Cyberslam:

Xamot vs. Crucifix

Sasa Dark Appreciation Match: Weaponmaster Championship Invitational
Inuyasha (c)
Blu De’Ragnarok
Bryan Amethyst
Marcella Grace
Taki
Ed The Janitor
Gideon
Maria De La Sombra
Raven Darc
Eblis Nickleheart Drakar

UCTF Grand Championship
(Special Guest Referee: Suicide)
Kunoi vs. X-23

UCTF Tag Team #1 Contender’s Match
Dimitri & Lo-Ruhamah vs. Eblis Drakar & Rosinthorn

UCTF Tag Team Championship
Dead Silence vs. Winner

UCTF Grand Championship
Inuyasha vs. Winner (Kunoi vs. X-23)

Bob: Welcome to another exciting edition of UCTF Massacre! I’m Bob Hinden, alongside the Hentai Commentator, Ralph Gerrard!
Ralph: Titties.
Bob: And we have an exciting event filled with action lined up tonight, including an appearance by UCTF Grand Champion, Kunoi Ishigami!
Ralph: He’ll be facing Bat-Puppies.
Bob: Indeed! As well as— Seriously Ralph. What’s wrong with you? O_o You’re not shouting “PUPPIES” with as much enthusiasm tonight.
Ralph: *sighs* Yeah. Look at who’s already in the ring.
Bob: D: and with a microphone no less!

*The camera quickly cuts to the inside of the squared circle where RIC AUSTIN is already there! How he does this shit, I don’t know!*

Arzie: The following is our opening contest scheduled for one fall! ALREADY INSIDE THE RING—

Ric: CAN IT ALREADY! PEOPLE CAN SEE I’M HERE, OK! >=|

Arzie: …

Ric: Yeah. e_e Last week, I slipped up and lost in a fluke.

Bob: Fluke?! You almost got killed!
Ralph: He’s a wrestler from the 80s… I suspect his head has suffered more than 30 concussions. He’s delusional.

Ric: So tonight they put me in a match against Rosinthorn’s butt buddy! Well you know what?! I’M TIRED OF BEING A CURTAIN JERKER! A STEPPING STONE IN THE UCTF! I swear to you, within six months… *mumbles* iftheresevenashowinsixmonths *yells* I’M GOING TO MAIN EVENT AN EPISODE OF UCTF MASSACRE!

Bob: yeah… must be concussions….

Ric: I’M THE WINNER OF THE TXA TOURNAMENT! I DESERVE RESPECT!

Ralph: why does he keep saying that like it’s an accomplishment.. UCTF got through that tournament with less effort than it takes to breathe. Hell, we KILLED ANOTHER FED just from participating in it!

*After Ric finally finishes digging a hole for himself, an unfamiliar theme song kicks up, bringing down a six foot five warrior with an equally large claymore axe strapped to his back! Ric Austin’s eyes double in width!*

Arzie: And his opponent, hailing from Hellunia, He is known as EBLIS NICKELHEART DRAKARRRR!!!!

Bob: This Newcomer made his appearance in the last episode, helping Rosinthorn complete a heinous act on Lo-Ruhamah in the center of the ring! We haven’t seen nor heard from Lo since the attack!

*Just as Eblis reaches the ring, Ric Austin goes in all or nothing! He throws his fat lard of a body over the top rope, crashing down on the UCTF newbie before the sound of the bell!*

Crowd: *POPS* o_o!

Bob: Ric Austin with a GIANT top con hilo!!!
Ralph: o_o wow, he wasn’t kidding, was he?

!!DING DING DING!!

Ric Austin vs. Eblis Nickelheart Drakar

*Eblis lies on the ground after being caught off guard by Ric Austin, who is now driving hard boots into the face of his opponent!*

Bob: Ric Austin is being more aggressive than I’ve ever seen him tonight! Maybe… Maybe there’s a chance!

Ref: Ric! Get him into the ring or I’m counting you both out!

*Ric lifts Eblis by the hair before throwing the newcomer into the ring… He follows his opponent by sliding under the top rope. Just as Eblis climbs back to his feet, Ric explodes across the ring with a lariat! Unfortunately for him, Eblis seems to VANISH out of thin air!*

Ric: What the—

!!BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!!

*Drakar reappears to the left of Austin, driving a STIFF punch into the mid-section with enough force to lift the jobber OFF HIS FEET! Drakar quickly switches stance and drives the hilt of his claymore into the back of The Enhancer’s head!*

Crowd: *SHYS AWAY*

Ralph: What were you saying, Bob?
Bob: I’ll admit, Ric had me fooled for a second! What a shot to the head!

*These two strikes quickly change Austin’s tune!*

Austin: X_X HELP! *COUGHS* HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP!

*The Enhancer surprises everyone by standing up, and stumbles towards the exit of the ring! He’s already had enough! However, Drakar isn’t quite finished with him! Moving in a bright flash for a second time, Eblis reappears in front of Ric, smashing the hilt of the Claymore RIGHT BETWEEN his eyes!*

Crowd: OOOOH!!

Ralph: GOOD GOD!
Bob: That strike was INSANE. Ric Austin has to be knocked out!
Ralph: and his nose in splinters!

*Who knows if it’s instinct or just stupidity, but Ric Austin is starting to stand up AGAIN! By now the fans are begging him to stay down, but it’s too late for The Enhancer! Eblis lets out a primal scream before leaping high above the ring! He turns in midair, before spiraling back down towards his opponent!*

Bob: This cannot end well for Ric Austin!

Eblis: AAAHHHH!!!

!!KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!

*The sound of Drakar’s boot impacting on Ric’s face sounds like a cannon, as Ric is driven face first into the canvas! Ric bounces off of his skull before sliding across the ring, leaving an imprint in the center of the ring!*

Bob: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY SOMEONE CALL 911!!!
Ralph: Holy shit o_o

Ref: THAT’S ENOUGH! THAT’S ENOUGH! RING THE BELL!

*FINALLY!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: Well… wow. There goes Ric Austin’s ascent to the top. It’s stopped by the newbie, Eblis.
Bob: Seriously guys. Somebody get out there and see if he’s ok…

Winner: Eblis

*EMTs arrive to help, while Arzie maliciously steps over his body to announce the next match up… *

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for ONE fall!

Ric: y.. you’re not even going to wait until I get carted away?

Arzie: NO. >=|

*”Eclipsed” by Evan’s Blue starts up, bringing down The Russian…*

Arzie: Introducing first… making his way down the aisle… he is the man simply known assss… DIIIMIIITRIIII!!!

Bob: Dimitri is coming off of his intense match up with Lo-Ruhamah, which was followed by an unwarranted attack by the hands of the new UCTF blood.
Ralph: I hope they’re watching their backs. Dimitri isn’t the type to let something like that go without a response.

Arzie: And his opponent…

*”Eternal Gravestones” starts playing next, and out walks the mage, Blu De’Ragnarok*

Arzie: Hailing from Aht Urhgan… He is the currently undefeated Mage of the UCTF… welcome… BLUUUU DE-RAGGGNARROKKK!!!

*The crowd pops for the Mage as he slips into the ring! Tonight may be his biggest test as he takes on Dimitri in singles competition!*

Bob: Blu has a win over Austin and defeated the “legendary” demon Xamot on the last episode of Massacre.
Ralph: Tonight is his real test… Get through the man who has defeated everyone there is to beat in the UCTF!

!!DING DING DING!!

Blu De’Ragnarok vs. Dimitri

*With the match under way, Blu doesn’t waste any time! Armed with Tizona, Blu comes at Dimitri with everything he’s got!*

Ralph: We really need to do something about fighters using weapons outside of weapon master matches.
Bob: Hey, we’ve gone almost 12 years without rules, what would be the point of adding them now?

*Dimitri uses his speed and agility to evade Tizona’s unforgiving blade, and makes Blu pay with a quick uppercut to the chin for rushing into combat without using his head! Blu staggers backwards as Dimitri opens up a quick, three strike combination that ends with a flying kick to the face! The jump kick brings Blu to the canvas almost instantly!*

Blu: ugh..

*Standing over his downed opponent, Dimitri lifts his leg into the air before driving it down to the mat like an axe! Blu rolls out of the way just in time to keep from having his ribcage crushed! He has Dimitri off balance, sweeping the militant off of his feet with the broad end of Tizona.*

Bob: quick back and forth action here…

 *Blu brings Tizona down for the ending slash, only for Dimitri to WISELY roll out of the ring and to the floor.*

Ralph: whew!
Bob: Dimitri got out of there quick!! That would have been the end of him right there!
Ralph: They REALLY need to do something about sword play outside of weaponmaster matches!

*While Dimitri recuperates on the outside, Blu gets a little too close to the edge of the ring. Dimitri grabs a leg and sends the Blue Mage backwards to the canvas!*

Bob: Rookie Mistake by De’Ragnarok!

*Dimitri quickly slides back into the ring, kicking Tizona to the outside! Brilliant strategy by the military tactician… Dimitri didn’t seem to notice that Blu has a SECOND weapon, The Beast Slayer! The Russian turns around to see Blu now wielding his second sword, and his eyes widen in fear!*

Dimitri: …lovely.

*Blu swings the blade with added fire energy! The sword slash physically misses Dimitri, but the flaming flash of energy directly behind it catches him right in the chest! The blast staggers him as Blu spins around, ramming the hilt of the blade directly into his sternum! Dimitri’s body folds as he crashes into the corner!*

Ralph: Even bigger rookie mistake by Dimitri! Never turn your back on anyone, especially a Mage!

*Blu’s opponent pops back up rather quickly, he goes for his signature grapple technique but is stopped by a big boot from the Blue Mage! Dimitri crumbles from the near low blow, only to be struck in the back of the neck from the hilt of the beast slayer! He falls flat on his face seconds before Blu lands on his back with a big knee!*

Bob: Dimitri being man handled here!
Ralph: Indeed. And Blu has thus far used very minimal magic! The last thing you want to do is feed Dimitri any of your abilities for him to use against you.

*The two men wrestle on the ground in order to gain an upperhand. Dimitri’s military training gives him the advantage as he rolls, putting Blu on his face and locking on a hold from behind.*

Bob: Dimitri has Blu now!
Ralph: Blu better do something, because I think  Dimitri’s going for those.. YEP! He is!

*Dimitri unearths handcuffs from no where! He locks one around Blu’s wrist before the Blu Mage manages to shove him off!*

Ralph: Blu wisely avoiding having his hands cuffed together! That would have been bad news!

*Blu rushes the downed Dimitri, only to have his knee KICKED violently! His leg flies underneath him, sending Blu into the waiting arms of Dimitri who quickly locks the second cuff!*

Bob: OH NO!

*Dimitri stands up, a sadistic grin slowly builds on his face as Blu struggles to pull himself back to his feet…*

Ralph: This won’t end well for the Mage.

*Tossing the Beast Slayer blade out of the ring, Dimitri slowly stalks Blu who has backed himself into the corner. The Russian cracks his knuckles as the grin has turned into a full smile. He’s about to have the time of his life, that is, until he’s KICKED in the face!*

Bob: Desperation kick by Blu! Now you’ve gotta get outta there kid! Use some kinda spell to get out of those cuffs!

*He doesn’t have enough time, as Dimitri is back to his feet and now ANGRY! He lets the poor newbie have it in the corner with a long string of strikes and kicks that go unopposed! Blu slinks downward into a sitting position, allowing Dimitri to NAIL him in the face with a paralyzing kick!*

Bob: Ok, the referee might have to step in here!

*Dimitri charges in for another devastating strike, but Blu has a waiting present for him!*

Blu: Actinic Burst!!

!!FLOOOOM!!

*The magic spell connects the unsuspecting Dimitri, who staggers backwards. Dimitri notices no effects, and returns to his attack! However, NOTHING hits! Blu begins to dodge all of his strike attempts with ease, as he has lowered Dimitri’s attack accuracy!*

Bob and Ralph: …

*Dimitri misses a wild haymaker! He spins from the whiff, and gets punished with a giant kick to the ass! Dimitri flies into the corner, shoulder first into the turnbuckle!*

Crowd: OOOOH!!

Bob: Blu uses a perfect magical attack!

*He breaks free of his confines, and summons another magic tech!*

Blu: NEFARIAN BLASTER!!

!!FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*The blast shoots across the ring, connecting with Dimitri! It INSTANTLY paralyzes the Russian on contact!*

Ralph: Another magical attack connects!! Blu better be careful! He’s been VERY lucky that Dimitri hasn’t aborbed these thus far!
Bob: Damn right! He has a chance to finish this right here, right now!

*Now in control, Blu casts his “Azure Lore” technique, which boosts his accuracy, damage, potency and duration of all of his spells! He’s powering up for one final strike on Dimitri, and causing what would be a HUGE upset victory tonight!*

Bob: Dimitri is helpless in the ring!
Ralph: and Blu is grabbing his blade! He’s going to end this! Referee! Get in there and stop the match!

*Still paralyzed, Dimitri can only watch in fear as Blu has retrieved his weapon, and is now charging him at full speed!*

Blu: AAAHHHH!!!

*Seconds before the blade strike connects, Dimitri flashes an evil grin, before catching Blu out of his attack by the THROAT!*

Blu: O_O!!
Dimitri: e_e nice paralysis technique… doesn’t take nearly as much energy as mine does. I’ll have to use it sometime.

*Dimitri has not only snapped out of the Nefarian Blaster, but he’s absorbed the technique! Using an incredible amount of focus, Dimitri then performs his “Soul Drain” technique! Every bit of Blu’s energy is absorbed via Dimitri’s Psi-Vampirism! Within seconds, Blu is rendered completely unconscious. Dimitri tosses him aside before falling to his knees, gasping for air heavily!*

 Everyone: o_o..

Ref: …ring it.

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: Holy CRAP!
Bob: That’s it… one TINY mistake by Blu and Dimitri manages to turn the tables and win the match. That was one hell of a contest! Blu was within INCHES of putting Dimitri away!
Ralph: for good.

Winner: Dimitri

*With Evans Blue playing, Dimitri slowly walks to the backstage area.*

Bob: Blu’s win streak ends here tonight at the hands of Dimitri, but what a match!

*As EMTs rush to the aid of Blu, the video crew switches the scene to a match between Dimitri, The Russian, vs. Lo-Ruhamah, the Occult asshole…*

Bob: Neither man is backing down here! This could be the makings of a CLASSIC con—WHAT THE HELL?!

*Two figures enter the ring and blindside BOTH Ruhamah and Dimitri with a powerful set of clotheslines that send the weary warriors to the canvas!*

Ralph: Is that… that new guy?
Bob: YES! It’s Rosinthorn! What in the HELL is he doing out here, and who is that with him?!

*The Referee attempts to keep the new competitor in the UCTF at bay along with his partner, but he is sent over the top rope for his troubles! Rosinthorn drops a jagged shard of metal in the center of the ring…*

Ralph: There goes the ref… and what the hell did he just drop?
Bob: I don’t… I have no idea WHAT is going on right now.

*Now directing traffic, Rosinthorn instructs his partner to lift the prone Lo-Ruhamah back to his feet*

Bob: Rosinthorn, for whatever reason is taking it to Ruhamah!

*He abides, before hitting the ropes and LEVELING Ruhamah with a running elbow to the back of the head! The Unloved one falls forward into the arms of Rosinthorn, who quickly delivers the Jumping Emerald Flowsion in the center of the ring! While this happens, his nameless partner slowly points to the entrance of the Arena…*

Bob: FALL FROM GRACE by Rosinthorn!! Good Lord what a move!
Ralph: Uhh… Bob, check the entrance.
Bob: LDFKAJDSL;FJ WHAT THE HELL?!

*Four beings, dressed from head to toe in black, roll a casket made purely from iron down the aisle… it is becoming increasingly clear that Rosinthorn has had this attacked planned for a VERY long time! Once the Casket makes it’s rest at the edge of the ring, the unnamed individuals slowly open the structure. The unconscious Lo-Ruhamah is easily punted out of the ring and into the casket! The doors are closed as Rosinthorn and his partner stand on top of the structure, their arms in the air in front of a hushed silence of the UCTF Capacity Crowd!*

Ralph: Um… not that he doesn’t deserve regular beatings like this… WHY!?

*More officials rush down to the ring to FINALLY separate the men from Ruhamah, meanwhile, more officials check on Dimitri…*

Bob: I have no idea Ralph! Not a clue! But you can bet your bottom damn dollar that they will have hell to pay.

*Present*

Arzie: The Following match is scheduled for one fall…

*The lights in the arena instantly go black, as “Forever Torment” kicks up over the sound system!*

Bob: That music can only mean one thing…
Ralph: Yeah..

Arzie: Introducing first, hailing from the bamboo forests of Japan, he is the legendary demon known as XAAAAMOTTTTT!!!

*Xamot slowly makes his way down the aisle, looking even more annoyed as usual as he’s just come off of a loss to Blu De’Ragnorok in the last edition of UCTF Massacre. He climbs into the ring and folds his arms, keeping his back to the arena’s entrance in an ultimate sign of disrespect for his opponent!*

Arzie: And his opponent…

*”Super Villain” by Powerman 5000 kicks up, bringing down the man who DESTROYED Lo-Ruhamah  in the last episode!*

Arzie: Hailing from the Laboratories of the Negaverse… He is known simply as ROSINTHORRRNNN!!

Ralph: This guy has been talking a lot of shit throughout Anime City since his arrival.
Bob: Well so far, he’s taken out Ric Austin and Lo-Ruhamah.
Ralph: Everybody takes out Ric Austin. YOU could take out Ric Austin, and he attacked Lo when he was already exhausted in his match against Dimitri. Let’s see if he can beat Xamot… even though Xamot hasn’t been doing that well in matches, lately. =\

*Rosinthorn slowly climbs into the ring. Xamot slowly turns around to face his opponent, and both self-proclaimed Super Villains stare each other down with an equal amount of contempt in their eyes. This match up is about to begin… NOW!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Rosinthorn vs. Xamot

*Discarding his characteristic sadism, Xamot quickly rushes towards the surprised Rosinthorn with a murderous intent in his eyes! He misses, as Rosinthorn quickly reads Xamot’s movements, avoiding the strike almost instantly. Flowing past Xamot in a blur, Rosinthorn reappears behind his enemy, punishing the whiff with a stiff kick to the back! The demon is sent tumbling to the ground for less than a second as he rolls quickly back to his feet.

Bob: Xamot rushed in and the rookie made him pay for it!
Ralph: *facepalm* He’s going to lose another match, isn’t he? Worst. Demon. Ever!

*Embarrassed, Xamot’s aura of evil energy begins to manifest around him… Rosinthorn, sensing the danger turns tail and begins to flee the ring! Xamot gives chase, playing right into the hands of the Villain from the Negaverse! Rosinthorn leaps, plastering his enemy in the jaw with a roundhouse kick which sends Xamot flying across the ring!*

Bob: Oh! Christ!
Ralph: and it’s going to be a humiliating loss. Wow.

*Now assuming the offensive role, Rosinthorn reaches into his coat, revealing a MASSIVE gun that has to be occupying the same pocket-verse where Akane Tendo’s hammers reside!*

Everyone: O_O OH SH—

Ralph: THAT’S ONE BIG FUC—

!!KAATHOOOOM!!

*The firearm begins to spray laser fire towards Xamot, who quickly transforms into his full demon mode and leaps high into the open air arena to dodge the attack! Fans from the first row of seating all the way to the nose bleed dive out of the way of instant death as Xamot speeds past them! The demon responds by sending a frenzy of shark-shaped ki blasts toward the squared circle! The blasts from the gun meet the feeding frenzy, causing several dozen explosions to fill the arena! Smoke billows from the remnants of the ki blast volley, leaving a shroud over the ring…*

Ralph: Can’t really see what’s going on here!
Bob: This could be a tactical advantage by Xamot! He has the high ground!

Rosinthorn: … THERE!

*Rosinthorn quickly spins around to blast Xamot, but it’s too late! By the time Rosinthorn is facing his opponent, the wily demon NAILS him directly in the sternum with his Shadow Charge! The shoulder block sends the 6’7” Negaverse Warrior THROUGH the ropes, out of the ring, and embeds him into the barrier on the outside!*

Ralph: DAMN!
Bob: What a shoulder block by Xamot!
Ralph: Rosinthorn was just a little too slow on that exchange, and he may have paid for it with a broken back!

*Xamot grins, letting that sadistic streak finally show itself, as he places his palms together in front of him. This is not good for both Rosinthorn AND the fans behind him, who have wisely begun to run out of the way!*

Bob: Xamot’s looking to finish!

Xamot: MAKO STRIKE!!

*He unleashes Dre Alexander’s signature shark made-o-ki directly towards Rosinthorn! Rosinthorn quickly acts! He uses an invisible telekinetic blast to keep the Mako Strike from connecting! It is a mere inch away from him!*

Ralph: What the–!!?

!!KATHOOOOM!!

*Rosinthorn teleports himself to safety in the cheap seats just as the blast hits the crowd. He looks down onto his opponent with an even bigger sadistic grin on his face, as if to let Xamot know he’s still one step ahead of him.*

Bob: We can add teleportation and telekinetics to Rosinthorn’s ever growing list of abilities.
Ralph: Xamot’s going to have to come up with a better game plan if he plans on defeating a guy he can’t touch. Oh yeah, and WHO CAN TELEPORT!

*Xamot, in his ever growing frustration, chucks a fireball high into the stands towards Rosinthorn, who teleports out of the way. He reappears behind Xamot, who turns right into a massive roundhouse kick to the face! This one sends the demon flipping inside out from the impact! Before he hits the ground, Rosinthorn teleports into the path of his flight, juggling the demon with another SICKENING kick to the mid-section! As Xamot’s body falls towards the earth, Rosinthorn catches him mid-air, before hitting his “FALL FROM GRACE” driver in the center of the ring!*

Ralph: JUMPING EMERALD FLOWSION!
Bob: That’s gotta be it!

*It COULD be the end, however, Rosinthorn doesn’t cover, instead, preferring the ten count, knock out victory over the one who claims to be the “Legendary Demon of the Bamboo Forests!” It is a testament to the vain disposition of the Negaverse Villain!*

Ralph: This idiot isn’t covering?!
Bob: You said it yourself Ralph… He wants this to be a humiliating defeat!

*However, Rosinthorn’s plan does not work. Xamot is pulling himself back to his feet after a vicious slam directly on the top of his skull! Rosinthorn’s grin fades as he teleports again! He reappears behind Xamot, cocked back for another kick to the face, but Xamot BLOCKS the strike before quickly goozling the rookie around the throat!*

Rosinthorn: O_O
Xamot: >=)

*In less than a second, both men are several stories above the ring as Xamot riddles with close ranged ki strikes. His grip around Rosinthorn’s neck tightens with every moment that passes!*

Bob: Went to the well once too many times!

*A blur of dark energy spirals to the ground in a death spin, ending with a quaking noise filling the arena from the impact of Rosinthorn’s body colliding with, and penetrating, the middle of the ring! The squared circle implodes, bringing the entire structure down!*

Ralph: HOLY—HOLY SHIT O_O
Bob: That… had to be the biggest Demon Slam I’ve ever seen in my LIFE! He just destroyed a UCTF ring with it!

Ref: o_o… ring the b—

!!BLAOWW!!

*Xamot is assaulted from behind by the broadside of a claymore axe, knocking him right out of his full demon mode and to the ruins of the ring!*

Bob: EBLIS DRAKAR!
Ralph: this asshole again.
Bob: Eblis has come to the rescue of his partner and is unleashing a beating of epic proportions onto Xamot! Jesus!
Ralph: Last week they laid Lo-Ruh—OH SHIT LO O_O

*Ruhamah appears out of nowhere, riding on the top of the very casket he was stuffed into like a damn surfboard! The object slams Eblis right in the face, sending the 6’5 warrior into oblivion! Lo immediately turns his attention to Rosinthorn, who has managed to pull himself out of the hole in the ring, and right into his waiting arms!*

Lo: >=|!! AHHH!!

*DOUBLE ARM DDT on the concrete is delivered to Rosinthorn by the Unloved one, right before he rolls Xamot on top of him!*

Ref: …….o_o *shrugs* 1….. 2……. 3!

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: AND IT’S OVER! Rosinthorn is defeated by Xamot in his second Career match!
Ralph: Chickens coming home to roo—OH CRAP BEHIND YOU!

Winner: Xamot

*Eblis levels Lo-Ruhamah from behind with the Iron casket! It leaves a damn DENT in the thing!*

Ralph: GOOD GOD!
Bob: SOMEBODY CALL 911!! What a shot to the back of the head!!

*Rosinthorn, slowly recovers, but as soon as he does, he joins his partner in laying the boots to Ruhamah for the second time!*

Bob: Lo being double teamed! Xamot too incapacitated to help!
Ralph: I’m not sure he’d help even if he was 100% healthy.
Bob: …touché.

*The beating continues for a few more moments until DIMITRI slowly saunters onto the stage!*

Ralph: Bobby, look!
Bob: Here comes Dimitri, fresh off of his victory just a few moments ago himself!

*Still surging with some left over energy from his match against Blu De’Ragnorok, the Russian slowly makes his way down the aisle. Eblis and Rosinthorn turn their attentions to him.*

Dimitri: Well, let’s see how that Blue Mage’s powers work out. Shall we?

*Eblis and Rosinthorn charge up the ramp, as Dimitri fires Blu’s very own “Nefarian Blaster” technique! It connects with Rosinthorn and Drakar, instantly rendering them paralyzed!*

Dimitri: Excellent.

*Dimitri brandishes a police baton as his pace quickens!*

Bob: Oh… Oh this is not going to be good!
Ralph: Pay back is a –

!!!WHOOMP!!!

*Dimitri goes to work on Eblis with the police baton, meanwhile, Lo-Ruhamah is back to his feet, and he quickly takes over the prone body of Rosinthorn, locking on his mystical submission maneuver, “Surrender Your Soul!” The arena fills with the agonizing screams from Rosinthorn as several officials FINALLY arrive on the scene to break apart the melee!*

Bob: Wow, this place is flooding with referees and officials trying to break this up!
Ralph: Lo’s a mess. He’s bleeding from all over the place! Seriously! Get 911 out here quickly!

*Bob stares off into space for a split second, before a wild expression forms on his face.*

Bob: Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m being told that the Next Episode’s main event has been revealed, and it is a DOOZY.
Ralph: What?! How come I’m not hearing the same thing in my microphone?
Bob: Next week’s main event will be for the UCTF Intergalactic Championship, and will pit the champion, Inuyasha, against RAVEN DARC!

Crowd: *POPS*

Ralph: whoa.
Bob: indeed! The final Broadcast before Cyberslam 2010 will have these two rivals duking it out for the Second biggest prize in the UCTF!
Ralph: I can’t wait!
Bob: In the meantime, we better get to a commercial break. Looks like the ring crew and EMTs are going to need a little time to get the ringside area cleaned up.
Ralph: uhh… Bob? Commercials? All of our sponsors left us years ago.
Bob: e_e… How about a classic commercial, then?

*A commercial starts where Burter is walking out of a UCTF office… a guy comes up and asks for an autograph… Burter says sure and signs it.. whenever he starts to walk away, the guy pulls out a Burter action figure to sign.. Burter laughs a little then signs it too…*

Do do do dooo, do doo, do waaaah!
It doesn’t matter what comes, fresh goes better in life,
With Mentos fresh and full of Life!

*As he’s walking away, the guy runs in front of him and opens up his coat, begging and pleading with Burter to sign his shirt. By now, Burter’s getting frustrated and angry.. but he signs it anyway.*

Nothing gets to you, stayin fresh, stayin cool,
With Mentos fresh and full of LIFE!!!

*The Guy runs up to him, and pulls up his shirt.. he wants Burter to sign his bare chest! By now, Burter is getting pissed.. but digs down deep into his soul and signs the guys chest. He tries to walk away, but the guy runs in front of him and pulls down his pants, showing the crack of his ass! Burter Snaps, turns the guy around and BURTER BOMBS HIM!*

Burter: >:|……

Fresh goes better! Mentos freshness!
Fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life!

*A bunch of cops and the guys family starts screaming and stuff.. Burter goes into his pocket and holds out a full pack of Mentos!*

Everyone: o_o……. ^_^!!!!!!!!!
Burter: ^_^

Mentos! The Freshmaker!

*Fades out…….*

*We return from our break. Magically, a new ring has been built, and Arzie is in the center of it with the microphone.*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is our main event contest for this evening!

*Story of the Year’s “We Don’t Care Anymore,” brings out the first challenger in tonight’s main event; The tag team partner of the #1 contender to the UCTF Grand Championship at Cyberslam!*

Arzie: Introducing first, hailing from Gotham City… She is one half of the UCTF’s Tag Team Champions… She is none other than BAT-GIRL!!!

Bob: Our #1 contender defeated Bat-Girl in a nail biter in the first round of the “Only the Strong” tournament!
Ralph: Yes sir. Bat-puppies here could very well have been one of our “#1 contenders” if it weren’t for an unfortunate twist of fate at the end of her match-up with X-23.
Bob: It was a very thrilling first round indeed.

*The cheering instantly converts to foundation shaking jeers when “Water Pow” by B-Dash begins playing over the sound system!*

Arzie: And her opponent… He hails from Sapporo City in Hokkaido, Japan… He is THE Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting league’s PLATINUM GRANNNNDDD CHAMPION!!!

Bob: Ok Arzie! We get the damn point!

*Kunoi hears Bob’s complaint just as he walks past the commentator tower!*

Kunoi: e_e…
Bob: e_e…

Arzie: -KUNOIIIII ISHIGAMIIIII!!!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

*The champ ignores the salty response from the crowd as he climbs into the ring. Planning on making an example out of the tag team champion tonight, he attempts to intimidate the female caped crusader by never taking his eyes off of her!*

Ralph: Kunoi looks prepared!
Bob: Yeah, well let’s see how he fares in this contest after not having a match with suitable competition in months!
Ralph: you mad at him or something?
Bob: what? e_e

!!DING DING DING!!

Kunoi Ishigami vs. Bat-Girl

*With the main event under-way, our Grand Champion quickly lunges in to take down the caped crusader, who manages to avoid the aggressive shooto veteran’s advances with a quick backward handspring.*

Bob: Kunoi’s misses the take down early as Bat-Girl EASILY avoids him! What elegance and grace displayed by the tag team champion!
Ralph: O_o

*The fighters circle each other in the center of the ring. They size each other up briefly before Kunoi quickly darts towards Bat-Girl, once more. This time, the Grand Champion’s speed greatly increases! He double legs Cassandra Cain, lifting the light-weight crime fighter quite easily, and slamming her viciously onto the canvas!*

Ralph: Kunoi scores the takedown!

*Once Bat-Girl is taken down, Kunoi doesn’t even have enough time to lock in the mount. Bat-Girl slips away, and rolls to her feet. Kunoi, now on his knees; can only watch in horror as Bat-Girl punishes him for his slowness. She delivers an EPIC palm strike across the chest! The echoing sound of flesh meeting leather throughout the arena causes the patrons to shiver, feeling sympathy for The Champion as pain quakes throughout his entire being from the strike!*

Ralph: Oh! Jesus!
Bob: Yeah, he took her down, but she’s back up! This ain’t the MMA, Kunoi!!
Ralph: o_o Bob!

*The blow sends Kunoi reeling backwards! As his body snaps back from the inertia, Bat-Girl already has her leg swinging around for a decapitating kick. Unfortunately for her, Kunoi catches her foot mid strike! His face has a mixture of angry and a sadistic smirk, as he slowly raises to his feet, holding her leg tightly in his arms.*

Ralph: This isn’t good for Ba—

*Bat-Girl, thinking quickly, uses her free foot to leap into the air, striking Kunoi on his chin with a back flipping kick! The move causes Kunoi to lose grip as he’s sent flying into the ropes! Bat-girl lands the flip perfectly in a three point stance.*

Bob: NOT GOOD FOR WHOM, RALPH?! Bat-Girl still in control!
Ralph: uhh… yeah.

*Kunoi, holding his sore jaw quickly checks for blood, before looking back at his opponent with an ever growing look of frustration! He charges, only to have Cassandra duck under his lariat before punishing him again with another sickening open palm strike! Kunoi shrugs off the strike like a man, before firing back with a palm strike of his own! TOO SLOW! Bat-Girl parries away the arm, followed by an elbow to the jaw that rocks the Grand Champion!*

Bob: SHE’S GIVING IT TO KUNOI!!

*The elbow leaving the champion momentarily stunned allows Bat-Girl to open up an array of strikes through-out the champion’s entire torso! Kunoi FINALLY shoves Bat-Girl away, sending her rolling all the way to the opposing side of the ring! She rolls through, using Kunoi’s momentum to pop back to her feet quickly! The champ charges again, hoping that his opponent is off guard following the massive shove! SHE AIN’T! Bat-Girl quickly drops, hitting a lightning fast low drop kick that knocks Kunoi’s knee right from under him! Ishigami, moving already at a high rate of speed loses control as he flies right through the ropes and to the floor below!*

Ralph: Kunoi sent out of the ring!
Bob: Indeed! Right now he’s being outclassed both mentally and physically by the Tag Team Champion!

*The Destroyer is getting MORE pissed than before! Slamming his fists on the concrete, he leaps back to his feet, scrambling to get back into the ring! The second he plants just ONE knee on the apron, he’s ROCKED with a bat-a-rang right across the face!*

Bob: *LAUGHING* BAT-A-RANG outta no where!

*He rolls backwards from catching the flying metal object across the nose! Instantly, his eyes begin to water profusely! He can barely see, which is not good news for him! Bat-Girl leaps from the MIDDLE of the ring! Using her cape as a glider, she flies high over the top rope, before landing on Kunoi’s shoulders! She quickly throws her body weight back, hitting a NASTY hurricanrana on the floor to the Champion!*

Bob: HURRICANRANAAAA!!!
Ralph: …
Bob: What a series of blows that our Tag Team Champion has given to Kunoi Ishigami! She might be fast tracked on the way to a HUGE UCTF upset!!

*Thrown back into the ring, Kunoi Ishigami is running out of options and FAST. In a situation where your opponent can read your every move, and beat you to every punch, you must do what every good villain does in your situation. CHEAT! The champion shoves the referee into the path of Cassandra Cain, and as she predictively avoids the flying official, Kunoi grabs two handfuls of bat-mask and TWISTS it 180 degrees!*

Everyone: D:!!

Bob: OH THAT CHEATING SON OF A—

*Now blinded, Bat-Girl falls prey to a wicked jumping knee strike to the side of the head! She crumbles from the impact, landing in the corner in a sitting position. The fans are about to riot from the cowardly act displayed by the Grand Champion!*

Bob: WHAT A YELLOW TAILED PIECE OF CRAP!
Ralph: You have to admit it was a smart move.
Bob: NO SCREW THAT! WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT! >=|!
Ralph: seriously o_o calm down!

*More bad news for Bat-Girl, as she’s a sitting duck for Kunoi’s sadistic boot scrapes in the corner!*

Ralph: Kunoi’s taking advantage, and the last thing you want is to be hit with ANY of his strikes! Bat-girl needs to figure something out right now!

*Kunoi hits the ropes, charging towards his opponent like a locomotive!*

!!CRACK!!

*The running boot scrape hits, sending Bat-girl face first out of the ring! Her body rests over the rope like Rampage Jackson following a Wanderlei Silva knee!*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Kunoi: *FLIPS EVERYONE OFF* e_e

Bob: DSLFKAJSDLFASI
Ralph: seriously, you’re going to have a heart attack o_o
Bob: HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR ANYONE!
Ralph: yeah, O_o he’s been that way for years. What do you expect?
Bob: e_e.. I .. I’m just getting tired of it.

*The champion pulls the almost lifeless body of Cassandra Cain back into the ring by her cape, before quickly snapping on a full nelson! He doesn’t think twice before chucking Bat-Girl violently backwards into a Dragon Suplex! The tag team champion bounces off of her neck, ROLL on her head and lands face first on the canvas! It is a devastating plex! Kunoi, showing a complete lack of respect doesn’t even go for the cover! Instead, he shouts into the crowd!*

Kunoi: e_e WHY DO THEY NEED A FEMALE BAT-PERSON IN GOTHAM ANYWAY?!  AND WHY DOES BATMAN NEED A KID SIDEKICK? HOW COME NO ONE IS GOING TO CALL HIM OUT FOR WHAT HE IS? A PEDAPHILIAC PIMP E_E

Everyone: BOOOOO!!!

*Elsewhere, in Gotham City…*

Bruce: e_e……….

*Back inside the ring, The Grand Champion casually walks over to his opponent. Slowly lifting her by her cowl, the overtly confident Kunoi leaves himself wide open for a STIFF strike to the mid-section!*

Crowd: *POPS!*

*Bat-Girl doesn’t let up, unleashing a flurry of martial arts strikes about Kunoi’s entire body!*

Bob: THAT’S RIGHT BAT-GIRL! KICK HIS ASS!

