling to one knee, Bob looks SSS in the eye, FLIPS him off before delivering a devestating skip kick that could rival Lance Storm! The sound from the impact is deafening!*

Crowd: OOOOOOH!!!!

*Both fighters are down, and on the outside, Jeice is going BESERK telling Bob to go for the cover! Bob slowly rolls over and and hooks the leg..*

Ref: 1……….2……….2.9999!!!

*SSS BARELY kicks out after that one! Still half lucid from the kick, SSS rubs his mouth, and notices a damn near hand full of blood….HIS blood!*

SSS: … >=|!!!!!!!!!!!

*Bob’s super kick busted his lip! NOW he was pissed off like never before! Back to his feet, the champ plows Bob into the corner! He slips on a reverse chancery, runs up the ropes and delivers a spinning SST! Bob bounces off of the back of his head, and ends up on his STOMACH. SSS is not done however, he picks Bob up into the front chancery, flips him over into the reverse, and hits ANOTHER SST!*

Ralph: SHIT! BOB!!

*This time he wastes no time pinning Bobby!*

Ref: 1…..2….2.99999!!!

*But he KICKS OUT!?! EVERYONE’S surprised at that one, but not as much as SSS himself!*


*He pushes the ref out of the way, and goes to the outside and right under the skirt of the ring.. Out comes LADDERS! Yes, LadderS. The opposite of singular! He tosses them into the ring, along with trashcan lids, stop signs, pipes, and SSS’s personal favorite… LIGHTBULBS. A WHOLE. LOT. OF LIGHTBULBS!*

Yuri: oh no!
Ralph: O_O!! Somebody stop this! Jeice get in there and stop this shit!

*Armed with a light bulb, SSS NAILS the damn thing over Bob’s back! The commentator can do nothing but writhe in pain!*


*With the broken piece of the light bulb, SSS pulls Bob up to his knees while standing behind him, he looks at Jeice and spits in his direction!*

SSS: You see what you got him into?!?!!? This is YOUR fault BITCH!

*And with that he drags the shattered light bulb across the face of Bob, opening a WIDE gash into the forehead! It’s SICKENING*


*He drops Bob to the ground who is now bleeding profusely and may be very well passed out from the attack! As Bob lay motionless, SSS sets up those two ladders in the center of the ring, and places as many lightbulbs that can fit between the two structures through the rungs. He walks back over to Bob, and sets him up for a vertical suplex!*




*And with that, Bob is suplexed through EVERY SINGLE LIGHTBULB set up on the ladder! SSS, now hurt himself from the suplex, tosses one of the ladders to the ground, while dragging the other into the nearby corner. He climbs to the top rope and RIDES that sombitch Scott Hall style across the wide open torso of Bob! The commentator is damn near crushed from attack, and flops around on the mat like a fish out of water! Ribs HAVE to be broken after that! Now it’s just a question, when will Jeice have seen enough! When will he stop this match!*

Ref: Jeice! He can’t continue like this!
Jeice: Stop the match and I will KILL YOU! >=|
Ref: … yes sir..

Ralph: C’mon!! Someone stop the damn match!! Bob is going to be killed!
Yuri: I agree.. He had a great match.. But he’s not a professional fighter! Someone get him out of there!

*No one knows how, but Bob is still BARELY moving! With enough blood to cover his entire face, he slowly crawls towards the ropes, to more and likely get the hell out of there! SSS grabs him by the foot however, and drags him all the way back to the center of the ring!*

Ralph: oh no! Get out of there man! Get out of there!

*Pulling Bob back up by the hair.. The over-confident sword champion never notices that Bob now has his hands on the PVC pipe! The commentator turns around and waffles his ass with it! SSS flies off of his feet and hits the mat!*


*And that’s just what he plans on doing! With SSS down, Bob stumbles over to the ropes to escape, but stops… He looks down at the pipe, then back over at the man that cost him his JOB! No income for months, no way to support his own kid…*

Bob: .. >=|!!!!!

