Eblis Nickleheart Drakar vs. Ric Austin | Blu De’Ragnarok vs. Dimitri | Rosinthorn vs. Xamot | Bat-Girl vs. Kunoi Ishigami





UCTF: Massacre

Bob: Welcome to another exciting edition of UCTF Massacre! I’m Bob Hinden, alongside the Hentai Commentator, Ralph Gerrard!
Ralph: Titties.
Bob: And we have an exciting event filled with action lined up tonight, including an appearance by UCTF Grand Champion, Kunoi Ishigami!
Ralph: He’ll be facing Bat-Puppies.
Bob: Indeed! As well as— Seriously Ralph. What’s wrong with you? O_o You’re not shouting “PUPPIES” with as much enthusiasm tonight.
Ralph: *sighs* Yeah. Look at who’s already in the ring.
Bob: D: and with a microphone no less!

*The camera quickly cuts to the inside of the squared circle where RIC AUSTIN is already there! How he does this shit, I don’t know!*

Arzie: The following is our opening contest scheduled for one fall! ALREADY INSIDE THE RING—

Ric: CAN IT ALREADY! PEOPLE CAN SEE I’M HERE, OK! >=|

Arzie: …

Ric: Yeah. e_e Last week, I slipped up and lost in a fluke.

Bob: Fluke?! You almost got killed!
Ralph: He’s a wrestler from the 80s… I suspect his head has suffered more than 30 concussions. He’s delusional.

Ric: So tonight they put me in a match against Rosinthorn’s butt buddy! Well you know what?! I’M TIRED OF BEING A CURTAIN JERKER! A STEPPING STONE IN THE UCTF! I swear to you, within six months… *mumbles* iftheresevenashowinsixmonths *yells* I’M GOING TO MAIN EVENT AN EPISODE OF UCTF MASSACRE!

Bob: yeah… must be concussions….

Ric: I’M THE WINNER OF THE TXA TOURNAMENT! I DESERVE RESPECT!

Ralph: why does he keep saying that like it’s an accomplishment.. UCTF got through that tournament with less effort than it takes to breathe. Hell, we KILLED ANOTHER FED just from participating in it!

*After Ric finally finishes digging a hole for himself, an unfamiliar theme song kicks up, bringing down a six foot five warrior with an equally large claymore axe strapped to his back! Ric Austin’s eyes double in width!*

Arzie: And his opponent, hailing from Hellunia, He is known as EBLIS NICKELHEART DRAKARRRR!!!!

Bob: This Newcomer made his appearance in the last episode, helping Rosinthorn complete a heinous act on Lo-Ruhamah in the center of the ring! We haven’t seen nor heard from Lo since the attack!

*Just as Eblis reaches the ring, Ric Austin goes in all or nothing! He throws his fat lard of a body over the top rope, crashing down on the UCTF newbie before the sound of the bell!*

Crowd: *POPS* o_o!

Bob: Ric Austin with a GIANT top con hilo!!!
Ralph: o_o wow, he wasn’t kidding, was he?

!!DING DING DING!!

Ric Austin vs. Eblis Nickelheart Drakar

*Eblis lies on the ground after being caught off guard by Ric Austin, who is now driving hard boots into the face of his opponent!*

Bob: Ric Austin is being more aggressive than I’ve ever seen him tonight! Maybe… Maybe there’s a chance!

Ref: Ric! Get him into the ring or I’m counting you both out!

*Ric lifts Eblis by the hair before throwing the newcomer into the ring… He follows his opponent by sliding under the top rope. Just as Eblis climbs back to his feet, Ric explodes across the ring with a lariat! Unfortunately for him, Eblis seems to VANISH out of thin air!*

Ric: What the—

!!BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!!

*Drakar reappears to the left of Austin, driving a STIFF punch into the mid-section with enough force to lift the jobber OFF HIS FEET! Drakar quickly switches stance and drives the hilt of his claymore into the back of The Enhancer’s head!*

Crowd: *SHYS AWAY*

Ralph: What were you saying, Bob?
Bob: I’ll admit, Ric had me fooled for a second! What a shot to the head!

*These two strikes quickly change Austin’s tune!*

Austin: X_X HELP! *COUGHS* HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP!

*The Enhancer surprises everyone by standing up, and stumbles towards the exit of the ring! He’s already had enough! However, Drakar isn’t quite finished with him! Moving in a bright flash for a second time, Eblis reappears in front of Ric, smashing the hilt of the Claymore RIGHT BETWEEN his eyes!*

Crowd: OOOOH!!

Ralph: GOOD GOD!
Bob: That strike was INSANE. Ric Austin has to be knocked out!
Ralph: and his nose in splinters!

*Who knows if it’s instinct or just stupidity, but Ric Austin is starting to stand up AGAIN! By now the fans are begging him to stay down, but it’s too late for The Enhancer! Eblis lets out a primal scream before leaping high above the ring! He turns in midair, before spiraling back down towards his opponent!*

Bob: This cannot end well for Ric Austin!

Eblis: AAAHHHH!!!

!!KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!

*The sound of Drakar’s boot impacting on Ric’s face sounds like a cannon, as Ric is driven face first into the canvas! Ric bounces off of his skull before sliding across the ring, leaving an imprint in the center of the ring!*

Bob: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY SOMEONE CALL 911!!!
Ralph: Holy shit o_o

Ref: THAT’S ENOUGH! THAT’S ENOUGH! RING THE BELL!

*FINALLY!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: Well… wow. There goes Ric Austin’s ascent to the top. It’s stopped by the newbie, Eblis.
Bob: Seriously guys. Somebody get out there and see if he’s ok…

Winner: Eblis

*EMTs arrive to help, while Arzie maliciously steps over his body to announce the next match up… *

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for ONE fall!

