Xiahau The Blue Staff Vs. Goul’Dan | Ukyo Vs. Guyver | Devilman Vs. Tatewaki Kuno | Rally Vs. Beowulf | Mourl Vs. Shinji | Akira Vs. Midnight Rider | Shayla Shayla Vs. Tenchi Masaki | Gourry Gabriev Vs. Azuka

BoB- Welcome everyone to our thrilling round 2 of the first ever tournament in the UCTF. We have got a hell of an opener here for you, it is Goul’dan of the Underdark vs freelance fighter Xiahau.

Xiahau v. Goul’dan

Ralph- Now I find Xiahau interesting, because here he is in round 2 of the tournament, and he lost to Shinji.
BoB- Well, Shinji is a great fighter. It could have been a contrast of styles, but Shinji is good, you can’t put that past him. Here comes the first fighter of the night, and it is Xiahau. Xiahau enters the ring ,and now out comes Goul’dan

(croud cheers)

BoB- Goul’Dan is getting more cheers here, but it is close.

Ralph- Yeah, the tourney is usually pretty diverse in this matter.

BoB- And the bell sounds! Goul’dan charges at Xiahau, but Xiahau dives out of the way, spins around and trips Goul’dan with his staff. Goul’dan quickly gets up and forms an ice ball with his hand and throws it at Xiahao! Xiahau, pole vaults off his staff and kicks Goul’dan! However it doesn’t seem to do too much damage! Goul’dan grabs Xiahau around the waste with both hands and lifts him up! Xiahau jams his staff down Goul’dan’s throat! Goul’dan drops Xiahau and immediately grabs the blue staff that is in his mouth! Oh my God!! It is too late! Xiahau has hit Goul’dan in the neck, and caused serious damage! Goul’dan spits up the staff, but falls to his hands and knees!

Xiahau- A worthy brawler indeed, I can not match you physically, however, your rashness was your downfall. To be successfull you must be at peace with all, and totally ballance yourself. That and only that is the key to obtaining, total enlightenment

(Xiahau falls to his knees)

Xiahau- Father! I follow your teachings, and I achieve victory!

BoB- It appears as though Xiahau is having an mental break down but who can tell from here. And the ref has stopped the fight, and our winner is Xiahau!

Winner- Xiahau

Ukyo v. Guyver

BoB- Alright everyone it is time for our second fight of the night, Ukyo Kuonji vs. Guyver.I am interested to see how this one goes because, it will be Guyvers first real fight in the tournament.
Ralph- Yes, and this is after Ukyo beat Sailor Bowser, which was good practice for for this upcoming match tonight.

BoB- It sure was, and it may prove useful against somone who has only beaten a little penguine. Not saying that Penpen is bad though.

Ralph- Of course not.

BoB- Here comes the first fighter now, and it is Guyver. now this being the tournament there are sever cheers for him however there are also several boos. Mostly, I think coming from new light fans, and people from Furinkan. And Ukyo enters the arena looking ready for a fight. And here comes Guyver, it sounds as though Guyver is getting a better reaction but I really can’t tell. Guyver enters the ring!

Ralph- do you think that Shinji will interfere now?

BoB- I doubt it. And the bell sounds as Guyver extends his vibro blades, and Ukyo draws her spatula! Guyver makes the first advance with his blades at Ukyo, but she dodges and counters with her spatula to the back of Guyvers head! Guyver is hit with a glancing blow and is not too affected by it. Guyver shoots a beam at Ukyo but she flips out of the way and is not hit! Guyver again coming at ukyo with his vibro blades, but Ukyo flipping backwards, holding out her giant spatula is able to successfully evade guyvers attack, and land a clean blow to the face of Guyver, sending him back! Guyver shakes his head and comes back though! Ukyo takes several swings at the head of Guyver, which seam to daze him even though he is trying to block! Guyver puts a hole in Ukyo’s spatula with one of his vibro blades!

Ralph- Guyver needs to be careful with his blades there, if he is just covering his head like that he may hit himself with one of them.

BoB- I don’t think that Guyver would be that careless. Ukyo backs off to save her spatula from being severd by guyvers blades, as both fighters regain their foothold. Ukyo takes a swing at Guyvers legs but guyver easily jumps her spatula with a short jump! Ukyo takes another swing, this time at the mid section of Guyver… And Guyver cuts off the head of her spatula with a vibro blade!!!

Ralph- That’s what he’s been waiting for!

BoB- It sure is Ralph! And Ukyo flips back onto the turn buckle and throws 5 smaller spatulas at guyver! Guyver Dodges them and shoots a beam of some sort at Ukyo! Ukyo jumps to the other turn buckle! I think that Ukyo officially has no chance now Ralph, with her big and small spatulas gone!