*He runs back across the ring and BLASTS the champ with another shot to the dome! SSS goes down, and is STOMPED repeatidly by Bob to one of the HUGEST ovations of the night!!*

Ralph: O_O! He’s snapped!
Yuri: I’ve.. I’ve never seen Bob so pissed off!

*in the crowd..*

Jean-Paul: DADDY!!!! ^__^!!!

*He stuffs SSS between the legs of one of the ladders, then hits the ladder with the pipe.. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER until his OWN hands are bleeding! Then.. He begins his climb to the top rope! This does NOT bode well for the champion!*

Ralph: wa..wait a minute.. WAIT A DAMN MINUTE! What is he doing?!
Yuri: I hope he’s not planning on…

*HE is! Bob comes off the top rope and executes a frog splash ON the ladder! Both superstars are completely obliterated from the move, but the crowd is on their feet showing MUCH love!*


*Somehow, Bob is back to his feet… the adrenaline has completely taken over his body! He no longer feels pain at this moment! That’s when he RIPS his shirt off!*

Bob: ARRGHH!!! >=|!!

Yuri and Ralph: O_O!! Wtf!

*He rolls outside, goes under the ring and pulls out… THE SACK OF DOORKNOBS!!*

Crowd: *POP!!!*

Ralph: o_o Yuri!
Yuri: x_x sorry! Sorry!

*Bob is back in the ring, and begins slamming the bag on the ground… much like HBK does when he’s setting up for the superkick! SSS is slow to stand, and doesn’t see his end coming… Bob lifts the back in the air, but CJ grabs onto his arm to stop him from using it! Bob pushes him off, turns around, is kicked and HIT with the Pedigree Piledriver!*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuri: NO!! HELL NO!!!!!
Ralph: YEAH!! HELL NO!! >=|

*The REAL Orange Crusher comes speeding around the ring! CJ never sees the Clothesline from HFI L coming!!*


Crowd: POP!!

Ralph: YEAH!! GET HIM!!
Yuri: Jeice makes his presence known! What a clothesline!

*Meanwhile, back in the ring, SSS covers!*

Ref: 1…….2…..2.9999999!!!!!!!!

*BOB KICKS OUT! And now SSS has the fear of GOD look in his eyes! They stand back up! SSS goes for the Double Strike! Bob rolls out of the way while picking up his back! SSS misses a clothesline, Bob spins around and NAILS the game with the sack of doorknobs! Doorknobs go flying all over the damn place!*


Ralph: HE HIT IT!!

*Bob collapses on SSS and hooks the leg!*

Ref: 1……..2……..3!!!


*"Dare" keys up as it seems the entire ARENA is shaking from cheering! Bob falls to the ground in a bloody mess as the ref raises his hand in victory!*


Ralph and Yuri: YEAAAAH!!!
Ralph: I knew you could do it Bobby Boy!! I KNEW IT!

*Jeice climbs into the ring and raises the commentators arms in the air! Bob is renewed with life as he begins climbing the ropes and raising his arms in the air on each four corners! SSS pulls himself out of the ring and stumbles to the back with a shocked and embarrassed look on his face! He can not BELIEVE it!*

Ralph: I can’t believe this, now this means Bob returns on our next card for commentary.. and he damn well deserves it!

*Jeice helps Bob up the aisleway and to the back.. Bob stops midway.. he looks up towards the commentators desk, and makes his way there!*

Yuri: o_o!
Ralph: what’s this?!

*Bob CLIMBS up the ladder and into the commentators table! He wants to start his job back IMMEDIATELY!*

Yuri: *sighs* well, I guess this means it’s time for me go to ;_;..

*Yuri gets up, gives Bob a hug, and leaves the desk! Bob puts the headset on to a HUGE ovation and sits down!!*

Bob: Thank You. e_e I’m glad to be Back, now let’s commentate us some matches!
Ralph: YEAAAAH!!!