*Kunoi bounces off the ropes, as Cassandra rolls forward into a handstand and locks her legs around his throat!*

Kunoi: >_< GACK!!

*Cassandra pulls herself onto Kunoi’s shoulders!*

Bob: HANDSTAND FRANKEN—

*Ishigami however, reverses the flow, NAILING a powerbomb in the center of the ring!*

Ralph:  HUGE POWERBOMB BY KUNOI!
Bob: NO!! DAMMIT!!
Ralph: Just as Bat-Girl was regaining a little momentum, Kunoi quickly ends it with a well placed powerbomb!

*The bomb is so powerful, that Bat-Girl bounces into a sitting position! Not a good place to be, as Kunoi continues his work on the neck, attempting to lock on his “Ishigami Sleeper!”*

Ralph: Kunoi trying to get that l—

*Bat-Girl however slips away quickly, while pulling The Grand Champion’s leg out from under him! As she rolls to her knee, Kunoi pops back to his feet, angrily charging the tag team champ, only to find a BATTERANG crashing into his skull as a result!*

Crowd: OOOOHHH!!

Bob: Kunoi hit point blank range with that weapon! He’s damn near out on his feet!

*Bat-Girl springs off of Kunoi’s doubled over body, landing perfectly on the top rope!*

Bob: She’s going nor—

*But Kunoi reacts, kicking her leg right from under her! Bat-Girl collapses crotch first on the top rope!*

Crowd: X_X!! OOOHHH!

Ralph: But Kunoi shows again why he’s the Grand Champion with an AWESOME move like that

*He hits a leaping, spinning, palm-strike to Bat-Girl in the corner, before turning his back to her while grabbing her under her arms. That’s right! He’s about to go 2002 on everyone’s asses with the IconoClasm!*

Bob: This could be it for Bat-Gir—

*The moment he tosses her off the top rope, Bat-Girl quickly turns her entire body over and lands on her feet! The Destroyer looks on in bewilderment for a split second, long enough for Bat-Girl to PUNISH him with a stiff kick to the face! Kunoi travels backward from the impact, crash landing in the corner with his head resting against the bottom turnbuckle.*

!!POP!!

Crowd: OOOOOH!!

Bob: WHAT A KICK!
Ralph: She better take advantage now… Kunoi is looking slightly concussed from that kick!

*Cassandra drags the Grand Champion to the center of the ring… She stalks the hurting Destroyer, before grabbing his right arm. She then takes her boot and drops it on the Champion’s throat! The rest of the hold is academic! She pulls Kunoi’s arm toward her as hard as possible, while at the same time pushing her foot deeper into his throat! Kunoi instantly begins flopping around like a fish out of water!*

Everyone: O_O!!

Ralph: HOLY SH—
Bob: Mule’s Kill lock by Bat-Girl!! COME ON KUNOI!! TAP! TAP YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Ralph: o_o

*The Champion refuses to quit! As his heart begins to race, Kunoi grabs a hold of Bat-Girl’s leg with his free arm! He tries desperately to alleviate the pressure to his throat!*

Kunoi: >_< !!!! AHHHHHH!!

*Everyone in the arena are on their feet expecting to see Ishigami tap! It’s not going to happen. Kunoi uses his UNGODLY strength to push Bat-Girl’s leg away, quickly locking his legs around the falling tag team champion’s throat! He’s somehow reversed HER choke into his own, the Sankakujime!!*

Bob: …
Ralph: Triangle Choke!! It’s locked in tight!!!

*Bat-Girl also refuses to give up, but the tight grip by The Grand Champion is too much for her to bear, and she passes out in the center of the ring. The referee rushes in and pushes Kunoi off as the bell sounds in the HUSHED arena!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Kunoi: *OCUGH COUGH* X_X…

Everyone: ….

Ralph: It’s over! What a reversal!
Bob: ….

*”Water Pow” kicks up again, as Kunoi pushes the referee away who was attempting to raise his arm in victory!*

Kunoi: >=|!!

Winner: Kunoi Ishigami

Bob: well, Kunoi has proved himself by defeating X-23’s Tag team Partner, Bat—OH WHAT THE HELL! KUNOI >=|!

*Kunoi is NOT finished! He lifts the unconscious Bat-Girl back to her feet, locking on a full nelson…*

Kunoi: >=|!! I HATE BATTERANGS!

*Kunoi charges forward, before hitting the Locomotion Dragon Suplex in the center of the ring!*

Kunoi: E_E!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA BEAT ME SASA?! HUH!?

*He grabs Bat-Girl by the neck, quickly snapping on a Guillotine choke*

Ralph: …
Bob: GET SOMEBODY OUT THERE!

*Numerous officials rush the ring, while the time keeper rings the bell in vain. Kunoi is NOT letting go of the hold, that is, until X-23 sprints down the aisle! The Champ’s eyes widen as he releases the choke a second too late. X-23 flies across the ring, planting a flying drop kick to the chest that sends Kunoi flying through the ropes!*

Crowd: *POPS!*

Bob: Thank God for X-23! Get that son of a bitch out of here!

*X-23 goes to check on her tag team partner… NOT A GOOD IDEA! Kunoi slips back into the ring, locking on a choke hold from behind! Before she can react, he DROPS her with the Choke Sleeper Suplex! NOW the fans are rabid with anger!*

Crowd: L;KSJFADLFJAO

Kunoi: e_e… LOLLOLLOL

*With BOTH women now laid out, Kunoi slides out of the ring, backing his way up the aisle while appreciating his work. Unfortunately for him, he forgot one thing… there’s more than one #1 Contender to the Grand Championship! Slowly walking out from behind the curtain is–*

Bob and Ralph: D: INUYASHA!!!!!

Inuyasha: e_e…

*Kunoi slowly turns around to see the Hanyou standing only a foot away from him!*

Kunoi: D: !!

*However, today must be the luckiest day of Kunoi’s life, because from BEHIND INUYASHA IS–*

Raven: >=|!!!!!!!!!!

*FULL DEMON MODE RAVEN FRIGGIN DARC!!*

!!KARAKKAATHOOOOM!!!

*Raven takes out his opponent from behind with a SICK lariat, and continues to beat the #1 contender to the Grand Championship down the aisle! Kunoi lets out a sigh of relief as he returns to leaving the area.*

Bob: KUNOI THAT SON OF A BITCH CAN GO TO HELL!! >=|

Kunoi: …e_e..

Bob: OH SH—

*Kunoi HEARD Bob this time, and now the Commentator is FUCKED. Ishigami turns his attention to Bob and is CLIMBING UP THE COMMENTATORS TOWER1*

Ralph: o_o welp uhh.. Bob I’ll see you later… if there is a later.
Bob: OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT

*Ralph dives off the tower, while Bob tries frantically to stop Kunoi’s ascent by stomping Ishigami’s hands! IT’S ONLY SERVING TO PISS THE DESTROYER OFF MORE! Kunoi reaches the top and immediately responds to Bob by palm striking him so hard, Bob almost flips over the table! Kunoi grabs Bob’s leg, ripping his shoe off and stuffing it into his mouth!*

Bob: SsaldfkajdfDA

*Ripping his dress shirt apart, Kunoi gives Bob a second, even more vicious chop to the chest that opens him up! Bob crumbles, as Kunoi slowly lifts him back up to his feet and RAMS his head into the table with enough force to destroy it!*

Crowd: D:!!

*Kunoi leaves Bob unconscious. His head is still through a piece of debris which was once the commenting table as the crowd now begins throwing trash at the Grand Champion. The camera spreads around the ring side area. X-23 and Bat-Girl are defeated, Inuyasha is unconscious on the ramp, leaving the two members of the boyfriend’s club to stand tall.*

Kunoi: >=| *FLIPS EVERYONE OFF AGAIN*

End.

Last Episode

*The video feed replays to the last episode of UCTF: Massacre, with Sasa Dark slowly sauntering down to the ring.*

Sasa: Tonight, I am allowing my favorite piece of scum the chance to begin making money again, as I’m officially REINSTATING Kunoi Ishigami back into active competition. In fact, I’m even going to place him in the main event next week, as he will face XIU SHIELDS’ on the next episode of Massacre. And Kunoi… I hope you win that match. =3 I want you to enjoy your last time ever winning a contest inside this Arena, because at the next pay per view, CYBERSLAM VIII You will be defending your championship TWICE in one night!!! This time Kunoi. You’re GOING to lose. You’re GOING to be embarrassed, because these two proved themselves not to be total failures at Ultimate Massacre II!

*The package flashes to X-23 and Inuyasha winning their respective tournaments to claim their Strong Woman and Strong Man championships.*

Sasa: YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE END OF KUNOI ISHIGAMI’S UCTF GRAND CHAMPONSHIP RUN! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

*The video package feed fades, before we cut to the inside of the UCTF Arena, where the fans are being showered by pyrotechnical explosions from the top of the open air arena!*

Bob: Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to tonight’s edition of UCTF: SATURDAY MASSACRE! I am Robert Hinden, along side my great colleague and friend, Ralph Gerard!
Ralph: Thanks, and I cannot WAIT for tonight’s broadcast! The #1 contender to the UCTF Grand Championship, Inuyasha will take on the OTHER #1 Contender, X-23 in tonight’s main event!
Bob: And let’s not forget the RETURN of Kunoi Ishigami, fresh off of his suspension will take on Xiu Shields! But right now, let’s join Arzie who’s preparing to introduce our opening match…

*We cut to the hard camera facing the ring, which displays the UCTF Ring Announcer Arzie, with RIC AUSTIN already inside the ring standing behind him. HOW DOES HE DO THAT?!?!*

Arzie: LAAADIESSS AND GENTLEMENNN!! WELCOME TO UCTF: MASSACRE!

Crowd: *POPS!*

Arzie: The following is our opening contest, and it is scheduled for one fall… Introducing first, already inside the ring… He is The Leader of the New NEW UCTF Revolution… RRIICCCCCC AUSTTTINNNN!!!!

*The masked superstar throws his fat arms into the air to a MASSIVE chorus of boos from the crowd!*

Arzie: And his opponent… making his UCTF debut…

*”Supervillain” by Powerman5000 keys up, bringing down the newest member of the UCTF roster…*

Arzie: hailing from the NEGAVERSE… he stands at an incredible six feet, seven inches, and weighs in tonight at one hundred, sixty one pounds… He is… ROOOSSIIIIIINNNTHORRRRNNN!

*The skinny, long haired warrior created in the labs of the Negaverse (Yes.. That negaverse. From Sailor Moon. e_e) slowly marches his way down the aisle.*

Bob: Rosinthorn, making his first trip down the aisle of the UCTF Arena… Will he be victorious in his debut against Ric Austin?
Ralph: As long as he’s not hit by a freakin’ meteor on his way down to the ring, of COURSE he is. Shit, I’m sure even if he’s hit by one, he’s still got one hell of an advantage over Austin…

*The Newb climbs through the ropes, prepared to make a name for himself in his first official match up…*

!!DING DING DING!!

Ric Austin vs. Rosinthorn

*The sound of the bell means our first match is underway, and Ric Austin quickly rushes into battle full speed! Swinging wildly, Ric misses Rosinthorn COMPLETELY as the villain simply teleports out of the way, causing Ric to fly face first into the turnbuckle in front of him! Rosinthorn reappears a nanosecond later, directly behind Ric Austin. His back is turned to the masked wrestler, showing blatant disrespect!*

Bob: Brilliant speed shown there by Rosinthorn!
Ralph: Look at him, he won’t even stand face to face with Ric!

*Ric stumbles back to his feet, befuddled and embarrassed, he charges back towards Rosinthorn once more! As he advances on his opponent, his movements slow down, until he’s literally stuck in his pose. It’s as if he’s trying to push an invisible door made of lead!*

Ralph: is.. is Rosinthron..
Bob: HOLDING RIC BACK SIMPLY THROUGH THE USE OF HIS KI! THIS IS INCREDIBLE!

*Never turning to face his opponent, Rosinthorn tosses Ric backwards with a mere THOUGHT! His telekinetic blast sends Ric rolling backwards into the corner like a bowling ball! The pudgy wrestler strikes the corner, and flails wildly under the bottom rope before he lands HEAD FIRST on the concrete floor below!*

Crowd: OOOOHHH!!

Bob: And Austin’s sent out of the ring with a sickening thud!
Ralph: Ok Ric, if you want to live to lose another day, just stay down on the outside of that ring! It doesn’t even look like Rosinthorn wants to fight you!

*Wise advice by Ralph, The Hentai commentator, but do you actually expect Ric Austin to listen?! As Rosinthorn curiously peers over the top rope, Ric springs from the floor, driving his forearm right into the Negaverse Villain’s crotch! Now, no matter who you are or how powerful you are, a blow to the gonads will ALWAYS work!*

Bob: RIC WITH THE LOW BLOW! RIC WITH THE LOW BLOW!

*Rosinthorn stumbles to the center of the ring, allowing Ric to climb into the squared circle, now brandishing a steel chair!*

Ric: ARRRGHHH!!!

!!POP!!

Crowd: *WINCES!*

*Ric, with murderous intent, swings the chair with all his might! It connects more than a half dozen times before the remains of the steel chair are unrecognizable! Ric almost collapses from fatigue, when Rosenthorn begins to slowly re-ascend to his feet. Panicked, Ric now begins his climb to the top rope with the fragments of the steel folding chair!*

Bob: Ric is going for all or nothing here!
Ralph: Spoiler alert folks at home, this isn’t going to work!

*Ric leaps off with the chair high above his head! BIG MISTAKE! Rosinthorn leaps into the air as well, catching the morbidly obese pro-wrestler midflight, and turning it into a JUMPING EMERALD FLOWSION in the center of the ring!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!

Ralph: mmhhmm..
Bob: GOOD GOD!! SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!

*The chair goes flying out of the ring, as Ric takes the deadly emerald flowsion like it’s death itself! Laying completely motionless and spread-eagled in the center of the ring, he is pinned with a simple foot placed across his chest by Rosinthorn!*

Ref: 1…… 2……. 3!!!!!!!!!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: AND IT’S OVER!
Ralph: wow.
Bob: Rosinthorn makes short work of Ric Austin in his debut, and will go onto bigger and better challenges! Welcome to the UCTF!

Winner: Rosinthorn

*Rosinthorn reaches into his breast pocket, pulling out a black rose before laying it gently into Ric Austin’s hand. He slowly turns and retreats from the ring as the camera gets one more shot of Austin completely unconscious! Meanwhile, Backstage, the camera catches the UCTF Grand Champion, Kunoi Ishigami entering the arena for the first time in SEVERAL months, and he’s not happy!*

Crowd: BOOOOOO!!

*He rushes past scared employees, making a B-line for his dressing room.*

Kunoi: OH XIU!! E_E IT’S ALMOST THAT TIME XIU. I HOPE YOU’RE READY.

Ralph: …I hope SSS’s little brother doesn’t show up tonight.
Bob: I… I actually agree with you. With all that pent up aggression Kunoi has right now, he might end up slaughtering that kid…

Arzie: The following matchup is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Aht Urhgan, weighting in at 160 pounds, BLUUUU De’Ragnarok!!!

*Eternal Gravestones tunes up from the speakers as Blu De’Ragnarok walks down the ramp, fresh off his victory against Ric Austin! The bluish-dressed mage steps into the ring to prepare for his next opponent.*

Bob: And here’s Blu, who came off a devastating victory in his debut match!
Ralph: Honestly I think Ric Austin is just fodder for newbies to feel good about themselves. e_e
Bob: He may as well be, but now Blu is going to have to think up new spells against Xamot.
Ralph: Xamot needs to WIN a match or he’ll be an embarrassment to his friends in Hell!

Arzie: And his opponent, weighting in at 220 pounds in his human form… XAAAAMMOOOOTTTT!!!!

*Just then, Forever Torment plays as Xamot comes out, in his human form of course, with his slave Melinda walking behind him. The demon possessing Dre Alexander’s body glares at the mage as he steps into the ring and quickly enough the bell rings.*

*DING*

Bob: You think Xamot can finally score a win, this time against Blu?
Ralph: Maybe. I mean the only opponent Blu beaten so far was Ric Austin!

*Blu pulls out his Tizona sword, and comes in with a charge! Xamot only grins at the sight at such a weapon, and instead of a real Final Fantasy monster, he actually sidesteps the slash, grabs Blu by the back of the head, and throws him onto the turnbuckles.*

Blu: OOOOFF!! o_<!!

*But that’s not the end of it as Xamot charges up and executes the Soukeiha, and Blu gets sandwiched between the nasty move and the turnbuckle! Blu falls forward dazed, only for Xamot to grab him and then sends him FLYING high up in the air with a Koeikyaku, and then when Blu’s in mid-air, Xamot leaps up to catch him and powerbombs him back into the mat!*

Bob: Ooooh, Death Bomb!
Ralph: Xamot’s starting off at a frenzy here!
Bob: Wait… Xamot’s climbing up to the top rope… what is he gonna do?!

Xamot: RAAWRRR!!! >=|!!

*His body transform into a ball of energy in the form of a panther, hurling downward at Blu’s prone body!*

*THOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!*

*Xamot goes for an early pin!*

Ref: One…. two….

*But Blu kicks out just at the nick of time! Coughing, the mage decked in Near Eastern armor staggers up, only for Xamot to help him up by clutching him by the neck and hoist him in the air!*

Bob: Uh oh… looks like Xamot’s going for a chokeslam here!

*Indeed, but as Xamot lifts him by the neck, Blu chants a quick spell, and lets loose with a spell called… a Head Butt. Essentially that’s exactly what it is, but it’s enough to make Xamot let him go, and Blu lands on his feet!*

Blu: e_x… >=|

*He grabs both of his swords and go on the offensive! He steps in close enough and spins with a Circle Blade, cutting Xamot on the arms, and as soon as he stops, he channels his swords to glow and strikes him with the Seraph Blades! Then his swords turn into fire, smashing Xamot across the chest with Red Lotus Blade, sending Xamot over the ropes and crashes onto the steel barriers!*

Crowd: OOOOOHHH!!!

Xamot: ……. *growls*

*Blu steps back as Xamot suddenly transforms into his 7’3" demon form! As he climbs back into the ring, Blu frowns and charges with a Fast Blade attack, but it was Xamot who gets the last laugh here as he suddenly grabs Blu’s wrists to stop the attack, and his wing tips turn razor sharp…*

Ralph: Time for a blood donation, Blu!

Blu: O_O!!!!

*Xamot’s sharp wings stab onto Blu multiple times while the poor mage is being held, cutting some of his clothing to shreds and the flesh underneath to go with it! After what seems to be a minute and dozens of stabs later, Xamot finally throws him back onto the center of the ring, and laughs as Blu’s blood drips from his wing tips! Blu staggers up, realizing that this opponent is definitely no Ric Austin, and with a snarl, he channels another a spell, the Sickle Slash, sending a yellow energy something straight onto Xamot’s body, sending him to the ropes! Xamot roars and charges back, but Blu chants another spell, transforming his entire body into hardened Diamondhide! Xamot manages to strike him with his fist, but…*

Xamot: GAAAAHHHH!!!! x_x

*The strike hurt Xamot more than it hurt Blu! As Xamot staggers back, holding his wounded fist, Blu chants yet another spell, the Ram Charge, and the mat area underneath Xamot literally explodes, knocking Xamot to the ground. Blu takes a breather… and does a Convergence spell to increase his next spell by 25%. Exactly how that works in the real world here in the UCTF… not even the fight writer is exactly sure. Same thing with Magic and Hit Points. Maybe Damage Points, but a sword slash is a friggin’ sword slash, okay?! Have any of you noticed that Final Fantasy VI (released as Final Fanasty III in North America) is still the best game in terms of plot?! Then again that’s the fight writer’s opinion so… err where was I? OH! The match…*

Blu: e____e

*Using his earlier Convergence to his advantage, he chants a 1000 Needles spell! No, it’s not just some area south of the Badlands of World of Warcraft, as literally a thousand needles of energy splatters onto Xamot’s large body! The demon flies back onto a turnbuckle, groaning loudly… but he still has some fight left in him! Blu readies his swords to go for the final assault, but much to his surprise, Xamot roars and does a desperate Touch of Death! Merely touching the dark energy would make the bones explode!*

Bob: Oh no…. oh no, and Blu’s coming right for it!! O___O

Blu: O__O!!!

*BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Ralph: Woah, what the Hell?!

*Blu does a desperate move of his own, channeling a cannonball that smashes onto Xamot, knocking him straight to the mat! Now it’s Blu’s turn to go for the pin!*

Ref: One…. two…. three!!!!

Melinda: x_x *facepalm*

Ralph: Blu pulls off another win! Whew, that was a close one, getting in that attack before his bones explode or something!
Bob: Blu is still undefeated after two matches!

Winner: Blu De’Ragnarok

*Backstage, Kunoi Ishigami, now in his ring gear gleefully tapes up his wrists, all the while screaming to the top of his lungs. (YES, HE’S BEEN DOING THIS EVER SINCE HE ARRIVED.)*

Kunoi: ONLY A FEW MORE MINUTES XIU! E_E ONLY A FEW MORE MINUTES AND YOU PAY FOR PUTTING CHRIS CHAN IN MY ROOM. YOU HEAR ME?! YOUR LIFE IS RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

*Back in the main arena…*

Bob: …
Ralph: Xiu, stay away from the ring tonight ;_;!!

Arzie: Laaddiessss and Gentlemen… the following contest is scheduled for one fall!

Have Mercy on Me… a Sinner!

*Lo-Ruhamah storms to the ring, receiving an even bigger tirade of booing from the crowd than usual. I mean… did you SEE his last message to the UCTF a few days ago?! Be surprised that he actually made it to the arena in one piece!*

Arzie: Introducing first, the former UCTF World Champion… He is the Unloved one, Looooo-RUHAMAHHHH!!!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Bob: Ruhamah was in rare form in his come back match against Bat-Girl last episode…
Ralph: Yeah but where did it get him?
Bob: Be fair, Ralph! It was one slight mistake that cost him the match against the tag team champion. He seems to be more focused than before!

*”Eclipsed” begins playing, and out walks Dimitri.*

Arzie: and his opponent… making his way down the aisle… DIIIIMIITRRRIIIII!!

Bob: Fresh off of his victory over Xamot last week!
Ralph: In which he didn’t even break a sweat…
Bob: Dimitri looks to topple the legendary Lo-Ruhamah in UCTF competition!

*As the moments before the bell shorten, an obvious anxious expression grows quickly across the mug of the former World Champion!*

Dimitri vs. Lo-Ruhamah

!!DING DING DING!!

*And like a dog reacting to Pavlov bell, The Unloved one explodes out of his corner, charging towards Dimitri like a fat kid rushing towards Golden Corral! (Coincidentally, what Lo-Ruhamah himself was doing this time a year ago!) The Russian officer can’t react in time, and he’s victimized by a brutal pounding by Ruhamah in the corner!*

Bob: Lo not wasting any time here at the start of this match!

*Dimitri falls to the canvas and wisely rolls outside of the ring to create space! His reprieve doesn’t last long, however, as Lo has halfway over the top rope a split second later!*

Bob: Suicide dive by L—

!!CRUNCH!!

*Lo lands on top of Dimitri in an over the top rope Lou Thesz Press style mount before putting the fists to his opponent!*

Lo: THINK I’M GONNA LET YOU STEAL MY KI FROM ME LIKE THAT IDIOT XAMOT, YA COMMIE?!

Everyone: o_o

Ralph: Wow, he’s in a REALLY bad mood. Did you hear his radio broadcasts?
Bob: yeah, Tokyo Rose would be proud of him. e_e

*Ruhamah pulls Dimitri back to his feet before tossing the officer back into the ring. Methodically climbing in behind him, Lo draws his fist back, waiting for the perfect opportunity to land a big strike…*

Bob: Lo’s going for the knockout blow!

*Dimitri climbs to one knee right as Ruhamah goes for the big right cross! Unfortunately for the former World Champion, however, Dimitri catches his fist!*

Dimitri: …you’re right.

*Dimitri looks up, a smug smirk begins to swell on his face.*

Dimitri: I won’t need those powers to defeat you. >=)
Lo: D:!!

*The Russian’s grip on Lo’s fist tightens to bone shattering levels before hitting a SICKENING overhead Judo throw! Not letting go of Lo’s arm, Dimitri easily twists the former champion’s limb, forcing him to roll over onto his stomach! Dimitri mounts and PUNISHES The Unloved one with several vicious strikes to the back of the head!*

Bob: Dimitri with a SLAM to the canvas!
Ralph: Lo’s mouth gets him punched in the face again. Why am I not surprised?

*The former champion battles back to his feet WITH Dimitri perched on his shoulders! He quickly drops off, only to fall victim to one of Lo’s patented knife-edge chops! The Russian eats a series of blows, before firing back with a straight jab of his own. This powerful punch staggers Lo backwards for a split second, before the tenacious SOB charges back with a wild lunging strike! Not the smartest of moves against a military trained warrior like Dimitri! He turns Lo’s momentum against himself, sending Ruhamah stumbling a few steps past him, managing to hit nothing but air! Dimitri quickly grabs Lo, lifting him into the air for a toss, only to be pounded in the side of the skull with an elbow!*

Bob: Dimitri reverses, only to have the reversal reversed by Lo!
Ralph: …

*Lo quickly grabs Dimitri’s arm and twists the Russian over for the “Purgatory Whip!” Dimitri risks breaking his arm by RIPPING his limb out of the hold before being thrown end over end. As he staggers backwards while favoring his arm, Lo quickly strikes once more, using Dimitri as a step ladder with the Heavenly Step Kick!*

Bob: HEAVENLY STEP K—

*At the Apex of the Heavenly Step Kick Attack, Lo swings his body around violently in attempt to finish the strike with a big roundhouse to the back of Dimitri’s skull! The Russian telegraphs the move, BARELY ducking under the kick! Lo lands on one foot slightly off balance, easy pickings for Dimitri, who snatches on a headlock from behind!*

Ralph: That’s not good!

*As Dimitri drives Lo-Ruhamah forward to land his “Setting Sun” technique, Lo uses all of his energy to shove The Russian off of him! The brute strength manages to help Lo slip his head out of the lock, and sends Dimitri tumbling chest first into the ropes! Dimitri rebounds, right into the waiting arms of The Former World Champion, who delivers a DEVASTATING German Suplex in the center of the ring!*

Bob: German Suplex connects!

*Lo rolls over, keeping the waistlock connected!*

Bob: Lo’s got the hold locked still! We’ve seen this before!

*Lo pops his hips once more, sending Dimitri backwards with a second Brutal German Style Suplex!*

Bob: Lo powers back to his feet! Dimitri is still locked!

*He throws Dimitri backwards for a third German Suplex, but the Russian flips completely backwards and lands on his feet behind him! Grabbing Lo quickly by the skull, he drives the former World Champion face first into the canvas!*

Ralph: Christ!
Bob: Dimitri slips out and makes Lo pay!

*Dimitri quickly attempts to lock on another submission maneuver onto his dazed opponent, but he’s not fast enough! Lo quickly rolls to his feet! Dimitri quickly goes for a punch which is blocked high, followed by a low kick to the mid-section! He doubles over, allowing Lo to set him up for a powerbomb!*

Bob: Lo back in control in this quick paced ma—

*Right when Lo tosses Dimitri onto his shoulders for the powerbomb, Dimitri slips out of the hold and responds with a neck shattering roundhouse kick to the face! Both men, now off balance, stumble backwards! The ropes of the squared circle rebound both men, as they both lunge toward each other at terminal velocity! The added momentum from the ropes launch both men high in the air, as they both attempt a jump kick at the simultaneously!*

Bob: BOTH MEN AIRBORNE!

*The deliver a stunning, double split kick that connect CLEAN mid-flight! Dimitri and Lo-Ruhamah crash next to each other on the canvas… spread eagled and motionless after jarring each other with tandem kicks to the dome!*

Bob: AND THEY BOTH CRASH AND BURN!
Ralph: That could not have felt good!
Bob: Agreed! But to their credit, they’re both getting up after kicks that would have put down an elephant!

*Lo and Dimitri slowly climb back to their feet, and along the way, battle each other with unprotected strikes to the face! This contest has now turned into a test of will! Who can take the most punishment head on?!*

Bob: Neither man is backing down here! This could be the makings of a CLASSIC con—WHAT THE HELL?!

*Two figures enter the ring and blindside BOTH Ruhamah and Dimitri with a powerful set of clotheslines that send the weary warriors to the canvas!*

Ralph: Is that… that new guy?
Bob: YES! It’s Rosinthorn! What in the HELL is he doing out here, and who is that with him?!

*The Referee attempts to keep the new competitor in the UCTF at bay along with his partner, but he is sent over the top rope for his troubles! Rosinthorn drops a jagged shard of metal in the center of the ring…*

Ralph: There goes the ref… and what the hell did he just drop?
Bob: I don’t… I have no idea WHAT is going on right now.

Winner: No Contest

*Now directing traffic, Rosinthorn instructs his partner to lift the prone Lo-Ruhamah back to his feet*

Bob: Rosinthorn, for whatever reason is taking it to Ruhamah!

*He abides, before hitting the ropes and LEVELING Ruhamah with a running elbow to the back of the head! The Unloved one falls forward into the arms of Rosinthorn, who quickly delivers the Jumping Emerald Flowsion in the center of the ring! While this happens, his nameless partner slowly points to the entrance of the Arena…*

Bob: FALL FROM GRACE by Rosinthorn!! Good Lord what a move!
Ralph: Uhh… Bob, check the entrance.
Bob: LDFKAJDSL;FJ WHAT THE HELL?!

*Four beings, dressed from head to toe in black, roll a casket made purely from iron down the aisle… it is becoming increasingly clear that Rosinthorn has had this attacked planned for a VERY long time! Once the Casket makes it’s rest at the edge of the ring, the unnamed individuals slowly open the structure. The unconscious Lo-Ruhamah is easily punted out of the ring and into the casket! The doors are closed as Rosinthorn and his partner stand on top of the structure, their arms in the air in front of a hushed silence of the UCTF Capacity Crowd!*

Ralph: Um… not that he doesn’t deserve regular beatings like this… WHY!?

*More officials rush down to the ring to FINALLY separate the men from Ruhamah, meanwhile, more officials check on Dimitri…*

Bob: I have no idea Ralph! Not a clue! But you can bet your bottom damn dollar that they will have hell to pay. Not only did they attack Lo-Ruhamah, but they put their hands on Dimitri. o_o
Ralph: …

*Backstage, Kunoi Ishigami, The UCTF Grand Champion is ready to go. You can almost see the smirk on his face! (Come on, It’s Kunoi, this guy NEVER Smiles! You know someone is in serious trouble!)*

Kunoi: TIME’S UP, XIU E_E YOU’RE DONE SON! AS SOON AS THEY CLEAN UP THOSE WORTHLESS IDIOTS OUT THERE, YOUR ASS IS MINE!

*Elsewhere, in a dark area of the Arena, Xiu has been listening to Kunoi Ishigami’s rants all night, and he’s not afraid.*

Xiu: …e_e *takes a sip of mountain dew.*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall….

!!A LOADED GOD COMPLEX
COCK IT AND PULL IT!!

Bob: Well… here we go!
Ralph: DEADMAN WALKING! DEADMAN WALKING!

Arzie: Introducing first, on his way down the aisle, he is the keyblade slinging son-of-a-gun, XIIUUUU SHIIIEEELLDDSSSS!

*The former assistant of Jeice makes his way down the aisle while Fallout Boy plays on the speakers behind him. He attempts to ignore the expressions of pity directed towards him by the UCTF Capacity Crowd, as he’s preparing to face a very angry Japanese man in a few short moments.*

Arzie: Anddd his opponent…

*As “Water Pow” interrupts Arzie, Kunoi storms his way down the aisle with a sadistic/crazed look in his eye!*

Arzie: And his opponent, The Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting League’s Grand CHA—

*Arzie is drowned out by the screaming from the champ as his fast paced walking transforms into a full sprint! Kunoi’s jacket and Grand Title have been left behind half way up the ramp as he dives face first into the ring!*

Kunoi: THAT’S YOUR ASS XIU!! YOU’RE DONE RIGHT NOW!

*Ishigami instantly goes for the double leg, only for Xiu to leapfrog over the champion. Kunoi pops back up to his feet in an instant and attempts to decapitate Xiu with the BUSAIKU KNEE KICK right the little blue haired warrior rebounds from the ropes! Xiu quickly rolls under the strike before pouncing to the top rope in a single bound! Kunoi turns just in time to eat a drop kick right in the face!*

Ralph: OH SH—

!!DING DING DING!!

Kunoi Ishigami vs. Xiu Shields

*No sooner than Kunoi’s shoulders hit the canvas, he kicks back up to his feet virtually unharmed, and even MORE angry than before!*

Xiu: D:!!

*He dives for Xiu, who baseball slides between the SHOOTO legend’s legs! He ends up on the apron, with Ishigami reaching over the top rope to grab him! He throws his legs over his head, locking them around Kunoi’s neck!*

Bob: This could get interesting!

*He powers his legs down, sending the Grand Champion spiraling over the top rope and to the concrete with a HUUUUGE Hurricanrana!*

Bob: Kunoi sent flying!

*Ishigami slowly climbs to his feet, while inside the ring, Xiu is gaining momentum from the ropes! Shields uses the referee’s back as a springboard, NAILING The Destroyer from Sapporo with a suicide dive!*

Ralph: JESUS!
Bob: I can’t believe I’m seeing Kunoi getting the snot knocked out of him!

*As both men slowly get up from the train wreck they caused on the ramp, Xiu grabs a hold of the UCTF Platinum Grand Championship title that Kunoi abandoned earlier and prepares to take the The Destroyer out!*

Bob: I think Xiu’s going for the knock-out blow, here!

*Xiu spins around at with reckless abandon with the twenty-five pound belt, only to have Kunoi DUCK the swing! The Champion grabs Xiu, FINALLY, and makes Shields pay with a devastating exploder suplex right on the concrete! *

Bob: XIU MAKES HIS FIRST MISTAKE AND PAYS FOR IT WITH A NASTY EXPLODER!
Ralph: Yeah… That’s his ass! He should have escaped when he had the chance!

*Kunoi methodically lifts Xiu back to his feet by his blue locks, only to have the Keyblade wielder connect with a surprise forearm to the genitals! Ishigami’s eyes roll into his head from the pain, allowing Xiu to toss the Grand Champion into the steps at full steam!*

!!CRACK!!

*The Champs face connects with the steps, sending the structure flying across the floor! Meanwhile, Xiu has reclaimed the Grand Championship belt! This time, the dazed Kunoi’s reaction time isn’t fast enough! The Platinum cracks him across the forehead, sending the champion onto the apron!*

Bob: XIU CONNECTS!!
Ralph: Did that knock him back… INTO the ring?!

*Kunoi’s body slowly rolls back into the ring. Not a good place for the Grand Champion to be! The Nimble Xiu hops to the top rope again, and prepares to make the biggest upset victory of the year in the UCTF!*

Bob: Xiu up top!!

*Xiu comes off, performing a picture perfect 450 degree spin, into a legdrop right across the FACE of Kunoi Ishigami! He swiftly rolls ontop of his opponent!*

Ref: 1….. 2….. 2.9999999!!

*But it’s not to be! The Champion kicks out!*

Bob: Xiu just barely avoids the upset of the century!
Ralph: Yeah right… Shields’ always snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
Bob: uhh.. you know, I don’t think he’s ACTUALLY a Shields…
Ralph: DOES HE HAVE BLUE HAIR OR NOT? >=|

*Regardless of the kid’s Genealogy, Xiu remains in control of the matchup thus far! Balling up his hands, He begins to produce a flaming type aura of ki around his wrists in the form of Dragon’s claws!*

Bob: Xiu manifesting some kind of battle energy!

*He lunges into the Grand Champion, unloading a flurry of burning slashes about Kunoi’s body, circling him with a blur of red and blue!*

-Somewhere in Metropolis-

Clark: *SNEEZE*

-Back in the Arena-

Kunoi: STAND STILL!

*Xiu ducks a powerful, yet SLOW haymaker, punishing the Grand Champ with a stiff elbow to the gut! He then pivots his body towards Kunoi, NAILING The Destroyer with a palm strike directly to the sternum with enough brute force to lift Ishigami off of his feet!*

Bob: Kunoi taken off his feet!

*He ONE PATTERNS above Kunoi, and crushes the champion back to the canvas with a DBZ style Meteor Strike attack!*

!!KAAAATHOOOOM!!

Bob: METEOR STRIKE! METEOR STRIKE!

*The smoke clears to reveal Kunoi laying face first, motionless in the center of the ring. *

Ralph: Holy sh—I thought Kunoi was put THROUGH the ring with that last move!
Bob: So this must be the “Z-Level” strength I’ve heard about from this kid. He maybe have just knocked out the toughest bastard on our roster with very little effort!

*As Xiu slowly descends, The Destroyer’s hand slowly begins to move… The Champion is very much awake, and VERY MUCH PISSED!