Ukyo- Wait!!!

Guyver- huuuu?

BoB- And it appears, that Ukyo has her hands in the air.

Ralph: Appears?!?! BoB, how much do we pay you.. look.. she DOES have her hands in the air.

Ukyo- Maybe next time sugar! I am not going to get cut up over some lousey tournament! Good job Guyver. You are a great fighter…. You win…

BoB- ukyo has forfeited! it’s over!

Ralph- This federation gets weirder by the match. But At least my love si saving her beautiful face from becomming marred.

BoB:shut up loverboy.. Guyver’s talking now

(Guyver retracts his vibro blades)

Guyver- Good match Ukyo, I guess I just got the upperhand this time.

Ukyo- Yeah. But it won’t happen again buster!

(ukyo Leaps off)

BoB- What a show of good sportsmenship, and Guyver will advance to the third round in the tournament!

Winner- Guyver

Devilman v. Kuno

BoB- Well folks here’s what a lot of you have been waiting for myself included. It’s the Devilman, Kuno fight. This should be a great fight to watch, not necessarily a close fight, just a fun one.

Ralph- That’s right Bob, the odds makers have it 11 to 1 in favor of Devilman. However you have to take into consideration what Kuno did to his last opponent, compared to what Devilman did. Kuno beat NWD in under 3 minutes, and Devilman barely won. And people are saying what a crappy fighter NWD is, but you don’t actually know because Kuno is the only one he has faced so far.

BoB- So you are saying that NWD is actually really good, and Kuno is awesome, and just stomped the s#!+ of him.

Ralph- What I am saying is, we can not be sure that Devilman is so much better because we don’t know what kind of fighter NWD is.

BoB- Thanks Ralph, but here comes our first fighter now! And it is Kuno, there are many screams from female admirers here but over all, most people are just sitting silently awaiting the coming of Devilman.

(The lights go out and the crowd goes wild, as several spot lights hit Devilman in the air flying in)

BoB- And here is Devilman! As you can tell by the sound of the crowd! It is electric here tonight!

Ralph- It sure is! And Devilman has just landed in the ring, and the lights are back on!

BoB- This should be a fight to remember Folks.


BoB- And there’s the bell! Kuno charges at Devilman, and swings his bokken at him! But Devilman catches it in his bare hand! And with a surge of power sets it ablaze!!!!

Ralph- Oh my goodness!

BoB- Kuno lets go of his flaming bokken, and Devilman with light speed thrusts his hand at Kuno and grabs his face! Devilman quickly pulls Kuno a little closer to him and hits him with an uppercut, sending Kuno back to the turn buckle! Devilman jumps at Kuno punching him in the chest, and then hits him with a Hook!

Ralph- Boy did that have some power behind it!

BoB- Kuno falls down and rolls out of the ring! Devilman raising his hands in victory, but Kuno gets up! Devilman spins around and shoots Kuno in the face with a laser from his antennae, sending Kuno back to the ground!

Ralph- I think that’ll end it Bob…

BoB- And it does! Kuno is lying on the ground showing no signs of movement. And is counted out! Devilman wins!!!

Ralph- now that wasn’t even close Bob. I mean Kuno didn’t even have a chance! Could imagine what would have happened if Devilman was fighting NWD?

BoB- Actually Ralph it was your little illustration that said Kuno might win!

Ralph- No no Bob, I just said we didn’t know that Kuno would be that helpless against Devilman.

BoB- Oh well, let’s just move on to the next match ralph!

Ralph- Gladly! This one was too quick for me.

BoB- I agree, let’s go!

Ralph- Yes lets.

Winner- Devilman

BoB: and now, a word from one of our sponsors

Hello, I’m not an actor, but i play one on TV and i’m being paid lots of money to tell you to buy this new collection of 40 great unclaimed melodies… songs so horrible the composers themselves refused to tack thier names onto them you get—

(suddenly the sound of a record slowly stopping is heard and NWD comes on pushing the actor’s actor off the screen)

NWD: Screw these bad songs man.. how about some good ones…

AGWF/UCTF fighting star New Wave Dave here and have I got na offer for you.