Arzie: Ladies and Gentleman.. the following match is scheduled for one fall.. and for the UCTF’s coveted World, Intergalactic.. and GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP


Ralph: You’ve returned just in time to see history take place in the UCTF Bob!
Bob: Damn right! >=|

*"Freak Daddy" hits the sound system!*

Arzie: First, from Brooklyn, New York City… Weighting in at 185 pounds, standing at six feet, one inches… The UCTF Intergalactic Champion… William Clarke!

*William slowly comes down the aisle sporting a slight limp, obviously aquired from his incredible bout against Yugo Ogami only an hour or so ago in this very ring…*

Bob: Here comes William Clarke who has an obvious hand to hand advantage over Gene Starwind, but you as well as I saw that Will had to use EVERY move in his repertoire against Yugo Ogami earlier in the night. Does he have ANYTHING left to defeat William and take the title?
Ralph: Obviously you didn’t see the ASS EXPLOSION match. Gene’s not fairing too well either. I just hope this doesn’t turn into a crap fest right before our very eyes. e_e.

*The New Intergalatic Champion by passes the ring and walks over to ringside, where just about the entire BUILDING of S&M dorm watches from the stands. William leans over and kisses his girlfriend then leaps under the ropes.*

Bob: I don’t know when a match has meant more in the UCTF.. I mean, earlier the president made the shocking statement, saying that all THREE titles were on the line in this event! Both of these men have EVERYTHING to lose if they come up short tonight!
Ralph: Exactly.. ;_;…
Bob: uhh.. what?
Ralph: I missed you man! ;_;!!!!!
Bob: ~_~

Crowd: BOOOOOO!!!!

*Next up.. "Through The Night" kicks up which immediately gets a hoard of boos with enough force to give Anime Island an 8.0 on the ritcher scale!*

Arzie: And next, standing at five foot, nine inches… and 185 pounds… The UCTF World Champion.. Gene Starwind!!

*Gene Starwind walks through the curtain, only one match away from being out of debt.. oh, and did I mention by his side is Aisha Clan-Clan?*

Bob: Oh come on now! I know the ref’s going to do something about this! They screwed Dan out of the semi-finals and now have the audacity to come out TOGETHER for the finals??
Ralph: I don’t think Gene really cares right now!

*The ref’s no punk bitch however. He gets RIGHT into Aisha’s face and lets her know he’s not going to let any BS happen in his match tonight!*

Glen: Look, I’m not going to let any BS happen in this match Aisha! >=|

*SEE! Told ya!*

Glen: You interfere ONCE and You’re out of here!
Aisha: What are you talking about? o_o I’m out here as Gene’s manager! That IS still allowed isn’t it? e_e *shows her managerial liscense* (That was probably created using photoshop e_e)
Glen: e_e. Gene, William, bring it in!

*The respective World and Intergalatic Champions walk to the center of the ring, only being separated by the Refereee who’s now holding THREE titles in his arms.*

Glen: I don’t care what you two do to each other in this match, as long as this doesn’t involve any FIREARMS or any interference of any kind. >=| You got it?

Gene: What are you looking at me for?!

Glen: e_e When that bell sounds, I want you two to come out swinging. You got that?!

Gene: yeah, I heard that. e_e Hey kid, I’ve already beaten one grand champion tonight… can you say the same thing?
William: …

*Glen backs the champions into their respective corners.. and finally it happens, the bell sounds.. and the finals for the UCTF Grand Championship is under way!*


Crowd: *POP!!*

Bob: YES! Let’s do this!!
Ralph: Here we go!!

William Clarke vs. Gene Starwind
UCTF Grand Championship Tournament Finals

*The finalists walk toward each other in the center of the ring… and Gene is the first to attack! Right as he flies forward, William intercepts with a lightening fast kick to the stomach, sending the World Champion face first to the canvas! Right as he tries to stand up, he feels the full impact of a second kick across the chin! Gene hits the turnbuckle from the amazing impact of the kick! He stumbles out of the corner, and right into the arms of a MASSIVE arm drag across the ring!*

Bob: The IG champion wasting no time here!
Ralph: LOL! Gene BOUNCED!