Kunoi: e_e… Alright. That’s how you want to play it Xiu?! THAT’S HOW YOU WANT TO PLAY IT!?!? ARRRGHHHH!!!

!!KAAATHHHHOOOOMM!!

*For the second time in his career in the UCTF, Kunoi powers up, unlocking his hidden potential, and we now have a match!*

Bob: oh no! Kunoi’s unlocking that ability he used against Yugo Ogami!
Ralph: Xiu just might have pissed the wrong guy off o_o

*Not given Kunoi the opportunity to fully power up, Xiu launches himself towards the Grand Champion while focusing every bit of his battle aura into his feet!*

Xiu: ARRRGHHHH!!

*Xiu draws back, nailing the Champion in the side of the neck with a platinum ki powered roundhouse kick!! Kunoi’s neck bends to a fourty five degree angle, but the Champion doesn’t even so much as WINCE in pain! You can almost SEE the moment Xiu loses all control of his body fluids from fear!*

Xiu: O_O!

Ralph: UH OH!!!

*Shield’s darts backward quickly, but Kunoi is ALREADY BEHIND HIM! A knife edge chop from the champion connects!*

Bob: GOOD LORD Xiu just bounced off the damn ground from ONE SLAP!
Ralph: Yep… the bad times are about to begin here!
Bob: To his credit, Xiu is back to his feet already, and with glowing fists!
Ralph: Should have stayed down!

*Now being followed by a trail of sparkling light emanating from his very fists, Xiu challenges the powered up Kunoi Ishigami head on!*

Xiu: HA! HA!

*As his controlled frenzy of punches are parried away by the Champion, Xiu surprises The Destroyer with a HEADBUTT! Kunoi staggers half a step backward…*

Kunoi: …*checks himself* … >=|!!
Xiu: O_O

*Kunoi comes back with twice as many punches, at TWICE the speed! Xiu is clobbered from one corner of the ring to the other!*

Bob: ISHIGAMI OPENING UP A CAN ON XIU!
Ralph: Xiu go to the nuts again! It’s your only chance!

*Xiu throws himself backward into the corner, and out of pure desperation, kicks the champion in the face with dual boots! Kunoi rolls backwards, giving the kid seconds of breathing room to pounce to the top rope!*

Bob: ALL OR NOTHING FOR XIU!

*Xiu flies off the top rope and lands RIGHT ON KUNOI’S SHOULDERS*

Kunoi: >=D!!!!!!!!

Bob: KUNOI’S GOT HIM!

*Kunoi tosses Xiu into the air and throws his Busaiku Knee Kick, only to have it caught mid-flight by Xiu, who reverse it into a Dragon Screw Leg throw!*

Crowd: *POPS!!!*

Ralph: HOLY SH-
Bob: HE REVERSED THE KNEE KICK! THAT DAMN MOVE HAS ENDED CAREERS!
Ralph: His brother’s career!
Bob: Yea—e_e

*Shields’ is back to his feet first, and finally, the time for playing is OVER.*

Bob: I think Xiu is—YES! KEYBLADE!

Kunoi: …

*Kunoi looks up in time to see the Keyblade SPINNING toward him! Xiu unleashes a fury of slashes, followed by a brutal series of knees, into an uppercut that lifts him off his feet! Xiu leaps above him, nailing the champion with a keyblade assited meteor strike! Arriving on the canvas BEFORE Kunoi, Xiu drives the butt of the keyblade INTO the falling Kunoi’s midsection! A trail of blue ki follows behind him!*

Xiu: …ANIMA LEONISSSS!!

*An explosion of ki in the form of a giant Lion’s head engulfs Kunoi, as it’s roar fills the UCTF Arena!*

!!KAAAATHHHOOOOMMMM!!!

…………….

*The crowd goes into a hush, as Smoke fills the arena. As Xiu falls to one knee, completely exhausted, the fans around the world wait to see if they’ve witnessed Kunoi Ishigami’s first loss in WHO KNOWS how many years at this point!*

Ref: uhh.. o_o ring the be—

Kunoi: AAAARRRGHHHH!!!

Everyone: O_O!!

*Kunoi leaps THROUGH the fog! He’s on fire from the Anima Leona attack, and more enraged than ever before! *

Kunoi: CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!
Xiu: LOL-FU—

*Xiu swings the Keyblade out of desperation one last time, only for Kunoi to SPRINGBOARD off of the weapon and NAIL Shields with a flying Busaiku Knee!*

Crowd: OOOOH!!!

Ralph: JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST!!

*OPEN HAND SLAP TO THE FACE! ANOTHER! BACKHAND! SECOND BACKHAND TO THE FACE, SPINNING BUSAIKU KNEE! Xiu spins 180 degrees, allowing Kunoi to lock on the Katahajime choke! Kunoi pops his hips, delivering the CHOKE SLEEPER SUPLEX! Xiu bounces off his head before his body comes to a rest spread eagled on the canvas! Kunoi mounts quickly, unleashing a brutal series of unanswered one armed bombs directly to the face!*

Bob: Kunoi unleashing hell on Xiu Shields!! This is not good!

*Finally the referee DIVES into Kunoi, separating the two before The Champion can inflict any permanent damage on Xiu, and that’s IT!*

!!DING DING DING DING DING!!

Everyone: D:!!

*Kunoi, doing what he does best, effectively sucks the life directly from each and every fan praying for his demise in a matter of seconds! This match is OVER!*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this match… The UCTF Grand Champion, KUUNOOIIII ISHIGAMIIII!!!

Winner: Kunoi Ishigami

*Ishigami stalks the Unconscious Xiu, but the referee quickly throws himself in between the two competitors! Kunoi thinks wisely of the situation, slowly turning and leaving the ring! It’s safe to say he’s proven his point after an impressive victory!*

Ralph: I actually thought Xiu was on the verge of winning there.
Bob: Who the hell didn’t?! He hit Kunoi with damn near everything in his arsenal! Kunoi is some kind of machine!

*We quickly cut to the backstage area, where The dog Demon, Inuyasha watches Kunoi retreat to the back.*

Bob: But can even the Grand Champion withstand the force that is the Dog Demon, Inuyasha? The almost invulnerable Grand Champion is on a collision course with Kunoi Ishigami! He will take on the other #1 contender to the Grand Championshp, X-23 NEXT UP!

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is our MAIN EVENT CONTEST!

Crowd: *MASSIVE POP!*

*Story of the Year’s epic “We Don’t Care Anymore" begins playing, bringing down The Clone…*

Arzie: Introducing first, making her way down to the ring, she is one half of the UCTF Tag Team Champions.! She is the UCTF Strong Woman Champion, and the number one Contender to the UCTF Grand Championship… She is… XXXX-23!!!!

Bob: X-23 earned her place after her impressive victory over Leona in the finals of the Strong Woman Tournament.
Ralph: Leona came to that tournament and dominated, but made an almost fatal mistake when she tried to explode Girl Wolverine here o_o.

*Her music dies down, leaving a momentary silence throughout the arena before “Hanyou Inuyasha” kicks up! The crowd pops hard as the red robe wearing half demon slowly steps out from behind the curtain.*

Arzie: And her opponent, He hails from the Feudal era of Japan… He is not only the winner of the UCTF Strong Man Tournament, but he simultaneously holds the Weaponmaster and UCTF Intergalactic Championships around his waist! He is ALSO the Number One Contender to the Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting League’s GRAND Championship! He is none other than the DOOOGG DEMON… INUUUYAAASHAAAAA!

Bob: Huh… I’m sensing a little Bias here from Arzie. O_o
Ralph: What are you talking about? Inuyasha doesn’t have all that stuff around his waist? >=|
Bob: no it’s just… and the double headed coin last week..
Ralph: Oh it’s his fault for htat?
Bob: No I’m just saying—
Ralph: You’re a hater, Bob. =\ All these years and I’m just now finding out you’re a player hater.
Bob: O_o Player Hater? Where’d you learn that Term?
Ralph: Urban Dictionary.

*The Double Champion hops over the top rope with ease. Both fighters surrender their gold to the referee, as he in turn releases the titles to the time keeper. The dual #1 contenders remain in the center of the ring. Not a muscle has moved between the two of them as their eyes remain locked on each other.*

Bob: Expect X-23 to turn up the intensity in this match up, after the way Sasa Dark and others have been downplaying her skills over the past few weeks.
Ralph: Oh here you go again! Stop trying to cause trouble here! It’s obvious these two share a mutual respect for each other and NOBODY out here is downplaying her skills!
Bob: mhm… e_e

*The referee sounds for the bell, and our main event match is underway!*

!DING DING DING!

X-23 vs. Inuyasha

*Ralph is actually right for once in his life. These two DO share a mutual respect for each other, that’s they they both POUNCE each other the second the bell sounds!*

Bob: The #1 contenders lunge toward each other immediately!

*X-23 catches the bruiser’s arm and quickly tosses him over her head with a well placed Judo throw! Inuyasha slams the ground with enough force to bring him BACK to his feet! Stumbled, he falls into the ropes before he’s rebounded back towards the center of the ring!*

Bob: The Intergalactic Champ quickly back to his feet!

*The momentum aids Inuyasha as he sails towards The X-man! He swings wildly again, accomplishing nothing more than opening himself up for a BIG open palm strike from X-23 right in the sternum! The strike halts him right in his tracks…*

Inuyasha: GRRR!!

*The brute leans in for another wild strike! Not a good idea! Left palm strike to the chin from The Clone, a right, low roundhouse to the knee, followed by a right spin-heel kick to the breadbasket! Inuyasha SLIGHTLY leans forward, right into a flying knee to the nose!*

Bob: X-23 taking it to the Intergalactic Champion!
Ralph: Inuyasha has that slow, brute strength… X-23’s speed and agility is definitely at an advantage…. o_o she better not ever let him grab a hold of her, though.

*THIS is true, especially now that Inuyasha is growing more and more frustrated with each missed strike!*

Inuyasha: Alright… you’re fast…
X-23: …
Inuyasha: But you HIT LIKE A GIRL!

*After getting every feminazi around the world into a seething rage, Inuyasha charges the Tag Team Champion again! He draws back!*

Inuyasha: IRON REAVER!! SOUL STEA—

*The champs patented strike is PARRIED AWAY by X-23 seconds before she follows up with a BIG roundhouse to the side of the neck! It’s a kick with enough force to break the neck of an elephant! Inuyasha, however, eats the kick and it BARELY moves him!*

X-23: …

Crowd: D:!

Ralph: OH SH—

*Inuyasha goozles the one known as “Talon” before easily lifting her into the air with ONE arm! X-23 responds with another powerful roundhouse to the neck, AGAIN to no effect! The Dog Demon easily tosses the Tag Team Champion through the air, OVER the top rope and to the floor!*

!!SMACK!!

X-23: …ow.

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!

Bob: X-23 was literally FLUNG out of the ring!
Ralph: Now that was a chokeslam! I guess she didn’t hear me tell her not to let Inuyasha grab a hold of her.
Bob: I guess not. Inuyasha needed to create a distance between the two because of X-23’s superior speed. He was getting eaten alive out there!

*The Half-Breed’s reprieve does not last as long as he’d want, as X-23 kips back up to her feet in a single motion. She rushes past the stunned fans toward the ring. Inuyasha makes a b-line toward the ropes to meet her, not expecting the X-man to slide under the bottom rope and right past him! By the time he spins around, she’s already back to her feet and rebounding off of the ropes at the far side of the ring.*

Bob: X-23 off the ropes!

*Inuyasha once again swings wildly, and X-23 once again ducks underneath… She bounces off of the nearest set of ropes, springs off of them, flying into a handstand. She vaults off, nailing Inuyasha with a resulting vault kick that manages to knock the oaf off of his feet!*

Ralph: She got him!
Bob: Inuyasha down for the first time in the match! Now he finds himself trying to pick himself up from the canvas!

*The second Inuyasha rolls to his knees, X-23 is already above him, somersaulting in mid-flight!*

Ralph: UH OH!

*The Downward Guillotine kick lands right on the base of the Hanyou’s neck, damn near imprinting Inuyasha’s face into the canvas from the impact of the crushing kick!*

Bob: The Intergalactic Champion made to kiss the ring! He’s maybe now realizing he shouldn’t have underestimated his female opponent!
Ralph: DAMMIT Bob! >=|

*X-23 flips backward just as Inuyasha climbs to one knee. Stunned, he rubs the back of his aching neck with a slight smirk on his face.*

Inuyasha: Alright… That wasn’t bad girlie. I admit I didn’t take you seriously enough at first.

Bob: HAH!

Inuyasha: But not anymore. LET’S GO!
X-23: HAAAAA!!

*The silent warrior charges forth towards the Intergalactic Champion! Inuyasha parries away two high punches easily, just before X-23 flips backwards, attempting to catch him off guard with another rising kick to the chin! Not this time! Inuyasha catches her by the ankle, and lifts her high over his head!*

Ralph: got her!

*Just before he prepares to slam her into obliteration, X-23 slips out of the half-demon’s grip, landing behind him! She goes for a low sweeping kick, but Inuyasha easily leaps over the attempt, followed by a kick of his own! Talon rolls out of the way, springing forward towards the champ once more! Inuyasha quickly dashes backwards, easily avoiding more strikes from the Tag Team champion…*

Bob: Inuyasha is now matching X-23 move for move!

*Off balance, X-23 is FINALLY hit in the ribs by a big left from The Half-Breed! Rolling with the punch, she springs off of the middle rope, flying towards her opponent with her leg cocked backwards!*

Inuyasha: Too slow!

*Inuyasha darts towards her in a big silver and red blur, NAILING the airborne mutant out of the sky with a giant thrust kick! X-23 corkscrews out of the air, yet somehow manages to land in a one armed handstand, before vaulting back to her feet! Inuyasha lands on the top rope perched!*

Inuyasha: …
X-23: …

Bob: Inuyasha has the high ground!
Ralph: Yeah, but I don’t think X-23 cares!

*She leaps towards Inuyasha, who has the same thing in mind! They collide while both are still in the air, with X-23 able to connect first! She lands a BIG double axe handle style uppercut that connects!*

Bob: X-23 CONNECTS FIRST!

*Inuyasha takes the blow like a man however, giving X-23 an arrogant grin!*

Ralph: WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT INUYASHA WANTED!

*Still very much airborne, Inuyasha grabs X-23 by her collar!*

Inuyasha: IRON REAVER!!! SOUL STEALER!!!!

!!KATHHHHHOOOOMMMM!!

*The Iron Reaver, created to destroy IRON RODS connects with X-23 head on! The clone is sent reeling from the hit, and consequently, crashes on the canvas before rolling into the corner! Her body lands unnaturally from Inuyasha’s primary attack, as she comes to rest in a violent, pretzel like shape in the corner!*

Ralph: Holy shit!!
Bob: The Iron Reaver hits, and… X-23 is GETTING UP!

*She stands from the hit. Her cowl is half sliced in half. Blood pours from the open wounds on her face and neck from the result of the attack for a few moments before her healing factor kicks in. Within seconds, she’s fully healed, save the bloody mess that covers the upper portion of her body.*

X-23: ….

!!SNIKT!!

Ralph: uh oh…
Bob: And the Bloody Mutant is not happy at all! She’s finally popped her claws!
Ralph: Is it time for someone to call 911?
Bob: not yet… But I have a feeling it’s heading in that direction!

Inuyasha: Weapons, now? I guess it’s time for Tessaiga, huh?
X-23: Wrong. I’ll gut you before you have a chance to un-sheath your weapon.
Inuyasha: …

*The second Inuyasha’s brain synapse FIRES to reach for Tessaiga, X-23 is already across the ring with her claws drawn!*

Inuyasha: LOLFU—

Bob: HERE SHE COMES!

*True to her word, Inuyasha doesn’t have the chance to un-sheath his weapon before he’s forced to avoid the Mutant’s aggressive attacks toward him!*

Ralph: She’s trying to take the Champion out now and make a statement!
Bob: yeah, to never under-es—
Ralph: SHUTUP!

*Despite the increasingly feral swipes, Inuyasha manages to avoid and block away every single strike that X-23 can throw at her! It is an impressive feat. However, Inuyasha is ignorant to one little fact that he learns the hard-way! Batting the Talon away, Inuyasha inadvertently leaves himself open to for an attack via X-23’s FOOT Claw! Cartwheeling into a handstand, Laura catches the Dog Demon across the face with a quick, DEADLY claw added kick! The damage is instantaneous, with blood quickly spewing from Inuyasha’s open wound! The dog demon staggers backwards, screaming in agony!*

Bob: X-23 HAS HIM!
Ralph: That HAD to hurt! He’s wide open now, Bobby!

*X-23 charges in once more, this time delivering a CLEAN slash to Inuyasha’s chest! The kick slices through not only the Robe of the Fire Rat, but cuts DEEP into The Dog Demon’s chest! The Champion roars in pain again, this time falling to his knees!*

Bob: ANOTHER KICK AND INUYASHA GOES DOWN!
Ralph: Those claws are made from the strongest metal known to man, and Inuyasha just took two very serious blows from them…

*With one hand hiding the gash on his face, and the other holding his chest, Inuyasha shows his toughness by standing back up to his feet! The crowd climbs to theirs in unison to cheer both competitors on!*

X-23: …
Inuyasha: …

*A brief silence is shared before X-23 dashes in for the finish, unknowning that by bleeding out the Dog Demon, she has open herself up for one of his most POWERFUL attacks!*

Inuyasha: BLADES OF BLOOD!!!!

*Turning his OWN blood into dozens of sharp, bloody projectiles, Inuyasha hits his reversal on a perfectly unsuspecting X-23! She’s bombarded and her body is ravaged from head to toe!*

Bob: HIJINKESSOU from Inuyasha!! The same technique that he used to defeat Marcella Grace!!

*X-23 hits the canvas, her clothes torn to shreds… multiple stab wounds cover her body! She’s hurting, but not defeated yet!*

Ralph: Is she getting up!?
Bob: SHE’S GETTING UP!

*Inuyasha watches his opponent return to her feet. He witnesses her wounds healing before his very eyes, and he’s officially had enough of this! As she recovers, Inuyasha finally draws Tessaiga! The blade flares full of his Yokai energy instantly…*

Bob: I think this is it!
Ralph: Fans are wisely getting the hell out of the way, too!

*Not even allowing X-23 to fully stand, Inuyasha calls upon the power of his father’s final gift to him, The Tessaiga!*

Inuyasha: KAZZEEEE NO KIIIZZUUUU!!!!!!!!

!!!KAAAAAATHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!

*X-23 is quickly engulfed by Tessaiga’s attack along with everything that was unfortunate enough to be behind her! The attack designed to destroy 100 demons in a single blow flies all the way back to the wall of the UCTF Open Air Arena! Somewhere, you can hear the crew responsible for repairing the UCTF Arena on a weekly basis cry a little…*

Bob: Wind Scar connects! This one is OV—

*X-23 DIVES through the smoke left behind by the windscar! Most of her body is charred to the bone! Both claws are drawn back!*

Everyone: HOLY SH–!!

*She comes down on Inuyasha with the double axe-handle, only both of her claws drive DEEP into the flesh of the Intergalactic Champion!*

Ralph: WHAT THE HELL!? HOW?!
Bob: Inuyasha has been caught!

*She RIPS her claws out, and a stream of Inuyasha’s blood follows! It’s so quick, so devastating, that the Champion falls to the ground in a heap! Once his body hits the canvas, he’s done! No movement can be seen at by The Half-Breed as X-23’s body slowly heals from the damaged it received at the hands of the Wind Scar!*

Bob: D:
Ralph: D:
Fuck it! Everyone: D:

Ref: R… Ring it. o_o

!!DING DING DING!!

*“We Don’t Care Anymore" by Story of the Year begins playing once more as the improbable has happened! X-23 has defeated the near indestructible Inuyasha in the center of the ring! The ref goes to raise her hand in victory, but X-23’s in a near feral state, she snaps at the official, causing him to dive out of the ring!*

Arzie: And the winner of your main event… The Number One Contender to the UCTF Grand Championship… X-23!!!!

Winner: X-23

Ralph: She did it… I don’t know how, but she did it!
Bob: HAH, I knew you were under-estimating her!
Ralph: Wha? SHUTUP! YOU SAW IT! SHE TOOK THE DAMN WIND SCAR ON HEAD ON! HOW THE HELL DID SHE NOT GET BLOWN AWAY?!
Bob: I’m glad you asked! Let’s take a look!

*The replay on the Jumbotron shows X-23 driving all six claws into the canvas less than a second before Inuyasha brings down the Kaze no Kizu! X-23 literally roots herself into the canvas like a tree and takes the full blunt of Inuyasha’s Wind Scar head on before striking The Intergalactic Champion with her final attack!*

Ralph: She… o_o
Bob: Took everything that Inuyasha had, knowing that her healing factor would be able to hold up through the technique, then, using all she had left, gave Inuyasha a nearly deadly blow!

*X-23, now completely healed, and very naked o_o looks her unconscious opponent over one final time before leaving the ring. EMTs rush past her, quickly approaching the bleeding Inuyasha in an attempt to administer emergency care.*

Ralph: …mutant puppies.
Bob: X-23 has made a statement to the UCTF and Sasa Dark that she is just as dangerous as anyone in this organization! Can she carry this momentum to UCTF: Cyberslam when she faces off against Kunoi Ishigami for the biggest prize in the Multiverse?! For Ralph Gerrard, I’m Bob Hinden saying goodnight!

End.

*As the cameras begin to roll inside of the UCTF Open Air Arena, the first image witnessed by the fans watching across the globe is the decorated inside of the Arena’s squared circle. What is usually a blood and dirt stained canvas has been covered by lavish red carpeting with a giant stand that sits centered in the ring. Sitting on the stand, facing the hard camera are two trophies with the respective insignias “UCTF Strong Man” and “UCTF Strong Women.” Standing near the solid gold trophies is UCTF Ring Announcer, Arzie.*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, at this time I would like to introduce the SAVIOR of the UCTF, Saaassaaaaa DARRRRKKKK!!!

*The end of the esteemed announcer’s sentence is quickly drowned out by a raging torrent of booing from the capacity crowd as Sasa Dark’s theme music begins to play over the sound system! The Benefactor slowly saunters onto the stage, absorbing the full brunt of an angry UCTF before continuing his arrogant stride down the aisle.*

Bob: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to another edition of the Ultimate Saturday night event, MASSACRE! Beside me is my great friend and colleague, the hentai commentator, Ralph Gerrard!

Ralph: Look who’s watching Sasa’s back, Bob.

*Walking a short distance behind The Benefactor is the man who carried out Sasa’s orders at Cyberslam VII after Yugo Ogami failed to dethrone the UCTF Grand Champion…*

Bob: It’s that DAMN Reiji Takigawa! How in the hell is he not rotting in prison for MURDERING that poor woman at Cyberslam?!

Ralph: I don’t know.

*Sasa and what is presumably his new bodyguard enter the ring before dismissing Arzie back to his seat at ringside. The Korean asshole, now with a microphone delivers his trademark shit eating grin, totally blocking out the violent jeering being directed at him towards the fans.*

Sasa: ^___^ THANKS FOR THE LOVE!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Sasa: Tonight, I am allowing my favorite piece of scum the chance to begin making money again, as I’m officially REINSTATING Kunoi Ishigami back into active competition. In fact, I’m even going to place him in the main event next week, as he will face XIU SHIELDS’ on the next episode of Massacre.

Bob: Oh Great… after what happened at the April Fools Day show… Kunoi’s been fuming.

Ralph: And Kunoi doesn’t seem like the type who would let something go… even after FIVE MONTHS. He’s crazy. =(

Sasa: And Kunoi… I hope you win that match. =3

Everyone: O_o?

Sasa: I want you to enjoy your last time ever winning a contest inside this Arena, because at the next pay per view, CYBERSLAM VIII-

*The crowd EXPLODES at the mentioning of a new Pay Per View on the horizon!*

Sasa: You will be defending your championship TWICE in one night!!!

Ralph: And folks, that’s two less than Kunoi had to go through at the last Cyberslam… o_o

Bob: Indeed. Sasa must be going soft.

Sasa: And sure, I know what you idiots here in the arena and at home are thinking! BUT SASA, YOU PUT HIM AGAINST FOUR PEOPLE AT THE LAST CYBERSLAM AND HE WON ALL OF THEM, INCLUDING A BOXING MATCH WITH YUGO! YEAH WELL THOSE FOUR PEOPLE HE FOUGHT WERE EMBARRASSMENTS TO THE UCTF.

*The collective eyes of the fans begin to widen as Sasa’s calm, happy go lucky demeanor quickly deteriorates…*

Sasa: NO… … e_e no this time Kunoi. You’re GOING to lose. You’re GOING to be embarrassed, because these two proved themselves not to be total failures at Ultimate Massacre II!

Bob: Was that a compliment?

Sasa: >=D Come on out.

*”We Don’t Care Anymore” by Story of the Year begins first, bringing out one half of the UCTF Tag Team Champions, X-23!*

Bob: And here comes the woman who went through her own tag team partner, Bat-Girl, Marcella Grace and finally, Leona to win the 2008 UCTF Strong Woman Championship!

Ralph: That match with Leona was brutal…

*Once X-23 climbs into the ring, “Hanyou Inuyasha” begins playing next! Out walks the Half-Breed Dog Demon who holds both the Weaponmaster and Intergalactic Championship titles!*

Bob: And Inuyasha, who defeated Xamot, Gideon, and finally vanquishing his rival, Raven Darc in the finals to claim the UCTF Strong Man Championship!

Ralph: This guy scares the crap out of that entire locker room, Bob. He’s almost indestructible!

*The Strong Man and Woman stand in the ring, arms folded while Sasa Dark slowly steps in between them.*

Sasa: YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE END OF KUNOI ISHIGAMI’S UCTF GRAND CHAMPONSHIP RUN! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ralph: I’ll admit, it’s not looking good at all.

Sasa: For proving that I’m not completely wasting the money I’m paying you both on a weekly basis, I am honoring you both by presenting these NEW AND IMPROVED Strong person trophies, as well as a Grand Championship match at Cyberslam VIII. Great Job! ^_^

*A close up of the trophy shows that SASA’S FACE has been carved on the statue.*

Bob: Are you KIDDING me?

*Sasa motions towards the aisle and out comes Senior Official Guy Lombardo rushing to the ring. Reiji, who produces a coin from his pocket, tosses the coin over to the referee. Guy gives the coin a good looking over before signaling to Sasa that it’s alright.*

Sasa: Here’s how it will work. Kunoi will face the winner of this coin toss. If that ugly Japanese son of a bitch SOMEHOW managed to win his match up against the first opponent, then he will go on to face the second opponent at the end of the Pay Per View. If heads hits, Kunoi will take on X-23 first, and if Tails, he will face off against dog boy here. So let’s get the coin toss under way!

*Guy Lombardo flips the coin, allowing it to fall back onto the carpeted canvas.*

Sasa: …..

Fans: …..

Guy: IT’S HEADS!

Bob: And there we go! Kunoi Ishigami will take on X-23 first at UCTF: Cyberslam VIII!

Ralph: Is that good or bad for Kunoi?

Bob: Well, X-23 proved that she is a superior fighter in the UCTF, but did you see what Inuyasha did to Raven Darc!? That guy’s only defeat in this company came because it took FIVE people in a concerted effort to take him out of the match!

Sasa: And just to prove I am a fair man, at Cyberslam, Inuyasha, I will place you in a match of equal competition… In fact, just for the fun of it, on the next edition of Massacre, The number one contenders will duel when The Dog Demon, Inuyasha will take on X-23 in a non title match!

Bob: O_o wow.

Ralph: I know. You’d think Sasa would stack the deck against Kunoi, but…

*Sasa’s mood quickly darkens AGAIN…*

Sasa: And for the rest of you idiots here in the UCTF, Cyberslam is going to be a VERY VERY BAD DAY FOR ALL OF YOU E_E. THE REMAINING ROSTER WILL COMPETE IN A LITTLE CONCEPT CALLED “THE SASA DARK APPRECAITION TOURNAMENT!”

Bob: Oh God! He’s been teasing that for months! WHAT IS IT?!

Ralph: nothing good, Bob. I can tell you that right now that it’s nothing good.

Sasa: Thank you everyone and have a good night! ^___^!

*Sasa’s music hits once more as he retreats to the back with his bodyguard in tow.*

Ralph: I’m beginning to suspect that he’s bi-polar.

Bob: That would explain a lot… Oh, and also the fact that he’s just a blatant asshole. I mean, he was speaking as if Kunoi is going to waltz right past X-23. I seriously don’t see that happening!

*X-23 and Inuyasha, opponents for next week, and POTENTIAL opponents for Cyberslam give each other a parting glare before the tag team champion leaves the ring. Inuyasha prepares to leave as the ring crew rushes down to tear down the decorated sections of the ring, but something out of the corner of his eye catches him.*

Inuyasha: …

*The dog demon reaches down and picks up the coin that was used in the toss. He slowly flips it over to reveal a SECOND head!*

Crowd: O_O

Bob: OH WHAT THE HELL?!

Ralph: Two sided coin? …That SHITTY Referee Guy Lombardo lied!

Bob: What did you expect!? What is Sasa doing?! He purposely put X-23 in the first match with Kunoi!

Arzie: Ladies and gentlemen, the following matchup is scheduled for one fall… introducing first already in th ring, the winner of the TXI Federation Tournament and the one who destroyed an entire arena in Lansing, Michigan… ROCK HARD RRRRIIIICCCC AUUUUSSSTTTIIINNN!!!

Ralph: The first match of Massacre is now going to be underway!

Bob: Ric Austin against a newcomer to the UCTF!

Ralph: NOOO!!! GOD NOO!!! X_x

Bob: ….. The more I see Ric Austin, the more I’m beginning to understand your pain… o_o

Ric: e_e *raises arm*

*Then ‘Eternal Gravestones’ by composers Naoshi Mizuta and Nobuo Uematsu blares from the speakers, prompting the UCTF’s newest fighter Blu De’Ragnarok to walk down the ramp toward the ring. The crowd barely shows any interest, as fighters need to earn their popularity among the fans around here. Funnily enough, both fighters have their faces covered; Ric with his mask and Blu with his veil.*

Ralph: He looks like he’s from one of those Allah Ackbar places. o_O

Bob: Ralph, don’t insult those people! Do you want your head chopped off?! >=|

Ralph: What if he’s not Muslim?

Bob: SO WHAT IF HE’S NOT?!

Arzie: And his challenger, from the land of Aht Urghan… he is the mage BLLLUUUUU DEEEE’RAAGGNAROOOKKK!!!!

*The mage steps into the ring, and then pulls out his two swords, the Tizona and the Beastslayer, both with DMG 42… which could be either good or bad, depending on Ric’s health points. Um… Ric Austin has health points? Oh never mind.*

*DING!*

Blu De’Ragnarok vs Ric Austin

Ric: Woah woah, this is no damn Weaponmaster match here! I DIDN’T SIGN MY CONTRACT TO DO THIS–… oh fuck it. e_e

*Ric Austin begins the match by charging straight for the well-dressed blue mage! That proves to be a bad mistake as Blu counters with a nasty Fast Blade, cutting slashes through Ric’s body! Ric’s health points drop 50 points! Before Ric can even recover, Blu continues on the onslaught with a Red Lotus Blade attack, scorching Ric to a burnt crisp and sending him high in the air! And since Blu’s just beginning this, he executes the Spirit’s Within as he jumps to Ric’s level in mid-air, striking him continiously and then follows it up with a Vorpal Blade! He’s not even finished yet as he does the Expiacion, which provokes an Aftermath spell upon hit, giving Blu an accuracy bonus! Exactly how one can tell someone’s accuracy has improved by a point or by a loss of a point… no one really knows! What do you think this is, a RPG VIDEO GAME?! Oh wait…*

Ric: X___X!!

Bob: Blu is off to an impressive start here!

Ralph: *watches YouTube videos instead*

Bob: Ralph! Focus on the match! e_e

Ralph: This guy is confusing, so I’m looking at YouTube videos to figure out his moves. o_o

Bob: *sighs* ~_~

*Blu with his overly-complicated moveset simply waits for Ric’s body to land with a THOOOM, and then his hands start to burn as he chants a spell!*

Bob: Ric’s gonna be in a world of hurt here!

Ralph: Yeah and…?

Ric: *cough* *cough* Is that all? e_e I had a tiger run into my apartment and I survived that… bring it!

Blu: e_e

*WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!*

*Blu goes through his looooong list of spells, starting with… a Blastbomb! The ring becomes engulfed in flames like Andre Tau has just showed up, and then Blu chants a Bomb Toss, sending Ric’s flaming body into the air again! Then a Pinecone Bomb (which is a piercing spell), a Death Scissors spell, a Helldive spell, Blood Saber, and finally… a MP Drainkiss! But… there’s one problem with that last spell…*

Ric: *HAS NO MAGIC POINTS IN THE FIRST PLACE*

Blu: o_o

Ralph: Um… get out of the way, blue magic guy… o_o

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!*

Crowd: OOOOOOHHH!!!! o_<

*Blu had sent Ric high in the air with that many spells in the combination… but is so surprised by the lack of effect from the MP Drainkiss that he forgets to step out of the way as Ric drops and SLAMS down onto Blu’s body! Ric’s body bounces several times before resting on top of Blu!*

Referee: o_o…. Oh! ONE… TWO….

*KICKOUT!!!*

Ralph: OH MAN! ALMOST GOT AN UPSET THERE!!

Bob: Blu has just kicked out of a potientally embarrassing loss there!

Blu: *coughs and staggers up to stand*

Ric: x____x

Blu: Ugh… my health points are low…

*Blu chants the Healing Breeze spell… and since the Referee is within the immediate area of the effect, he suddenly feels… more healthy!*

Referee: WTF? I FEEL GREAT! ^___^

Ralph: ……

Bob: wat

*However Blu sees Ric standing up! He takes several steps back, amazed by how Ric could withstand that much punishment!*

Ric: e_x…

*Ric charges for an attack! Blu prepares for another spell but Ric beats him to the punch, literally! He starts to pound onto the mage, whose spells are almost to a desperately depleted point! Blu collapses to the corner of the ring, where Ric continues to punch him on the face, chest, stomach and then mudstomps him when Blu gets to the ground!*

Bob: Ric’s giving him a beating there!

Ralph: He’s certainly gaining a lot of confidence since winning that TXA thing. o_o

Bob: This is Ric Austin we’re talking about… just wait a bit, he’ll be on the losing end again. e_e

*Ric is THROWN BACK when Blu engulfs himself with lightning and undergoes the Thunder Impaction Skillchain! What consistutes this skillchain? HELL IF I KNOW, I DON’T PLAY THE GAME AND EVEN THE WIKI FOR IT IS CONFUSING. Ric once again flies high up in the air, smoke trailing from his ass… and since the Arena is OPEN-AIR… he just keeps on flying higher and higher, wishing that there’s a Dallas Cowboys Big-Screen to stop his ascent! But alas there isn’t one, and finally gravity takes over and Ric starts to fall!*

Ric: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*A Ric Austin-sized crater is in the center of the ring!!*

Blu: o_x….

Ref: o_o……. um, ring the bell.

*DING DING DING*

Bob: And Blu De’Ragnarok wins his first match against Ric Austin!

Ralph: Big woop. e_e

Winner: Blu De’Ragnarok

*The programming halts for a few moments while the ring crew has to remove Ric Austin from the ring, while another set repairs the canvas that was destroyed thanks to Austin’s bulbous body crashing through the canvas. THANKS A LOT BLU! Finally, once everything has been corrected, the ring announcer returns to the center of the ring…*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall…

*Arzie’s line prompts the song “Eclipsed” by Evans Blue to chime up, which can only mean one thing…*

Ralph: Oh Crap!

*Ralph’s sentiment is echoed from the capacity crowd, because HE’S back! That’s right, the Russian Military Energy Vampire, DIMITRI has returned to the UCTF!*

Arzie: Introducing first, making his return to UCTF competition… DIIIMMIIITRRRIIIII!!

Bob: Dimitri has resurfaced after vanishing from UCTF programming for more than two years!

Ralph: Last time I saw him, Andre Tau had beaten the crap out of him in the back stage area right before his match up with Kunoi Ishigami! Which reminds me, where the hell is Andre?

Bob: Hell if I know!

*Regardless, Dimitri has returned, and is here to do battle against a man he’s already defeated once in a UCTF ring. The foreboding theme, “Forever Torment” begins playing next as the lights around the UCTF Open Air Arena de-illuminates into darkness…*

Arzie: And his opponent…

Ralph: Last time these guys fought, Dimitri pretty much embarrassed Xamot. You think the big guy is still angry?

Arzie: Hailing from the BA-O_O OH SHIT!!

*The demon swoops into the ring directly in front of Arzie! The ring announcer scurries out of harms way as fast as his legs will take him while the demon grabs the unsuspecting Dimitri around the face. Xamot quickly plows the Energy sucking Vampire into the corner! The sound of The Russian’s body’s impact into the corner, followed the sounds of screws and bolts snapping under the impact, which lead into the ring ropes quickly loosening and falling to the ground. The corner of the ring itself gives way, as the steel BEAM holding it’s end of the ring together falls over like a tree, just BARELY missing the crowd, thanks to the barrier!*

Bob: I would say yes!