Ric: y.. you’re not even going to wait until I get carted away?

Arzie: NO. >=|

*”Eclipsed” by Evan’s Blue starts up, bringing down The Russian…*

Arzie: Introducing first… making his way down the aisle… he is the man simply known assss… DIIIMIIITRIIII!!!

Bob: Dimitri is coming off of his intense match up with Lo-Ruhamah, which was followed by an unwarranted attack by the hands of the new UCTF blood.
Ralph: I hope they’re watching their backs. Dimitri isn’t the type to let something like that go without a response.

Arzie: And his opponent…

*”Eternal Gravestones” starts playing next, and out walks the mage, Blu De’Ragnarok*

Arzie: Hailing from Aht Urhgan… He is the currently undefeated Mage of the UCTF… welcome… BLUUUU DE-RAGGGNARROKKK!!!

*The crowd pops for the Mage as he slips into the ring! Tonight may be his biggest test as he takes on Dimitri in singles competition!*

Bob: Blu has a win over Austin and defeated the “legendary” demon Xamot on the last episode of Massacre.
Ralph: Tonight is his real test… Get through the man who has defeated everyone there is to beat in the UCTF!

!!DING DING DING!!

Blu De’Ragnarok vs. Dimitri

*With the match under way, Blu doesn’t waste any time! Armed with Tizona, Blu comes at Dimitri with everything he’s got!*

Ralph: We really need to do something about fighters using weapons outside of weapon master matches.
Bob: Hey, we’ve gone almost 12 years without rules, what would be the point of adding them now?

*Dimitri uses his speed and agility to evade Tizona’s unforgiving blade, and makes Blu pay with a quick uppercut to the chin for rushing into combat without using his head! Blu staggers backwards as Dimitri opens up a quick, three strike combination that ends with a flying kick to the face! The jump kick brings Blu to the canvas almost instantly!*

Blu: ugh..

*Standing over his downed opponent, Dimitri lifts his leg into the air before driving it down to the mat like an axe! Blu rolls out of the way just in time to keep from having his ribcage crushed! He has Dimitri off balance, sweeping the militant off of his feet with the broad end of Tizona.*

Bob: quick back and forth action here…

 *Blu brings Tizona down for the ending slash, only for Dimitri to WISELY roll out of the ring and to the floor.*

Ralph: whew!
Bob: Dimitri got out of there quick!! That would have been the end of him right there!
Ralph: They REALLY need to do something about sword play outside of weaponmaster matches!

*While Dimitri recuperates on the outside, Blu gets a little too close to the edge of the ring. Dimitri grabs a leg and sends the Blue Mage backwards to the canvas!*

Bob: Rookie Mistake by De’Ragnarok!

*Dimitri quickly slides back into the ring, kicking Tizona to the outside! Brilliant strategy by the military tactician… Dimitri didn’t seem to notice that Blu has a SECOND weapon, The Beast Slayer! The Russian turns around to see Blu now wielding his second sword, and his eyes widen in fear!*

Dimitri: …lovely.

*Blu swings the blade with added fire energy! The sword slash physically misses Dimitri, but the flaming flash of energy directly behind it catches him right in the chest! The blast staggers him as Blu spins around, ramming the hilt of the blade directly into his sternum! Dimitri’s body folds as he crashes into the corner!*

Ralph: Even bigger rookie mistake by Dimitri! Never turn your back on anyone, especially a Mage!

*Blu’s opponent pops back up rather quickly, he goes for his signature grapple technique but is stopped by a big boot from the Blue Mage! Dimitri crumbles from the near low blow, only to be struck in the back of the neck from the hilt of the beast slayer! He falls flat on his face seconds before Blu lands on his back with a big knee!*

Bob: Dimitri being man handled here!
Ralph: Indeed. And Blu has thus far used very minimal magic! The last thing you want to do is feed Dimitri any of your abilities for him to use against you.

*The two men wrestle on the ground in order to gain an upperhand. Dimitri’s military training gives him the advantage as he rolls, putting Blu on his face and locking on a hold from behind.*

Bob: Dimitri has Blu now!
Ralph: Blu better do something, because I think  Dimitri’s going for those.. YEP! He is!

*Dimitri unearths handcuffs from no where! He locks one around Blu’s wrist before the Blu Mage manages to shove him off!*

Ralph: Blu wisely avoiding having his hands cuffed together! That would have been bad news!

*Blu rushes the downed Dimitri, only to have his knee KICKED violently! His leg flies underneath him, sending Blu into the waiting arms of Dimitri who quickly locks the second cuff!*

Bob: OH NO!

*Dimitri stands up, a sadistic grin slowly builds on his face as Blu struggles to pull himself back to his feet…*

Ralph: This won’t end well for the Mage.

*Tossing the Beast Slayer blade out of the ring, Dimitri slowly stalks Blu who has backed himself into the corner. The Russian cracks his knuckles as the grin has turned into a full smile. He’s about to have the time of his life, that is, until he’s KICKED in the face!*

Bob: Desperation kick by Blu! Now you’ve gotta get outta there kid! Use some kinda spell to get out of those cuffs!

*He doesn’t have enough time, as Dimitri is back to his feet and now ANGRY! He lets the poor newbie have it in the corner with a long string of strikes and kicks that go unopposed! Blu slinks downward into a sitting position, allowing Dimitri to NAIL him in the face with a paralyzing kick!*

Bob: Ok, the referee might have to step in here!

*Dimitri charges in for another devastating strike, but Blu has a waiting present for him!*

Blu: Actinic Burst!!

!!FLOOOOM!!