*No one knows how he does it, but Gene is still standing! Not for long though, as he turns around and is hit with the devestating exploder suplex!*

Ralph: Nice Suplex!
Bob: I agree.. But Gene is getting back up!
Ralph: heh, but I bet he doesn’t want to o_o not after being hit with those two suplexes!

*As Gene slowly stands to his feet, William decides to give him a hand. He slaps on a waist lock and hits a german suplex! Seconds later, Will kips back up to his feet, prepared to put this one away early.. VERY early in the contest!*

Ralph: Oh come on!! am I watching a Mike Tyson fight?!
Bob: Gene better do something immediately or his Grand Title hopes are gonna go down the drain!!


*With the fans fully behind him, William comes off the ropes! Aisha grabs a leg and trips the champion right on his face!*

Fans: O_O.. >=|! BOOOO!!!

Ralph: HAH! Come on! You know she had to do it soon! Gene was getting his ASS kicked!

Glen: ….. >=|!!!!!!!!

*Our favorite referee immediately leaps out of the ring and orders Aisha gone from the arena to a standing ovation! As William watches on with a bloody nose, Gene goes outside and grabs the World Championship title, and I don’t think he wants to wear it to hold up his pants x_x. The fans see this and immediately try to alert the Intergalactic Champion!*


*It’s too late, as William is nailed from behind with a ballshot! Just as he doubles over and turns around, Gene smacks him in the face with the belt, causing the Champion to almost perform a complete backflip from it!*

Ralph: YES! And the referee can’t do a damn thing about it! This is the UCTF!

*With Will laid spread eagled, Gene covers just as the ref climbs in to make the count!*

Ref: 1…….2……2.9999!

*Gene keeps on the champion the second he kicks out by deliving boots to the face. Gene then rips off his very own belt, and begins a blatant choke out attempt on William! With his knee driven deep into the small of the kid’s back, it doesn’t look like Clarke is going anywhere but to dream-land!*

Bob: Gene has a very good strategy going right now, Take the champion off of his feet, his main point of attack and wear him down from there!
Ralph: yeah, the ball shot and the title belt shot to the face also helped
Bob: yeah… ~_~

*William’s in the center of the ring with no ropes in sight.. the only thing keeping the kid alive are the fans who begin to clap their hands and stomp their feet in support.. He begins to lift to his knees, but is immediately stomped down by Gene…*

William: >_< !


*He begins to stand again, with Gene stomping on his back.. THIS time it doesn’t work, and William is back to his feet WITH Gene on his back! Using basically wrestling know-how, William snap mares Gene over his head and to the canvas to a large ovation! The kid then stumbles and lands in the corner! Gene pops back up and runs towards him, only to catch a STIFF shot to the mouth thanks to William’s size 14! Gene rolls backwards and to his feet using the momentum of the kick, and sprints towards him AGAIN. Naturally, William puts his feet up a second time to block, but Gene smartens up and stops INCHES from the kick before delivering a drop kick to William’s knee! The blow hyperextends the kid’s joint, sending him down to the canvas shreiking in pain! NOW Gene has him exactly where he wants him!*

Bob: OH my GOD what a kick to the knee from Gene!!
Ralph: That’ll put an end to William’s kicks! X_x
Bob: And Gene’s now doing EXACTLY what he’s supposed to! Working the leg, keeping William off of his feet! Gene fighting a surprisingly great match thus far!

*Gene is dropping Knees on William’s leg followed by leg wrenches and other holds to extend the injury! The IG champion attempts to ecsape the attack through the ropes, but Gene won’t have it! He drags William back to the center of the ring, and literally LIFTS him off of the ground by the leg before dropping him knee first on the canvas! Will writhes in pain as the World Champion leaves the safety of the ring, and grabs a STEEEEEL chair!*

Bob: oh no! I think he’s getting ready to end the champions career here!
Ralph: Of course he is Bobby! He’s seen the tapes, he knows you have to just about KILL William to defeat him! How many times has William lost in the past?!
Bob: >_< once
Ralph: and how many men did it take to do it?!
Bob: three X_X

*Back in the ring, Gene goes BERSERK on the leg of William with the chair, driving it repeatidly into the knee!*


Gene: >=D!!