88 top new wave songs of the 80s, as selected by the ultimate 80s dj himself New wave dave.. you get songs like

(the songs play as they scroll on the screen)

Too Shy by Kajagoogoo
Mickey by Toni Basil

Birds fly (whisper to a scream) by Icicle works

Our House by Madness

Der Kommisar by After the Fire

(cut to dave) Cause Falco sucks

The Funky western Civilization by Tonio K

I don’t like mondays by the Boomtown rats

(cut to NWD) AND SO MUCH MORE… NWD’s 88 songs fo the 80s only $19.95… oh wait I mispoke only $10 a cd for 7 cd’s NO SHIPPING!! it’s covered in the cost… so what the hell you waiting for.. act now!!! operators are patiently awaiting your calls


BoB: AND WE’re BACK with our next match up…

Beowulf v. Rally

Ralph: Its should be very interestig to see who this turns out.. we haven’t really heard much from either fighter so we can only assume that they have been in intense training.
BoB: That’s right Ralph… and it should also be interesting to see just how this show goes

Ralph: here comes rally now… she looks ready to fight

BoB: not to mention the great Geat Beowulf who is entering now as well

Ralph: the GREAT GEAT!?! HAHAHAHAH That’s good..

BoB: Thanks… Rally pulls out her guna nd shoots at Beowulf who blocks it with his shield

Ralph: The great Geats Great shield looks like the bullet didn’t even scratch it

BoB: sigh… he charges and swings with his sword and misses as Rally moves out of the way she fires again and the bullet is once again blocked by bewulfs shield

Ralph: The great Geat is in great shape tonight don’t you think?

BoB: yes but i’m sure you don’t

Ralph: HuH?

BoB: nevermind… rally has jumped on the top rope.. she attempting to jump kick Beowuf from way up there

Ralph: and rally jumps at the Great Geat only to fidn that the great geat has moved… with the speed and strength becomming of a great geat the great geat beowulf slams his great fist into the mat causing it to shake liek a great earthquake… now he MMMMHMMMPH

BoB: NOw the mighty BoB has put ducktape on the not-sogreat ralphs mouth so we can get on with a serous commentary of the match… Rally is in pain and unable to stand as beowulf picks her up bythe waist and flings he rover his shoulder.. he then drops her on her head… she looks to be in great pain (oh now he’s got me doing it) She’s reaching for her gun and attempts to fire… but it seem sto be empty… what’s this someone seems to be hovering over the ring.. it’s.. oh my demon god it’s Ifurita

Ifurita: HI EVERYONE!!!! I hope no one minds but I am supposed to end this fight early so we can get on with the night

BoB: Oh WOW she’s caused a mini tornado in the middle of the ring.. i don’t believe it teh two fighters are being sucked into it but beowulf has a grip on the ropes… this wind is torrent and i’m losing papers and teh tape just got sucked off of ralph’s mputh


BoB: Rally was just spit out of the tornado.. she’s heading this way LOOK OUT!!!!

Ralph: AS you can see Rally has landed on our announcers table and smashed it in half… we’re gonan have to move to table two for the rest of the match

Ifurita: Uhh help… i don’t know how to stop this thing

BoB: then we have a problem.. we’re gonna take a HUGE break as we move to the toher stadium.. away from this G*^&damn thing while Ifurita tries to figure out how to stop it

Winner: Beowulf

A rerun of Miami Vice is played followed by a rerun of the love boat

BoB: Ok after that I’m sure only our most Loyal veiwers are left..

Ralph: we did not PLAN on showing old love boat episodes and Miami Vice.. it just happened

BoB: we apologize to our viewers for haveing to give them a dose of a fate far worse than the tornado was which as i understand, completely destroyed the ring before a fan gave Ifurita a copy of Wanderers 5, which she watched, was confused as to why someone video taped her huge tornado accident and then realized that she needed Afura’s help… once that was done the love boat was over and we’re back

BoB- Now folks, I have got to admit. I have probably been looking foreward to this fight more than any other. Because I could have guessed that the Devilman fight would turn out the way it did. And this fight, really I think that it is safe to say: damn near anything can happen.

Ralph- I don’t think you can say damn here Bob.

BoB- Sure I can! damn isn’t censor’d is it?

Ralph- Huh?

BoB- You know, censorship! Like I cant get across f#^&, or s%#$, or c0$& sucker, It just can’t happen! But I can say damn.

Ralph v. Censorship

Ralph- But not G@$ Damn. You can say God. And then you can say damn. But you just can’t say G$% damn.
BoB- What the hell was the point of that ralph?

Ralph- I don’t know.

BoB- But, you are correct, i can say: the cock crows every morning, and I can say that I want a sucker, but I can never say c#$^ sucker

Ralph- Or just plain c$%^ for that matter Bob. What about ^&*%%$( ^&&%%^& *)() ^%% of (&)^*^ and &*^%%?