*The magic spell connects the unsuspecting Dimitri, who staggers backwards. Dimitri notices no effects, and returns to his attack! However, NOTHING hits! Blu begins to dodge all of his strike attempts with ease, as he has lowered Dimitri’s attack accuracy!*

Bob and Ralph: …

*Dimitri misses a wild haymaker! He spins from the whiff, and gets punished with a giant kick to the ass! Dimitri flies into the corner, shoulder first into the turnbuckle!*

Crowd: OOOOH!!

Bob: Blu uses a perfect magical attack!

*He breaks free of his confines, and summons another magic tech!*

Blu: NEFARIAN BLASTER!!

!!FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*The blast shoots across the ring, connecting with Dimitri! It INSTANTLY paralyzes the Russian on contact!*

Ralph: Another magical attack connects!! Blu better be careful! He’s been VERY lucky that Dimitri hasn’t aborbed these thus far!
Bob: Damn right! He has a chance to finish this right here, right now!

*Now in control, Blu casts his “Azure Lore” technique, which boosts his accuracy, damage, potency and duration of all of his spells! He’s powering up for one final strike on Dimitri, and causing what would be a HUGE upset victory tonight!*

Bob: Dimitri is helpless in the ring!
Ralph: and Blu is grabbing his blade! He’s going to end this! Referee! Get in there and stop the match!

*Still paralyzed, Dimitri can only watch in fear as Blu has retrieved his weapon, and is now charging him at full speed!*

Blu: AAAHHHH!!!

*Seconds before the blade strike connects, Dimitri flashes an evil grin, before catching Blu out of his attack by the THROAT!*

Blu: O_O!!
Dimitri: e_e nice paralysis technique… doesn’t take nearly as much energy as mine does. I’ll have to use it sometime.

*Dimitri has not only snapped out of the Nefarian Blaster, but he’s absorbed the technique! Using an incredible amount of focus, Dimitri then performs his “Soul Drain” technique! Every bit of Blu’s energy is absorbed via Dimitri’s Psi-Vampirism! Within seconds, Blu is rendered completely unconscious. Dimitri tosses him aside before falling to his knees, gasping for air heavily!*

 Everyone: o_o..

Ref: …ring it.

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: Holy CRAP!
Bob: That’s it… one TINY mistake by Blu and Dimitri manages to turn the tables and win the match. That was one hell of a contest! Blu was within INCHES of putting Dimitri away!
Ralph: for good.

Winner: Dimitri

*With Evans Blue playing, Dimitri slowly walks to the backstage area.*

Bob: Blu’s win streak ends here tonight at the hands of Dimitri, but what a match!

*As EMTs rush to the aid of Blu, the video crew switches the scene to a match between Dimitri, The Russian, vs. Lo-Ruhamah, the Occult asshole…*

Bob: Neither man is backing down here! This could be the makings of a CLASSIC con—WHAT THE HELL?!

*Two figures enter the ring and blindside BOTH Ruhamah and Dimitri with a powerful set of clotheslines that send the weary warriors to the canvas!*

Ralph: Is that… that new guy?
Bob: YES! It’s Rosinthorn! What in the HELL is he doing out here, and who is that with him?!

*The Referee attempts to keep the new competitor in the UCTF at bay along with his partner, but he is sent over the top rope for his troubles! Rosinthorn drops a jagged shard of metal in the center of the ring…*

Ralph: There goes the ref… and what the hell did he just drop?
Bob: I don’t… I have no idea WHAT is going on right now.

*Now directing traffic, Rosinthorn instructs his partner to lift the prone Lo-Ruhamah back to his feet*

Bob: Rosinthorn, for whatever reason is taking it to Ruhamah!

*He abides, before hitting the ropes and LEVELING Ruhamah with a running elbow to the back of the head! The Unloved one falls forward into the arms of Rosinthorn, who quickly delivers the Jumping Emerald Flowsion in the center of the ring! While this happens, his nameless partner slowly points to the entrance of the Arena…*

Bob: FALL FROM GRACE by Rosinthorn!! Good Lord what a move!
Ralph: Uhh… Bob, check the entrance.
Bob: LDFKAJDSL;FJ WHAT THE HELL?!

*Four beings, dressed from head to toe in black, roll a casket made purely from iron down the aisle… it is becoming increasingly clear that Rosinthorn has had this attacked planned for a VERY long time! Once the Casket makes it’s rest at the edge of the ring, the unnamed individuals slowly open the structure. The unconscious Lo-Ruhamah is easily punted out of the ring and into the casket! The doors are closed as Rosinthorn and his partner stand on top of the structure, their arms in the air in front of a hushed silence of the UCTF Capacity Crowd!*

Ralph: Um… not that he doesn’t deserve regular beatings like this… WHY!?

*More officials rush down to the ring to FINALLY separate the men from Ruhamah, meanwhile, more officials check on Dimitri…*

Bob: I have no idea Ralph! Not a clue! But you can bet your bottom damn dollar that they will have hell to pay.

*Present*

Arzie: The Following match is scheduled for one fall…

*The lights in the arena instantly go black, as “Forever Torment” kicks up over the sound system!*

Bob: That music can only mean one thing…
Ralph: Yeah..

Arzie: Introducing first, hailing from the bamboo forests of Japan, he is the legendary demon known as XAAAAMOTTTTT!!!

*Xamot slowly makes his way down the aisle, looking even more annoyed as usual as he’s just come off of a loss to Blu De’Ragnorok in the last edition of UCTF Massacre. He climbs into the ring and folds his arms, keeping his back to the arena’s entrance in an ultimate sign of disrespect for his opponent!*

Arzie: And his opponent…

*”Super Villain” by Powerman 5000 kicks up, bringing down the man who DESTROYED Lo-Ruhamah  in the last episode!*

Arzie: Hailing from the Laboratories of the Negaverse… He is known simply as ROSINTHORRRNNN!!