Ralph: I bet Arzie is SO happy he decided to wear dark colored pants today! Xamot almost destroyed the entire ring with Dimitri’s head!

!!DING DING DING!!

Dimitri vs. Xamot

*But even after a powerful sneak attack such as the one Xamot delivers, the Energy Vampire shrugs off the attack like the badass he is, before flashing a sinister smirk!*

Dimitri: Hello Xamot. Missed me?

*He quickly retaliates with an uppercut to Xamot’s chin! This powerful punch, coupled with his Psi-Vampiric powered ‘Exhausting Touch,” Xamot is sent flying! Airborne following the terrifying uppercut, the demon flips backwards before gently landing on the opposing side of the squared circle. Even more enraged, Xamot’s demonic ki begins to permeate. From which, he begins to mould his dark ki into the forms of sharks.*

Xamot: MAKO STRIKE!

Bob: Xamot sends his Mako strike into a feeding frenzy!

*Leaping over the frenzy of energy sharks, Dimitri plays right into Xamot’s hand who follows up with a wave of dark energy. It connects, sending Dimitri into the first row of fans. Now, The fans know that the buying a first row ticket to a UCTF event is almost asking to die, but to be there when Xamot’s fighting and has his targets set in your direction?? And even worse…*

Dimitri: I forgot how tasty your energy was Xamot. How’s about a little more?

Fans: D:!!!

*Dimitri is ASKING for it! Xamot growls as he gathers energy for his Nile Star, and many fans begin to wisely make their exit from the danger area. Well, almost, all of them. One unfortunate slow poke manages to be caught in the grasp of Dimitri, as he launches the poor bastard into the on coming ki attack!*

Bob: OH GOD! OH DEAR GOD!!

Ralph: o_o Wow. Haven’t seen a good Fan incineration in a while.

*The spraying of human bits distracts Xamot just for the tiny FRACTION of a second Dimitri needed to advance within range to once again utilize the Exhausting Touch. The powerful energy draining technique staggers Xamot just from being in the VACINITY of the attack, and Dimitri capitalizes on his newly acquired advantage by flooring the demon with a BEAAAUTIFUL jumping kick.*

Dimitri: Got ya. >=)

Bob: XAMOT DOWN!

Ralph: oh come on, The bastard absorbs his energy attacks! He absorbs physical attacks!

*The demon has to think fast or risk having all of his energy sapped from his current body. And with Dimitri latched on top of him attempting his “Restrainer” technique, Xamot only has one option at this point. Xamot takes flight with a Russian latched onto his back!*

Bob: XAMOT GOES UP!

Ralph: This might end badly for Dimi-

*Xamot quickly switches directions and speeds towards the Earth like a Meteor!*

Dimitri: oh sh-

Crowd: *TURNS HEAD*

Ralph: Well what was left of that ring is pretty much scraps right now…

Bob: And that move alone could have changed the course of this contest!

Ralph: Uhh.. Did you see the part where Dimitri broke the ring with his head?

*Ralph is correct, however, falling from a ridiculous height at terminal velocity is no picnic! Dimitri remains motionless for the time being, which finally gives Xamot his first major advantage in this contest, and he’s not willing to give it away that easily…*

Xamot: …RISE!

*The former champion calls forth the souls of his many victims who quickly latch themselves onto the Russian, holding him down for their master Xamot, who slowly ascends above the arena… His previous expression of frustration now erased, his trademark, sadistic smirk has returned, as now he has Dimitri in the perfect position to finish him off!*

Xamot: ahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU’RE FINISHED!

Ralph: oh crap.

Xamot: MEGALAAAAAAAADOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!

*Xamot’s ultimate ki attack levels the remaining pile of metal that was once the ring and obliterates it, along with the souls of his damned victims and Dimitri himself! The ki from the blast spreads out upon impact, causing the entire Arena to shake at it’s very foundation!*

Bob: NO ONE gets up from that attack! I think Dimitri might be within moments of his first one on one loss here in the UCTF!

Ralph: o_o Not if the Referee got killed in that blast.. then I’d assume this would be a no contest.

*The Billowing smoke from the impact of the attack fills the arena, as Fans struggle to return to their seats…*

Ralph: uh oh..

Bob: what?

Ralph: too much smoke. I’ve watched enough Anime to know that THIS isn’t ever good!

*And Ralph is right once again, because as the smoke dissipates, one thing becomes increasingly clear, it will take A LOT more than that to knock out The Russian.*

Dimitri: ugh.. Not bad.

Everyone: D:!!

Ralph: *MOUTH DROPS*

Bob: The Russian is STANDING after that attack! He’s worse for wear, but he’s seems to be doing just fine.

Dimitri: Now.. IT’S MY TURN!

Xamot: D:!

*The Russian draws his hands in the same manner as his nemesis just a few moments earlier, and begins to call upon his newly acquired demon powers!*

Bob: Don’t tell me he’s going to-

Dimitri: MEGALADONNNN!!!!

Ralph: HE IS!

*Xamot is bombarded with his very on super ki blast attack, and though it lacks the same amount of force that the Demon’s, it’s MORE than enough to finish off the already battle worn Xamot who know slowly falls to the area where the ring USED to be!*

Bob: Xamot is down!

*Another referee rushes to the scene following the blast, and it’s simply elementary. Xamot ain’t getting up anytime soon!*

Ref: o_o Ring it!

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: It’s over! Dimitri’s singles undefeated record remains intact after an impressive finish!

Winner: Dimitri

*Following the match, EMTs rush to carry the unconscious demon to the back. Meanwhile, the ring crew rushes to begin construction of a new squared circle. Dimitri, however, remains in the same spot, with his arms still clasped together.*

Crew member: uhh.. sir? O_o

Dimitri: I think I put a little too much into that atta—

*The Russian’s passes out mid-sentence before landing face first on the broken concrete below.*

Everyone: o_o….

Ralph: I hope the EMTs brought another gurney…

*After another break, we return to the action, with Good ol’ Arzie The Ring announcer standing in the center of the newly built structure…*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is our featured contest of the evening!

*Story of the Year’s “We Don’t Care Anymore” begins playing following Arzie’s short monologue…*

Arzie: Introducing first… hailing from Gotham City, she is one half of the UCTF’s Tag Team Champions… BAAAAAAAATTT-GIRRRLLLL!!!

Bob: Bat-Girl makes his way down the aisle, fresh off of her RAZOR THIN loss against her very tag team partner at the Only The Strong Tournament many months ago. Will she avenge that loss tonight?

Ralph: Considering her opponent is a 300lb tub of lard… I’d say, yeah.

Have Mercy On Me… A Sinner.

*Speaking of the Devil, out walks the UCTF’s greatest World Champion! And he has a surprise for everyone in attendance!*

Arzie: And her opponent… weighing in tonight at TWO-HUNDRED AND FIVE POUNDS…

Everyone: D:!

*That’s right! The Steve Wilkos pep talk worked! Lo-Ruhamah is down to his fighting shape! Along with his weight, he’s shed his ice cream stained clothing and is back to wearing his Metrosexual attire with a renewed look of determination on his face!*

Arzie: He is the former UCTF World Champion… The Unloved one, LOOOOO-RUHAMAHHHHH!!!

Ralph: …well I’ll be damned. e_e

Bob: Wow, this begs the question Ralph, if he was able to lose that much weight in a matter of months, how haven’t you lost any weight in 11 years?!

Ralph: I’M HAPPY WITH MY WEIGHT. e_e

!!DING DING DING!!

Bat-Girl vs. Lo-Ruhamah

*Somewhere in the Midwest of the United States, Steve Wilkos watches the action from his television set, trying his best to hold back a tear.*

Steve: ;_; Thattaboy, Lo… Thattaboy…

*The action starts off quickly back at the UCTF complex with the “All Business” Bat-girl quickly charging Lo-Ruhamah! The Unloved one parries away several of his female opponent’s strikes, before returning fire with a wild, chi-powered slap attempt. Bat-Girl manages to avoid having her chest lit up, Ric Flair style by rolling under it. Lo stumbles a few feet forward when he hits all air, while Bat-Girl charges into the ropes before allowing them to spring her back towards the center of the ring.*

Lo: e_e!

*Lo spins around and catches the flying Bat in the face with a holy punch that sends the tag team champion upside down!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOHHH!!

Bob: Big Haymaker by the Former World Champion!

Ralph: Well he’s got his speed back… Remember when that Momoiro girl beat him?

Bob: unfortunately!

*The Unloved one quickly pulls Bat-girl back to her feet by the arm, before attempting to twist her over into the Purgatory Whip! He’s not quick enough, however, as Cassandra slips out of the arm lock attempt! She ends up behind the now prone Lo and PUNISHES his error with her Handstand Frankensteiner technique!*

Bob: BEAUTIFUL reversal! Ruhamah bounces off of his hea-HE’S BACK UP O_O

*Lo completely NO SELLS being tossed to his head and charges forward with a chi powered Lariat in tow! Bat-Girl wisely ducks the decapitation attempt and punishes the former Champion with a shuffle side kick before following quickly with quick boxing strikes to soften up Lo’s midsection…*

Ralph: Lo’s new rock hard abs are being put to the test right now!

Bob: o_o……

Ralph: What?!

Bob: and I’m supposed to be the gay one…

*She finishes the combo off with a BIG rising knee that knocks Lo CLEAR on his back in the center of the ring!*

Bob: Lo’s down early in the contest!

*Cassandra leaps into the air. She continues her assault on Lo, never giving him a second to recover by raining down what HAS to be an endless supply of batterangs from the heavens! Lo rolls and dives the tiny metal bats until one finally meets his mark, causing a tear in his beloved tuxedo!*

Lo: …

Ralph: aww shit!

Lo: >=|! YOU BITCH! THIS IS THE TUXEDO I WORE WHEN I WON THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP FOR THE FIRST TIME! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS COST?! HAAAAAAAA!!!!

*Now VERY pissed, Lo manifests ki from the tips of his fingers to his elbows before charging towards Bat-Girl!*

Ralph: This ain’t good for Gotham puppies!

*Now moving double his normal speed, Lo delivers a vicious string of punches in which Bat-Girl attempts valiantly to defend! However, the new surge of chi energy is too much for even the trained assassin to handle, and she is sent crashing into the corner! Lo mounts the downed superhero and continues his vicious chi laden assault! Punch after punch find their way into the jaw of his opponent!*

Bob: Ok Ref! You’re going to have to make a decision here in a second if she can’t answer!

Ralph: This isn’t UFC, asshole! Stop with that mercy crap!

*Ralph is right, as JUST when things looked too much for the Caped Crusader, she pulls a miracle right out of her utility belt! Catching a punch from Ruhamah, Cassandra quickly slaps a bat-cuff over his wrist, followed by slapping the other cuff to the bottom rope! Bat-girl slips through Lo’s legs, leaving the former World Champion chained and helpless!*

Lo: What the?!

Ralph: Where does she get such wonderful toys?!

Bob: I don’t know but she’s leaving the ring and going on the apron.. whatever she’s thinking about, it can’t be good for Lo!

Bat-Girl: RRARRGGHH!!

*Lo, just as helpless as he can be can only watch in horror as Cassandra LEVELS him in the face with a springboard dropkick from ALL THE WAY across the ring!*

!!POP!!

Crowd: OOOOOOHHHH!!

*Lo collapses on the bottom rope before his body slowly falls to the canvas below!*

Ralph: that was one HELL of a kick!

Bob: I’m not surprised if Lo is unconscious from a SICKENING blow to the skull like that!

*Fighting through the pain, Lo proves his toughness by pulling himself back into the ring! He’s not doing himself any favors, however, as Cassandra Cain stands in the corner, patiently awaiting her opponent! She opens up on him again, delivering a string of punches and kicks to the helpless opponent in the corner!*

Bob: Now the roles have completely reversed! Lo needs to find a way to get himself out of this pinch before the referee calls this one!

Ralph: ASLD;FKJADS;LF DAMNIT BOB! THIS ISN’T THE UFC! STOP IT!

*And again, Ralph is right! Lo’s foot manages to find it’s way into Bat-Girl’s chest and he throws EVERYTHING he’s got behind the thrust that sends her rolling all the way across the ring! Now with only a few moments of solitude, Lo powers up his free hand with chi energy…*

Lo: HOLY… PUNCH!

*Screaming the name of his attack for pure dramatic effect, Lo Holy Punches THROUGH the titanium fiber Bat-cuff!*

Bob: Impressive strength by the Former World Champion, freeing himself from his predicament!

Ralph: I told you! >=|

*A quick, yet intense stare down commences by both parties before they charge each other! Bat-Girl swings a haymaker which is ducked! Lo wraps his arms around Cassandra’s waist from behind! He throws all of his weight backwards, hitting a german suplex! He rolls over, lifts her back up and hits a second! He rolls and lifts her up, and she blocks the third suplex attempt! An elbow to the neck breaks the hold, followed by a stiff roundhouse to the face! Batgirl then attempts to flip Lo over, who blocks the attempt, lifts HER into the air and delivers a devastating body slam in the center of the canvas!*

Bob: The pendulum continues to swing here as momentum is shifting all over the place!

*Lo quickly raises his arms into the air while speaking a quick incantation that causes Bat-Girl’s body to float from the ground…*

Ralph: Not good!

Bob: indeed! Lo’s going for his magical submission maneuver, “Surrender Your Soul!”

*Bat-Girl, having prepped for this EXACT moment, cancels the submission technique by tossing ALL of her smoke bombs into the center of the ring before Lo can fully focus his attack! The entire ringside area becomes obscured from the billowing smoke coming from the squared circle!*

Bob: PERFECT timing with those smoke bombs there by Bat-Girl! And now Lo-Ruhamah is in trouble! With no idea where his opponent is, the ninjitsu trained Bat-Girl has the advantage!

*From the shadows, Cassandra Cain pounces from the top rope towards Lo-Ruhamah…*

Lo: e_e MY TURN!! HAAAA!!!

!!FLOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*Avens’ body burns a brilliant white light, instantly blinding Bat-Girl in midflight! The aura is so powerful it instantly destroys the smoke from Bat-Girls weapon, which leaves the tag team champion defenseless to a STIFF kick to the stomach*

Bob: LIGHT FOR THE BLIND!

Ralph: Not only that, but…

*Lo locks Bat-Girl’s arms with an underhook! Throwing his leg behind him, Lo swings it back forward to gain a massive amount of momentum to hit his double underhook DDT!*

Ralph: BAM!!

Bob: Lo plants the poor woman in the center of the ring with a DISGUSTING DDT! And up he goes to the top rope! This could spell the end of this match-up!

*Lo, now ascended on the top turnbuckle, turns his back to his opponent, while charging his body with more light energy…*

Bob: I think we’re going to see the-

*He leaps backwards, hitting the PICTURE PERFECT Moonsault in the center of the ring!*

Bob: FINAL JUDG-

*The moment he lands on top of Bat-Girl, the resourceful superhero uses all of Lo’s momentum against him, rolling her and himself over into a MIRACLE small package! The referee is in PERFECT position!*

Bob: BAT-GIRL REVERSES INTO A SMALL PACKAGE OUT OF NO WHERE!

Ref: 1…. 2…… 3!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: WHAT THE HELL?!

Bob: BAT-GIRL GETS THE PIN! UNBELIEVABLE!

*Lo kicks out of the pinfall attempt at 3.000000000001 seconds and is on his knees with a look of exasperation on his face! Bat-Girl lays motionless after what many will consider as a MIRACLE pin after Lo-Ruhamah had a commanding lead in the match!*

Lo: D:!!

Arzie: The winner of this match…. BATTT-GIRRLLLL!!!

Crowd: *POPS!*

Winner: Bat-Girl

*Lo slowly stands up…*

Lo: o_o..

Bob: That was one hell of a performance by both participants! Bat-Girl proves she can get it done in the singles division of the UCTF and Lo has proven that he is BACK and Better than ev— OH WAIT!!

*Lo leaps to the top rope in a single bound and hits the FINAL JUDGMENT a second time on Bat-Girl!*

Crowd: …BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Bat-Girl: X_X

Lo: *FLIPS EVERYONE OFF* @_@!!!

Ralph: o_o umm.. Ok. Lo Really IS back.

Bob: x_x… for Ralph Gerrard, this is Bobby Hinden saying goodnight.

*As the cameras fade from tonight’s events, Sasa Dark stands in his darkened office overlooking Anime City.*

Sasa: a.. alright. I did ask you asked. Everyone’s going to be here. The Entire Roster. Now remember our part of the deal.

*As Dark figure standing the shadows of the office cracks a smile on his face.*

Excellent, Sasa. Do not worry, I keep my word. For this, you will be rewarded handsomely.

End.

Strong Man Tournament
Raven Darc vs. Ben Tennyson | Lo-Ruhamah vs. Xiu | Sao Feng vs. Gideon | Xamot vs. Inuyasha

!!!KRAAAAKATHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

*Why are we opening tonight’s broadcast with an awesomely cool sound effect that represents an explosion? Well that’s easy, Inuyasha has just kicked down the door to Sasa Dark’s office!*

Sasa: O_O JESUS CHRIST!

Inuyasha: YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH! >=| YOU SAID I’D BE FACING RAVEN DARC THIS WEEK! YOU’RE A DAMN LIAR! >=|

Sasa: whoa ho ho! You said you wanted him in a match or else you’d beat my ass. I heard you loud and clear! That’s why I gave you the opportunity to face him tonight. You just uhh.. Have to uhh.. Win two matches.. And then Raven will have to win two matches. And if THAT happens, then you can have your rematch.

Inuyasha: DAMNIT. I’ll win mine no doubt, but what about that loser Raven Darc?! He hasn’t won a match in ages!

*somewhere across the building*

Raven: *SPITS OUT WATER* … >=| I fucking HATE that guy!

*Back in Sasa’s office*

Sasa: *shrug* what do you want me to do? If it makes you feel better, He has to fight Ben 10, then either that fat ass Lo-Ruhamah or the gayest guy in the Universe, Xiu Shields. I’m sure he’ll get through it alright.

Inuyasha: ..he better.

*Inuyasha slowly walks out of the office, looking forward to finally paying Raven back for the sneak attack he received at his hands.*

Sasa: e_e…

*Elsewhere in the Arena, Xamot is approached by officials.*

Official: um.. Mr. Xamot?

Xamot: …

Official: Sasa has given you Inuyasha in the first round of this Tournament. Says “You’re Welcome.”

Xamot: … >=)…

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is our Opening Contest, and is a first round match for the “UCTF Strong Woman” Tournament!

*”We Don’t Care Anymore” by Story of the Year begins playing, bringing down the first competitor…*

Arzie: Introducing first, hailing from Gotham City, she is one half of the UCTF Tag Team Champions… BAAAAT-GIRRRLLLLL!!

*Cassandra Cain leaps quickly onto the apron and then hops easily over the ropes and into the ring. *

Arzie: And her opponent… Hailing from Salem-Center, Westchester County, New York… She is ALSO one half of the UCTF Tag Team Champions… TALLLOOOOOONNNN!!!

*Laura Kinney, a.k.a. The Clone a.k.a. X-23, leaps into the ring in a similar style of her opponent. Both women, with their characteristically stoic expressions stare each other down in the center of the ring.*

Bob: Well this is Sasa Dark’s style, make the Tag Team Champions fight each other over a chance to obtain the Highest Honor of the UCTF!
Ralph: Well this isn’t the Ultimate Crossover Tournament Friendship league, Bob. They’re professional fighters! These women don’t seem like the type to pull punches just because they’re partners, either…
Bob: No.. No they don’t. Looks like the Strong Woman 2008 Tournament is officially under way!

!!DING DING DING!!

Only The Strong Tournament
Round 1
Talon vs. Bat-Girl

*The sound of the ringing bell almost has a “Pavlov’s Dog” effect on Talon, as she instantaneously attacks her tag team partner without a second thought! Bat-Girl blocks the strike from The Clone, and quickly parries her over with a Judo-styled over the shoulder arm throw!*

Bob: Bat-Girl quickly reverses!

*Talon flows through the throw, using Cassandra’s momentum to propel her body around and land on her feet. Now with her back to Bat-Girl, Talon throws a swift back kick. Bat-Girl catches the foot, and makes Laura pay the price, KICKING her standing leg out from under her!*

Bob: Another Qu–

*However, X-23 uses the momentum from the kick to the leg, bringing it around and NAILING her Partner in the side of the face with a flying roundhouse. Bat-girl, reeling from the kick, cartwheels away from her attacker, while Talon lands back-first on the canvas before quickly kipping back up to her feet.*

Ralph: Well, you were certainly right about them pulling no punches!
Bob: That was a great move there by X-23!

*Talon keeps the pressure on, leaping towards Cassandra who cartwheeled herself towards the corner. Bat-Girl rolls under the flying X-23!*

Bob: NOBODY HOME!

*With no one there, The Clone adjusts her flight, landing with both feet on the top rope. Bat-Girl is already mid-flight when X-23 lands, KICKING the Clone in the back of her knee. That leg slips off the rope, sending Laura crashing on to the top turnbuckle. As her body flies backwards from the impact, her leg tangles in the ropes, leaving her a sitting duck for Bat-Girl.*

Bob: Talon suddenly finds herself in the Tree of Woe!

*Bat-Girl’s now charging towards her partner like a runaway steam engine! The Goddess of Gotham City delivers a sickening sliding kick to Talon’s face!*

Bob: And a DEVASTATING running drop kick to her PARTNER’S skull!
Ralph: Bat-Girl was moving so fast, she ended up on the outside, Bob. Jesus what a kick!

*Kinney falls to the canvas following the drop kick, before beginning her instinctive climb back to her feet. While this is happening, Bat-Girl quickly double leaps to the apron and to the top rope.*

Bob: Bat-Girl perched on the top…

*Talon turns, and quickly rolls out of the way of her opponent’s top rope Missile Drop Kick attempt!*

Bob: Missile Drop kick misses! Bat-Girl lands on her feet!

*With both women’s backs facing each other, Talon strikes first with a flying backhand! Bat-Girl turns into the strike, blocking, parrying, and thrust kicking her opponent directly in the sternum! Laura rolls backwards from the hit, before arriving at to her knees. She grits her teeth, before–*

!!SNIKT!!

*Unleashing her claws! Playtime is over!*

Ralph: Uh oh!

*The Aggressive X-23 charges her partner with her drawn claws! Bat-Girl gets her forearms up in time to block being sliced in two, thanks to the razor sharp talons built into the arm bands of her bat-suit! She fires back with several forearm shots of her own, leaving the fans in the front row to witness a Krav Maga clinic in the center of the ring!*

Bob: Both women jocking for position in a close quarter’s combat exhibition!
Ralph: I don’t know which one I want to win! Bat-girl puppies or Wolverine-Girl puppies!

*The Tag Team Champions interlace and lock their fingers together in a test of strength. When Bat-Girl delivers a semi-cheap knee to the mid-section, X-23 responds by leaping off of her feet, and delivering a double kick to Cassandra’s ribs! Their hands are still locked together, so Bat-Girl is helpless as she’s Monkey flipped halfway across the ring!*

Bob: X-23 with the monkey flip!

*Laura charges the waiting Bat-Girl, who rolls backwards into a handstand! She catches Laura around the throat with her legs, stopping The Clone dead in her tracks!*

Ralph: But Bat-Girl catches her!

*She quickly brings X-23 down FOREHEAD first into the canvas with a big hurricanrana!*

Bob: And again halts any momentum Talon was attempting to build with her lightning fast reflexes!
Ralph: It’s her fighting style, Bob! Adapt to any situation, any fighting style! I HATE those types! >=|

*Bat-Girl wisely does not allow her opponent to recover! Unleashing batterangs from her utility belt, the sharp, bat-shaped projectiles fly across the ring towards Talon. She wisely rolls backwards in attempt to keep from being sliced in two by the objects!*

Ralph: Where does she get such wonderful toys?
Bob: Who knows, but they seem to be working well to keep Talon isolated across the ring! You can’t win if you can’t get in close quarters with your opponent who just happens to have long range weapons!

*Crouched low, X-23 growls as Bat-Girl pulls out more of what seems to be a damned endless supply of batterangs from the black hole that is her Utility Belt.*

Bob: Talon’s going to have to make a decision here!

*And she does. FLOOR IT! Talon launches herself towards her opponent, parrying away some, but not all of the batterangs as they inundate her! Most are knocked away, but those that aren’t stab right into The Clone’s body! She doesn’t slow down even HALF a step!*

Ralph: HOLY CRAP!

*Bat-Girl WISELY leaps out of the way, as X-23 drives her clawed fist INTO the turnbuckle! Cassandra flips over X-23, grabbing The Clone by the shoulders and tossing her across the ring AGAIN!*

Bob: Another reversal by Bat-Girl!

*X-23 ends up on the outskirts of the ring! She second she’s back to her feet on the apron, Bat-Girl MURDERS her in the face with a drop kick that sends X-23 flipping off the apron and to the aisle!*

Crowd: *POP!*

Ralph: Talon in a bad way!
Bob: And Bat-Girl is getting a running start!

*Bat-Girl leaps to the top rope, springboards off, and GLIDES over X-23 before landing on The Clone’s shoulders! She jerks backwards, hitting a devastating Hurricanrana on the concrete!*

Bob: HUGE air for that Rana!! Amazing!!
Ralph: I think she almost took HERSELF out with that move! They both better get back in the ring before either Crawen or Marcella gets a bye into the finals!

*The Referee makes an aggressive count as his way of telling the women to get back into the ring! Bat-Girl slides in through the bottom rope with X-23 slowly following. As X-23 climbs onto the apron, Bat-Girl grabs her by the hair to “assist” in her re-entering the ring. X-23 thanks her by driving her shoulder into Cassandra’s diaphragm!*

Bob: X-23 with a well-placed strike to the mid-section!

*With Bat-Girl doubled over, Talon dives through the ropes. She hits the canvas in a graceful dive roll that turns into a STIFF Vaulting double kick to the jaw of Bat-Girl, knocking her off her feet!*

Bob: Big kick to the chin there!
Ralph: That could be a momentum changer right there, Bob!

*Bat-Girl climbs to her knees only to be caught with a beautiful double kick from X-23! The Clone hits a flying roundhouse into a spinning heel kick within the same motion!*

Bob: Bat-Girl caught again with a hurricane-esque kick from her tag team champion partner!
Ralph: She can’t take too many unanswered kicks like that! She better do something! It’s like this Talon girl doesn’t tire!

*Cassandra and Laura rise to their feet once more… X-23 attempts to kick her opponents head off with a shuffle side kick! It misses by a mile as Bat-Girl ducks and snatches up X-23 around the waist! Running full, break neck speed, she PLOWS Laura back first into the turnbuckle, before performing a BEAUTIFUL back handspring to create distance! She charges X-23, who blocks by putting her feet in the way… Laura runs full speed into the double boots to the face, causing her to roll backwards! Following the reversal, Talon ascends to the top rope!*

Bob: Talon going up!
Ralph: She’s going too damn slow! Bat-Girl has already recovered!

*Cassandra flies into the air, roundhousing that SAME knee from earlier in the match! X-23 slips again and straddles the top turnbuckle to the sound of the groaning crowd! Bat-Girl backs up a few steps…*

Bob: Bat-Girl thinking about something here!

*She charges her opponent, flying into a handstand on the second turnbuckle! Her legs wrap around Talon’s neck!*

Ralph: She’s trying for the Handstand Hurricanrana off the top rope!

*X-23 leans as far back as she possibly can to prevent herself from behind thrown off the top rope and it WORKS! Bat-Girl can’t muster the strength needed to hit the Hurricanrana! X-23 quickly adapts, FLINGING Bat-Girl off the top rope with inhuman-like strength! Cassandra Cain hits the canvas chest first!*

Bob: Bat-Girl’s down!

*X-23 stands back up on the top rope before throwing all of her weight behind a SICKENING kick to the base of Bat-Girl’s neck! The Dark Knight is driven face first into the canvas with all of Talon’s weight on top of her!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!

Bob: JESUS CHRIST! She calls that the Downward Guillotine Kick!

*X-23 rolls her over, covering her partner’s body with her own!*

Ref: 1….. 2……. 3!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: And it’s over THAT quick!! X-23 pulls it out after an Amazing match!!
Ralph: I.. I think we just saw the finals for the Women’s Tournament, tonight. o_o

Winner and Moving on to the Semi-Finals: Talon

*X-23 rolls out of the ring, followed by the ref who raises her arm in victory. Leaving her Partner unconscious on the canvas, X-23 slowly retreats up the aisle the victor.*

Bob: And with the end of the match, X-23 is the first to make it to the next round in women’s competition!

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is a first round match in the UCTF Strong Man Tournament!

*”Halo” by Soil keys up, and out saunters the Former Three Time UCTF Intergalactic Champion, Raven Darc!*

Arzie: Making his way down to the ring, hailing from Hayborn, Scotland, he is RAVVEEEN DARRCCC!!

Ralph: How is it that Raven Darc gets put on the opposite side of the brackets as Inuyasha?!
Bob: You have to remember that him and Sasa Dark are no strangers to each other.
Ralph: Yeah… making Inuyasha go through the entire tournament just to get a shot at Raven.. And there’s no guarantee that Raven will make it to the finals anyway!

*As Raven climbs into the ring, “Counterfeit” by Limp Bizkit starts up next, bringing down the kid with the Omnitrix!*

Arzie: And his opponent, making his way down to the ring… He is BEENNN TENNNN!!!

Bob: I spoke to Ben 10 Earlier, and he plans on making a name for himself tonight in this tournament! Unfortunately for him, He’ll have to go through one of the toughest, tenured bastards we have on the roster to do so!
Ralph: Yeah, I bet he’s wishing he was facing Ric Austin in his first match up…

*Right as Tennyson goes to climb into the ring, Raven NAILS him in the side of the head with a thrust kick!*

Everyone: O_O!

Bob: OH GOD! Raven with a cheap shot before the match even starts!

*Raven drags the poor bastard halfway into the ring, with the other half still tangled up in the ropes! The former IG Champion snaps backwards, driving the frail kid head first on the canvas!*

Bob: MURDEROUS DDT!!

!!DING DING DING!!

Only The Strong Tournament
Round 1
Raven Darc vs. Ben 10

*Ben, acting on instinct alone, climbs back to his feet and walks right into Raven’s Savate kick! The Half-demon catches Ben as he falls backwards with a kick to the mid-section! Ben doubles over, and is snapped into a neck breaker in the center of the ring!*

Bob: Ok, so the bell ringing seems like it was just a formality!
Ralph: Yeah, Ben.. Make that name for yourself… o_o

*Raven plays up to the booing capacity crowd as Ben slowly stands back up. He grabs the young man by the hair, pulling him to the point where he’s almost bent completely backwards. Raven takes his arm and places it around the throat of Tennyson, while signaling that this match is over…*

Bob: I think Raven’s about to–

*Raven twists the poor bastard around, driving him face first into the canvas!*

Bob: ENDLESS WALTZ!! THAT’S IT!

*He rolls Ben over, nonchalantly covering the kid with his forearm pressed into the side of his face!*

Ref: 1……. 2……… 3!

Arzie: The Winner, and moving to the next round.. RAAAVEEENNN DARRRCCCC!!!

*The referee ATTEMPTS to raise Raven’s arm, but the big man snatches it away in disgust! He spits on Ben 10′s unconscious body before leaving the ringside area.*

Bob: Raven moves on to face either Lo-Ruhamah or Xiu Shields…
Ralph: I know why Ben’s theme song is counterfeit, now…
Bob: …I’m afraid to ask.
Ralph: Because he’s a fraud.
Bob: Well.. T..that was genius of Raven not even allowing him to use the Omnitrix. That kid isn’t worth a damn without it!

Winner and going to the Semi-Finals: Raven Darc

*”Let Me Be Your Armor” is already playing through the sound system, and out walks the FORMER Demon Huntress, the inappropriately dressed Nun herself!*

Ralph: HOLY PUPPIES!
Bob: ..
Ralph: get it? HOLYYY PUPPIES! IT CAN BE BOTH AN EXCLAMATION AND A NICKNAME!
Bob: …..

Arzie: Introducing first…making her way down to the ring… The Sexiest Nun in Anime City… MARRRCCEELLLAAAA GRAAACCCEEEE!!

Ralph: You got that right, Arzie!
Bob: There’s a special place in hell for both of you o_o
Ralph: Hey, with the way she’s dressed, I might see Marcella down there!
Bob: RALPH! >=|

*Metallica’s “2 X 4″ starts up!*

Arzie: And her opponent… being accompanied by her Pet Wolf Blackstorm… She is the Blood Elf, CRAAAWWEEENNN DARKZEEAAALLL!!

Ralph: And here comes Elf puppies!
Bob: Do you not remember what happened the last time you messed with that woman?
Ralph: meh. I’ve been kicked in the junk by Janne’s armor clad boot. Her’s didn’t do that much damage. e_e
Bob: so.. Do you think you can produce children?
Ralph: Who knows!

Only The Strong Tournament
Round 1
Crawen Darkzeal vs. Marcella Grace

!!DING DING DING!!

*The match is officially underway!*

Bob: Here we go! Both women have something to prove here tonight. Darkzeal needs a win after an impressive loss over Gideon several weeks ago, while Marcella Grace had an equally embarrassing loss to Inuyasha back in May that has ruined her professional life outside the UCTF.
Ralph: oh God YES I remember that! Marcella was almost completely nude at the end of that match! Did I mention I love Inuyasha?!
Bob: many times since then.. Yes

*Crawen leaps across the ring, launching her attack on Marcella, courtesy her Dual Axes! The former Sword Master Champion blocks and parries the blades with her own Rapier, followed by a stiff kick to the mid-section! There is obviously a lot of anger behind the kick, as it’s strong enough to send Crawen tumbling backwards and upside down into her own corner!*

Everyone: O_O

Bob: What a kick!
Ralph: Does uhh.. Crawen count as a Demon?
Bob: I… don’t think so.
Ralph: lucky her o_o

*Crawen attempts to right herself in the corner as the demon hunting dashes across the ring towards her! The Blood Elf quickly slides out of the ring seconds before she’s blasted in the grill with the hilt of the nun’s blade! The fans respond with a chorus of boos!*

Bob: Wise move by Crawen, but the fans didn’t appreciate it!

*Marcella follows the bailed Crawen before giving chase around the ring!*

Ralph: She’s about to fall for the oldest trick in the book, isn’t she?
Bob: I.. I think she is!

*SURE ENOUGH, Crawen leaps into the ring with Marcella on her tail! The Blood Elf makes Marcella pay for it by delivering a stiff strike to the back of the head as Marcella attempts to re-enter the ring.*

Ralph: CALLED IT! >=|

*After staggering the former champion, Crawen gains momentum from the ropes as she scurries towards her opponent with the blood axes drawn! She goes into a baseball slide, targeting the nun’s knees with her next attack!*

Marcella: e_e!

*But the nun telegraphs the move by LEAPING into the air! The axes collide with nothing but air, leaving Crawen WIDE open! Gravity does the rest of the work, bringing Marcella down into a DOUBLE STOMP on Crawen’s face!*

Crowd: AUGGHH!!

Ralph: o_o.. That’s going to leave some bruising.

*Crawen’s face has opened up like a bag of chips, with a fountain of blood spewing from nose!*

Ralph: JOEY MERCURY!
Bob: Jesus Christ!!!

*While screaming in agony at the top of her lungs, Crawen connects a LUCKY kick to Marcella’s face that sends the nun through the ropes and to the outside of the ring! Marcella tumbles off of the apron before landing right on top of Blackstorm!*

Blackstorm: …grrrr…

Marcella: o_o!!

Ralph: That’s not good!

*The wolf INSTANTLY attacks Marcella without hesitation to another chorus of boos from the capacity crowd!*

Bob: Wow o_o That damn Wolf is doing most of the work for Crawen.. So even if she bleeds to death, she might win this match up! … can’t see what a win would do for her if she dies, though o_o.

*Fortunately, We won’t have to worry, because out to protect his master is none other than Clement, the demon hunting Doberman!*

Clement: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!

Ralph: OH SNAP! HERE COMES THAT DOG!

*Blackstorm tosses Marcella to the wayside before confronting Clement in the aisle way! Clement easily gives up a few dozen pounds at the LEAST to the big mutated Wolf, but he’s not backing down!*

Blackstorm: e_e
Clement: e_e…….

Ralph: God.. I wish it was that ferret that came out instead of Clement. I wouldn’t mind seeing that thing torn apart.

*The stand off between canines ends when Blackstorm rushes the smaller pup! Clement follows suit, sprinting towards the bigger wolf!*

Clement: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF
Blackstorm: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF! >=|!!!!

!!POOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!