*After inflicting massive amounts of damage, Gene turns to the crowd with his arms raised in victory! ROOKIE Mistake, because the moment he lets up.. William is already in the corner pulling himself back to his feet!*

Ralph: YOU FOOL!
Bob: Gene has just under-estimated The kid’s Resilliance! And if he doesn’t tu–

*Gene turns around just as William NAILS his ass with the 540 Kick INTO the chair INTO Gene’s face with the bad leg! The chair goes flying just as Gene does from the attack! William hits the ground unable to move after getting his leg almost SHATTERED from chair shots!*

Bob: Both men down!

*Glen looks at both competitors, shrugs, then starts a ten count!*

Glen: 1!!! ……..2!!!! ……..3!!!! …. 4!!!!!

Ralph: He’s gonna count them BOTH out?!
Bob: I..I guess so!
Ralph: What the hell will happen if both can’t stand up?!
Bob: I don’t know.. Last time this has happened, Vegeta and Devilman had to fight all over again at ANOTHER Pay Per view for it!

Glen: …..7!!!! …..8!!!!

*At the count of 8.. Gene is back to his feet first! William is almost up as well, as he stumbles into the corner, barely able to stand at all! Gene suddenly attacks again, and this time, William puts his feet into the air and locks on a standing armbar in the corner! Using the ropes in assistance, William FLIES off of the turnbuckle and lands on top of Gene’s back with the world champion face first on the canvas! He then switches the armbar over perfectly into the Brooklyn Stretch!*

Crowd: *POPS!!*


*Gene senses his end and tries EVERYTHING in his power to pull himself to the nearest ropes! William’s weakened leg can’t hold the World Champion, and he’s slowly dragged along with him!*

Ralph: He’s almost got an inch or so!
Bob: For his sake he better grab it or this ma–

*Only milimeters away from grabbing the bottom rope, Clarke pulls Gene back to the center of the ring to a HUGE ovation!*

Bob: And that is not good for Gene!
Ralph: He better do something, and do it FAST!

*Mustering up as much strength as he can.. Gene makes one final desperate attempt to grab the ropes, using only ONE leg and ONE arm.. He manages to pull himself, and a damn near 200 pound black dude to the ropes!!*

Gene: >_< !!!

*He reaches out, and JUST before he grabs the ropes, William pulls his ass to the center of the ring again!*

Crowd: *POP!!*

Bob: AND THAT MY FOLKS, IS IT! Gene’s got no where to go!
Ralph: I’m thinking it’s tap or snap time.. x_x! get the champagne bottles ready because we’re gonna have a ne–
Bob: OH WHAT THE HELL!?!? >=|
Ralph: Huh?! o_o

*Aisha comes flying from the back! She leaps into the ring, and breaks up the hold by elbowing the champion to the back of the head! The crowd’s going BERSERK! …but not as much as Glen Sanchos!*

Aisha: o_o;;;

*When I mean he’s snapped, he’s REALLY snapped, He literally pushes the catgirl into the corner while berating her the entire time! On the other side of the ring.. William stands up, and he’s PISSED that the title win that was SO close slipped through his fingers!*

William: …… >=|!!!!

*The Brooklyn native runs across the ring and dives at Aisha, who throws GLEN in the way!*

Glen: O_O!
William: O__O!!


*Glen is crushed by William in the corner, and he goes down!*

Glen: >_< !!
William: uh.. you alright?

*Glen’s a 245lb man so he’s not THAT hurt. Unfortunately, the same thing can’t be said for William, who’s LOW BLOWED from behind by Gene! He doubles over, who is then lifted upside down by the Ctarl Princess!*

Bob: Oh what the hell?!