Ralph: This guy has been talking a lot of shit throughout Anime City since his arrival.
Bob: Well so far, he’s taken out Ric Austin and Lo-Ruhamah.
Ralph: Everybody takes out Ric Austin. YOU could take out Ric Austin, and he attacked Lo when he was already exhausted in his match against Dimitri. Let’s see if he can beat Xamot… even though Xamot hasn’t been doing that well in matches, lately. =\

*Rosinthorn slowly climbs into the ring. Xamot slowly turns around to face his opponent, and both self-proclaimed Super Villains stare each other down with an equal amount of contempt in their eyes. This match up is about to begin… NOW!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Rosinthorn vs. Xamot

*Discarding his characteristic sadism, Xamot quickly rushes towards the surprised Rosinthorn with a murderous intent in his eyes! He misses, as Rosinthorn quickly reads Xamot’s movements, avoiding the strike almost instantly. Flowing past Xamot in a blur, Rosinthorn reappears behind his enemy, punishing the whiff with a stiff kick to the back! The demon is sent tumbling to the ground for less than a second as he rolls quickly back to his feet.

Bob: Xamot rushed in and the rookie made him pay for it!
Ralph: *facepalm* He’s going to lose another match, isn’t he? Worst. Demon. Ever!

*Embarrassed, Xamot’s aura of evil energy begins to manifest around him… Rosinthorn, sensing the danger turns tail and begins to flee the ring! Xamot gives chase, playing right into the hands of the Villain from the Negaverse! Rosinthorn leaps, plastering his enemy in the jaw with a roundhouse kick which sends Xamot flying across the ring!*

Bob: Oh! Christ!
Ralph: and it’s going to be a humiliating loss. Wow.

*Now assuming the offensive role, Rosinthorn reaches into his coat, revealing a MASSIVE gun that has to be occupying the same pocket-verse where Akane Tendo’s hammers reside!*

Everyone: O_O OH SH—

Ralph: THAT’S ONE BIG FUC—

!!KAATHOOOOM!!

*The firearm begins to spray laser fire towards Xamot, who quickly transforms into his full demon mode and leaps high into the open air arena to dodge the attack! Fans from the first row of seating all the way to the nose bleed dive out of the way of instant death as Xamot speeds past them! The demon responds by sending a frenzy of shark-shaped ki blasts toward the squared circle! The blasts from the gun meet the feeding frenzy, causing several dozen explosions to fill the arena! Smoke billows from the remnants of the ki blast volley, leaving a shroud over the ring…*

Ralph: Can’t really see what’s going on here!
Bob: This could be a tactical advantage by Xamot! He has the high ground!

Rosinthorn: … THERE!

*Rosinthorn quickly spins around to blast Xamot, but it’s too late! By the time Rosinthorn is facing his opponent, the wily demon NAILS him directly in the sternum with his Shadow Charge! The shoulder block sends the 6’7” Negaverse Warrior THROUGH the ropes, out of the ring, and embeds him into the barrier on the outside!*

Ralph: DAMN!
Bob: What a shoulder block by Xamot!
Ralph: Rosinthorn was just a little too slow on that exchange, and he may have paid for it with a broken back!

*Xamot grins, letting that sadistic streak finally show itself, as he places his palms together in front of him. This is not good for both Rosinthorn AND the fans behind him, who have wisely begun to run out of the way!*

Bob: Xamot’s looking to finish!

Xamot: MAKO STRIKE!!

*He unleashes Dre Alexander’s signature shark made-o-ki directly towards Rosinthorn! Rosinthorn quickly acts! He uses an invisible telekinetic blast to keep the Mako Strike from connecting! It is a mere inch away from him!*

Ralph: What the–!!?

!!KATHOOOOM!!

*Rosinthorn teleports himself to safety in the cheap seats just as the blast hits the crowd. He looks down onto his opponent with an even bigger sadistic grin on his face, as if to let Xamot know he’s still one step ahead of him.*

Bob: We can add teleportation and telekinetics to Rosinthorn’s ever growing list of abilities.
Ralph: Xamot’s going to have to come up with a better game plan if he plans on defeating a guy he can’t touch. Oh yeah, and WHO CAN TELEPORT!

*Xamot, in his ever growing frustration, chucks a fireball high into the stands towards Rosinthorn, who teleports out of the way. He reappears behind Xamot, who turns right into a massive roundhouse kick to the face! This one sends the demon flipping inside out from the impact! Before he hits the ground, Rosinthorn teleports into the path of his flight, juggling the demon with another SICKENING kick to the mid-section! As Xamot’s body falls towards the earth, Rosinthorn catches him mid-air, before hitting his “FALL FROM GRACE” driver in the center of the ring!*

Ralph: JUMPING EMERALD FLOWSION!
Bob: That’s gotta be it!

*It COULD be the end, however, Rosinthorn doesn’t cover, instead, preferring the ten count, knock out victory over the one who claims to be the “Legendary Demon of the Bamboo Forests!” It is a testament to the vain disposition of the Negaverse Villain!*

Ralph: This idiot isn’t covering?!
Bob: You said it yourself Ralph… He wants this to be a humiliating defeat!

*However, Rosinthorn’s plan does not work. Xamot is pulling himself back to his feet after a vicious slam directly on the top of his skull! Rosinthorn’s grin fades as he teleports again! He reappears behind Xamot, cocked back for another kick to the face, but Xamot BLOCKS the strike before quickly goozling the rookie around the throat!*

Rosinthorn: O_O
Xamot: >=)

*In less than a second, both men are several stories above the ring as Xamot riddles with close ranged ki strikes. His grip around Rosinthorn’s neck tightens with every moment that passes!*

Bob: Went to the well once too many times!