BoB: no i think that’s completely out

Ralph: Sh*^! I shold be ableto say whatever i want to

BoB- That’s right! I say, to hell with Censorship! It can kiss my @$$!!

Ralph- Now what’s the deal with that, that little @$$ thing. It looks like @$$ but is still censor’d.

BoB- Some little s#!+ head down at the sensorship bureau, that that he would be a smart @$$ and do it like that!

Ralph- Yeah! Since I can’t let others see what I am saying, then I can say what ever the f*&% I want to!

BoB- Way to go Ralph! Make a stand!

Ralph- I am Bob. uhhhh… f*&$, s#!+, f$%&, f$%&, b!+@&, f#$&, c0@$ sucker, mother f#$%er, piece of s#!+, dildo…. Hey I can say dildo. f$%*ing……

BoB- Let’s hear it for Ralph!!!

(the crowd cheers)

Ralph- Thanks.


BoB- Well Ralph, I would LOVE to sit hear and listen to you swear all night, but we have some more fights to commentate.

Ralph- Oh yeah.

Mourl v. Shinji

BoB- Thanks to Ralph, we have missed the entrance of Mourl, he is already in the ring. But here comes Shinji in the EVA1! And… THe EVA seems to be wearing a chefs hat, an apron, and wielding a putcher knife. Hey guys!!! This Thanksgiving thing is getting a little old!!!
Ralph- But I like it…

BoB- Shut up Ralph! And the bell sounds! Shinji tries to stab Mourl, but Mourl dodges! Mourl flapping around the ring like a lunatic is evading every swipe of the knife, from Shinji! And Mourl flies into the air! Mourl is flying!

Ralph- I didn’t think turkeys could do that! Especially beakless ones!

BoB- Me neither. Wait! It appears that Mourl is now throwing potatoes at Shinji. Potatoes always seem to stop people from acting up. Now I am not sure where all these potatoes are coming from but Mourl is throwing them at Shinji and the EVA is looking a bit disorientated!! And Shinji trips and falls out of the ring! Now it looks as if Mourl is landing on the EVA!

Ralph- What is going on here?!!?!

BoB- Mourl with his turkey talons has pulled a part off of the EVA, and has pulled out Shinji! This is insane! It appears as if Mourl is flying up to one of the lights WAY, up above the stadium with Shinji!

Ralph- Shinji is punching and tearing at Mourl but it is doing no good!

Shinji- Let me the hell down! This is not funny Mourl!

Mourl- ………………………………………………………………………! ………. ……………………………………………………………………………………….. ………………………………..? ………………………………………?!?!……….. …………………………………………………………………………………. ………………………………………………………………..

BoB- It is too far for me to hear, but it seems as though Mourl and Shinji are having an argument 200 feet above the ring as Mourl flies towards the lights!

Ralph- Oh no… He didn’t!?!?

Bob- He did!!!! Mourl just hung Shinji on the stadium lights hundreds of feet above the arena!!! Mourl returns to the ring and Shinji is counted out!!!!!

Ralph- For crying out loud!

BoB- Your winner here is Mourl, and yes he will be advancing to the third round, to fight the winner of Midnight Rider vs. Akira! And I don’t know about all of you, but I am looking foreward to see what Mourl pulls next!

Ralph- We should move on soon, but don’t you think that someone should help Shinji down?

BoB- Nah, let’s move on!

Ralph- okay

Winner- Mourl

Akira v. Midnight Rider

BoB: *COUGH COUGH* Ralph: We shoulda *COUGH* had this fight outside
BoB: Yeah since the motorcylce entrance of these two has caused the entire place to be filled with carbon Monoxide

Ralph: *cough cough* EVERYONE were have prepared fo rthis.. there are gasmaskes underneith your seat.. please put them on

BoB: Much better.. though all the smoke makes it hard to see

Ralph: Oh my gosh this is a rare treat… we’ve been joined in the booth by president Tarot

Tarot: hey guys… just wanna say you’re doing a great job

BoB: please don’t say great

Tarot: I am here to announce that as of tomorrow i will not allow any vehicles into the arena unless they have passed the UCTF E-check

BoB: good idea.. we can avoid situations just like this

Tarot: That’s the idea.. we’ll i’m outta here.. good luck commentating in this smoke

Ralph: sure… it looks like akira has punched the midnight rider pretty hard.. or wa sthat teh midnight rider punchng akira

BoB: Someone down there just smaked the other with a quartrstaff

Ralph: the guy who jsut got hit has just been jumped upon.. i think.. the guy with the staff.. i think it’s midnight rider.. is pounding him merclessly

BoB: the staff is now been transformed

Ralph:into what?!?