*The Doberman drives his head into the jaw of Blackstorm, sending the Wolf onto his BACK!*

Crowd: *POPS!*

*He leaves Blackstorm in his dust on his way to the ring, where he snags a bite into Crawen’s arm!*

Bob: CANINE FURY!

*Crawen, one hand trying to stop the bleeding from her face, and one leg trying to kick Clement off, turns towards Marcella, who then unloads an ENTIRE CLIP of bullets into her body!*

!!POP POP POP POP POP POP POP!!

Bob: CRAWEN FALLS VICTIM TO A BARRAGE OF GUNFIRE… AGAIN!

*The Blood Elf collapses into a heap, with the referee calling for the bell!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: IT’S OVER!

Winner and Moving to the Semi-Finals: Marcella Grace

Ralph: Marcella Grace vs. Talon! Marcella Grace vs. Talon!
Bob: Who’d think a Doberman could take a wolf, by the way. O_o Geez!

Arzie: AAAAANDDDD the Following is a Only The Strong first round match, where the winner will face Raven Darc in the Semi-Finals….

Have Mercy On Me…. a Sinner

*Walking down the aisle to The Theme to the Steve Wilkos Show… hell, with the crazed bald ex-cop Steve Wilkos IN TOW is Lo-Ruhamah!*

Arzie: Introducing first, being led to the ring by Steve Wilkos… He is the Unloved one… LOOOO-RUHAMAHHHHH!!!

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!

Bob: And here comes the slimmer former World Champion!
Ralph: Slimmer? >=| What, did he lose 3 pounds? He’s STILL a fatass! And he’s with an even FATTER guy behind him!
Bob: He’s smaller than you are!
Ralph: I’M NOT AN IN RING COMPETITOR!
Bob: Regardless, Lo-Ruhamah has a ton to prove tonight! After that EMBARRASSING lose to Momoiro, you can guarantee he’s going to pull out all the stops tonight against–

-A LOADED GOD COMPLEX-
-COCK IT AND PULL IT-

*Bob’s interrupted by Fall Out Boy’s “Sugar, We’re Going Down,” bringing out Lo-Ruhamah’s opponent.*

Arzie: And his opponent, being accompanied by the giant assfuck keyblade… He is XXXXXXXIIIIUUUUU SHIIEEEEELLLLDDDDSSS!!!

Ralph: Really? We’re saying screw it and giving him a last name, now?
Bob: LOOKS LIKE!

*The Blue Hurricane springs into the top turnbuckle in a single bound before performing a corkscrew flip, landing beautifully in the center of the ring and RIGHT into a Holy Punch from Lo-Ruhamah! Xiu’s feet end up over his head as the lightweight fighter lands HEAD FIRST from the sucker punch!*

Bob: *SPITS OUT DRINK!*

Crowd: …o_o BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Ralph: *BURSTS INTO FITS OF LAUGHTER* YES! THAT’S THE LO WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE!

Only The Strong
Round 1
Lo-Ruhamah vs. Xiu Shields

!!DING DING DING!!

*As the bell unnecessarily sounds in the distance, Lo flings the little Xiu across the ring by the hair! When Xiu lands in the corner, Lo quickly unloads on Shields with a flurry of chi powered knife edged chops!*

Bob: And we told you Lo has something to prove tonight!
Ralph: He better watch out.. His fat ass will get winded real quick! >=|

Steve: KEEP ON HIM JONATHAN! DON’T LET UP! >=| DON’T LET UP YOU FAT BASTARD!

*One HARD chi slap to the face later, Lo takes off across the ring at full speed! Recovering off the ropes, The blubber filled body of Lo-Ruhamah miraculously takes flight as he goes for his famed “Rosary Kick!” Xiu however, rolls underneath the flaming, twirling ki kick a half second before his face is cratered in by it!*

Bob: BIG MISS BY LO!

*Mid-roll, Xiu handsprings off of the mat, corkscrews in midair and delivers a spinning heel to the back of Lo’s head! Ruhamah flies into the ropes chest first, as the blue BLUR that is Xiu bounces off of the corner adjacent to said ropes… Xiu spins in midair, NAILING a stiff front kick directly to Lo’s face! As Lo crashes to the mat, Xiu uses his face as a springboard to land a perfectly executed backflip.*

Ralph: o_o Lo’s in the market for another huge embarrassment here. Atleast Xiu can actually fight, though.

Steve: WHAT ARE YOU DOING LO?!!? GET UP!!!!!!!!!!

*Lo struggles to get his big ass up, and here comes Xiu BACKFLIPPING down on him from no where!*

Lo: O_O!

*The former World Champion swings a Holy Punch desperately, only for him to be parried and SPUN around by Xiu, who delivers a sick four side kick combination about the midsection, into an axe kick, into spinning heel kick, followed by a backflipping kick that takes BOTH men into the air, finishing with a drop kick in MID AIR that sends Lo crashing into the ropes! As Lo bounces off of the ropes, Xiu lands on his shoulders and hits a hurricanrana! The momentum from the ropes, in combination with the hurricanrana sends Lo sliding under the bottom rope and to the floor below!*

Ralph: D:!! JESUS CHRIST!
Bob: That kid might have better kicks than William Clarke x_x

Steve: o_o.. Uhh.. Son, you alright?

*As The host of the popular talk show checks on Lo-Ruhamah, inside the ring, sprints towards the ropes!*

Ralph: oh.. This won’t end well, will it?
Bob: No.. No it won’t!

*Xiu dives through the ropes, SOMERSAULTS in midair, springboards off of Steve Wilkos’ BACK before hitting Lo-Ruhamah with a shining Enseguri!*

Crowd: *POPS!*

Bob: Another big move there by Xiu!
Ralph: Is it time for you to scream “STOP THE DAMN MATCH?”
Bob: not yet…

*Xiu climbs into the ring with a big goofy smile on his face, as the referee makes his ten count…*

Ref: ONEEEEEEEE!!!! TWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Bob: At.. Atleast he’s letting Lo lose with some dignity. A countout most definitely isn’t a knockout like he had against Momoiro.
Ralph: This is sad. Lo can’t even get up!

*The referee’s count grows closer to ten as the fat, haagen daas infused body of Lo slowly climbs to the aprong. His fat sweaty palm grabs a hold of the bottom rope as he tries to pull himself up…*

Steve: GET UP LO! YOU’VE WORKED TOO HARD FOR THIS! >=| GET IN THAT RING AND BEAT THAT PUNKS LITTLE ASS!

*At the count of seven, Lo pulls himself up onto the apron.*

Lo: *GASPING FOR AIR* >_<!!!

*As Shields springs towards his opponent to knock him off of the apron, Lo manages to grasp the young man by his blue locks before DROPPING back to the floor blow! The end result sends Xiu throat first over the top rope! Xiu bounces THROAT FIRST off of the metal rod before flying all the way back across the ring! His little body twists in midair, sending him crashing face first on the canvas!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOHHHH O_O!!

*Lo throws himself into the ring at the count of nine!*

Bob: LO WITH THE STUN GUN ON XIU OUTTA NO WHERE!
Ralph: That old wiley bastard o_o

*Now back in the driver’s seat, The former World Champion focuses his dwindling chi energy into lifting Xiu Shield’s body off of the mat.*

Lo: .. ARRRGHHHH!!

*Now, with Xiu’s body at his eye level, Lo-Ruhamah contorts Shields’ with his “Surrender Your Soul” technique!*

Xiu: ARRRGHGHGHHH!!

Lo: ASK HIM REF! >=| ASK HIM NOW!

Ref: Xiu! DO YOU GIVE UP!?!?!

Xiu: n.. n.. NOOOOOO!!! >=|!!

*Now XIU begins to manifest his own blue, swirling ki energy! Lo-Ruhamah falls to one knee, his energy quickly being sapped by his own submission hold!*

Xiu: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

KRAAAAKAATHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!

*Xiu overpowers Lo-Ruhamah, and in a flash of light, he breaks the hold! Both men are on the canvas as a result, with neither in a hurry to get up!*

Steve: YOU GOT HIM RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT HIM BOY! GET UP!! GET UP!

*Xiu is first to move, now favoring both his lower back and his throat… Lo-Ruhamah is only able to roll to his stomach as he tries to pull himself to his knees… Facing Xiu’s back, the Unloved one lunges toward him, hitting the most BLATANT ballshot in the history of mankind!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!

*Quickly wrapping his arms around Xiu, he hits a German Suplex, then a second, then a THIRD!*

Bob: Uh oh.. We’ve seen this before!

*Lo, straining with EVERYTHING he’s got produces more chi energy that forms a mist that infiltrates Xiu’s body!*

Bob: YES. Lo’s going for that paralysis finisher, the “Say Your Prayers!*

*Xiu’s body reacts violently, as Lo’s chi is attacking his nervous system! The Former World Champion spins Xiu around and hits a belly to belly suplex in the center of the ring!*

Bob: He hits the final suplex! Lo covers!

Ref: 1……. 2…….. 2.9999999999999!!!!

Bob: AND XIU KICKS OUT TO A HUGE OVATION!

*CRAWLING to the corner, Lo-Ruhamah begins his slow ascension to the top rope!*

Ralph: n..no way. THERE’S NO WAY HIS FAT ASS IS GOING UP THERE! >=|

*Ruhamah, now on the top rope struggles just to maintain his balance!*

Bob: Ruhamah is up top! Xiu is still immobile after The “Say Your Prayers” finisher!

*Using his final amount of strength, Lo begins to glow once more, before he leaps off the top rope with what has to be the WORST moonsault in the history of mankind! However, he CONNECTS!*

Bob: FINAL JUDGMENT! FINAL JUDGMENT! FINAL JUDGMENT!

*Lo is DEAD WEIGHT on top of Xiu! He’s SPENT!*

Ref: 1……. 2…….. 3!!!!!!!!!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

Everyone: ……

*AND IT’S OVER. THAT’S RIGHT. IT’S FUCKING OVER E_E*

Everyone: ……………………

Arzie: uhh… The winner.. And advancing to the next round.. LOOOO-RUHAMAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Winner: Lo-Ruhamah

Bob: Well.. Well Lo wins! Lo with an amazing combination of finishers was able to put away the much.. Much fitter and talented Xiu Shields! He’s going to face Raven Darc in the next around!
Ralph: yeah.. A fresh as a daisy Raven Darc o_o Let’s see him pull out another miracle.

Xiu: >_< GET THIS FAT BASTARD OFF OF ME!

*Seriously. Lo is knocked the fuck out! Break out the smelling salts!*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a first round match in the Ultimate Massacre “Only the Strong” Tournament!

*”The Cursed Image” begins playing through the sound system to a major ovation from the crowd!*

Arzie: Introducing first, hailing from–GAH!!!

*The beautiful ninja warrior Taki appears RIGHT in front of The Ring Announcer, almost causing the poor guy to evacuate his bowels! Cherry blossoms flow beautifully to the ground around her as Arzie attempts to catch his breath.*

Ralph: *INHALES*
Bob: YEAH WE KNOW. NINJA PUPPIES!
Ralph: …
Bob: Tonight will be the first tine in my memory that Taki will be taking on THIS woman in one on one competition!

*”Rhythmic Hallucination” starts up next, bringing down the former Intergalactic Champion, Leona!*

Arzie: And her opponent, making her way down to the ring… She is the blue haired, stoic military warrior… LEEEOOONAAAAA!!!!

*The fans give Leona an equal yet opposite reaction as the stone faced female storms down the aisle!*

Bob: Well, no flash or theatrics from Leona as usual tonight! She however, does look very poised and prepared for battle!
Ralph: I’ve heard that after her encounter with The Grand Champion, and how CLOSE she came to victory, her resolve to fight has come back ten fold! Look what happened in that cage match a few weeks ago!

*Leona Heidern quickly rolls into the ring, before coming face to face with her opponent. While this may be the first time these two women meet in official UCTF competition, they know each other VERY well outside the squared circle!*

Only The Strong Tournament
Round 1
Leona vs. Taki

!!DING DING DING!!

*The Ikari Warrior strikes Taki in the jaw straight away! Taki stumbles backwards into a horse riding position, before quickly performing a handspring to create distance from her opponent! Leona won’t allow Taki to breathe, however, as she launches herself across the ring with a downward right cross! Taki parries away the fist, only to be caught with a left hook! The punch plants her back first into the canvas.

Bob: Leona aggressively attacks at the beginning of the match!

*Leona charges the corner at full speed! Not the smartest idea, as Taki’s teleports out of the way, leaving nothing but sakura petals for Leona to collide with! A half breath later, Taki reappears behind Leona, introducing the former IG champion with a handstand kick to the butt of her chin! The kick is strong enough to lift Leona off the ground, leaving her a sitting duck for Taki’s STIFF kick to the chest! Leona crashes into the corner, while Taki uses that energy to cartwheel halfway across the ring!*

Ralph: That’ll break a sternum!

Leona: …
Taki: …

*The tension builds for a split second, before both Leona and Taki charge each other! Taki rolls on the canvas while Leona leaps above her. The Ninja’s upwards thrusting kick and The Leona Crush meet head on! They parry each other away, Leona blocks the water kick, then parries away Taki’s triple kick “Haste” combination. Taki spins around, going for a hook punch, only for her arm to be caught by Leona, who then judo throws the ninja over her shoulder! Taki flows through the throw, twisting her agile body into landing on her feet! She leaps, driving a dropkick into Leona, absorbs the impact by rolling backwards! She’s back to her feet in an instant, and we have a stalemate!*

Taki: …
Leona: ….>=)

*Or not! Taki looks down at her Dogi… Stuffed right between her ample bosoms is a …*

Taki: O_O!

!!KAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

*EARRING BOMB!*

Bob: LEONA connects with that damn bomb!

*The Dazed Taki can only see a shadowy figure flying towards her through the thick wall of smoke! Right as it clears, Leona NAILS her with a ki filled overhand chop to the head, followed by an equally as powerful uppercut! A blaze of Ki follows forming the letter “V” in the middle of the ring!*

Crowd: OOOOHHH!!!

Bob: V-Slasher by Leona!

*Leona covers Taki, and it’s academic!*

Ref: 1……. 2……… 3!

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: And it’s that quick folks!
Ralph: My God.. Leona got Taki to drop her guard for a split second and took advantage!
Bob: Leona.. With her renewed vigor heads into the semi-finals!

Winner: Leona

Yeah..Uh
In the name of Jesus
No weapon formed against me shall prosper
And every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn
For this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord
and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.
Amen

*”Lord Give Me a Sign” by DMX begins playing, bringing down the NRA fighter, Gideon!*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a first round match in the Ultimate Massacre “Only the Strong” Tournament! Introducing first, hailing from New York City, New York… He is The IMMORRTTALLLL GIDDEEEOOONNNNN!!

Ralph: He gets an awesome intro, now?
Bob: *SHRUG* The winner of this match-up will go on to face the winner of the Inuyasha/Xamot match up…
Ralph: Which isn’t fair at all. I mean, I know I’m supposed to be impartial but EITHER INUYASHA.. OR XAMOT?!
Bob: Do I have to remind you of what happened between Momoiro Ichigo and Lo-Ruhamah?
Ralph: …no… no you don’t.

*”Bombtrack” by Rage Against the Machine starts up next… Out walks the walking dead warrior from Ancient China…*

Arzie: …and his opponent… hailing from Beijing, China… He is the Undead Demon Pirate… SAAAOOOO FEEEENNNGGGG!!!

Ralph: And thank GOD this guy shut his mouth since his match against Nakita Dahaka!
Bob: I agree, even though he attacked Nakita a few weeks ago. He seems to still be a little sore about not vanquishing his opponent in his debut match an.. Uhh… keeping the name “Dragon” all to himself.
Ralph: …such a stupid fucking match.
Jeice: HEY! IT WASN’T THAT BAD, MATES!

*Bob and Ralph turn around to see Jeice, dressed in a cover all standing behind them.*

Bob: O_o Jeice. This is uhh.. Certainly random.
Jeice: Don’t mind me.. I’m just.. -_- here to clean out this trash can. Then I’ll be on my way.
Ralph: D:

*Back in the ring!*

Only The Strong Tournament
Round 1
Gideon vs. Sao Feng

!!DING DING DING!!

*Both men slowly draw their swords in a slow, exaggerated fashion…*

Ralph: Good idea guys! Save as much energy for that ASS BEATING you’re going to receive in the second round!
Bob: Ralph! Come on!

*It’s a stare down of epic proportions as both men slowly circle each other in the center of the ring…*

Ralph: Ok I’m tired of this already. Someone win so you can get murdered in round two by either Inuyasha or Xamot! >=|
Bob: Ralph! Seriously!

*In a MAJOR fake out, Gideon quickly pulls out a firearm from his side before shooting from across the ring! It’s a great idea… if Sao Feng didn’t have the ability to create a shield out of chi! The Chi Wall sends the non lethal rounds ricocheting back towards Gideon who’s forced to side step! Perfect opportunity for Feng, who springs into attack!*

Sao: DIE!!

*Gideon barely parries away Sao’s killing strike, but he’s NOT fast enough to avoid Sao’s CHI flavored knife edge chop! Gideon is knocked off of his fucking FEET from the strike! Sao powers up once more, now sending a bolt of chi energy firmly into his opponent’s chest!*

Bob: That bolt of energy connects!

*Gideon flips backwards from the hit before landing on the top rope in a perfect three point stance! He’s no worse for wear, except for a singed trench coat. Gideon frowns through his dark shades, before drawing his sword backwards…*

Gideon: HAAAAA!!!

*He swings Nazarine, which shoots a thick stream of lightning directly into Sao! The Pirate manifests his Chi shield just in time, but this ain’t no simply bullet! The manifestation of God’s fury EASILY destroys the demon’s Chi Shield, sending the bolt of lightning coursing through Feng’s body! Feng and his sword separate as the now jolted up pirate lay spread eagled on the canvas!*

!!KARAKATHHHHOOOOOOOOMMM!!

Ralph: hmmm.. Yeah. Gideon’s blast is much better.
Bob: indeed.

*Gideon, still on the top rope, slowly turns around…*

Bob: And this does NOT bold well for Sao Feng!

*Gideon hits a picture perfect moonsault, crashing right on top of the ALREADY unconscious Sao Feng in the center of the ring!*

Bob: And he calls that the Avenging Angel! Gideon covers!

Ref: 1……. 2……… 3!!!!!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: shoulda RP’d -_-
Bob: Gideon almost makes it look too easy, as he’s now defeated both Crawen Darkzeal and Sao Feng in one on one action!
Ralph: Yeah.. He’ll get some competition in round two… TRUST me.

Winner: Gideon

*”Cruel Intentions” by Wicked Wisdom starts up, Bringing down the Amazonian figured Nakita Dahaka down the aisle!*

Ralph: woohoo! Snoo snoo!
Bob: We’ve reached the final match-up of the first round of the women’s tournament. The winner of this following contest will have the misfortune of having to take on Leona in the semi-finals!

Arzie: Introducing first, making her way down to the ring… she stands at six feet, four inches, and weighs in at one hundred eighty-five pounds… she is THE DARK PHENOM… NAKKIIITTTAAAA DAHAAAKKAAAA!!!

Fan: *yawn* e_e

*Nakita leaps over the top rope to enter the ring… Next up, “Koi Wa A La Mode” begins playing, and out runs Nakita’s opponent…*

Arzie: And introducing her opponent… hailing from Kyoto, Japan.. She stands at 140cm and weighs in at 35Kg… She also defeated a VERRRYYYY OBESE Lo-Ruhamah…

*Backstage*

Lo: *twitch* e_e

Arzie: MOOOOOOOMOOOOOOOIROOOOOOOOO ICHIGOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

*Momo leaps into the ring, huge goofy, shit eatin’ grin in tow…*

Ralph: I’m… actually surprised Lo-Ruhamah didn’t kill himself following that embarrassing loss to this girl. I mean.. Everything about her just screams “JOBBER! DEATH AFTER ONE MATCH UP” but somehow she pulled it off.
Bob: Well to be fair to Lo.. He was so fat at the time, they probably had to saw his door way down just to fit him through the door…

Only The Strong Tournament
Round 1
Nakita Dahaka vs. Momoiro Ichigo

!!DING DING DING!!

*Nakita Dahaka, OBVIOUSLY wanting to avoid the same embarrassment as the multiple time World Champion quickly lunges towards Ichigo in attempt to take her head off with a nasty Yakuza kick! Momoiro MIRACULOUSLY ducks the kick a mere centimeter before impact! She rolls underneath the much larger foe’s leg, and with a swift kick, she buckles Nakita’s standing leg RIGHT in the knee joint!*

Nakita: X_X!

Bob: The Speedster barely avoids having her face caved in! Nakita is down on one knee!
Ralph: It was like the hand of God himself pushed her out of the way of that kick o_o

*Ichigo leaps to the top rope, with a spectrum of colors following behind her… A split second later, she flies off the top rope, connecting a strike across the face of Dahaka with that DAMN RIBBON! It sends Nakita violently to the canvas like she’d just been hit with a murderous clothesline!*

Bob: Nakita’s down!

*Acting on what may be instinct alone, Dahaka finds herself back to her feet. NOT A GOOD IDEA! Momoiro sprnits by her, leaving a stream of brilliant colors flowing behind her. Speeding randomly around the ring, the colors fill the ring, leaving the large female wrestler dazed and confused as to just what the hell is going on. She finds out in the worst way. The beautiful spectrum inside the ring presents a bold contrast to the vicious beating of punches and kicks about the wrsetler’s body delivered by Ichigo!*

Bob: Ichigo unleashing on Dahaka!

*Finally, the smoke clears, with Dahaka completely motionless in the center of the squared circle! Standing above her is Ichigo, with her foot planted firmly into her breast bone!*

Ralph: You have GOT to be KIDDING me!

*The referee quickly slides into position!*

Ref: 1…….. 2……… 3!!!!!!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

*YEP. THAT’S IT. ICHIGO WINS AGAIN! SHE’S STILL UNDEFEATED!*

Bob: Momoiro Ichigo DESTROYS Nakita Dahaka in an impressive squash!!
Ralph: a..are you serious!? That was like an Ultimate Warrior circa 1989 match!
Bob: Momoiro’s impressive streak continues!

Winner: Momoiro Ichigo

*Backstage…*

Leona: e_e……….

Bob: And that wraps it up for the women’s first round! Talon will take on Marcella Grace and Leona will take on…… Momoiro Ichigo in the Semi-Finals.
Ralph: C..Can you imagine Momoiro Ichigo vs. Kunoi?
Bob: I………. no, no I can’t.
Ralph: WELL SHE’S TWO WINS AWAY FROM MAKING THAT A REALITY E_E

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a first round match in the Ultimate Massacre “Only the Strong” Tournament!

*The Arena suddenly goes completely dark following Arzie’s announcement, soon to be followed by Xamot’s theme song: “Forever Torment!” The Demon Warrior storms down to the ring obviously angry…*

Arzie: Introducing first… hailing from the Bamboo forests of Japan, He is the Demon Lord XAAAAMOTTTTT!!!

Bob: And out walks Xamot, who gets to face Inuyasha in the FIRST round of the tournament!
Ralph: Is there… something wrong with that?
Bob: Sasa Dark forces Inuyasha to go through the entire tournament just so he MIGHT get a measure of revenge against Raven Darc, Xamot gets to face the Intergalactic Champion in the first round!
Ralph: …so? o_o
Bob: RAVEN GOT BEN TEN IN THE FIRST ROUND! BEN TEN SUCKS! HE ALMOST LOST THE MATCH ON HIS WAY TO THE RING!
Ralph: now THAT’S true x_x

*While Raven Darc had a breeze in his first round match up, this next competitor will have to go through a former Champion to make it to the second round! “Hanyou Inuyasha” keys up, and out walks the Half-Breed, looking just as determined as his opponent.*

Arzie: And his opponent, hailing from the Feudal Era of Japan… He is both the UCTF Weaponmaster and Intergalactic Champion… The DOGGG DEMONNNNN… INUUUUYASSHAAAA!!!

Ralph: This should be a brutal brawl. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Xamot so pissed off than he is now.
Bob: Who can blame him?!

Only The Strong Tournament
Round 1
Xamot vs. Inuyasha

*Xamot’s building anger finally boils over, and he strikes the smaller half-demon to the ground with a lightning fast kick before Inuyasha can even climb into the ring! The boot to the head sends Inuyasha flying back to the outside of the ring seconds before the “official” bell sounds!*

Ralph: Ok, who didn’t see THAT one coming?!
Bob: The final first round match of this tournament is officially under way! Xamot returns the sneak attack by pummeling the champion with a vicious kick to the face!

*While Inuyasha attempts to regain his bearings on the outside, Xamot powers up to full capacity, transforming into his Seven Foot, Winged Demon form!*

Bob: And Xamot apparently isn’t playing games tonight!

*The Half-breed Demon instinctively reaches for Tessaiga, but he’s not fast enough as Xamot flies through the ropes, TACKLING the Intergalactic Champion off of his feet! Latching onto his opponent, Xamot barrels across the Open Air Arena with his opponent in tow! Evil Intentions fill The Bamboo Forest’s Demon as he prepares to drive Inuyasha through the COMMENTATOR’S tower!*

Bob: HOLY SHIT HE’S COMING THIS WAY!
Ralph: WE’RE GONNA DIE!!

*The Champ slips out of his opponent’s grip and positions himself behind Xamot. Locking on a face lock from behind, Inuyasha yanks backward, actually steering the flying demon away from the commentators tower seconds before impact and back towards the ring, albiet, VERY high in the Arena!!*

Ralph: IDIOT! >=|!

*Regardless of saving Ralph and Bob from certain doom, grabbing Xamot from behind proves not to be the smartest of ideas for the Intergalactic Champion. Xamot’s arches his back, and in the process, drives the razor sharp tips of his wings directly into Inuyasha’s chest! Reacting to the searing pain, Inuyasha loses his grip!*

Bob: Inuyasha’s freefalling towards the canvas!
Ralph: Not good! He’s a sitting duck!

*Xamot swings around before swooping towards the plummetting Half-Demon! Xamot powers up before directly hitting Inuyasha with the Mako Strike!*

Bob: Mako Strike connects!
Ralph: o_o If Inuyasha wore boots, that would have knocked him right out of them.

*The Champion somehow corrects himself on the way down before hitting the center of the ring in a three point stance. Covered in smoke from the ki blast he just received, Inuyasha growls angrily!*

Ralph: Inuyasha landed on his feet!

*The powerful dog demon leaps off the mat, flying several stories into the air! Meeting Xamot half-way, Inuyasha delivers a signature move of his own.*

Inuyasha: IRON REAVER–!!!

*Xamot quickly counters Inuyasha in his attempt to deliver the Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!*

Xamot: DARK WAVE!!!!

*A black wave of energy whips across Xamot’s body before pounding RIGHT into the airborn Dog Demon! Taking the fight right out of Inuyasha, the blast PUNISHES The Intergalactic Champion, driving him back first into the canvas with enough force to make the ring BUCKLE! The four corners of the squared circle all bend inward!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOHHHH!!

Ralph: o_o He didn’t land on his feet that time.

*Backstage, Raven Darc watches the action with a HUGE shit-eating, Jack Swagger-esq grin on his face! He’s clearly enjoying Inuyasha’s dismemberment!*

Raven: =D

*Who’s not enjoying it, though? INUYASHA! Dazed and confused, the Dog slowly stands back up to his feet. As he staggers slightly, the fans plead for him to turn around, as his opponent is plummeting towards him with a sadistic grin on his face!*

Bob: This does not bode well for our Intergalactic Champion!

*Inuyasha turns around and MIRACULOUSLY reverses the Demon Tackle with an over the arm, Judo throw that sends Xamot crashing head first into the nearest turnbuckle!*

Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

Ralph: MIRACLE THROW!
Bob: Indeed. Inuyasha’s gaurdian Angel was definitely on his side there!

*With Xamot down, Inuyasha stalks the demon in the corner. Xamot remains motionless, but his eerie smile never leaves his face.*

Inuyasha: IRON RE— o_o WHAT THE HELL?!

*The Dog Demon makes the error of stepping into Xamot’s shadow! The dark energy rapidly overcomes the Hanyou, before sealing Inuyasha up completely into Xamot’s VOID attack!*

Ralph: VOID!! VOID!! VOID!!
Bob: Xamot proves to be one step ahead of Inuyasha once again! Inuyasha now finds himself stuck in Xamot’s inpenetrable void!

*Xamot’s grin turns to laughter, as the Demon slowly takes to the sky once more. Surrounding his body in ki, Xamot begins to manifest tens, hundreds, THOUSANDS of Nile Stars through-out and above the Open Air Arena! The referee WISELY escapes!*

Bob: I think Xamot’s preparing a Nile Storm for our poor Intergalactic Champion!
Ralph: And Inuyasha is stuck with no way to defend himself!

Xamot: Shi-ne, Inuyasha! NILEEEEEEE STORRRRRRRRRRMMMM!!

*The thousands of powerful ki bolts all begin their descent towards the Half-Breed Demon! With only a second to spare, Inuyasha unsheaths Tessaiga for the first time in the match up! The blade of the mystical weapon glows blood red, before the Champion SHATTERS Xamot’s void with one strike!*

Everyone: O_O!

Ralph: OH SH-

*No more time left, Inuyasha covers up and EATS the Nile Storm head on! The Ring is instantly destroyed, along with the ringside area and the barriers that surround it! The first several rows of fans are knocked back from the impact!*

Bob: DIRECT HIT from the Nile Storm! MY GOD!
Ralph: o_o we just witnessed the birth of a plethora of lawsuits, too.

*The Smoke clears. Xamot lands on the floor of the Arena. Everything remains silent for the next few moments as the referee inspects the damage.*

Ref: …. RING THE B-

!!THOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*The referee is literally in the process of calling the match when Inuyasha’s hand punches through the rubble! More rocks are thrown to the side as The Intergalactic Champion slowly climbs his way out of the mountain of debris!*

Everyone: D:!!

*Backstage*

Raven: D:!!!

*Ringside!*

Inuyasha: That… That Nile Storm was alright. >_<

Bob: HE’S FINE AFTER THAT?!
Ralph: o_o I.. I think it stung a little but yeah. He’s fine.

*Xamot is PISSED! Now drawing every PARTICLE of ki he can, He places his palms together, facing Inuyasha! Again, the Referee runs as far and as FAST as he can! Crowd members behind Inuyasha get out of their seats and flee for their lives as well!*

Xamot: DIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! MEGAAAAAALAAAAAADOOOOOOONNNNNN!!!

*Inuyasha spreads his feet apart and drives his claws deep into the concrete! With both hands firmly locked around the hilt of Tessaiga, Inuyasha EATS the Sixty foot wide Shark-o-ki head on!*

Inuyasha: ARRRGGHGGHHHH!!

Bob: XAMOT’S ULTIMATE KI ATTACK!

Xamot: DIE!
Inuyasha: B-…B-… BAAACKLASHHH WAVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fans Behind Xamot: OH SH-

*The Tessaiga reverses the flow of Xamot’s ki energy, with a healthy dose of the WIND SCAR added to it, BULLSEYE-ING The Demon from the Bamboo woods! Xamot is taken off of his feet! He’s driven several hundred feet backwards into the stands!*

Crowd: *POPS!!!!!!!*

*The Intergalactic Champion, Inuyasha stands in the middle of the rubble, smoldering from Xamot’s attack, Victorious.*

Ref: RING THE BELL!

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: Inuyasha Advances!!!
Ralph: I’ve never seen that much resiliance from anyone before in my life! >_< He took The Nile Storm AND The Megaladon and didn’t flinch! I… I hope Raven loses in the second round. o_o I don’t want him to have to face Inuyasha.

Winner and Advancing to the Semi-Finals: Inuyasha

Arzie: LADIEEESSS AND GENTLEMEN.. THE FOLLOWING IS AN ONLY THE STRONG SEMI FINAL MATCH….

*”We Don’t Care Anymore” by Story of the Year begins playing, bringing down the first competitor…*

Arzie: Introducing first.. Advancing to the second round by defeating her tag team partner Bat-Girl… She is one half of the UCTF Tag Team Champions… TAAAAAALLLOOOOOOOOONNNNN!!

Bob: Talon squeaked a victory by Bat-Girl in a match that could have honestly gone either way in the first round.
Ralph: Honestly, I thought she was done for until the final exchange in that match up!

*Next up, “Let Me Be Your Armor” kicks up…*

Arzie: And her opponent, earning her spot in the semifinals after decimating Crawen Darkzeal… She is the Demon Hunting nun and a vampire’s WORST nightmare… MARRRCELLAAAAA GRAAAACCCEEE!!!

Bob: Both women had hard fought victories in their respective matches. This is where things begin to get interesting!
Ralph: Hard Fought? Marcella got attacked by a WOLF, Bob! I’m surprised she’s still able to walk!

*Marcella stares across the ring at Talon who’s been motionless since entering the ring.*

Talon: e_e…

Ralph: and uhh… to be honest, I’m concerned with Nun-puppies well being. o_o She’s only good with a gun or a sword, right?
Bob: Well, she has HVPA trained hand to hand combat skills…
Ralph: Yeah.. Let’s hope she remembers that shit. Talon doesn’t look mentally stable.

*Ralph is right on this one! As soon as the bell sounds…*

!!DING DING DING!!

*X-23 charges Marcella like a dog responding to Pavlov’s bell!*

Ralph: OH SHIT! MARCELLA, RU–

*However, Marcella catches X-23′s arm and JUDO tosses her over her head! X-23 hits the canvas so hard, the ENTIRE ring shakes!*

Everyone: O_O!

Ralph: D:!
Bob: I.. Uhh.. Think she’ll be alright against Talon.

Only The Strong
Round 2
Talon vs. Marcella Grace

*Back to her feet, X-23 charges again! Marcella sidesteps, shoving Talon in the small of her back towards the ropes. She bounces back, right into the waiting arms of the Nun, who tosses her over her head with a hiptoss! X-23 contorts her body midair, landing PERFECTLY on her feet, before delivering a lightning fast dropkick to the chest! Marcella flies back into the ropes! As the ropes shoot her back towards the ring, X-23 leaps onto her shoulders, before quickly throwing herself backwards with the leg scissors take over! Marcella is sent flipping forward through the move, but twists HER body mid-air to land on her feet! When X-23 turns around, she’s ALMOST surprised to see her opponent still standing! She charges, only to be tripped up with a drop to hold! Seconds before her face meets mat, She rolls through, before kipping back to her feet!*

Marcella: o_o!
Talon: …

Bob: Talon showing amazing agi–

*Talon charges and is caught with a SECOND Drop toe hold, THIS one connecting perfectly!*

Crowd: *POPS!*

Bob: Nevermind!
Ralph: Marcella is in rare form o_o
Bob: Especially for someone who just got mauled by a Wolf?
Ralph: Exactly!
Bob: Well thus far she’s scouted everything The Tag Team Champion can throw at her!

*Marcella charges her opponent, and taking a page out of her business associate (two steps away from being lover, BTW e_e) Lo-Ruhamah, she WALKS up X-23′s body!*

Bob: Heavenly step kick?!!?

*It would be, if Talon weren’t to DODGE the kick! Now off balance, Marcella is SHOVED into the corner! However, Marcella catches catches herself by grabbing onto the ropes, and instead, thrusts herself backwards, leveling Talon in the face with a nasty heel kick!*

Bob: rebound kick!

*That kick, AMAZINGLY didn’t knock out X-23 on contact, but it is successful in staggering the clone! Marcella lunges towards her opponent to capitalize, but is quickly reversed with an over the head Judo arm throw!*

Ralph: BAM!!
Bob: Oooh!! NASTY toss there by Talon! Obvious payback for the beginning of this match up!

*Talon throws Marcella into the corner by the throat, and let’s the woman of God have it with a flurry of violent, and blazing fast boxing strikes to the body! X-23 draws back, hoping to put Marcella out to pasture with a haymaker, but she misses WIDE! Grace somehow rolls out of the way and ends up behind the Clone!*

Bob: Talon in trouble!

*Talon turns round RIGHT as Marcella walks up her body, THIS time NAILING the Heavenly Step Kick!*

Ralph: Got her!
Bob: indeed! Marcella looks like her light is dimming!

*She stumbles out of the corner, right into the waiting arms of Marcella, who hits a BEAUTIFUL Northern Lights Suplex!*

Ref: 1…… 2……. 2.99999999999!!

Bob: Not quite!
Ralph: .. I bet Lo taught her that wrestling move.. Among others…
Bob: Ralph! She’s a damn Virgin!
Ralph: You think that’s helping me think less sexual about her???

*On the way back to their feet, the resilient Talon suddenly strikes Marcella in the chin with a NASTY boxing uppercut! Marcella flies into the corner! She stumbles into the corner, where X-23 hits her OWN version of the Northern Lights Suplex!*

Bob: Talon responds with her own Northern Lights!

Ref: 1.. 2….. 2.999999999!!!

Bob: And the same result!
Ralph: hey! That’s kinda disrespectful of her!