*A blur of dark energy spirals to the ground in a death spin, ending with a quaking noise filling the arena from the impact of Rosinthorn’s body colliding with, and penetrating, the middle of the ring! The squared circle implodes, bringing the entire structure down!*

Ralph: HOLY—HOLY SHIT O_O
Bob: That… had to be the biggest Demon Slam I’ve ever seen in my LIFE! He just destroyed a UCTF ring with it!

Ref: o_o… ring the b—

!!BLAOWW!!

*Xamot is assaulted from behind by the broadside of a claymore axe, knocking him right out of his full demon mode and to the ruins of the ring!*

Bob: EBLIS DRAKAR!
Ralph: this asshole again.
Bob: Eblis has come to the rescue of his partner and is unleashing a beating of epic proportions onto Xamot! Jesus!
Ralph: Last week they laid Lo-Ruh—OH SHIT LO O_O

*Ruhamah appears out of nowhere, riding on the top of the very casket he was stuffed into like a damn surfboard! The object slams Eblis right in the face, sending the 6’5 warrior into oblivion! Lo immediately turns his attention to Rosinthorn, who has managed to pull himself out of the hole in the ring, and right into his waiting arms!*

Lo: >=|!! AHHH!!

*DOUBLE ARM DDT on the concrete is delivered to Rosinthorn by the Unloved one, right before he rolls Xamot on top of him!*

Ref: …….o_o *shrugs* 1….. 2……. 3!

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: AND IT’S OVER! Rosinthorn is defeated by Xamot in his second Career match!
Ralph: Chickens coming home to roo—OH CRAP BEHIND YOU!

Winner: Xamot

*Eblis levels Lo-Ruhamah from behind with the Iron casket! It leaves a damn DENT in the thing!*

Ralph: GOOD GOD!
Bob: SOMEBODY CALL 911!! What a shot to the back of the head!!

*Rosinthorn, slowly recovers, but as soon as he does, he joins his partner in laying the boots to Ruhamah for the second time!*

Bob: Lo being double teamed! Xamot too incapacitated to help!
Ralph: I’m not sure he’d help even if he was 100% healthy.
Bob: …touché.

*The beating continues for a few more moments until DIMITRI slowly saunters onto the stage!*

Ralph: Bobby, look!
Bob: Here comes Dimitri, fresh off of his victory just a few moments ago himself!

*Still surging with some left over energy from his match against Blu De’Ragnorok, the Russian slowly makes his way down the aisle. Eblis and Rosinthorn turn their attentions to him.*

Dimitri: Well, let’s see how that Blue Mage’s powers work out. Shall we?

*Eblis and Rosinthorn charge up the ramp, as Dimitri fires Blu’s very own “Nefarian Blaster” technique! It connects with Rosinthorn and Drakar, instantly rendering them paralyzed!*

Dimitri: Excellent.

*Dimitri brandishes a police baton as his pace quickens!*

Bob: Oh… Oh this is not going to be good!
Ralph: Pay back is a –

!!!WHOOMP!!!

*Dimitri goes to work on Eblis with the police baton, meanwhile, Lo-Ruhamah is back to his feet, and he quickly takes over the prone body of Rosinthorn, locking on his mystical submission maneuver, “Surrender Your Soul!” The arena fills with the agonizing screams from Rosinthorn as several officials FINALLY arrive on the scene to break apart the melee!*

Bob: Wow, this place is flooding with referees and officials trying to break this up!
Ralph: Lo’s a mess. He’s bleeding from all over the place! Seriously! Get 911 out here quickly!

*Bob stares off into space for a split second, before a wild expression forms on his face.*

Bob: Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m being told that the Next Episode’s main event has been revealed, and it is a DOOZY.
Ralph: What?! How come I’m not hearing the same thing in my microphone?
Bob: Next week’s main event will be for the UCTF Intergalactic Championship, and will pit the champion, Inuyasha, against RAVEN DARC!

Crowd: *POPS*

Ralph: whoa.
Bob: indeed! The final Broadcast before Cyberslam 2010 will have these two rivals duking it out for the Second biggest prize in the UCTF!
Ralph: I can’t wait!
Bob: In the meantime, we better get to a commercial break. Looks like the ring crew and EMTs are going to need a little time to get the ringside area cleaned up.
Ralph: uhh… Bob? Commercials? All of our sponsors left us years ago.
Bob: e_e… How about a classic commercial, then?

*A commercial starts where Burter is walking out of a UCTF office… a guy comes up and asks for an autograph… Burter says sure and signs it.. whenever he starts to walk away, the guy pulls out a Burter action figure to sign.. Burter laughs a little then signs it too…*

Do do do dooo, do doo, do waaaah!
It doesn’t matter what comes, fresh goes better in life,
With Mentos fresh and full of Life!

*As he’s walking away, the guy runs in front of him and opens up his coat, begging and pleading with Burter to sign his shirt. By now, Burter’s getting frustrated and angry.. but he signs it anyway.*

Nothing gets to you, stayin fresh, stayin cool,
With Mentos fresh and full of LIFE!!!

*The Guy runs up to him, and pulls up his shirt.. he wants Burter to sign his bare chest! By now, Burter is getting pissed.. but digs down deep into his soul and signs the guys chest. He tries to walk away, but the guy runs in front of him and pulls down his pants, showing the crack of his ass! Burter Snaps, turns the guy around and BURTER BOMBS HIM!*

Burter: >:|……

Fresh goes better! Mentos freshness!
Fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life!