*Gene grabs a hold of Williams feet, and together, they DRILL the kid to the canvas with a Spiked Ctarl Ctarl Pounce Driver! Williams neck HAS to be broken!*

Ralph: Holy CRAP!

*Aisha gets out of the ring, and Gene covers with the leg hooked, and Glen makes the count reluctantly!*

Glen: 1…2….2.9999!!


Ralph: and they don’t believe it!

Aisha: … e_e!!

*Aisha KICKS Glen in the back!*

Glen: X__X

Bob: Oh come on now! That’s just blatant cheating! >=|!

*Damn right it is, and Aisha calls for Gene to pick William up for a SECOND spiked "Ctarl Pounce Driver!"*

Ralph: I think this one might be the end of William.. He’s barely moving from the LAST piledriver.
Bob: I know, and this is BULLS—OH MY GOD!! O_O!!

*Out of the crowd in wearing a pink bandana, pink tank top and blue jeans is Dan Hibiki, armed with a flaming scratching post! That’s right, he’s got a message to send to the furry fiend who cost him his match earlier in the pay per view!*


Aisha: X_X!!

Ralph: DAN WITH THE FLAMING.. o_o What the hell was that thing anyway?!
Bob: I don’t know but Aisha’s down!

*With the damage done, Dan leaves the ring to a standing ovation from the crowd!*


Dan: .. >=|! ORA!!!

*The pink wearing former grand champion stands with the flaming scratching post in the air, and Gene can not BELIEVE what’s happening! Revenge is a pigtailed bitch my friend! And what’s even worse for the bounty hunter… William KIPS UP out of no where!*

Ralph: OH SHIT!

*William comes off the ropes just as Gene turns around!*


*He’s floored by the 540, and folds up like an accordian! William covers with the leg hooked! The crowd counts along with the referee!*

1………… 2……….. 3!


Ralph: and I’m actually glad to hear you say that old pal!! ;_;

Winner and New UCTF World, Intergalactic and Grand Champion: William Clarke

*The Referee hands the World and Intergalactic Championships over to William, who collapses with them in his arms in the corner! All of the students from the S&M Dorm file into the ring and celebrate together, hugging and patting the new Grand Champion, followed by Dan Hibiki… whom stands strangely close to Ran for some reason O_o. Suicide comes down to the ring, Yugo Ogami comes down along with Sue Tellarusso along with many other superstars!*

Ralph: Holy crap! why does this look so familiar?
Bob: I don’t know, but I’m going down there to congratulate the champ too! Hold down the fort!
Ralph: Hey but wa–
Bob: See ya! ^_^

Jeice: I was given the permissioni by the President to present you with this.. New UCTF Grand Championship Belt.. And William, before I unveil this thing.. I just want to say that there’s a million federations out there who claim their title is THE Championship Gold. Heh.. Well they can have their gold mate, because not since the times of MILL MASCARAS has there been a TRULY PLATINUM title!

*He unveils the all new, all PLATINUM UCTF Grand Championship Title!*

Ralph: HOLY CRAP!!

Jeice: That’s right Kid, I present to you the PLATINUM UCTF Grand Championship Title. This federation is ABOVE the gold standard. We’re better than it, and so are you.

*Jeice hands over the Title To William who then shakes his hand, then gives him a quick hug before holding the title Over his head! The Crowd goes NUTS! Everyone in the arena seems to be celebrating except for ONE individual unfortunately, who not only lost to a NON-WRESTLER, but is forced to see his ex-girlfriend hanging all over William in the ring like a freaking Fan Girl!*

SSS: e_e…

*That’s right.. The Game stands at the entrance ramp with a look of utter disgust on his face! The Orange Crusher smirks and opens up the ropes for SSS to get in.. but he declines, letting the champion enjoy his victory.. for now!*

Ralph: Damnit! I guess I have to do this all by myself.. Thank you for Joining into UCTF: On Your Computer!! I’m Ralph Gerrard saying see you next week! … ~_~ ARGH THAT FUCKING SUCKED! >=| Just fade to black damnit!


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