*Both women waste no time pulling themselves back to their feet. In a show of desperation by both women, they leap into the air, nailing each other with a tandem spinning heel kicks to the skull!*

Crowd: OOOOHHH!!

Ralph: Wow. Great Minds.
Bob: Both of those kicks were as clean as can be. Let’s see who wants it more! Who can get up from this?!

*The referee aggressively counts towards the magic number of ten, as both women fight to stand back to their feet after several brain jarring blows that they’ve sustained!*

Ralph: What happens if neither gets up?! WHAT IF MOMOIRO ICHIGO BEATS LEONA AND NEITHER OF THESE WOMEN GET UP?! SHE’S THE #1 CONTENDER TO THE GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP!!!
Bob: Calm Down, Ralph! Talon is back up to her feet!

*X-23 strikes first with a Roundhouse! It’s blocked! Marcella responds with a roundhouse of her own! It TOO is blocked! Talon drives a knife edged chop into Marcella’s chest, followed by a stiff punch to the face! She spins, attempting to take Marcella’s head off with a spinning backhand, but The Nun ducks! That error costs X-23, who is hit in the face with a POWERFUL roundhouse to the face! Marcella spins through the kick and comes around with a spinning heel!*

Bob: TWO BRUTAL KICKS BY MARCELLA!

*Marcella finishes with a third kick to the chest, sending Talon into the ropes! When Talon rebounds from the ropes, Marcella attempts another Heavenly step kick. X-23 ducks and responds with a leg scissors take over!*

Bob: Marcella goes to the well once too many!

*Now on her hands and knees, Marcella falls victim to X-23 who vaults OFF of her back and uses that to spring herself to the top rope!*

Everyone: WHOA!

Ralph: OH NO!
Bob: This is the same move she defeated her tag team partner with!

*X-23 throws herself off of the top rope with that DEADLY kick aimed at the base of Marcella’s skull. Seconds before the kick connects, Marcella rolls out of her way! X-23 crashes onto the canvas off balance, leaving a precious opening for The Former NRA Champion!*

Bob: Marcella avoids the kick!

*It’s now or never for Marcella, with Talon off balance, she charges toward the cloned mutant! The fans, now on the edge of their seats watch the Demon Hunting nun swinging a wild right haymaker towards X-23. It doesn’t connect! X-23 blocks the strike and parries Marcella with such force that it spins the nun around 360 degrees!*

Bob: Not good for Marcella!

*Talon has enough time to prepare a BIG right roundhouse aimed at Marcella’s skull. The nun manages to avoid the kick!*

Bob: Marcella Do–

*However, using the SAME momentum from the roundhouse, Talon, now with her back to Marcella sends a FIERCE left heel DIRECTLY on the butt of Marcella’s chin, LEVELING the Nun!*

Ralph: CHRIST!
Bob: Marcella’s down!

*Grace crashes lifelessly to the canvas, COMPLETELY unconscious! Grabbing the palm of the nun’s hand, the referee checks the downed fighter.. But it is of no use.*

Ref: RING THE BELL, SHE CAN’T CONTINUE!

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: Is it? YES. IT’S OVER! TALON ADVANCES TO THE FINALS!
Ralph: nooo! =( Nun puppies!

*”We Don’t Care Anymore” starts up again as the referee quickly raises X-23′s hand in air in victory, before immediately going back to the unconscious nun.*

Winner and Advancing to the Finals: Talon

Bob: Talon lured Marcella in with that feint right roundhouse before completely obliterating her with the left heel! What a match-up!
Ralph: Are you kinda.. Hoping that Momoiro Ichigo makes it to the finals just so she can face X-23 and get eviscerated?
Bob: I..uhh.. Try to stay impartial to these types of things o_o

Arzie: And the Following is a semi-final, Only The Strong Tournament Match-up!

*The night carries on with Soil’s “Halo,” Bringing down the three time Intergalactic Champion!*

Arzie: Introducing first.. Making his way down the aisle… He advanced by decimating Ben Tennyson in his first round match…

Ralph: Hell, Arzie, show the replay! The match was so fast we can show the entire thing before Raven arrives to the ring itself!

Arzie: He is the former three time Intergalactic Champion… RRRAAAAAVVVEEENNN DARRRRCCCC!!!

*Once Inside the ring, The Steve Wilkos Theme starts up again!*

Arzie: Aaaandd his Opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Steve Wilkos… he defeated Xiu Shields to advance, THE UNLOVED ONE, LOOOOOOO-RUHAMAHHHHHHH!!

Ralph: I’m surprised he’s able to waddle down the ring after almost killing himself against Xiu >=| Speaking of which, has it been confirmed if Xiu has a shattered rib cage from that fatass’ miracle moonsault earlier?
Bob: Uhh.. No, I don’t think so.

*All party members are inside the ring, with Steve Wilkos staring a hole through Raven!*

Steve: e_e Isn’t that the sicko who ties up women?
Lo: The hell if I know! >=|
Steve: HEY, RAVEN, YOU LIKE TYING UP WOMEN!?
Raven: uhh.. o_o…

Ralph: He’s gonna say it.. HE’S GONNA SAY IT!
Bob: …

Steve: GET OFF MY STAGE! >=|

Crowd: *POPS!*

Ralph: YES! YES HE SAID IT! God I love that guy!
Bob: O_o well he has a screw loose. We’re not in Chicago tonight. Besides, if he knew some of Lo’s extra-curricular activities with cats.

!!DING DING DING!!

Only The Strong
Round 2
Raven Darc vs. Lo-Ruhamah

Raven: so uhh.. O_o you gained a few…
Lo: e_e
Raven: and.. Nice… sweat suit?
Lo: ….
Raven: and all over a belt?
Lo: …>=|!!

*UH OH! Wrong choice of words for Raven! The World Championship is NOT “Just a belt” to Lo-Ruhamah, who held the title for a record NINE MONTHS during UCTF’s hayday!*

Lo: ARRRGHHH!!

*Lo and Raven lock up wrestling style, with Lo using all of his strength to push the larger of the two into the corner!*

Raven: Whoa whoa whoa! O_o Calm down! you.. You really need to get laid, don’t you?
Lo: FUCK YOU!

*Ruhamah manages to push Raven a half a step back before The half demon easily FLINGS Lo across the ring like a small child! Lo hits the canvas and rolls into the corner like an armadillo! Raven playfully flexes his bicep to the stunned crowd.*

Ralph: Yeah, not smart trying to overpower Raven… especially when you’re still in tubbyville.

Crowd: OOOOHHH!!

Raven: ^_^ And that’s FATASS Lo I just tossed!

*Raven’s smile fades as he switches back into full business mode! A running thrust kick finds it’s way across Lo’s fat jowls in the corner! As he collapses into a sitting position, Raven unleashes several more stomps to the chest!*

Steve: GET UP JONNY! GET UP AND TAKE IT TO THAT BONDAGE FFFFREAK! >=|

Bob: Raven unleashing some serious punishment on Lo, here!
Ralph: I think Steve running his mouth on the outside is doing nothing to help his guy right now.

*Or not! Suddenly, from his prone state, Lo-Ruhamah begins to fire back with blows to the gut that are DANGEROUSLY close to the belt region!*

Steve: THAT’S RIGHT! HIT HIM AGAIN!!

*Gaining a second wind, Lo begins to rise from the corner as his blows to the bread basket build strength, culminating with a HOLY PUNCH!*

Steve: THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT, LO!

*Lo hits the ropes, torpedoing himself head first into the wounded gut area of his opponent! Raven somersaults from the impact!*

Bob: LO WITH A BIG MOVE!
Ralph: That wasn’t pretty at all o_o
Bob: Not at all, but it’s getting the job done right now!

Steve: DON’T LET UP ON HIM! PUT HIM IN THE MASTERLOCK!

Everyone: O_o?

*The half demon rolls out of the ring to separate himself from Lo-Ruhamah…*

Steve: HEY, COWARD! WHERE YOU GOING COWARD?!?! GET BACK IN THE R–MPHHHH!!

!!POP!!

*Without warning, Raven sends Steve flying with a Savate kick that lands right on the chin! The ex-marine spins 180 degrees from the impact of the kick, slamming his big bald dome into the steel steps a few feet away.*

Ralph: OH GOD NO! STEVE!
Bob: I.. Uhh.. He actually had that coming o_o

*Raven FINALLY shuts up the loud mouth from Chicago, but the decision to take his eyes off of his REAL opponent proves to be detrimental! Ruhamah flings his tub of lard body over the top rope in the worst looking tope in the history of mankind, but it CONNECTS!*

Bob: Lo-Ruhamah connects with the Suicide Dive!
Ralph: D: Raven’s been crushed!
Bob: The former World Champion now throwing Raven Darc back into the ring! Will we see a second miracle here tonight?! Will Lightning strike twice?!

*Lo climbs to the top rope, daring to attempt another moonsault, this time to the supine Raven Darc! He throws himself backwards, somehow making it a full turn before NAILING the Final Judgment Moonsault!*

Bob: HE CONNECTS! HE CONNECTS!

*Lo covers!*

Ref: 1……… 2………..

*a NANO second before The referee’s hand slams down to the canvas for the three, Raven throws the tip of his boot over the bottom rope, breaking the count!*

Everyone: D:!!!!!!!!!

Bob: Raven gets his foot on the rope at the LAST possible moment!!!
Ralph: Lo, you better think of something, and do it quickly!

*Quickly lifting Raven back to his feet, Lo-Ruhamah hastily locks Raven into a waist lock from behind. He throws all of his weight backward, slamming Raven into a German Suplex! He keeps the move locked, slowly turning and pulling Raven’s body back up!*

Lo: ARRRGHHH!!!

!!BAM!!

*He hits a second suplex, and again, rolls with it, pulling himself and Raven back to their feet.*

Raven: >=|! NO!

*The Half demon fights back, elbowing Lo-Ruhamah with ferocity! The hold slips and Raven breaks free. However, the moment he turns around, Ruhamah has a surprise for him!*

Raven: ARRRGHHH!!
Lo: AAHHHHHHHH!! >=|!!

!!FLOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*Lo’s entire body burns as bright as the Sun for a split second, blinding the Half-demon! Raven INSTANTLY goes down to the canvas, writhing in pain, while Lo, know on his knees, tries to regain composure!*

Bob: LIGHT FOR THE BLIND! But can Lo-Ruhamah capitalize?!
Ralph: NO! He’s about to have a heart attack as is!

*Lo-Ruhamah manages to climb to his feet first and grabs Raven’s wrist. Immediately, twists Raven around for the Purgatory Whip…*

Bob: Raven’s being twi–WAIT!

*Raven snaps out of the wrist lock and spins Lo back around. Now facing each other, Raven quickly SNAPS the former World Champion to the canvas face first!*

Ralph: JESUS!
Bob: ENDLESS WALTZ! OUT OF NO WHERE!

*Raven quickly covers, STILL partially blinded from The “Light for the Blind” as the ref slides into position.*

Ref: 1…….. 2……….. 3!

*And it’s over!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: Welp.. The Cinderella story ends for Lo…
Bob: Raven hits his devastating finisher out of thin air and is the first to advance to the finals! Who will he be facing later tonight?! Gideon or Inuyasha?!

Winner and Advancing to the Finals: Raven Darc

Arzie: The following is a SEMI-FINAL match in the UCTF “Only The Strong” WOMEN’S Tournament!

*”Rhythmic Hallucination” starts up…*

Arzie: Introducing first.. On her way down that aisle.. LEEEEOOONAAAA!!!

*Leona looks even MORE determined than in her earlier appearance!*

Ralph: Come on Leona! Don’t get embarrassed! Don’t let it be like.. The NNNN match o_o
Bob: x_x the night she doesn’t want anyone to remember. God, for her sake I hope not as well, Ralph.

*Leona climbs into the ring and that’s it! She faces the ring and doesn’t BUDGE. She’s in pure statue form! Next up, “Koi Wa A La Mode” kicks up! Out SKIPS Leona’s opponent, Momoiro Ichigo! Her smile is still there, as she has NO concern over this next match!*

Arzie: AND HER OPPONENT.. WELCOME BACK MOMOIROOOOO ICHIGGGOOOO!!!!!!!!

*Ichigo bounces to the top rope and raises that damn rainbow spewing ribbon high above her head!*

Bob: Here we go… The winner will face Talon in the finals of this tournament! Who will it be?!

Only The Strong Tournament
Round 2
Leona vs. Momoiro Ichigo

!!DING DING DING!!

*The Speedster leaps off the top rope and CONNECTS with the Ribbon across the skull of Leona out of no where!*

Bob: THE RIBBON CONNECTS!
Ralph: OH NO! OH NONONONO!

*Leona staggers from the attack, leaving Momoiro to begin her caffeine fueled sprinting around the ring! All the colors of the rainbow begin to fill the ring again!*

Ralph: Don’t tell me this is going to end the same way! And in HALF the time it took her to beat Nakita?!

*Through the confusion of colors she’s created in the ring, Momoiro springs through the air towards Leona with a flying kick, but she’s SPEARED out of the air by the former Intergalactic Champion! Heidern pins Momoiro to the ground and delivers several VICIOUS UNSHIELDED strikes to Ichigo’s face! Pulling Momo back to her feet, Leona takes a half step back, before NAILING her in the face with a stiff roundhouse! Momoiro collapses like a tree before crashing into the corner!*

Crowd: OOOOH!! O_O

Bob: JESUS!!

*Charging towards the corner like an out of control locomotive, Leona delivers a NASTY kick to the side of Momoiro’s face! The kick is so powerful it turns Ichigo’s body completely! Now, half of her body is stretched over the bottom rope, exposing her head and shoulders to the apron! Leona slowly leaves the ring. Now standing on the apron, she delivers an AXE kick to the back of Momoiro’s head, almost crushing the poor girl’s skull between her leg and the apron!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOH!!

Ralph: o_o..h..how did I ever think that this would go any other way?
Bob: Ref!! HOW MUCH MORE IS HE GOING TO ALLOW!?

*Leona drags Momoiro’s body back into the center of the ring, before delivering blatant, and repeating kicks to the groin! She follows this with a SOCCER kick to the face! Momoiro bounces off of the canvas into a kneeling position, where Leona then delivers a VERY low arm slash that knocks the girls feet from under her. In the same breath, Leona delivers a upper striking kick that juggles Momoiro into the air! This is followed by several stiff strikes in midair, followed by her “X-Calibur” technique!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Ralph: D:
Bob: …..

Leona: …….
Ref: ……….

*Leona drops a Earring bomb that INSTANTLY explodes upon contact! Momoiro’s already lifeless body flies out of the ring and into the security railing on the outside! The referee FINALLY intervenes, calling for the match to cease!*

Bob: It’s about FUCKING time Referee!
Ralph: o_o how could I think..
Bob: Momoiro had us all fooled Ralph. But her luck ran out when she faced Leona Heidern! My GOD!

Winner and Moving to the Finals: Leona

Arzie: The following is a semi-final match in the UCTF Only The Strong Tournament…

Yeah..Uh
In the name of Jesus
No weapon formed against me shall prosper
And every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn
For this is the heritage of the servants of the Lord
and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.
Amen

*DMX’s “Lord Give Me a Sign” plays once more, bringing down the ex-new york police officer!*

Arzie: Making his way down to the ring, advancing by defeating Sao Feng with the “Avenging Angel” He is known as the Holy Redeemer… Welcome GIIIDDDEEOOONNNNN!

Bob: Gideon finished off Sao Feng in his first round match up, but he is about to take on a totally different beast here in a few moments!
Ralph: yeah… His theme song is about Christianity… He’s going to need Jesus whenever his opponent gets his hands on him…

*That ominous message by Ralph is accompanied by The half-breed’s theme song, “Hanyou Inuyasha!” The dog demon walks through the curtain, slowly making his way down the aisle.*

Arzie: And his opponent, on the way to the ring…. he advance to the semi-finals by defeating Xamot with his patented “BACKLASH WAVE” he is the Current UCTF Weaponmaster AND Intergalactic Champion…. He is the Dog Demonnnnn… INNNUUUUUYASSSHHHAAAAAA!

*The Double Champion hops into the ring, drawing his Tessaiga upon arrival. Gideon frees Nazarene from it’s Sheath and both men are prepared to battle!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Only The Strong
Round 2
Inuyasha vs. Gideon

*Gideon fires off a massive bolt of electricity from Nazarene into the Champion, who leaps out of it’s path. As Inuyasha comes down, Gideon catches him with a big kick to the mid-section! He tumbles backwards from the kick, rolling back to his feet just as Gideon attempts to take his head off with his blade! Tessaiga collides with Nazarene as Inuyasha overpowers the Holy Redeemer, before kicking him clear across the ring! Gideon flips backwards and lands perfectly on his feet.*

Bob: Gideon not afraid to go right after the Intergalactic Champion!
Ralph: That’s about his only strategy… that or somehow trick Inuyasha to count himself outside the ring o_o Cause he’s not going to knock out Inuyasha. He’s not going to pin him, and he’s damn sure not going to make him submit!
Bob: And you talk about me being biased!
Ralph: I’m not! I’m being completely objective here. There’s no chance in hell Inuyasha’s going to lose this match!
Bob: Remember when Team Rocket won the Tag Team Ch–
Ralph: SHUTUP! >=| THAT WAS TEN YEARS AGO! SHUTUP!

*Charging towards Inuyasha, The Holy Redeemer drives his blade into the canvas! The bolt of energy shoots into the mat, springing Gideon into the air and over the head of Inuyasha! The dog demon turns to counter, but only manages to catch the laces of Gideon’s boot across the face! As his opponent sails from the kick, Gideon catches his prey in mid-flight with a bolt of lightning from his sword! The champ lands on his shoulders, and a split second later kips back up to his feet! Unfortunately for him, he’s now flying right into the flying foot of Gideon! He connects with the “Angel’s Talon” round house, sending the dog demon upside down!*

Bob: BIG ROUNDHOUSE KICK from Gideon!
Ralph: Hey.. What the hell? >=| He actually connected twice!
Bob: Were you expecting this match to be over already?
Ralph: YES! I want this freaking card to be over! I’ve got stuff to do!

*Upside down, Inuyasha shows impressive agility by springing off of his hand back to his feet.*

Inuyasha: *Grrr* Alright. Play time is over!

*Gideon comes at the Champion with another bolt of lightning… THIS time, Inuyasha deflects the attack back into the Holy Redeemer with the Sheath of Tessaiga! Gideon, with a sudden need to avoid his own attack, leaves himself open for a MASSIVE kick from the barefooted half demon that connects against his nose!*

Bob: Inuyasha fires back!

*Now it’s the Intergalactic Champion’s time to play! The brute from Feudal Japan rushes Gideon, keeping the pressure on with several vicious strikes with Tessaiga! To his credit, Gideon manages to block the strikes of Tessaiga with Nazarene for a few moments, until Inuyasha’s impressive strength finally manages to overpower and overwhelm! Nazarene is knocked from Gideon’s arms, leaving the Holy Redeemer unarmed!*

Ralph: WHOOT! Finish him off, kid!

*Gideon dashes backward into the corner as Inuyasha leaps in with his claws drawn!*

Inuyasha: IRON REAVER, SOUL STEALER!!!

*Gideon rolls to safety, leaving Inuyasha’s claws to rip through the turnbuckle like George The Animal Steele! It’s a perfect opportunity for the Redeemer to unleash THE TWINS™! Gideon unloads his babies on into the dog demon! Not even HE’S fast enough to block them all! Tessaiga is knocked from his palm, leaving the swordsman almost naked!*

Inuyasha: … >=|!

Bob: Gideon has Inuyasha on the ropes.. AGAIN!
Ralph: Yeah, Seriously! What the hell?!
Bob: Come on Ralph! Gideon glided through his match while Inuyasha had a hell of a match against Xamot!
Ralph: SO WHAT?!?!!?

*Without any other plan, Inuyasha simply RUSHES Gideon, taking every single non-lethal round head on like a man!*

Inuyasha: ARRRRGGHHHHH!!

*Not the smartest plan! Gideon kicks him in the gut, and quickly hits a massive DDT!*

Ralph: *THROWS HIS HANDS UP* WHAT !?!?
Bob: HOLY REDEMPTION by Gideon! I think Inuyasha may be unconscious from that!

*Gideon, looking for a miracle, climbs to the top rope!*

Bob: Gideon can make himself famous right here if he defeats Inuyasha!
Ralph: I should have put money on this.. Shouldn’t I?

*Gideon launches himself, hitting a picture perfect moonsault in the center of the ring!*

Bob: AVENGING ANGEL! AVENGING ANGEL! AVENGING ANGEL CONNECTS!

*The Ref slides into position!*

Ref: ON–

*And Inuyasha LAUNCHES Gideon off of him before the count of one!*

Crowd: D:!!!

Bob: AND NOT EVEN A ONE!
Ralph: o_o holy crap.. He beat Sao Feng with that!

*BUT NOT INUYASHA! Frantic, Gideon searches for Nazarene as Inuyasha slowly climbs back to his feet…*

Inuyasha: Iron Reaver… >=| SOUL STEALER!

*Inuyasha pounces from across the ring, and Gideon just BARELY manages to get his sword between him and the sharp claws of his opponent! Bad news for the half-breed, because Gideon then charges his blade up with as much lightning energy as he can muster!*

!!KAAAAATHOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Bob: GIDEON WITH THE MASSIVE BOLT OF ELECTRICITY!

*On his back, and without his sword to protect him, Inuyasha is helpless as Gideon shoots through the air toward him! The blade of Nazarene is charged full of lightning energy! Seconds before impact, Inuyasha matches to put his sheath in the path!*

!!KATTTTTHOOOOM!!

Bob: Inuyasha blocks what would have no doubt been the finishing strike!

*Channeling more electrical energy through is blade, Gideon attempts to put the finishing touches into Inuyasha and maybe the upset of 2008!*

Gideon: ARRRGHHH!!!!
Inuyasha: RRRARRRGGHH!! YOU’RE STRONG.. I’LL GIVE YOU THAT!

*Inuyasha however, the MUCH stronger of the two, drives his foot into Gideon’s rib-cage!*

Inuyasha: But I’m INUYASHA! ARRRRRGGHHH!!

*With a fierce thrust, Gideon is flung across the ring! Inuyasha quickly rolls backwards, and recovers Tessaiga.*

Bob: The Intergalactic Champion has managed to fend off Gideon, and now has Tessaiga back!
Ralph: I was.. Actually starting to get worried there for a second…

Inuyasha: Alright. Let’s say we finish this?
Gideon: …Let’s.

*A column of lightning suddenly falls from the heavens and into Nazarene! Gideon is fully charged!*

Bob: I.. I think they’re about to settle this one!
Ralph: Gideon, there’s not enough lightning in Asgard o_o.. Don’t do it!

Gideon: ..HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

*Gideon leaps off the top rope!*

Inuyasha: ………KAZEEEEEEEEEEE NOOOOOOO KIZUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

*The Wind Scar from Tessaiga meets with Nazarene’s Holy Blast, emitting a blinding, white light of energy throughout the arena! The crowd have to turn from the attack.. As the roar of thunder subsides, everything is quiet for a few moments…*

Bob: Both attacks collided! What happened?!

*The smoke begins to clear, and the red hue of Inuyasha’s jacket is the first to appear. He stands above The unconscious Holy Redeemer.*

Inuyasha: heh. e_e.

Ref: x_X.. R-ring it.

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: It’s over! Inuyasha’s now in the finals against…
Ralph: Raven Darc. o_o
Bob: This.. This should be epic!

Winner and Advancing to the Finals: InuYasha

*As Gideon is helped to the back to a nice ovation from the crowd, “We Don’t Care Anymore” by Story of the Year starts up! Down walks one half of the tag team champions, as focused and stoic as ever after surviving two BRUTAL matches to make it into the finals!*

Bob: And we’re not wasting any time here it seems! Looks like we’re going to have the Women’s finals right now!
Ralph: Not good for Inuyasha… I’m sure he wants this match up to last in order to recover from his close match up with.. Gideon e_e..
Bob: You’re right.. The faster this match up is, the more it favors Raven Darc!

*The moment X-23 climbs into the ring, “Rhythmic Hallucination” keys up.. Out walks Leona Heidern, the stone faced killer of the Ikari Warriors! After her performance earlier tonight, the fans are too afraid to jeer!*

Bob: And here comes the woman who might as well ended the career of Momoiro Ichigo earlier tonight!
Ralph: That was one of the most brutal beatings in the history of the UCTF. SERIOUSLY. She has certainly grown more sadistic over the years!
Bob: More sadistic than blowing up her boyfriend?
Ralph: .. ok. Point made.. Point made.. She’s always been a sick bitch!

*Both women are now inside the squared circle, and having the unfortunate luck to stand in between them is Arzie, the ring announcer.*

Arzie: Lu-lu-..Ladies and Gentlemen… the following contest is the FINAL MATCH in the Women’s bracket of the Only The Strong Tournament! The winner will not only become this year’s OTS Champion, but they will also named the Number 1 contender to The UCTF Grand Championship…

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!

Arzie: Introducing First… She advanced to the finals by defeating Bat-Girl and Marcella Grace, and she is one half of the Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting’s Tag Team Championship…. SHE IS X-23…. TAAAAAALLLOOOONNNNN!

*Talon doesn’t bat an eyelash at the mention of her name, nor the reaction from the screaming fans around her. She never, even once, takes her glare away from Leona. And for good reason!*

Arzie: And her opponent… Advancing to the Finals by defeating The Ninja, Taki, and her decimation of Momoiro Ichigo… She is known simply as… LEEEEOOOONNNAAAAA!!!

*Leona follows suit, never taking her eyes off of Talon, even as the jeers in the crowd begin to fill the open air arena!*

Bob: The pleasantries are now under way… We are about to have our first Strong Woman Champion since 2002!
Ralph: mmm.. Carmencita…

Only The Strong Tournament
FINALS
Talon vs. Leona

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: And we’re under w–

*Charging Talon, Leona flings an earring bomb across the ring, while Talon unsheathes her blades! The Mutant swats at the bomb with her left… The Adamantium claws connect with the miniature devise, which of course, explodes on impact! Talon rushes through the billowing smoke, she’s snarling like an animal, her right arm is behind her, drawn and ready, but not fast enough to stop Leona’s flying kick to the grill followed by the Moon Slasher! Leona leaps into the air, V-SLASHER!*

Bob: Talon taken down with a quick combo to open the match!

*Talon falls backwards from the jumping strike, and uses that momentum to roll to fists. Driving her claws into the canvas, she stiffens into a handstand and kicks Leona, who managed to wander too close to the opponent!*

Bob: Leona tried to keep the pressure on and fell right into that kick by the champ!

*Both women return to their feet in tandem., with Leona rushing once more towards the clawed Mutant with no regard!*

Ralph: holy crap!
Bob: Leona rushing in again!

*She ducks a while swing from X-23, quickly punishing her with a knife edged slice to the stomach, followed by an uppercut to X-23′s adamantium laced jaw with enough force to lift Talon off of her feet! Leona juggles the mutant in the air like a ball, delivering a deadly combination of kicks and punches that send the Tag Team Champion into the corner.*

Bob: Leona with ANOTHER combination! X-23 stuck in the corner!
Ralph: She’s not giving Wolf puppies any time to recover! Smart!

Leona: ARRRGGGHH!!

*Leona unleashes her Green Ki energy orb, the “Baltic Launcher” directly into the trapped in the corner X-23, engulfing the mutant!*

Bob: Baltic Launcher connects!

*The ball of chi knocks X-23 Airborne! Leona catches the Tag Team Champion midair in the belly to belly suplex position, and while both women are turning in midair, Leona delivers a sick dropkick to the chest, adding to the velocity of X-23 smashing into the canvas! Before Talon’s body finishes it’s fall, Leona tosses an earring bomb into her path!*

Ralph: EARRING BOMB!

!!KABOOOOM!!

*THIS one connects, knocking the mutant all the way across the ring! Somehow, X-23 manages to slowly stand back to her feet!*

Ralph: She’s getting up after that?!!?
Bob: Some how… Her toughness is without question, but Bob: X-23 cannot keep allowing Leona to connect these high impact moves if she wants to win this match!

*And again, Leona rushes towards X-23, performing a somersault in midair and coming down with a dropkick! But THIS time, X-23 telegraphs, MURDERING the falling Leona with a flying kick to the face, following through with a left kick using the same energy! Leona turns inside out from the contact before hitting the canvas in a heap!*

!!POP POP!!

Crowd: OOOOOOHHH!!

Bob: Leona batted out of the sky with an impressive flying spin kick!
Ralph: I think she heard your advice, Bob! o_o

*To her credit, Leona recovers from the fall, quickly wrapping her legs around Talon’s leg to bring her down for a leg-lace! It’s in vain, as Talon drops a knee on Leona’s groin!*

Crowd: OH ! >_<

Bob: Shot to the groin by Talon!

*Talon yanks Leona back to her feet by her long blue hair, before unleashing a punching two-hitter elbow strike across both sides of Leona’s face! The second elbow causes Leona to stagger a half step back, in perfect position for the roundhouse to the side/back of the neck! This causes Leona to ever so slightly lean forward, right into a over the shoulder Judo arm through by Talon! Talon throws her entire body behind the toss, and actually rolls OVER Leona the moment she hits the canvas! That momentum springs Talon back to her feet, which she quickly uses to vault to the top rope…*

Ralph: Bob, I think she’s going for that.. That axe kick from the top rope!
Bob: The move she put away her tag team partner with! Will she connect?!

*With Leona in the perfect position, Talon launches off of the top rope and NAILS the Downward Guillotine Kick!*

Bob: AND SHE CONNECTS! AMAZING, NEW ONLY THE STRONG WOMEN’S CHAMPION!

Ref: 1…. 2…….. 2.9999999999999!!!

*NOT SO FAST BOB, Leona kicks out!*

Crowd: AAAAAAWWWWW =(

*X-23 does the right thing, KEEPING the pressure on Leona! As Talon begins pulling Leona back to her feet, the blue haired warrior fires back with a straight jab to the mid-section which successfully staggers Laura back a few steps. Leona leaps right towards her, attempting another “Baltic Launcher” ki attack! X-23 ducks the slow moving ball of ki, jabbing Leona right in the face! Leona eats the punch while still moving forward in attempt to push Talon into the still floating, massive ball of ki right behind her!*

Bob: Leona attempting to shove Talon into that ball of energy! Talon fighting back to keep away from it!

*Talon delivers BRUTAL knees to the chest, but the hits un-deter Leona who strikes back with a wild knife edged chop across the face! The strike spins Talon around, who is now facing the chi blast only mere inches away! Leona grabs her by the hair and pushes with all of her might towards the glowing, pulsing green ball of ki!*

Ralph: Talon’s about to get a face full here in a second!

*Talon tries one final desperate attempt to elbow her way out of her predicament, but Leona NAILS her in the base of the skull with a headbutt, sending the Tag Team Champion face first into the Baltic Launcher! She’s blown across the ring, and into the ropes!*

Leona: e_e..

*Talon is thrown back toward the center of the ring, right into the waiting fists of Leona, who opens a can of WHOOP ASS on The Champion with a blur of standing strikes!*

Bob: This is not good for Talon! Leona’s about to take this match to the next level!

*Launched into the air after the vicious combination, X-23 is caught in midair by Leona, who impales the mutant with her dagger!*

Bob: LEONA DON’T DO THIS!

*Leona replaces the dagger with a stick of dynamite and KICKS X-23 to the ground seconds before the explosive detonates inside the open wound!*

Bob: GRAVITY STORM BY LEONA HEIDERN! THIS MATCH IS OVER! Get EMTs down here IMMEDIATELY! THIS SICK BITCH JUST KILLED TALON! >=|

*When the smoke clears, all that remains is the referee, cowering in the corner, Leona, and parts of X-23′s torso scattered across the ring! The fans who are faint at heart pull out their barf bags at the site of the gory detail inside the ring!*

Ref: >_< … R… Ring the b–

Talon: ughh…

Everyone: O_O

*Everyone’s eyes widen in shock as Talon actually GETS UP following the deadly finishing maneuver!*

Ralph: no.. fucking way.

*Looking down at her still open wound that is slowly but surely healing itself, Talon’s eyes shift from their emotionless, stoic state to a VERY pissed off one. Suddenly, the sound of her claws unsheathing from her arms and feet can be heard across the Arena!*

Leona: o_o
Talon: …Ok.

Ralph: LEONA RUUUU–

*Talon sprints across the ring that there’s a BLUR behind her! Leona doesn’t stand a chance as she’s RIPPED to shreds from the animalistic rage that is X-23! Launched in the air from a claw filled uppercut, Leona falls right into a back flipping, six clawed ball of hatred that juggles her in the air for several second! Blood splatters from the ring and into the first row of the audience like some sick version of a Gallagher comedy show!*

Bob: OH MY GOD!!
Ralph: D: She’s going to need a lot of stitches… and a gallon of iodine after that.

*Leona collides on the top rope, which flips over her, causing her to land head first on the apron before her body FINALLY comes to a rest on the concrete below in a crumpled mess! She lies motionless, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see she’s FINISHED after the amazing, six clawed finishing combination at the hands of Talon! The referee wastes no time signaling for the bell!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: And that’s it!! It’s over! AMAZING! NEW STRONG WOMEN’S CHAMPION! We have found Kunoi Ishigami’s first challenge to the UCTF Grand Championship! Talon will face Kunoi for her first shot at Platinum at a later date!
Ralph: Wow, she’d be the first Female Grand Champion in what… eight years????

Winner, #1 Contender to the UCTF Grand Championship and UCTF STRONG WOMAN: Talon

*Talon slowly slides out of the ring leaving a trail of blood along the way as her mutant ability rapidly stitches up gory open wound left from Leona’s Gravity Storm. Leona, meanwhile is being carted away by EMTs. I bet when she woke up this morning, she didn’t think she’d be shredded like cheap store brand cheese!*

Ralph: Wow, it would have been awesome to have had her healing factor while I was rehabbing from that unwarranted ass beating I received at the hands of Kunoi a few years ago. >=\

*Somewhere across Anime City…*

Kunoi: Unwarranted? >=|……

*Back in the arena, Soil’s “Halo” begins playing which dramatically changes the mood of the event! The former and only three time Intergalactic Champion in the history of the UCTF slowly saunters down to the ring. Tonight he’ll have to face the man who took his Intergalactic Championship in the finals of the Tournament.. And this time, the stakes are much higher, as a shot at the UCTF Grand Championship Title is on the line!*

Bob: Enter Raven Darc… The man who destroyed Ben Tennyson in the opening Contest and then made short work of Lo-Ruhamah in the semi finals.. He’s only one more win away from claiming a shot at Kunoi Ishigami, but to do so… He is going to have to go through.. THIS man!

*”Hanyou Inuyasha” kicks up, and The half breed almost instantly appears on the giant stage! He storms down to the ring with purpose! Several more referees sprint past Inuyasha to keep him separated from Raven Darc…*

Ralph: oh crap he’s pissed o_o
Bob: He’s had to wait all night and go through two tiring matches just to get a chance to face Raven! Of course he’s pissed!
Ralph: He better calm down though. Raven Darc’s had an easier time in this tournament, and he’s no jabroni that’s going to be easy to run over…

*The ring crew finally calm the half demon down, talking him into staying in his corner until the official bell sounds. Arzie, the ring announcer finds himself in the worst possible position again, standing in between both sickeningly powerful individuals in the squared circle…*

Arzie: L-L-Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is the Finals of the UCTF Only The Strong Tournament and is scheduled for one fall! The winner will become this year’s Strong Man Champion and will become the number one contender to the UCTF Grand Championship!

Crowd: *POP!*

Arzie: Introducing first… hailing from Feudal Japan.. He stands at 175centimeters and weighs in at 70 kilograms… He is the Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting’s Weaponmaster AND Intergalactic Champion… He is the DOG DEMON… INNNNUUUUYASHAAAAA!!!

Crowd: *BIGGER POP!*

Arzie: And his opponent… hailing from Hayborn Scotland… he stands at six feet, four inches, and weighs in tonight at 265lbs… He is the former three time Intergalactic Champion… RAAAAVVVEEENNNN DAAARRRCCCCC!!!

*Raven raises his right arm in the air at the mention of his name.*

Bob: This certainly has a big fight feel! Senior Glen Sanchos will be officiating…
Ralph: He better stay out of their way…
Bob: Indeed. These men have been at each other’s throats since Summer Chaos 2007! Can they finally settle their difference inside that ring tonight?!

Glen: Alright Gentlemen, at the sound of the bell, I’m getting out of your way to let you guys do your thing. I’ll only be there for the pinfall, submission or knockout. Good luck to you both.

Crowd: *MASSIVE POP!*

Only The Strong
FINALS
Raven Darc vs. Inuyasha

*The random officials clear the ring as well as Arzie. Glen Sanchos backs away into the corner leaving only two men, The Half Demon Inuyasha, and the Half Demon Raven Darc. Fans around the world are glued to the television set to witness the culmination of two years explode inside the squared circle…*

Kunoi: e_e…

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: AND THE MATCH IS ON!