*A bunch of cops and the guys family starts screaming and stuff.. Burter goes into his pocket and holds out a full pack of Mentos!*

Everyone: o_o……. ^_^!!!!!!!!!
Burter: ^_^

Mentos! The Freshmaker!

*Fades out…….*

*We return from our break. Magically, a new ring has been built, and Arzie is in the center of it with the microphone.*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is our main event contest for this evening!

*Story of the Year’s “We Don’t Care Anymore,” brings out the first challenger in tonight’s main event; The tag team partner of the #1 contender to the UCTF Grand Championship at Cyberslam!*

Arzie: Introducing first, hailing from Gotham City… She is one half of the UCTF’s Tag Team Champions… She is none other than BAT-GIRL!!!

Bob: Our #1 contender defeated Bat-Girl in a nail biter in the first round of the “Only the Strong” tournament!
Ralph: Yes sir. Bat-puppies here could very well have been one of our “#1 contenders” if it weren’t for an unfortunate twist of fate at the end of her match-up with X-23.
Bob: It was a very thrilling first round indeed.

*The cheering instantly converts to foundation shaking jeers when “Water Pow” by B-Dash begins playing over the sound system!*

Arzie: And her opponent… He hails from Sapporo City in Hokkaido, Japan… He is THE Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting league’s PLATINUM GRANNNNDDD CHAMPION!!!

Bob: Ok Arzie! We get the damn point!

*Kunoi hears Bob’s complaint just as he walks past the commentator tower!*

Kunoi: e_e…
Bob: e_e…

Arzie: -KUNOIIIII ISHIGAMIIIII!!!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

*The champ ignores the salty response from the crowd as he climbs into the ring. Planning on making an example out of the tag team champion tonight, he attempts to intimidate the female caped crusader by never taking his eyes off of her!*

Ralph: Kunoi looks prepared!
Bob: Yeah, well let’s see how he fares in this contest after not having a match with suitable competition in months!
Ralph: you mad at him or something?
Bob: what? e_e

!!DING DING DING!!

Kunoi Ishigami vs. Bat-Girl

*With the main event under-way, our Grand Champion quickly lunges in to take down the caped crusader, who manages to avoid the aggressive shooto veteran’s advances with a quick backward handspring.*

Bob: Kunoi’s misses the take down early as Bat-Girl EASILY avoids him! What elegance and grace displayed by the tag team champion!
Ralph: O_o

*The fighters circle each other in the center of the ring. They size each other up briefly before Kunoi quickly darts towards Bat-Girl, once more. This time, the Grand Champion’s speed greatly increases! He double legs Cassandra Cain, lifting the light-weight crime fighter quite easily, and slamming her viciously onto the canvas!*

Ralph: Kunoi scores the takedown!

*Once Bat-Girl is taken down, Kunoi doesn’t even have enough time to lock in the mount. Bat-Girl slips away, and rolls to her feet. Kunoi, now on his knees; can only watch in horror as Bat-Girl punishes him for his slowness. She delivers an EPIC palm strike across the chest! The echoing sound of flesh meeting leather throughout the arena causes the patrons to shiver, feeling sympathy for The Champion as pain quakes throughout his entire being from the strike!*

Ralph: Oh! Jesus!
Bob: Yeah, he took her down, but she’s back up! This ain’t the MMA, Kunoi!!
Ralph: o_o Bob!

*The blow sends Kunoi reeling backwards! As his body snaps back from the inertia, Bat-Girl already has her leg swinging around for a decapitating kick. Unfortunately for her, Kunoi catches her foot mid strike! His face has a mixture of angry and a sadistic smirk, as he slowly raises to his feet, holding her leg tightly in his arms.*

Ralph: This isn’t good for Ba—

*Bat-Girl, thinking quickly, uses her free foot to leap into the air, striking Kunoi on his chin with a back flipping kick! The move causes Kunoi to lose grip as he’s sent flying into the ropes! Bat-girl lands the flip perfectly in a three point stance.*

Bob: NOT GOOD FOR WHOM, RALPH?! Bat-Girl still in control!
Ralph: uhh… yeah.

*Kunoi, holding his sore jaw quickly checks for blood, before looking back at his opponent with an ever growing look of frustration! He charges, only to have Cassandra duck under his lariat before punishing him again with another sickening open palm strike! Kunoi shrugs off the strike like a man, before firing back with a palm strike of his own! TOO SLOW! Bat-Girl parries away the arm, followed by an elbow to the jaw that rocks the Grand Champion!*

Bob: SHE’S GIVING IT TO KUNOI!!

*The elbow leaving the champion momentarily stunned allows Bat-Girl to open up an array of strikes through-out the champion’s entire torso! Kunoi FINALLY shoves Bat-Girl away, sending her rolling all the way to the opposing side of the ring! She rolls through, using Kunoi’s momentum to pop back to her feet quickly! The champ charges again, hoping that his opponent is off guard following the massive shove! SHE AIN’T! Bat-Girl quickly drops, hitting a lightning fast low drop kick that knocks Kunoi’s knee right from under him! Ishigami, moving already at a high rate of speed loses control as he flies right through the ropes and to the floor below!*

Ralph: Kunoi sent out of the ring!
Bob: Indeed! Right now he’s being outclassed both mentally and physically by the Tag Team Champion!

*The Destroyer is getting MORE pissed than before! Slamming his fists on the concrete, he leaps back to his feet, scrambling to get back into the ring! The second he plants just ONE knee on the apron, he’s ROCKED with a bat-a-rang right across the face!*

Bob: *LAUGHING* BAT-A-RANG outta no where!