BoB: F&*ed if I know

Ralph: oh no niether manis holding a staff… it’s been kicked out of hte hands of the user by the other

BoB: no we’ll never be ableto tell who’s fighting who.. one guy just jumped on the top rope and has executed a really cool looking kick

Ralph: probibly not Tetsuo

BoB: the other guy got nailed and is onthe ground

Ralph: thatsound!!! it’s the fans.. someone turned ON THE FANS!

BoB: WHAT are you talking about i don’t think anything can sexually stimulate this bunch of losers

Ralph: NO not THOSE FANS.. the fans that are clearing away the smoke

BoB: i can make it out better.. Midnight rider has Akira by the leg and is pulling HARD… akira gives up and passes out…

Ralph: This match is over

Winner: Midnight Rider

Shayla Shayla v. Tenchi Masaki

BoB: now for a fight that most fans have been waiting for the new light’s Shayla Shayla v. Guyver’s new tag partner Tenchi Masaki

Ralph: an interesting match this should be.. last week NWD said that we would learn the identity of the NEW light leader tonight

BoB: and hopefully that will happen in this match.. shayla makes her way to the ring and waits for tenchi, who is just a few seconds late.

Ralph: Shayla Shayla is ready to fight as she takes an engaurrde position… tenchi “turns on” his sword and attacks shayla who blocks it with a fire shield spell.. she then dodges out of tenchi’s fleche and pushes him out of the ring.. she then casts a HUGE fire shield spell around the ring.. Tenchi tries to get in but can’t… just then Ryoko swops down picks up tenchi and teleports him inside the fire shield…

BoB: Ryoko has just left and Shayla looks pissed

Shayla Shayla: so one of your many girlfriends came to save you huh?

Tenchi: WHO ryoko?no no no she’s—

Shayla Shayla: can it.. i don’t care.. BoB: She basts him with avery low intesity fire blast he looks to be in a lot of pain.. she lowers the huge shield.. picks up tenchi and slams him down on the ground and places a fire shield in a dome shape, inverted, around tenchi.. there’s no room for Ryoko to get in there.. he’s counted out

Ralph: WHich seems to happen more oft than not

BoB: NWD is making his way down to the center of the ring to congratulate Shayla.. he’s got a mic in his hand

NWD: Shayla.. good job.. youare the only meember of the ne light to move on to round three.. i’m proud of ya

Shayla shayla: yeah!?! oh well uhh.. ok gee thanks, i uh.. umm I mean IT WAS NOTHING.. the little pervert had it comming

NWD: so you all want to know who are true leader is huh?

The crowd goes wild

Nwd: our leader is none other than (the lights go out.. when they coem back on a hooded figure is in the center of the ring) Hooded figure: MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

(she removes her hood to reveal that she is in fact SKuld)

Skuld: I’m the true leader of the new light.. he-he.. and as my first act as leader i issue an invitation to Adreniline Express… I can fix that e-check thing for free if you join us.. what do ya say?! WOAH Gotta go bye now(she is gone)

BoB: so the goddess Skuld is the new light leader huh? shoulda guessed

Ralph: that NWD is worse than tenchi if you ask me.. ukyo, ifurita, shayla shayla and now Skuld…

BoB: hey.. he’s got animals and fujisawa as well

Ralph: beatiality and a substance abusing stablemate.. great

BoB: please don’t say that


Goury v. Azusa

Ralph: ok Azusa has already made her way to the ring as well as Goury..t hey’re wasteing NO time at all here

BoB: Goury has called forth the light form his balde and


Ralph: and no one is suprised

BoB: THIS TIME, however, azusa got hit prettyhard by Gourry;s left foot

Ralph: he wouldn’t let lina have it he sure isn’t gonna let Azusa have it.. BoB: but azusa just picked up a huge man and has thrown him at goury, who dodges

Azusa: gimme my uhhh my uhhh.. Odine!!

BoB: she’s thrown the ring bell, a chair.. Tatewaki kuno!!!

Ralph: it’s a good thing kuno is legal in this tournament

BoB: She’s just picked up a bench with twenty weight watchers applicants on it… she’s holding it above her head when goury retracts the light blade

Azusa: it’s not so Kawaii anymore

Bob: OHH THAT’S GOTTA HURT.. she just dropped th bench o fat f^%S on herself.. she just knocked herself out!!!!

Goury: am i ever gonna get a real fight?

BoB: he will get a real fight this sundaywhenhe faces Shayla Shayla! But until then..we gotta go!!!


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