*Predictably, Inuyasha leaps into attack before the match bell even finishes resonating through the arena!*

Inuyasha: IRON REAVER SOUL ST–MMMPHHH!!

*Predictably to everyone around the world, ESPECIALLY Raven Darc, who counters the Soul-Shattering Iron Fist with a giant haymaker to the teeth!*

Raven: SHUTUP! >=|

*The brutal blow manages to stagger Inuyasha a half a step, but it doesn’t stop the Hanyou’s onslaught! The IG Champion fires back with an equally powerful punch to the face, but it is then matched with an even MORE powerful strike to the chin from Raven Darc! Inuyasha slides backwards a half an inch, driving his clawed hand directly into Raven’s chest!*

Raven: ARRGHHH!!

*Raven drives his head forward, giving Inuyasha an Irish kiss right on the bridge of his nose! Inuyasha takes a half step back, and gets popped in the face with a standing side kick from the pro-wrestler! Inuyasha is knocked back a half a step, before he’s hit with an uppercut that sends him half way across the ring!*

Bob: Inuyasha send packing, but still on his feet!

*Darc instantly transforms into his full, one-winged demon form, shooting dozens of demonic chains across the ring… They latch onto the dog demon a half second before flooding thousands of volts of demonic electricity through them!*

Inuyasha: ARRGHH!!

*Inuyasha fights through the pain, grabbing the chains and YANKING as hard as he can! Raven is pulled in with great velocity as a result, sending the 6’4 Demon into a BRUTAL front kick to the chin! The “Million Chains” retract into Raven’s hands, as the hurt half demon leans back from the murderous kick in the face. But, Inuyasha ain’t done, yet! Locking his arms around Raven’s waist, the Hanyou lifts Raven into the air like an infant before falling backwards, driving Darc face first into the top turnbuckle! The former champion’s body snaps back from the impact violently as it sends him tumbling across the ring… Inuyasha quickly pulls him back to his feet by the back of the head before taking a running charge towards the opposite side of the ring.*

Bob: This doesn’t look good for Raven Darc!

*Taking a page from the book of their last contest, Inuyasha prepares to chuck Raven Darc across the ring like a torpedo into the steel pole in the corner of the ring! Right at the point of impact, however, Raven catches the ropes, blocking the attempt!*

Bob: NOT this time, Inuyasha!

*Raven throws all of his weight behind a MASSIVE Elbow, catching the Hanyou right on his nose! Inuyasha breaks the hold, and falls prey to a NASTY jumping roundhouse that connects right to the face! The powerful kick FINALLY takes Inuyasha off of his feet in impressive fashion, sending the Intergalactic Champion spread eagled across the center of the ring!*

Ralph: CHRIST!
Bob: Raven with a disgusting kick there!

Raven: >=| You wanted this match Inuyasha! YOU BEGGED FOR IT! NOW YOU’VE GOT IT!

*As Inuyasha rolls to his hands and knees, Raven hits a running SOCCER KICK to the ribs that knock Inuyasha airborne! His body, upside-down from the kick collides with the ropes! They shoot him back into the center of the ring and into the waiting arms of Raven, who’s already mid-flight. Raven catches the prone dog demon out of the sky, twisting his body around into the Downward Spyral!*

Crowd: *CRINGE!*

Bob: Raven with his patented Spinning Piledriver!
Ralph: He’s not playing this time..

Raven: You wanted this match, Dog Demon!! I was kidnapped for a month last time we fought! YOU HEAR ME?!!?

*Leaping twenty feet in the air, Raven comes crashing down with a knee across the back of Inuyasha’s neck!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOHHHH!!!

Bob: BRUTAL knee to Inuyasha from Raven! That could have paralyzed the Intergalactic Champion!

*Raven raises his arms in the air to a mixed reaction from the fans. No one has EVER been able to put Inuyasha down like this in his short UCTF career, and Raven Darc wants everyone in the arena to know that he is DOMINATING The UCTF Intergalactic and Weaponmaster Champion right now!*

Ralph: Yeah, he may be ahead on points right now, but I don’t think turning his back on Inuyasha is a good idea..
Bob: No, he isn’t!

*The Hanyou grabs a hand full mat, slowly pulling himself back to his feet. The full demon witnesses this, and grabs Inuyasha by his white long locks.*

Raven: Don’t know when to quit, do you?!

*Pulling him up by the hair, Raven quickly cinches him into a Vertical Suplex hold. He lifts Inuyasha easily with one arm, before bringing the half breed down FACE FIRST on his knee! Physics knocks Inuyasha back to a standing base following the Face Crusher, and Raven kicks him in the breadbasket, before snapping the Hanyou over with a brutal spinning neckbreaker! Inuyasha attempts to roll to safety, but it’s not to be, as Raven drags his carcass all the way back to the center of the ring. Wrapping up Inuyasha’s arm, Raven is preparing to put the half-demon away with the Tera Demon Lock! Feeling his arms being pulled behind him, Inuyasha frantically starts to throw his body around to escape the submission before Raven can lock it on…*

Bob: If Raven gets this hold locked!!

*It doesn’t happen! Inuyasha KICKS Raven in the face while on the canvas, followed by another.. AND ANOTHER! A Fourth kick hits Raven with enough power to send the half demon flying all the way across the ring! It’s now or never for Inuyasha, who quickly rolls to his feet and unsheathes Tessaiga!*

Bob: TESSAIGA!!

*Raven’s eyes widen as Inuyasha lifts his blade over his head! With a half a second or less to spare, Raven CHARGES!*

Inuyasha: WIND SCAR!! >=|!!!

*Inuyasha unleashes the Kaze no Kizu at close range on Raven, who DIVES underneath the powerful demonic attack! It WORKS, Raven completely avoids the Wind Scar, and rolls to his feet right behind The Hanyou!*

Inuyasha: O_O OH SH–

*Raven tosses Inuyasha backwards with a HUGE German Suplex that drops the Champion right on his head! Tessaiga flies out of Inuyasha’s grip. It lands blade first into the turnbuckle across the ring!!*

Ralph: GERMAN!!
Bob: RIGHT ON THE HEAD!

*Half lucid, Inuyasha instinctively pops back to his feet, where Raven hits the patented ENDLESS WALTZ in the center of the ring! The second the finsiher connects, Raven floats over, immediately locking on the leg scissors hold and wraps up Inuyasha’s arms behind him into the Tera Demon Lock! And that’s not enough, Raven’s “Million Chains” shoot from the demon’s hands! The demonic chains wrap around every part of Inuyasha’s body, giving millions of yaoi fangirls a collective orgasm! Black lightning coarse through the chains, causing an UNBELIEVABLE amount of pain through Inuyasha’s body!*

Bob: ENDLESS WALTZ INTO THE TERA DEMON LOCK WITH THE MILLION CHAINS!! THAT’S GOTTA BE IT!! RAVEN’S GOING TO WIN THIS DAMN THING!

*Not quite, Bob! There is no limit to the resilience of Inuyasha, who manages to roll to his knees and slowly begin to stand up! He climbs to one foot…*

Ralph: are you kidding me?!
Bob: Just like their On Your Computer meeting, Inuyasha is managing to stand back up from this brutal submission hold! But can he break it again even after the Endless Waltz and Million Chains techniques?!

*Another blast of black lightning puts Inuyasha down to both knees once more.. The Dog Demon howls in pain and again, stands up to one foot!*

Raven: STAY DOWN YOU SON OF A BITCH!

!!KRAKATHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

Inuyasha: ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGHGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*Raven throws his body weight backwards, taking Inuyasha off his knees and to his back! Unfortunately for Raven, Inuyasha simply uses that momentum to roll fully to his feet!*

Bob: HE’S BACK UP!!

Crowd: *POPS!*

*Before Raven can do anything to stop it, Inuyasha dashes backwards as fast as his superhuman body will allow him to move! He drives the wound where Raven’s right wing used to be DIRECTLY into the blade of Tessaiga which was stuck in the corner!*

Raven: ARRRRRRRRARRGHHHHHHHHH!!!

*The shock of the pain brings Raven to the brink of unconsciousness! For a brief moment, his Full demon mode flashes in and out, allowing Inuyasha to break free and recover Tessaiga! The crowd pops HUGE as The Hanyou leaps across the ring to safety…*

Bob: Inuyasha breaks free! Raven is down!
Ralph: This doesn’t look good for Raven! I think he has a Kaze no Kizu in his immediate future!

*Inuyasha, grabbing the hilt of his blade tightly and gritting his teeth, yells out to Raven Darc.*

Inuyasha: BRING IT OUT.
Raven: …
Inuyasha: C’mon you bastard! LET’S SEE IT! BRING IT OUT RIGHT NOW!
Raven: grrr…

*Raven slowly stands fully back to his feet… his growl grows to a roar as black electricity begins to manifest around him.. The lights in the arena begin to flicker as a loud rumble begins to shake the city to it’s core!*

Raven: ARRRGGHHHHH!!!

!!KAAAAAAAAATHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*The Smoke Clears. Bloodied and tattered, Raven stands before Inuyasha with the Silver Talon in hand.*

Raven: …
Inuyasha: …

Ralph: Uh oh…
Bob: Yeah. I’d say the match is just about getting ready to start.

*The half demons leap several dozen feet into the air simultaneously… Their respective fighting auras meet before their phsycial bodies, creating a crackling blur of energy throughout the arena!*

Bob: HERE WE GO!!!

*The Warriors’ blades collide in mid-air, showering the crowd below with an ungodly amount of chi energy! Neither men gain the upper hand as each swipe and slash of their respective blades are parried, blocked, and countered with strikes of their own. They battle tirelessly as gravity pulls both of their bodies back down towards the canvas! With only a few seconds of impact left, neither men relent!*

Ralph: I have a feeling we’re about to see someone’s body break in half!

*Mere feet before impact, Raven drives his foot into Inuyasha’s chest, sending the half demon reeling as he backflips to safety. Raven lands first. He drives the Silver Talon into the mat, causing an eruption of pure energy to shoot RIGHT into the back of Inuyasha! The Intergalactic Champion is juggled back into the cheap seats from the ki attack, just as Raven leaps in from behind. The hilt of the Silver Talon wraps itself around Inuyasha’s torso, sending more black lightning into his body!*

Inuyasha: ARRGGGHHHH!!

*Falling back to the canvas with Raven, Inuyasha drives the sheath of Tessaiga into Raven’s Adam’s Apple! The hilt recedes, giving Inuyasha the moment to turn his body. Raven and Inuyasha lock eyes, seeing this as their biggest moment to deliver their finishing strikes…*

Inuyasha: KAZE NOOOO—
Raven: ARRGGHHHH!!

*The Kaze No Kizu and Raven’s Lightning Slash meet a SECOND before impact on the canvas! An explosion of ki fills the ring and sends debris flying through the crowd as fans run to find shelter!*

!!KAAAAAATHHHHHHHHOOOOOMMM!!

Bob: MY GOD!!
Ralph: w..what happened? Who got hit?!

*When the smoke clears, BOTH men are still standing… and both look very much worse for wear! Gasping for air, Inuyasha slowly lifts his blade back into the air… Tessaiga begins to glow with energy as Adamant begins to cover the blade.*

Bob: OH NO.. OH NO!! Inuyasha’s going for broke here!
Ralph: This was the move that started this entire blood feud!

*Raven knows what’s about to come next.. He’s had nightmares about this move for two years now. He’s NOT going to let it happen again!*

Raven: …..
Inuyasha: ADAMANT… BARRAAAAAAGGGGEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Tessaiga fires the MASSIVE shards of Adamant towards Raven Darc, who drives the Silver Talon into the remains of the ring.*

Raven: RRRRRRRRAAARRRGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

*A wave of silver energy surrounds Raven, not only blocking the shards of Diamond, but DESTROYING it on contact! The column of surrounding ki extends what seems to be limitlessly! It shoots past the Arena with ease and disappears into the heavens! More and more energy pour into Raven as the demon unleashes a SADISTIC smile on his face! Inuyasha shows, for the very first time in his career.. FEAR. PARALYZING FEAR!*

Inuyasha: …
Raven: …SILVVVVVVVER WAAAAAAAAAAAVVEEEEE!!

*The column is suddenly redirected towards Inuyasha and any poor son of a bitch who’s behind him! Inuyasha attempts to leap out of the way, but it’s useless! He’s engulfed by Raven Darc’s ultimate attack and sent FLYING into the cheap seats!*

Crowd: O____O!!

Bob and Ralph: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!

*Inuyasha hits the balcony of the Arena, INSTANTLY destroying it and creating a crater with his own body! Raven falls to his knees… The Talon is long gone, as well as his full demon mode. He lies there, gasping for breath. Glen Sanchos reappears out of no where, trying to figure out what’s going on.*

Glen: R..R… Raven.. You alright?

*Raven slowly stands back to his feet…*

Raven: e_e… g…g..give me my Strong Man Trophy.

Crowd: *POPS* X_X

Bob: Raven HAS DEFEATED INUYASHA AT ULTIMATE MASSACRE!
Ralph: x_x Jesus.

Referee: RING THE BE–

!!THOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!

Everyone: ……

Raven: …………

Ref: …………

Bob: NO-
Ralph: FUCKING WAY!! SERIOUSLY! NO FUCKING WAY!

*Inuyasha shoves a bolder that used to be part of the Arena off of him, several feet above in the cheap seats, The Dog Demon IS STILL CONSCIOUS!*

Raven: R…R…REF!! O_O RING THE BELL MAN. THAT’S HAD TO BE LONGER THAN TEN SECONDS SINCE HE’S BEEN OUT OF THE RING!

*Glen looks around..*

Glen: uhh.. Raven.. o_o Do you see a ring anywhere?

*THERE IS NONE. Both the ref and Raven are in the middle of a fucking Crater!*

Raven: ARRRGGGGGHHH!!

*Raven goes BERSERK! What the FUCK is it going to take to defeat this son of a bitch from Feudal Japan?! Using his reserves, He re-transforms back into his full demon form. He manifests the Steel Talon, as he’s too weak to re-manifest the Silver. With a GIANT leap, he bounds from the crater that used to be the ring to the crater that used to be the cheap seats! He lands RIGHT on Inuyasha! Driving his Steel Talon towards the Hanyou for the killing strike, Raven’s blow is blocked by Tessaiga, that’s in it’s pure, regular sword form!*

Raven: GIVE IT UP! YOU’VE LOST YOU BASTARD! YOU’VE LOST!
Inuyasha: arrghhh..ARRRRAGGGHH!!

*Tessaiga flares up! Inuyasha tries to push Raven off but he’s driven back into the crater HARD!*

Raven: RRRARRRGGHHH!! NO MORE TRICKS! NO MORE SPECIAL TECHNIQUES! YOU’RE DONE.
Inuyasha: n..n..NEVER!!

*The Tessaiga begins to glow a green hue, as scales of a Dragon slowly begin to cover the blade until it’s completely Engulfed!*

Bob: W..what’s going on?!

*Raven’s dark energy begins to POUR from his body, and into the blade of Tessaiga itself!*

Raven: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
Inuyasha: h..heh… D-Dragon Scaled Tessaiga… I’m taking your own Demonic Energy…. AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

*Tessaiga sucks Raven’s demonic energy right out of him to the point that Raven REVERTS out of his Full demon form!*

Raven: ARRRGGHGHHHH I’m going to .. Find out the secret to that damn blade!
Inuyasha: NOT TONIGHT!!

*Inuyasha drives his foot into Raven’s chest before pushing him off into the distance!*

Ralph: YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

Inuyasha: KAZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEE NOOOOO KIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUU

*The Dragon Scale powered Wind Scar catches Raven in mid-air, COMPLETELY obliterating him in the process!*

!!!KAAAAAAAAAAATHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!

Bob: DUCK!!
Ralph: OH FU–

*Raven flies past the Commentators tower before crashing THROUGH the jumbotron!*

Ralph: >=| FUCK THIS! SECOND TIME TONIGHT! I’M OUTTA HERE. SCREW THIS!
Bob: but–
Ralph: I’M OUT.

*Inuyasha, meanwhile falls from the nose bleed section, slowly returning to the area where the ring used to be.. He vomits, before falling to one knee.*

Glen: ………RING THE BELL!

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: And it’s over. This epic contest is FINALLY over, and we have our Strong Man Winner!

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, Winner and New Strong Man Champion.. INNNUUUYAAAASSSHHHHAAAA!

Bob: AMAZING, NEW UCTF STRONG MAN CHAMPION! He suffered an Ungodly amount of punishment from Raven Darc, who’ve I’ve never seen more intense.. More powerful in his entire UCTF Career! It came down to the wire and you have to wonder if this feud is over between the two men!

Winner, #1 Contender to the UCTF Grand Championship and UCTF STRONG MAN: Inuyasha

*EMTs rush out to Inuyasha’s aid, while more are in the back attempting to pull Raven from the wreckage of the Jumbotron.*

Bob: ladies and gentlemen, tonight we found the #1 contenders for Kunoi Ishigami’s title. Who will get the first shot at the Platinum? We’ll find out on the next episode of Saturday Massacre! For Ralph Gerrard who’s no doubt somewhere in the back crying like a bitch, I’m Bob Hinden saying goodnight!

End.

April Fools Day 2007

The bell sounds.

Ralph: Suicide is hit with a Sidewalk Slam by Andre Tau.

Bob: That’s a textbook Sidewalk Slam.

Ralph: Suicide hits Andre Tau with a Clothesline.

Bob: That’s a nice Clothesline.

Ralph: Andre Tau is hit with a Body Slam by Suicide.

Bob: That’s a nice Body Slam.

Ralph: Andre Tau locks in that Torture Rack on Suicide.

Bob: Andre Tau is trying to do some damage here with that Torture Rack.

Suicide grabs the ropes, breaking the Torture Rack.

Ralph: Andre Tau hits Suicide with a Body Press Flapjack.

Bob: That’s a textbook Body Press Flapjack.

Ralph: Suicide hits Andre Tau with a Body Slam.

Bob: Suicide does one of the best Body Slams that I have ever seen.

Ralph: Suicide gets hit by Andre Tau with a Shock Treatment.

Bob: Andre Tau does one of the best Shock Treatments that I have ever seen.

Ralph: Suicide gets hit by Andre Tau with a Chokeslam.

Bob: Good move.

Ralph: Suicide hits Andre Tau with a Stalling Suplex.

Bob: That’s a nice Stalling Suplex.

Ralph: Suicide is hit with a Shock Treatment by Andre Tau.

Bob: Andre Tau could be getting ready to go for the Black Hole Slam soon.

Ralph: Andre Tau looks to be setting up for the Black Hole Slam.

Ralph: Andre Tau was getting ready for the Black Hole Slam, but saw that Suicide was ready for it and instead, hooks Suicide in a Torture Rack.

Bob: I don’t really see the point of that. The Black Hole Slam is a better submission than the Torture Rack. It doesn’t make sense that Andre Tau wouldn’t go for it.

Suicide grabs the ropes, breaking the Torture Rack.

Ralph: Suicide gets hit by Andre Tau with a Sidewalk Slam.

Bob: This should be it!

Ralph: Andre Tau defeats Suicide via knock-out.

*Jeice’s blue haired sidekick enters the room*

Xiu: Hey, Boss. The show’s about to start.

Jeice: Give me a second. I’m playing with this new “PWN 1VS1″ Wrestling Simulator I downloaded off the net! All you have to do is type in two fighter’s names, some moves and it does all the work for you!

Xiu: …but it looks shitty…

Jeice: So what! It doesn’t matter that the quality is non-existent! What’s important is that with it, we can have like.. Three shows every week!! Think about it! We can hire a bunch of losers who’ve never lifted a finger in battle before, just punch their names into this database, press enter, and presto! 5 star matches every two days!

Xiu: … That’s probably dumber idea than the time we went Karaoke singing in the Indian Ocean with Black Bolt from the Inhumans in 2004.

–FLASHBACK–

Jeice: A MODERN-DAY WARRIOR, MEAN MEAN STRIDE, TODAY’S TOM SAWYER, MEAN MEAN PRIDE! TAKE IT AWAY BLACK BOLT!

Black Bolt: ……………………… *inhales*

*Seconds later on the coast of India, a HUGE Tidal Wave approaches!*

Villager: ……….lolfu–

–END FLASHBACK–

Jeice: IT’S GENIUS I TELL YOU!! BLOODY GENIUS!!

Xiu: I’m going to tell the ref to start the NRA title match.. O_o..

Jeice: THEN WE CAN RULE THE INTERNET!!! WE’LL TAKE OVER THE WORLD! YOU HEAR ME!?!? THE WORLD?!!?

*Xiu, long finished with listening to another insane rant by the UCTF president continues walking out of the room while speaking to Senior Official Guy Lombardo on his two way.*

Xiu: yeah, Guy? Go ahead and start the card.

Jeice: IT’LL BE LIKE THE DARK AGES OF THE UCTF AGAIN!!! SOMEBODY CALL TETSUKO MIROKI!!! THE KISS OFF SLAPPY GUY!!! PUT HIM IN A MATCH AGAINST GOURRY GABRIEV!!! WE’RE BACK BABY!!! WRESTLING SIMS!!

*We’re brought into an abandoned, dilapidated gas station in the outskirts of Anime City. The poorly lit area provides difficulty for the cameraman to focus on a lone figure in the distance, struggling to rip a cube of Nicotine gum from it’s plastic packaging. Frustrated, the dark figure shoves it, and several more pieces into his mouth before tossing the empty package to the ground. The camera finally manages to focus on the empty “Nictorel” brand gum package, a half second before it’s stomped on by a dusty, black military issued combat boot.*

Rott: Damnit. This fucking gum just isn’t the same.

*The camera pans up, revealing the gum chewer to be none other than the former UCTF Grand Champion and chain smoker, Rott. Aged and pale faced from the lack of nicotine coursing through his veins, the former UCTF competitor looks as agitated as ever.*

Bob: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE 200TH ANNIVERSARY OF UCTF TELEVISED ACTION!

Ralph: Oh man, this card is stacked. Jeice has out done himself this time. I just hope we don’t get attacked by an invading army, demons, or galactic super powers tonight >=|

Bob: UCTF Superstars of the past and present collide in a once in a life time event, only to be capped off by a MASSIVE main event tonight! The Rematch for the UCTF Grand Championship Title between Melvic Lillith and Kunoi Ishigami will take place in just a few hours!

*Ralph points at the jumbotron with a drumstick he grabbed from the local KFC.*

Ralph: Check it out! The other NRA fighters just showed up! Looks like our NRA Invitational is about to start!

Bob: Senior Official Guy Lombardo has the unlucky job of being out there with the gun fighters… Let’s listen in as he gives the rules for tonight’s match!

*Faye Valentine, another pioneer of the UCTF NRA Division arrives at the gas station next, followed by Vash The Stampede. The party continues to grow as Garshrink Grimjaw, Cameron Baine, Gene Starwind, Bad Kitty, Euridice Reed, and finally, Carmencita Benitez arrive on the scene.

Guy: Alright guys. Everyone’s accounted for, so let’s go through the rules. THERE AREN’T ANY. The winner is the last man… or woman standing. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a bunker to hide in!

Garshrink: WAIT YA UME! >=| SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS TOO.

Guy: oh.. I guess you’re right.. Sh–

!!KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*Garshrink is taken out with a ROCKET LAUNCHER before the match even starts! As the other NRA competitors scramble for cover, the camera gets a shot of BB Hood high above everyone else with dozens of weapons, INCLUDING a sniper Rifle!*

BB: e_e. *reloads*

Bob: GARSHRINK’S ALREADY ELIMINATED!

Ralph: BUT BB GAVE HIM A DAMN PUPPY FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!

Bob: THERE’S NO FRIENDS OR ENEMIES IN THIS BATTLE! LET’S GET TO THE ACTION!

NRA Invitational

Vash The Stampede

Faye Valentine

Garshrink Grimjaw

Rott

Euridice Reed

Cameron Baine

Gene Starwind

BB Hood

Bad Kitty

Carmencita Benitez

*Everyone finds a hiding space, except for one person DUMB enough to stand out in the open and wave at his ex-girlfriend like a jackass! That’s right! Vash The Stampede in all his Flat top hair glory isn’t afraid of getting shot! Nooooo not by someone who he used to cuddle with at night!*

Vash: HEY B.B.!!

BB: e_e!!!!!!

Vash: sorry about not calling you over the years! I had this whole thing with my brother trying to kill everyone on a planet and stuff! Hope you understand! Why don’t you come down here and let’s talk about it?

!!POP!!

*A round from the sniper rifle BARELY misses him!*

Vash: Ok..ok.. I know you’re mad, but–

!!POP!!

*Again, Vash narrowly escapes!*

Vash: BB! We can talk about this!

Rott: Hey.. Isn’t that the girl who almost got my ass killed by Sano.. Along with that Fan-slut?

Faye: …yeah, that’s her alright.

Rott: ..e_e…

Gene: HEY VASH, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP BEFORE I SHOOT YOU MYSELF! >=|

*Seeing that a single bullet won’t be enough to shut Vash up, BB turns her sights toward something a little more… big. Vash turns to see a single red dot, targeted on the gas nozzle to his side.*

Vash: lolf-

!!!!POP—KLAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!

*The BLOCKBUSTER takes Vash out with ease! But the explosion also serves as a diversion of BB’s attention. Faye Valentine, Reed, and Cameron Baine make their way to BB’s hiding place with weapons drawn! Upon arrival they discover a vast array of weapons all scattered amounts a plaid blanket on the top of the roof!*

Faye: o_o It’s an Al-Queda picnic up here! Somebody’s been preparing for weeks!

BB: e_e who do you think invited you all?

*BB pulls out a freaking DESERT EAGLE from her white apron before firing upon the diving Faye! Cameron grabs the Champion from behind only to get mule kicked in the sack!*

BB: >=|!

*BB Spins around, driving her dagger DEEP into the shoulder of the former champion! He goes down, only to be grabbed by the neck and now has the unfortunate of being BB’s human shield, as he’s bombarded by non-lethal rounds by both Reed AND Valentine!*

Cameron: X_X!!!

*BB kicks him away, but not before disarming him! Now using double fisted action, she takes out BOTH Reed AND Faye in a BADASS show of gunplay!*

Gene: OH SHIT SHE’S GOING INSANE AGAIN O_O

Rott: e_e… I really need a cigarette.

Gene: I’m gonna need a castor gun for this.

Rott: You got any nicotine gum? >=\

*Gene shakes his head in disgust…*

Bad Kitty: Hey, Starwind. She set us all up. You got that magic bullet of yours?

Gene: Yeah?

Bad Kitty: Good. Carmencita and I have a plan. Flash Grenades. We distract her, you use the bullet.

Gene: good plan. e_e.

Rott: What if the bullet turns him into a giant chicken again? e_e.

Gene: WELL I DON’T SEE YOU COMING UP WITH A STRATEGY.

Rott: The last time I checked, this was every man for himself.

Gene: forget you! Ladies. I’m all up for it!

*The Former NRA Rivals, Bad Kitty and Carmencita Benitez spring into action! Two flash grenades fly through the air, garnering the attention of the NRA Champion! BB shoots one out of the sky, causing a VIOLENT light to flash before her eyes!*

Kitty: GENE!

Gene: I’M ON IT!

*Gene jumps to his feet, firing his special bullet!*

Gene: …………………………………………………………………. OHSHITITSTHESTAYPUFTMARSHMELLOWMAN!

*Before the women can react, they’re STOMPED on by the marshmellowy goodness from Ghostbuster!*

Rott: *shakes head* I knew that was a dumb fucking idea.

*Back to her feet and able to see again, BB now has a hold of her rocket launcher, and has her sites dead set on Gene Starwind! She’s SURGICAL with the damn thing, but not like she needs to.. It’s a fucking ROCKET LAUNCHER! And Starwind? The poor bastard is without anything good that can stop the onslaught that he’s about to face!*

Gene: ROTT! ROTT! ROTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rott: SHUT UP!! >=| Fine. The faster this is over the faster I can go to the store and get some more gum. Besides, this little puta caused me a ton of pain in my life.

*The Former Grand Champion rises from his shielding, slowly walking towards the NRA Champion, who already has the rocket launcher primed and ready to fire! Like a cowboy from the old west, Rott quickly draws his gun and fires in a single, fluid movement! The bullet goes through the barrel of the launcher, and setting off the missile!*

!!KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*BB is taken off of her feet by the explosion, and sent tumbling off the roof and into a pile of garbage!*

Gene: THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME! >=| THAT’S WHY YOU’RE THE MAN! YOU ARE THE —–

!!POP!!

*Without a second through, Rott shoots Gene right between the eyes, knocking the former multiple NRA Champion OUT! COLD!*

Rott: e_e… apple sauce, bitch.

*He turns back around, watching BB Hood struggle to climb back to her feet!*

Rott: =\ I’ll give you credit. You almost won. But you know what they say… Grenades and Horseshoes.

!!POP!!

*Another bullet right between BB’s eyes, and it’s over!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Arzie: The winner of the NRA INVITATIONAL…. ROTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!

Bob: …w..wow.

Ralph: wow indeed. o_o

Winner: Rott

*Seth is in the back his “usual” chipper self when he runs into someone he hasn’t seen for over 2 years.*

William: …………Conway.

Suicide:…………Clarke.

*The two of them look at each other for a moment before they both lift there hands and slap them together and shake.*

Suicide: Took you long enough. e_e

William: heh. You been alright?

Suicide: Top of the world actually. Had kind of an epiphany, you know. Good to have you back, ya damn Yorker.

William: Thanks, but don’t get used to me. After tonight, I got some business to handle.

*He points to the custom made S.H.I.E.L.D. Necklace, still secured firmly around his neck*

William: Good luck against the IG champ.

*He slaps Suicide on the back, and prepares to leave the room.*

Suicide: Hey, Will… Kick Ranma’s ass.

*William smiles (for maybe the first time in his life) before leaving the room. Suicide keeps his old stern expression for a few more seconds before reverting back to Mr. Niceguy!*

Suicide: ^_________^ HEY XAMOT! GET OVER HERE AND GIVE ME A HUG!

!!YOU ARE THE FLUUUUUUUUUKE…. OF THE UNNNIVERRRRSSSSEEE!!

*That proclamation can only mean one thing! It’s time for the assest fighter the UCTF has ever seen, the man who can’t even pronounce his own ridiculously long name, The former Interplanetary Champion… NNNN! The overweight saiya-jin saunters to the ring at the assist of the live band playing his theme “Mr. Wonderful!*

Ralph: I can’t believe THIS idiot got booked on the show tonight >=|

Bob: It’s all about nostalgia, Ralphy! I’m sure you remember the Anal Explosion Death Match of May 11th 2001!

Ralph: yeah…

Bob: and the TOILET MATCH of June 16th 2001!

Ralph: unfortunately…

Bob: And here we are.. Five years later, ready to put an end to this feud once and for all!

Ralph: Yeah, that and uhh.. I hear that Dan needed the money. He’s still working as a dish washer boy somewhere in Anime City after being screwed out of all his money via Johnny Cockring…

*Yeah, remember that thing a few years ago where Dan would run off, and the Shotokan Kamen would appear? Everyone thought it was Dan just putting on a mask? Well, it wasn’t. Dan was broke as shit, and would run off to change into his bus boy attire after his matches. The Shotokan Kamen really WAS someone else. Gouki. LOOSE ENDS BEING TIED UP HERE TONIGHT!*

Keep posin’ posin’ posin’ YOSHAAA!

Keep posin’ posin’ posin’ ORAAA!

Keep posin’ posin’ posin’ KIZURAAAA!!!

Keep posin’ posin’ posin’ posin’!!!!!

!!!BLOOOOOOM!!!!

*The Pink Pyrotechnics explodes, and out rides the “GREATEST FORMER GRAND CHAMPION OF ALL TIME,” Dan Hibiki, in his pussy pink Volkswagen Bug!*

Bob: LISTEN TO THIS OVATION RALPH!

Ralph: >=\

Bob: The last time we saw this man in action, it was hitting Aisha Clan-Clan in the face with a flaming scratching post, and helping William Clarke win the UCTF Grand Championship title at On Your Computer in 2003!

Ralph: And he looks just as shitty.

Dan Hibiki: DOUBLE N, ARE YOU READY FOR ONE MORE EMBARRASSING LOSS TO THE GREATEST SUPERSTAR TO EVER APPEAR IN A UCTF EVENT?!

NNNN: >=\

!!DING DING DING!!

Dan Hibiki vs. NNNN

*The match is under way, and these old rivals don’t waste a second going after each other! NNNN swings high, and misses huge as Dan rolls the punch, turning it into a pose!*

Dan: YOSSHAAAA!!!

Crowd: *POPS!!*

Ralph: That’s embarrassing! >=| He can’t even hit someone who hasn’t fought in over THREE YEARS.

Bob: Well to defend NNNN… Dan is in twice the shape he’s in … o_o…

Ralph: Yeah. Dan’s actually been inside a gym, and it looks like the only thing NNNN’s ever done is the 12oz curl with a Budweiser.

*NNNN leaps towards Hibiki again, this time missing with another punch that goes too high. He comes back around with a sweeping kick, which Dan leaps over with ease, before delivering a stiff kick to NNNN’s face! It sends the saiyan flying into the ropes, only to be caught with a dragon punch by the former Grand Champion! The tubby bastard spills into the corner, much to the concern of his personal band!*

Bob: Uppercut to NNNN and he’s down!

Ralph: This is embarrassing.. Dan was right… *shakes head*

Dan: ORA!!! THIS IS THE BEST COMPETITION YOU GUYS HAVE?! GET KUNOI MACARONI AND THE GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP BELT OUT HERE! I WA–

!!BLAM!!

*During his rant, Dan NEVER sees NNNN being supplied with a cane from one of the band members! He CERTAINLY never sees it breaking over the back of his neck by the half saiyan, either! That shot turns the tide of the match INSTANTLY!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOHH!!

Bob: DAN’S DOWN!

Ralph: never turn your back on an opponent.. Not even one who’s so horribly out of shape!

NNNN: >=| GET ME SOME MORE WEAPONS!

*The fans pop huge, as the girls toss in trash cans, brooms, mops, and other assorted cleaning supplies from underneath the ring!*

Ralph: Now this thing is gonna get interesting!

Bob: NNNN may be a worthless fighter, but a few shots to the face with a broom stick will be enough to put anyone down! Especially the former Grand Champion!

NNNN: GET UP DAN! TALK SHIT NOW!

Dan: o..o..oyaaa..jiii x_x

!!WHAM!!

*Dan may be calling for his long since departed father, but instead, gets a trash can lid to the face! The aluminum object bends in half from the shot, knocking the Saikyo-Ryuu master flat on his back! NNNN can feel it now, as he powers up into the first level of super-saiya-jin!*

NNNN: YEAH!!!!!! I CAN FEEL IT! >=| YOUR ASS IS MINE DAN! GET UP!

*NNNN begins powering up for his ultimate attack! Meanwhile, back to his feet, a woozy Hibiki senses the danger! There’s only one thing he do to counter act the “FINAL LIGHT” attack.. And that is the–*

Dan: SHINNNNKUUUU.. GADOUKEN!!!!!!!!!

NNNN: FINAL LIGHT ATTACK!

Bob: HERE IT COMES!! BOTH OF THE WARRIOR’S MOST POWERFUL MOVES!

!!!FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSHHH!!

*The blasts take off from opposite sides of the ring, and they fizzle out! They don’t even CONNECT with each other! Both Dan and NNNN look at each other in both embarrassment and confusion, before rushing to pick up mop and broom sticks from their respective sides of the ring!*

Ralph: OH GIVE ME A BREAK!

*They swing at each other wildly, and BOTH connect with each other! Splinters of broken wood fly everywhere, as both men hit the canvas!*

Bob: Both men are down!

Ralph: THEIR BLASTS DIDN’T EVEN MEET EACH OTHER!

*The Band members are pounding on the canvas to will their leader, their boss, NNNN back to his feet, while EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ARENA is cheering for Dan Hibiki to stand back to his feet! As they struggle to beat each other back to their vertical bases, Dan dives forward, grabbing NNNN by the yellow mustard stained shirt!*

Dan: THIS IS IT! >=| OOOOOOOOOOYAAAAAJIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

Ralph: OH SHIT ITS–

Bob: THE OTOKO MICHI!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!FLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!

Bob: IT CONNECTS!

*The move hits full on, and when it’s over, NNNN is out on his back, with an equally unconscious Dan Hibiki on top! The ref shrugs, before sliding into position.*

Ref: 1………. 2………… 3!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crowd: *POP!*

Bob: Three count and it’s over!

Ralph: Jesus Christ…

Bob: Dan returns for one night only, and gets another win over his rival, NNNN!

Winner: Dan Hibiki

Arzie: The Following match is scheduled for one fall… Introducing first, Currently residing in Paris, France… He is the Ever Loving, Blue Eyed.. THINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

*Former World Champion, Benjamin Grimm makes his way down the aisle to a massive ovation!*

Ralph: France? O_o

Bob: You didn’t hear?? The Thing has decided to leave the United States until that whole “Registration Act” thing is settled.