*He rolls backwards from catching the flying metal object across the nose! Instantly, his eyes begin to water profusely! He can barely see, which is not good news for him! Bat-Girl leaps from the MIDDLE of the ring! Using her cape as a glider, she flies high over the top rope, before landing on Kunoi’s shoulders! She quickly throws her body weight back, hitting a NASTY hurricanrana on the floor to the Champion!*

Bob: HURRICANRANAAAA!!!
Ralph: …
Bob: What a series of blows that our Tag Team Champion has given to Kunoi Ishigami! She might be fast tracked on the way to a HUGE UCTF upset!!

*Thrown back into the ring, Kunoi Ishigami is running out of options and FAST. In a situation where your opponent can read your every move, and beat you to every punch, you must do what every good villain does in your situation. CHEAT! The champion shoves the referee into the path of Cassandra Cain, and as she predictively avoids the flying official, Kunoi grabs two handfuls of bat-mask and TWISTS it 180 degrees!*

Everyone: D:!!

Bob: OH THAT CHEATING SON OF A—

*Now blinded, Bat-Girl falls prey to a wicked jumping knee strike to the side of the head! She crumbles from the impact, landing in the corner in a sitting position. The fans are about to riot from the cowardly act displayed by the Grand Champion!*

Bob: WHAT A YELLOW TAILED PIECE OF CRAP!
Ralph: You have to admit it was a smart move.
Bob: NO SCREW THAT! WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT! >=|!
Ralph: seriously o_o calm down!

*More bad news for Bat-Girl, as she’s a sitting duck for Kunoi’s sadistic boot scrapes in the corner!*

Ralph: Kunoi’s taking advantage, and the last thing you want is to be hit with ANY of his strikes! Bat-girl needs to figure something out right now!

*Kunoi hits the ropes, charging towards his opponent like a locomotive!*

!!CRACK!!

*The running boot scrape hits, sending Bat-girl face first out of the ring! Her body rests over the rope like Rampage Jackson following a Wanderlei Silva knee!*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Kunoi: *FLIPS EVERYONE OFF* e_e

Bob: DSLFKAJSDLFASI
Ralph: seriously, you’re going to have a heart attack o_o
Bob: HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR ANYONE!
Ralph: yeah, O_o he’s been that way for years. What do you expect?
Bob: e_e.. I .. I’m just getting tired of it.

*The champion pulls the almost lifeless body of Cassandra Cain back into the ring by her cape, before quickly snapping on a full nelson! He doesn’t think twice before chucking Bat-Girl violently backwards into a Dragon Suplex! The tag team champion bounces off of her neck, ROLL on her head and lands face first on the canvas! It is a devastating plex! Kunoi, showing a complete lack of respect doesn’t even go for the cover! Instead, he shouts into the crowd!*

Kunoi: e_e WHY DO THEY NEED A FEMALE BAT-PERSON IN GOTHAM ANYWAY?!  AND WHY DOES BATMAN NEED A KID SIDEKICK? HOW COME NO ONE IS GOING TO CALL HIM OUT FOR WHAT HE IS? A PEDAPHILIAC PIMP E_E

Everyone: BOOOOO!!!

*Elsewhere, in Gotham City…*

Bruce: e_e……….

*Back inside the ring, The Grand Champion casually walks over to his opponent. Slowly lifting her by her cowl, the overtly confident Kunoi leaves himself wide open for a STIFF strike to the mid-section!*

Crowd: *POPS!*

*Bat-Girl doesn’t let up, unleashing a flurry of martial arts strikes about Kunoi’s entire body!*

Bob: THAT’S RIGHT BAT-GIRL! KICK HIS ASS!

*Kunoi bounces off the ropes, as Cassandra rolls forward into a handstand and locks her legs around his throat!*

Kunoi: >_< GACK!!

*Cassandra pulls herself onto Kunoi’s shoulders!*

Bob: HANDSTAND FRANKEN—

*Ishigami however, reverses the flow, NAILING a powerbomb in the center of the ring!*

Ralph:  HUGE POWERBOMB BY KUNOI!
Bob: NO!! DAMMIT!!
Ralph: Just as Bat-Girl was regaining a little momentum, Kunoi quickly ends it with a well placed powerbomb!

*The bomb is so powerful, that Bat-Girl bounces into a sitting position! Not a good place to be, as Kunoi continues his work on the neck, attempting to lock on his “Ishigami Sleeper!”*

Ralph: Kunoi trying to get that l—

*Bat-Girl however slips away quickly, while pulling The Grand Champion’s leg out from under him! As she rolls to her knee, Kunoi pops back to his feet, angrily charging the tag team champ, only to find a BATTERANG crashing into his skull as a result!*

Crowd: OOOOHHH!!

Bob: Kunoi hit point blank range with that weapon! He’s damn near out on his feet!

*Bat-Girl springs off of Kunoi’s doubled over body, landing perfectly on the top rope!*

Bob: She’s going nor—

*But Kunoi reacts, kicking her leg right from under her! Bat-Girl collapses crotch first on the top rope!*

Crowd: X_X!! OOOHHH!

Ralph: But Kunoi shows again why he’s the Grand Champion with an AWESOME move like that

*He hits a leaping, spinning, palm-strike to Bat-Girl in the corner, before turning his back to her while grabbing her under her arms. That’s right! He’s about to go 2002 on everyone’s asses with the IconoClasm!*

Bob: This could be it for Bat-Gir—

*The moment he tosses her off the top rope, Bat-Girl quickly turns her entire body over and lands on her feet! The Destroyer looks on in bewilderment for a split second, long enough for Bat-Girl to PUNISH him with a stiff kick to the face! Kunoi travels backward from the impact, crash landing in the corner with his head resting against the bottom turnbuckle.*

!!POP!!

Crowd: OOOOOH!!

Bob: WHAT A KICK!
Ralph: She better take advantage now… Kunoi is looking slightly concussed from that kick!

*Cassandra drags the Grand Champion to the center of the ring… She stalks the hurting Destroyer, before grabbing his right arm. She then takes her boot and drops it on the Champion’s throat! The rest of the hold is academic! She pulls Kunoi’s arm toward her as hard as possible, while at the same time pushing her foot deeper into his throat! Kunoi instantly begins flopping around like a fish out of water!*

Everyone: O_O!!

Ralph: HOLY SH—
Bob: Mule’s Kill lock by Bat-Girl!! COME ON KUNOI!! TAP! TAP YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Ralph: o_o

*The Champion refuses to quit! As his heart begins to race, Kunoi grabs a hold of Bat-Girl’s leg with his free arm! He tries desperately to alleviate the pressure to his throat!*

Kunoi: >_< !!!! AHHHHHH!!

*Everyone in the arena are on their feet expecting to see Ishigami tap! It’s not going to happen. Kunoi uses his UNGODLY strength to push Bat-Girl’s leg away, quickly locking his legs around the falling tag team champion’s throat! He’s somehow reversed HER choke into his own, the Sankakujime!!*

Bob: …
Ralph: Triangle Choke!! It’s locked in tight!!!

*Bat-Girl also refuses to give up, but the tight grip by The Grand Champion is too much for her to bear, and she passes out in the center of the ring. The referee rushes in and pushes Kunoi off as the bell sounds in the HUSHED arena!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Kunoi: *OCUGH COUGH* X_X…

Everyone: ….

Ralph: It’s over! What a reversal!
Bob: ….

*”Water Pow” kicks up again, as Kunoi pushes the referee away who was attempting to raise his arm in victory!*

Kunoi: >=|!!

Winner: Kunoi Ishigami

Bob: well, Kunoi has proved himself by defeating X-23’s Tag team Partner, Bat—OH WHAT THE HELL! KUNOI >=|!

*Kunoi is NOT finished! He lifts the unconscious Bat-Girl back to her feet, locking on a full nelson…*

Kunoi: >=|!! I HATE BATTERANGS!

*Kunoi charges forward, before hitting the Locomotion Dragon Suplex in the center of the ring!*

Kunoi: E_E!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA BEAT ME SASA?! HUH!?

*He grabs Bat-Girl by the neck, quickly snapping on a Guillotine choke*

Ralph: …
Bob: GET SOMEBODY OUT THERE!

*Numerous officials rush the ring, while the time keeper rings the bell in vain. Kunoi is NOT letting go of the hold, that is, until X-23 sprints down the aisle! The Champ’s eyes widen as he releases the choke a second too late. X-23 flies across the ring, planting a flying drop kick to the chest that sends Kunoi flying through the ropes!*

Crowd: *POPS!*

Bob: Thank God for X-23! Get that son of a bitch out of here!

*X-23 goes to check on her tag team partner… NOT A GOOD IDEA! Kunoi slips back into the ring, locking on a choke hold from behind! Before she can react, he DROPS her with the Choke Sleeper Suplex! NOW the fans are rabid with anger!*

Crowd: L;KSJFADLFJAO

Kunoi: e_e… LOLLOLLOL

*With BOTH women now laid out, Kunoi slides out of the ring, backing his way up the aisle while appreciating his work. Unfortunately for him, he forgot one thing… there’s more than one #1 Contender to the Grand Championship! Slowly walking out from behind the curtain is–*

Bob and Ralph: D: INUYASHA!!!!!

Inuyasha: e_e…

*Kunoi slowly turns around to see the Hanyou standing only a foot away from him!*

Kunoi: D: !!

*However, today must be the luckiest day of Kunoi’s life, because from BEHIND INUYASHA IS–*

Raven: >=|!!!!!!!!!!

*FULL DEMON MODE RAVEN FRIGGIN DARC!!*

!!KARAKKAATHOOOOM!!!

*Raven takes out his opponent from behind with a SICK lariat, and continues to beat the #1 contender to the Grand Championship down the aisle! Kunoi lets out a sigh of relief as he returns to leaving the area.*

Bob: KUNOI THAT SON OF A BITCH CAN GO TO HELL!! >=|

Kunoi: …e_e..

Bob: OH SH—

*Kunoi HEARD Bob this time, and now the Commentator is FUCKED. Ishigami turns his attention to Bob and is CLIMBING UP THE COMMENTATORS TOWER1*

Ralph: o_o welp uhh.. Bob I’ll see you later… if there is a later.
Bob: OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT

*Ralph dives off the tower, while Bob tries frantically to stop Kunoi’s ascent by stomping Ishigami’s hands! IT’S ONLY SERVING TO PISS THE DESTROYER OFF MORE! Kunoi reaches the top and immediately responds to Bob by palm striking him so hard, Bob almost flips over the table! Kunoi grabs Bob’s leg, ripping his shoe off and stuffing it into his mouth!*

Bob: SsaldfkajdfDA

*Ripping his dress shirt apart, Kunoi gives Bob a second, even more vicious chop to the chest that opens him up! Bob crumbles, as Kunoi slowly lifts him back up to his feet and RAMS his head into the table with enough force to destroy it!*

Crowd: D:!!

*Kunoi leaves Bob unconscious. His head is still through a piece of debris which was once the commenting table as the crowd now begins throwing trash at the Grand Champion. The camera spreads around the ring side area. X-23 and Bat-Girl are defeated, Inuyasha is unconscious on the ramp, leaving the two members of the boyfriend’s club to stand tall.*

Kunoi: >=| *FLIPS EVERYONE OFF AGAIN*

End.


 

Archives Roster Application Titles Top Ten UCTF Information Station