Ralph: But why FRANCE. They raise dirty bitch whores there! >=|

Bob: you’re certainly right about that..

Janne: I HEARD THAT. AND BOB. COME VISIT YOUR SON MORE!

Ralph: 9_9

Bob: oh God Almighty =( Anyway, Guy requested this match from Jeice personally. January 12th 2002, Guy defended the World Championship against Thing, and was almost KILLED in battle!

Ralph: Yeah, Thing ended up leaving with the World Title, and Guy just left on a stretcher and new bruises he never had before. I don’t think Guy EVER recovered mentally from that match, and he wants retribution tonight! …can’t say it’s a good idea though.. It’s the freaking THING.

*”My Frustration” starts up, with Guy storming down to the ring with ruthless intent! He’s been waiting for 4 years for this opportunity to settle the score with Benjamin Grimm, and tonight, he FINALLY gets his chance!*

Ralph: uhh.. O_O he doesn’t look too happy, does he?

Bob: Not at all!

Arzie: Introducing next, from Metro City… he is the former world champion… GUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYY!!!!

Ralph: He seriously looks like he’s going to rip Thing’s head off of his shoulders!

Bob: Good luck with that!

Ralph: Exactly! I think the beating he got from Grimm last time did something to his brain! You’re no match for this guy…. Guy!

!!DING DING DING!!

Guy vs. The Thing

*The match is officially under way, and Guy prepares to go right into the action! However, Thing has other ideas! Pushing the referee in between the two men, he wants to TALK this out first!*

Thing: Wait wait wait.. Kid! Hold up a second, will ya?

Guy: What?! >=|

Thing: …o_o I’m sorry, but.. Could you remind me of who you are???

Guy: …………………….

Everyone: *FACEFAULTS*

Ralph: He doesn’t even remember?!?!?!

Thing: I know I know.. But with M-Day happening, the Avengers killing each other off, and this damn Civil War, I don’t remember.. We have a beef or somethin’ man??

Guy: YOU ALMOST KILLED ME OVER A GOLD BELT!?!?!? AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER?!?!

Thing: …o_o…

*Guy SHOVES the ref out of the way, sending the poor bastard OVER the top rope!*

Everyone: O_O!

Bob: THE REF’S OUT OF THE RING!

Ralph: uh oh! He’s going to refresh Ben’s Memory the hard way!

*Guy steps into Thing with the “Hou Zan To” punch, made to go through KI PROJECTILES! The punch lands right in the center of Thing’s massive Rock chest, and manages to knock the Fantastic Four enforcer back a half a step! Guy wisely keeps the attacks pouring in, nailing a flip kick roundhouse to the butt of Ben’s chin! Guy doesn’t wait to see if it works or not, as he’s already hitting the ropes, gaining more momentum for his next attack!*

Guy: BUSHIN GORAI KYAKU!!!

*Guy unleashes a vicious seven hit combination into Thing!*

Bob: THING GOES DOWN TO ONE KNEE!

Ralph: He’s giving it to him alright o_o!

*He takes advantage of Thing’s big size, by nailing his “BUSHIN MUSOU REN GE,” another TEN HIT COMBINATION into Ben Grimm! This time, it’s enough to put the big man on his back! The fans are STUNNED!*

Bob: Guy has unleashed his ENTIRE arsenal on The Thing! I’ve never seen anyone put it on Thing like that since.. Since JANN LEE!

Ralph: and that was a MIRACLE Bob, don’t you forget that!

*The boss of Metro city spits on Thing before turning to leave…*

Guy: e_e!

Thing: oh.. Oh x_x I remember you now.

Guy: …o_o..

*Guy turns around to see Thing standing back to his feet!*

Thing: e_e you’re still mad about that? Fighters in the UCWF wouldn’t have complained about me being “Too Rough!” Fine. IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME!

Bob and Ralph: OH SHIT!!

Ralph: WAIT. UCWF?!!?!?

Bob: Unlimited Class Wrestling Federation!

Ralph: WHAT?!!? WE NEED TO SUE!! WHAT THE HELL?!

Bob: It was created in 1985.

Ralph: …ok, I’ll shut my mouth now.

*Guy springs to the top rope, before a second leap swings him flying towards Thing with a wide roundhouse! Thing however, intercepts the former champion with a HUGE fist that collides with Guy’s ENTIRE body! Guy damn near turns INSIDE OUT from the hit, before bouncing off the canvas!*

Bob: JESUS CHRIST!

*He bounces back to his feet, firing back with the “Bushin Sempu Kyaku!” The Triple Roundhouse connects all three times, but serves to be little to no help against the super human bastard!*

Thing: >=|!

Ralph: RUN GUY! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

*Guy runs TOWARDS Thing, leaping over his head an attempt to throw the superhero! Grimm doesn’t budge an INCH! Instead, he reverses the throw, sending Guy into the corner! Guy lands on his feet in the top rope, before flipping backwards, connecting a two-hit Crescent kick on the top of Ben’s dome!*

Bob: Guy is still in this!

Ralph: yeah, well he’s only been hit ONCE by Thing. If he manages to get another hit in >=|

*His legs are bruised to hell, his fists are bleeding, but Guy won’t stay down! Thing fires back with another wrecking ball like right hand, but it’s parried away by Guy, who uses the LAST of his strength to–*

Guy: BUSHIN MUSOU REN GE!!!

*He musters another Ten Hit combination on the WIDE OPEN Ben Grimm!*

Bob: HE CONNECTS WITH EVERY SINGLE HIT!!!

Ralph: BUT IT’S NOT —

*Thing fires back immediately, REPEATEDLY punching Guy in the face, followed by a NASTY uppercut to his chin that not only takes Guy off of his feet, but sends him OVER the top rope and to the apron! Shades of their match four years ago on Saturday Massacre!*

Ralph: HOLY SHIT!

Bob: X_X MY GOD!!!

*The referee has seen enough, immediately calling for the bell!*

!!DING DING DING!! DING DING DING!!

Bob: That’s it! It’s over! It’s over!

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen.. The winner by decision.. THE THINGGGGG!!!!

Thing: *cracks knuckles* e_e.

Ralph: he just.. It.. Wh..

Bob: Guy brought it all tonight.. It just.. It just wasn’t enough.. My GOD what a brawl that was!

Ralph: He just.. X_x

Winner: The Thing

*As EMTs DRAG Guy’s ass away, we set up for the next match..*

Bob: Ladies and Gentlemen… This NEXT match was made a few weeks ago, after the debacle with Ralph Flagg in the UCTF!

–FLASHBACK–

*The UCTF.com exclusive camera footage goes back several weeks ago where President Jeice approaches Chipp Zanuff, who was JUST finished scaring away Mr. Flagg from the back.*

Jeice: uhh.. O_o what the HELL are you doing here?

Chipp: …>.> wouldn’t you like to know.

Jeice: Well since it seems you’re an active employee again. You’ve got a match at our 200th show… I’m going to call it.. O_O a battle between swordmaster LEGENDS. You ever meet Kaede?

Chipp: no. e_e

Jeice: You will.. BWAHAHAHAHAHA OOOOH YOU WILL!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA just bring your ass back at the 200th show. e_e

Chipp: K. o_o

–END FLASHBACK–

Ralph: Well that was completely random.. But …makes perfect since I guess.

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall.. And will be contested under SWORDMASTER RULES!!!

*”Sucka Sage” starts up to a big ovation, bringing out the former sword champion ninja, Chipp Zanuff! The Loose Cannon of the UCTF teleports into the ring, showing off his superior speed and agility, before pulling off his red mask. He still has NO idea as to who or what he’s up against!*

Ralph: This is going to be fun.. We’re going to see the demise of this loser to someone who took it to VEGETA and DAYVID NITE in the same month!

Bob: Oh come on Ralph.. I don’t think it’ll be one sided.. I mean.. Chipp’s beaten some big names too! Like…. that guy who wore pink all the time?

Ralph: Dan?

Bob: No.. The other guy W..JESSE HALL!

Ralph: You’re an IDIOT.

*Rammstein’s “DER MEISTER” begins playing to an even LARGER ovation! That Sweet Sweet Seiryuu slowly makes his way from the back, sporting his lavender hair and pretty boy samurai clothing! It’s the God himself, KAEDE, back in the UCTF for the big 200th show!*

Ralph: wait.. I just said I want to see Chipp get his ass whipped to Kaede… ……..I don’t hate him THAT much. GO CHIPP! WHIP THIS PRETTY BOY’S ASS!

Bob: I was wondering when you’d remember your feud with him -_-.

Kaede: HEY RALPH!!!

Ralph: =\!

Bob: I for one, can not wait for the first of many Dream matches tonight on UCTF’s 200th show! Let’s get this one under way!

!!DING DING DING!!

Kaede vs. Chipp Zanuff

*The fans are at the edges of their seats, preparing to see the Zansi Roga vs. The Dragon Crash! The Gamma Blade vs. The Lightning Slash! Kaede and Chipp prepare to lock hands for the first and only time inside of the Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting League’s open air arena! With both hands clenched around his Katana, Kaede leans in for an attack. In the same breath, Chipp leaps into the air, throwing a single shriuken towards the Seiryuu. Kaede falls right into Chipp’s game, and blocks the ninja’s star. That half a second of distraction is enough for Chipp, who dashes across the ring with the “Alpha Blade.”*

Chipp: ALPHA BLADE!

*Kaede manages to block, but is off balance, giving Chipp room to deliver a five hit combination! Kaede battles back, misses a punch, and is kicked in the face for his troubles! Chipp teleports to the corner behind the Seiryuu before delivering a flying kick to the back! Kaede is sent to the canvas, but rolls forward and back to his feet thanks to the momentum from the kick. However, by the time he’s back to his feet, Chipp is already in front of him!*

!!WHAM!!

*A hard slash sends Kaede right back to the ground!*

Ralph: YEAH!!! GO CHIPP!

Bob: Chipp is apparently the faster of the two, so far!

Ralph: SO FAR?! HE JUST RAN CIRCLES AROUND KAEDE! KEEP ON HIM!

*Chipp DOES keep the pressure on, Forcing Kaede to block another “Alpha Blade,” Chipp ends up behind the now vulnerable Seiryuu, and opens up on him with a quick five hit combination, into the “Beta Blade” ki blade uppercut! Kaede flips backwards to regain his footing, but is caught when Chipp uses his “GAMMA BLADE” to create a spirit version of himself who catches the Seiryuu in midair!*

Kaede: damnit!

Bob: Kaede can’t even get a single hit out! Chipp’s speed is mind numbing!

Ralph: HAHAHAHA, HE’S EMBARRASSING THE LEGEND! HAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS GREAT!

*As Chipp springs forward to take advantage of his bound opponent, Kaede shakes off Chipp’s after image, before swinging the his katana downward to create a lightning bolt in the center of the ring! Chipp teleports at the LAST possible second, reappearing on the top rope with a look of shock on his face! A black singe mark now resides in the ring that very well could have been the American Born Ninja’s remains!*

Chipp: o_o

Kaede: >=|

Bob: Kaede almost finished it there!

Ralph: That’s was a close one Chipp! But keep on him! Get more of those shirukens out there!!!

*Chipp dives off the top rope, missing Kaede with a kick, as the ancient samurai SNK rolls out of the way! Back to his feet, Kaede swings the sword wildly, Chipp gets his arm in the way, blocking the Katana with his arm blade, but not the following kick to the bread basket! The Sucka Sage is knocked backwards just as Kaede rushes forward into his infamous electrified triple slash attack!*

Ralph: NO!!!

*Chipp falls victim to the first two hits, but wisely teleports out of the way of the third. Kaede spins around and his face feels the FULL brunt of Chipp’s “Resso” Strike, followed by the low sweeping “Rokusai” kick! Kaede is airborne for a split second before being hit with the “Senshu” Heel strike, causing the Seiryuu to BOUNCE off of the canvas and fly through the air!*

Ralph: YES!!

Bob: Kaede is helpless!

Ralph: YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

*With Kaede coming back to the earth, Chipp leaps towards him with his arm blade primed and ready to go! What he DIDN’T expect however, was Kaede suddenly EXPLODING into his Awakened state!*

Chipp: LOLFU–

!!KATHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOM!!!

*The smoke clears, with Kaede now powered up with Green eyes, blonde hair, and conceited smirk!*

Ralph: NOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOO!!!!

Bob: Kaede has Awakened!! This is going to get interesting, REALLY fast!

*Chipp teleports back to his feet surprised, but not impressed. Kaede raises his blade in the air, a surge of electric Ki begins to manifest around him! Chipp may have but one chance, and he takes it by lunging forwards, activating his “Banki Messai” Super Combination! IT connects, landing all of twenty hits into the powered up Seiryuu! Kaede goes down for a split second, before climbing back to his feet! He smirks, before unleashing the electricity he gathered into a Lightning Slash across the ring! Chipp teleports out of the way, but unlike before, Kaede SENSES where Chipp’s body will reappear, and already has a Lightning attack heading in that direction! The second Chipp reappears, he’s NAILED!*

Bob: HE GOT HIM!

Ralph: NOOOOOOOOO!!!

*The ninja shakes it off, flinging himself across the ring!*

Chipp: ZANSI—

Bob: HE’S GOING FOR IT!

Ralph: DO IT!!

Chipp: ROOOOO—

*The Ninja teleports wildly from side to side, after images fly around as he throws punches at every direction into the Awakened Kaede, who, unfortunately for Chipp, BLOCKS EVERY SINGLE HIT!*

Ralph: OH NO!!!

*This leaves Chipp open for The “DRAGON CRASH” Kaede’s Double Super Finisher, an uppercut slash of pure electricity, unleashed in the form of several dragons that juggle Chipp’s body in midair!*

Bob: DRAGON CRASH!!

Ralph: NO NONONO GOD NO!!!

*The Former Sword Champion crashes to the canvas in a heap, and it’s over! The referee signals for the bell!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: What an ending! If Kaede hadn’t blocked the Zansi Roga!!

Ralph: NOTHING IS SACRED! THAT WAS CHIPP ALL THE WAY! THAT WAS BULLSHIT! >=| FUCK KAEDE!

Bob: KAEDE PICKS UP THE VICTORY!

*Now returned to normal, Kaede retreats to the back, raising his blade in victory!*

Winner: Kaede

*Backstage*

Jeice: HAHAHAHAHAHA! E_E MAKE RANDOM APPEARANCE IN MY FED CHIPP. THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU.

Xiu: o_o…

*Back in the ring*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen… the following dream match, is scheduled for one fall!

*The epic theme song “Kokoro no Hidaka” kicks up to a resounding ear shattering ovation, as the Ippatsu Yarou, The One punch bastard known as Sanosuke Sagara saunters to the ring, complete with a fish bone hanging loosely between his lips.*

Bob: I have personally been holding my breath for this match! Two of the hardest hitting UCTF competitors will face each other for the first and last time in a UCTF ring!

Ralph: That’s right.. I can’t wait to see if the Master of the “Way of the Dragon” can topple the Master of the Futae No Kiwami!

*Next, The Crystal Method’s “Trip Like I Do” begins, bringing down Jann Lee, who storms to the squared circle with purpose! He has not had an active match in the UCTF for almost four years now, and beating Sanosuke Sagara would instantly place him at “Legendary Status!”

Bob: Sano is famous for his feud against Rott during the early years of the UCTF, Jann Lee made a name for himself by knocking out warriors inside the ring who seemed at the time impossible to beat!

Ralph: Exactly.. I bet Ben Grimm is STILL feeling those attacks he received from Jann years ago!

*An agile spring from the apron lands Jann Lee inside the ring, staring across from Sanosuke!*

Bob: Just waiting for the bell now, and the match will begin!

Sanosuke vs. Jann Lee

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: THE MATCH IS UNDERWAY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

*Sano moves forward rapidly, as well as Jann, who plants his feet into the mat before launching himself across the ring, going for his devastating Flying Dragon Kick! However, Sano meets Jann’s greatest strike with one of his own, the–*

Sano: FUTAE NO KIWAMI!!

!!KATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!

*Both attacks meet in the center of the ring! Jann is sent flying from the attack, before hitting the ground and rolling into the corner!*

Bob: OH MY GOD!

Ralph: … I think Sano just broke Jann’s foot.

*The referee checks on Jann, who has INDEED broken his foot after being LEVELED with the FNK! He struggles to stand back up! Not a good idea!*

Sano: e_e Futae No Kiwami.

!!KATHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*A second FNK, even stronger connects to the side of Jann’s face, putting the Martial Arts legend out of the ring!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOHHH!! X_X

Ralph: HOLY SHIT!

Bob: SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!!!!

*With Jann Lee motionless, hanging upside down from the bottom rope and dangling just a few inches from the concrete below, the referee has seen enough!*

!!DING DING DING!!

*”Kokoro No Hidaka” returns to the sound system, Sano, without so much has breaking a sweat leaves the ring and slowly walks up the ramp.*

Crowd: SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO! SANO!

Ralph: TWO HITS?!!? TWO HITS?!?!

Bob: ..I..I guess any attack that made Vegeta’s lip bleed… I..I don’t know..

Winner: Sanosuke

*The Ippatsu Yarou stops at the top of the ramp, before returning to the backstage area, he glances back down at the beaten Jann Lee as he’s being attended to by the UCTF Staff.*

Sano: …e_e.. Feh.

*Halo by Soil kicks up on the sound system and out comes the current UCTF Intergalactic Champion Raven Darc! The crowd gives him a huge reception as he comes out looking SERIOUS.*

Bob: Raven looks all business tonight!

*Indeed he does. After handing his belt to the time keeper he hops in the ring and eyeballs the ramp for his young opponent.*

Ralph: Think Raven has anything to say about the Fubuki/Miko fight tonight?

Bob: He made it very clear that he has NO COMMENT about that whole situation, Ralph.

Ralph: Cuz he’s whipped.

Bob: You gonna tell him that?

Ralph: Hell no

*Next up is “Links 2,3,4″ and out comes the seemingly reformed Military Brat(?) himself wearing a set of BLUE CAMO pants and jacket, Seth “Suicide” Conway! He’s all smiles and pumping up the still confused crowd ala Rocky Maivia.*

Ralph: ….

Bob: *ahem* And here comes Suicide.

Ralph: That’s debatable

*You can almost feel the tension building off of Raven. There is no love loss between these two. At least not on his side!*

DING!! DING!! DING!!

Raven vs. Suicide

*Seth comes right out of the corner with his hand extended and a smile on his face*

Suicide: May the best man win ^_^

Raven: You beat me with a nightstick you little shit! e__e

Suicide: o_o You’re still mad about that?

*Raven NAILS Seth with a clothesline that sends him FLIPPING 270 degrees and onto his stomach! The crowd winces and cheers at the same time as Seth lies assed out on the canvas!*

Bob: Whoa! Raven certainly not playing into the nice game!

*The IG Champ walks over and lifts Seth to his feet and starts cramming his fist down his throat in a repeated fashion. He HAMMERS Conway over to the corner and proceeds to mud stomp the kid down to the mat much to the delight of the crowd! After a good beating Raven picks Seth up off the ground and sends him into the opposite corner. Suicide hits the corner and comes back off with Raven heading RIGHT toward him with another clothesline! BUT-

*SMACCKK!!!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOHHHHHH!!

*Suicide, with all his dazed thought, reverses with a quick drop toe hold on the IG Champ! This does nothing more than PISS the champ off as he BOLTS up again and-*

*SMACCKK!!!*

*Runs into ANOTHER drop-toe-hold by the former Anime Champ! This time Seth even manages to hop up on the second rope to celebrate his latest face-plant.*

Suicide: ^__^ hoooooo!

Raven: >=|!!!

*Raven runs at Seth again who jumps off the second rope. Seth tucks and rolls underneath the champs 3rd clothesline attempt and gets back to his feet. Raven charges AGAIN and-*

*THUD!*

Suicide: o_o

Raven: >=)

*This time Raven BLOCKS the drop-toe-hold by planting his right foot forward to maintain his balance. He reaches down and latches onto Seth neck into a side head lock. He starts wrenching that shit like Randy Orton on crack rubbing his forearm into the military brat nose! Finally Suicide manages to back into the ropes and shoots Raven off of him. As Raven comes back Suicide pulls as drop down. Followed by a leapfrog and when Raven comes around for that third pass-*

*SMACCKK!!!*

Crowd: LMFAO!!!

*HE HITS A THIRD DROP-TOE-HOLD!! Raven powders out of the fucking ring holding his nose like its broken in five places. The crowd is laughing and cheering their asses off after that bizarre exchange.*

Bob: And the crowd is actually going wild for Suicide.

Ralph: -What is going on!? ;_;

*Seth is grinning like school girl in the ring, eating up all the face time he can get. But its not long before he forgets where the hell he is! Raven grabs the poor kid by his feet and DRAGS his ass to the outside! Raven wastes no time and whips Suicide into the guardrail, followed by another quick whip into the ring apron, then to the guardrail AGAIN! He whips Seth around like a rag doll between a rock and a hard place! The crowd is eating this up as well while Raven just mercilously slams the poor kid back and forth. Seth lower back is ACHING by the end of it and the rail is pushed back into the 5th row! Raven wipes his brow as Seth stumbles back from the rail and goes down to his knees in agony. Raven grabs the back of the kid neck and lifts him to his feet. From there the 6 demon wrestler body presses him OVER his head! A short run later Seth is LAUNCHED back into the ring over the top rope! *

Crowd: *POPS!!*

Bob: Now the crowd is thoroughly behind Raven!

Ralph: I guess that makes sense

*Raven climbs into the ring and is not content with just ending this thing right here. He picks Suicide back up and puts him in classic pile driver position. He lifts him all the way up into a power bomb! Seth starts tagging the demon in the face out of desperation. The shots throw Raven off guard and Suicide is able to roll down Raven back and attempt a pin!*

Bob: Nice move by Suicide but I don think Raven gonna topple!

*Bob’s right! Seth is on the mat holding Raven legs trying to knock him off balance by kicking his legs with all he worth. But Raven not going anywhere. He reaches down and grabs him by the neck lifting the former champion to his eye level.*

Suicide: o_o oh gee w-

*WHAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!*

*Before he can finish that sentence Raven drives him down to the mat with a vicious double hand choke slam. Raven covers!*

Ref: 1… 2 …..

*Suicide kicks out! Raven slaps his hand to the mat and gets back up. He lifts the kid back up from the mat in total control. But not for long as Seth swats his hands away and starts laying in second wind punches right to the half-demon face! Raven staggers back after 4 punches but quickly regains his composure and NAILS Seth with a hard knee to the midsection. Seth doubles over for a second but quickly nails Raven in the chest with a jumping drop kick!*

Bob: That came out of no where!!

Ralph: Why is the crowd cheering again!!?

*Ralph’s right! The crowd is goading Suicide to topple the big man who is staggering from the drop kick! Seth rears back and-*

*CRACK!!*

*Nails Raven with a powerful superkick! Though the big man almost pulls a matrix bend he is STILL on his feet! Finally, with even more encouragement from the fans, hits the ropes comes off and!*

*WHAAAMM!!!*

Crowd: OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!

Bob: ENDLESS WALTZ!! ENDLESS WALTZ!!

Ralph: From out of NOWHERE!!

*Raven and Seth hit the floor from the move. But Raven has more taken out of him that he realized as he CAN take advantage of the move! He fights to shake off the effects of the superkick but can throw his arm over for the pin. The Ref starts a Ten Count!*

Ref: 3…… 4…….. .

Bob: Raven needs to capitalize, or at least get up! Or this will be a draw!

Ref: 5…….. 6 …………

*Raven starts to get to his feet. Only a few inches from ending this thing as Suicide is still laid out!*

Bob: This looks to be over OH WHAT THE HELL!?!?

*X and Recon hit the ring with chairs!!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Bob: I KNEW IT!! I KNEW IT WAS AN ACT!!

Ralph: oh thank God!! Everything makes sense again! ^_^

*The ref tries his damnedest to keep the young cadets away from the tired out Raven and even tries to pry one of the chairs away from them but he gets chased out of the ring by the two! Raven slowly crawls up trying to get to his feet and make a decent counter attack!*

Bob: This is WRONG!! Someone stop this dammit!!

Ralph: Seriously I was gonna lose it there if it kept up much longer.

*Raven makes it to his knees but is still dazed. Recon lifts up his chair and-*

Bob: NO NO

*SUICIDE GET UP AND PULLS IT OUT OF HIS HANDS!!*

Crowd: O___O!!

Bob: O___O!!

Ralph: *mouth agape!*

*Seth throws the chair out of the ring and runs over to the stunned X and pulls his chair away from him as well! He looks pissed for the first time in months!*

Suicide: >=|!! What the hell is wrong with you two!?

X: But we thought that- o_o

Suicide: That’s enough! You know I play fair when I in the ring!

Everyone: X_X_X_X

Suicide: You two get your asses back stage and I will deal with you when my match is over!

*X and Recon leave the ring leaving a very stunned crowd. The ref climbs back in the ring and Seth offers his hand to Raven.*

Suicide: Let’s finish this fair and square, Ryan. ^_^

Raven: o_o

Bob: never thought I’d see the day….

Ralph: *fetal position*

*Seth helps Raven to his feet and the two start circling like it a legit match for the first time. Both are tired but not out. They lock up into a classic tie up but Seth quickly uses his speed and ducks under the bigger man gripping him from behind. Raven reaches back and snaps on a side headlock. Seth spins out of it and gets to his knees sweeping Raven leg out from under him. Seth goes for a quick cover!*

Ref: 1……

*Raven forces the kid off him after one! Raven gets back up and tries to land a shuffle side kick to Seth jaw. Seth ducks under and kicks the IG champ in the gut bending him over! He smiles and hits the ropes fast coming off with his patented axe kick! The crowd has one thing to say!*

Crowd: ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!

Suicide: *^^*

*Setting Raven up again he hits the ropes again and comes down for a SECOND axe kick! But this time Raven stands back up letting that powerful kick float right by! He spins the kid around and locks on a reverse Russian leg sweep position!*

Bob: Endless W- NO

*Raven goes for his finisher again but before he can Seth swats his arm away spinning Raven back to him! Seth uses all his strength and lifts Raven up into a Fireman carry!*

Bob: Coutmarsha- NO!!

*But Raven slips out of that, landing on his feet behind Suicide who promptly turns around and CHOPS the big man in the chest! Raven returns the favor! They trade chops back and forth for about 10 hits until Raven gets the upper hand with his strength and forces Seth into a corner. He leans back and nails the young marine in the jaw with his elbow!*

Bob: Raven setting up for something BIG here!*

*The crowd goes nuts as Raven sets the former Anime champ up on the top rope for a superplex! Raven throws his arm over and hooks the kid fatigues, gives a tug but it’s no go! Seth is holding on for dear life and starts tagging the big man in the ribs. Raven lets go from the shots and Suicide starts punching Raven in the face! Raven starts reeling on the top rope then Seth sets himself up!*

*SMAAACKK!!!*

Crowd: OOOOOHHHHHHHH!!

Bob: What a MOVE!

*Balancing himself on his hands Suicide delivers a jumping spin kick to the side of Raven head! Seth tumbles to the apron as a result, but the huge demon wrestler hits the mat with a HUGE crash. Shaking things off Suicide ascends the ropes again and goes to put him away!*

Bob: SMARTBOMB!! SMARTBOMB!!

*Suicide NAILS his top rope finisher! He covers and hooks Raven leg!*

Ref: 1 .2 3!!

DING DING DING!!

*The match is over and despite the actual pop the crowd is stunned. r. Nice Guy Suicide just beat the IG Champ fair and SQUARE!*

Bob: Suicide picks up a HUGE win here tonight! Ralph you’ve been quiet what do you have to say?

Ralph: *curled on the floor* so c-cold. X_x

Bob As I said, Suicide picks up the win!

*He lifts his hand in the air as Raven still dazed gets up to his knees. Suicide reaches down and shakes the champs hand who looks on still confused. Impressed but still confused.*

Winner: Suicide

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the ring at this time… MISTER WILLY WONKA!

*The lights dim, and what sounds like a 70′s electronic funk version of the Willy Wonka theme starts up, prompting nearly a dozen Oompa Loompas, all dressed in the metallic outfits from the recent remake of the movie, all come out, carrying the weapons to be used in the upcoming match! There are bales of candy canes, large sheets of gingerbread, boxes of what look like Nerds candy and wheelbarrows filled with marshmallows and other candy!*

Ralph: o_o… uhhh… This totally isn’t what I remember

*As the Oompa Loompas all head down the aisle and surround the ring, setting up the weapons, the curtain parts and Willy Wonka himself (the Johnny Depp one, so we’re all clear here) steps out from behind it, cane in his hand, holding his top hat! He saunters down to the ring, steps through the ropes, and takes the mic from Arzie. The Oompa Loompas are STILL piling up the candy weapons at ringside*

Wonka: Thank you, thank you ALL here, and I would like to welcome you all to the SECOND ever Hansel and Gretel match here in the UCTF, and of all time!

Bob: The first one took place back in April 1 of 2001!

Ralph: So we have a re-match… of an April fool’s day match!?

Bob: Second ever!

Wonka: Before we begin tonight, I would like to say a few words… due to what happened over five years ago in the first match up, and being the sponsor and supplier of tonight’s match, I am stipulating that my Oompa Loompas will REMAIN at ringside as enforcers for this match up! I WILL NOT HAVE INTERFERENCE IN MY MATCH TONIGHT!

*the crowd gives a nice pop for that! Wonka, however, in the ring is giggling!*

Wonka: Oh, I’m so excited! I haven’t been this excited ever since I went on the “small world” ride at Disneyland!! ^_^

Crowd: o_o

Wonka: All those wonderful children singing and playing and playing…

*he starts slowing down*

Wonka: ….and singing… H_H

Bob: Oh hell no

Ralph: GET HIM OUT OF THERE

*RIGHT as Wonka’s hand is going into the front of his pants, UCTF security is IMMEDIATELY on him, subduing him!*

Wonka: YOU CAN’T DO THIS!! I SPONSORED THIS MATCH!!! YOU’LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYERS!!!

*Wonka is carried off kicking and screaming as Arzie re-enters the ring*

Bob: *Whew* That was close.

Ralph: I hope we NEVER have to have one of these again.

*As Arzie climbs in, “Still a Secret” is keyed up, drawing a nice reaction from the fans as Chibi Venus makes her way down to the ring, smiling and winking and tweaking noses of the fans!*

Ralph: And look who’s back!

*As she climbs into the ring, “Honey” started booming over the speakers, also gartering a nice reaction from the crowd as Dominique Cross makes her way down the aisle, looking INCREDIBLY excited by the candy! The Oompa loompas practically have to FORCE her to get in the ring!*

Dominique: CANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY!!!

Ooompa Loompas: >_<!!!

*they FINALLY get her into the ring, and the ref calls for the bell!*

*DING, DING, DING!!*

Chibi Venus vs Dominque Cross

Hansel and Gretel Match II

*as SOON as the bell rings, Venus and Dominique charge the center of the ring, fists and limbs flying! The two strike each other a few times, but their quickness on both sides is causing them both to be dodging each other! Venus swings her fists wildly, then swings with a roundhouse kick, JUST missing Dominique’s head! Dominique swings, and BACKHANDS AT into the corner!*

Venus: >_< !

*Venus looks down to the outside, where an Oompa Loompa is holing a length of Nerds Rope! AT reaches down and SNATCHES it out of his hand! She turns to Dominque, who’s charging head-first at her! Venus, though, slingshots herself over Dominque, and spins around, WHIPPING her with the nerds rope!*

Dominique: @___@_@_@_@_@

*Venus’s repeatedly whipping her with the rope, then laces it around her neck, and starts to strangle her with it! She drags Dominique near the ropes, leaning her on the second rope, and yells to the Oompa Loompas again! Several of them congregate, all welding bales of large candy canes!*

!!!!SMASSSHHH!!!

*They all start repeatedly SMASHING the candy canes over Dominique’s head! They get off a couple before Dominque fights Venus off, and pushes herself back towards the center of the ring, holding her head!*

Ralph: Is Venus controlling the Oomopa Loompas??

Bob: I’m sure that if need be, they’ll help out Dominique too

Ralph: Why?

Bob: That’s the JOB of a lumberjack in this kind of match! >=|

*Dominique is brushing the candy scraps out of her hair, and in finding her hands are covered in sticky sugar… starts LICKING the candy off them!*

Dominique: @______^________^!!! CANDYDANYDNADYDNADN

*She KIPS UP to her feet, and SPINS towards Venus, knocking her back into the corner again! She charges at her, and this time DOESN’T miss, and runs up Venus’s body, and starts STOMPING her in the face all the way to the mat!*

Dominique: CANDAYDNADNDADNAYDN*STOMPSTOMPSTOMPSTOMPSTOMP*

Venus: AJSAKJAKLFJSLFSLFJFSLKJSFLFSJ

*with one final stomp, Venus’s head is driven to the mat! Dominique pulls her up quickly, and grabs her into a bear hug position! She then starts SPINNING around with Venus in her arms! She lets go of her, and Venus goes flopping to the ground again!*

Venus: X_X_X_X_X

Bob: Dominique taking control here!

Ralph: Yeah at what cost?

*Dominique is woozy, and falls through the ropes to the outside! She looks to one of the oompa loompas nearby, and sees he’s holding a bucket!

Dominique: ooooo GIMMIE

*She snatches the bucket from him, and slides into the ring! She looks into the bucket and squeals again!*

Dominique: CHOCOLATE!!!

*She tips over the bucket and starts dumping chocolate chips all over the ring! She’s running in circles, COVERING the mat, then eventually overturns it over her head, dumping the rest into her mouth!*

Dominique: CANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDYCANDY

*She dashes around over to Venus, who’s just now getting up to her feet! As soon as she grabs Venus, she WHIPS a handful of the chips into Dominique’s face! Dominique holds her face for a moment, then is nearly yanked off her feet as Venus just grabs and RIPS off her oversized jacket to the roar of the crowd! Dominique’s now exposed as wearing a tight blue top and shorts!*

Ralph: YES!!! PUPPIES!!!

Bob: This isn’t boding well for Dominique!

Ralph: It’s boding well for ME!

*Venus grabs Dominique from behind, and quickly lifts her up off the ground into a back suplex! Dominique comes crashing down on her back, and starts SCREAMING in pain as she rolls over and the chocolate chips are now STICKING out of her back!*

Ralph: WHAT THE HELL!?

Bob: Well that was… unexpected! On the other hand, why WOULDN’T we expect this!?

Ralph: They’re CHOCOLATE CHIPS!! She was just EATING them!!

Bob: AND THE LAST TIME WE HAD EXPLODING MARSHMALLOWS WHAT’S YOUR POINT

*Venus takes the moment to catch her breath, then slides out of the ring to grab a chair that’s been constructed out of Jolly Ranchers! In the meantime she snaps at the Oompa Loompas, and they start setting up a table made completely out of chocolate on the outside, and stacking candy canes on it!*

Bob: Oh this isn’t going to end well. Not at ALL.

*Venus slides into the ring with the chair, and goes after Dominique with it! Dominique ducks the shot though, and bounces off the ropes! Venus tries for it again, but again she misses and Dominique bounces off the ropes again! This time, though, she picks up speed and just as Venus turns around…*

!!!!BLAAAAAOOOWWW!!!!

Crowd: OOOOOHHH!!!!

*She DRILLS Venus in the face with a boot that goes THROUGH the chair, leaving a hole! Venus hits the mat, staggered from the shot! Dominique brushes herself off, and grabs a fistful of the candy littering the mat and dumps it into her mouth!*

Dominique: ^_^_^_^_^%_^_^_^_^____^_^_^_^!!!!!

*She does a cute little ballerina spin before turning to Venus,

!!!SMASSSHHH!!!

*And gets the remainder of the Jolly Rancher chair smashed over her head, knocking her down! Venus throws the shards to the ground, then points to the table on the outside! She starts lifting up Dominique!*

Bob: Oh this isn’t going to end well.

*Mustering her last bit of strength, she lifts Dominique HIGH above her head…*

Venus: RRAAAAUUUGGHHH!!!

*and runs to PITCH her over the top rope! However, Dominique slides out of her hands, and drops down over the top rope, to the floor! In the process, she grabs Venus’s neck, and drops her with a sloppy-looking Stun Gun on the top rope, sending Venus flipping back into the chip-filled ring!*

Bob: THAT was close!

Ralph: Dominique almost went FLYING into the… uh… pit of sugar death I guess you could call it o_o

*Dominique is getting her bearings, and grabs another jolly rancher chair, and throws it over the top rope into the ring, near Venus! She jumps up onto the apron, and then starts playing to the crowd, who give her a nice pop!*

Dominique: ^____^!!!

*She grabs the top rope, and jumps on top of it for a springboard! However, as SOON as her feet touch the rope…*

Venus: >=|!!!

!!!!!BLAAAOOOWWWW!!!!

*Venus just CHUCKS the chair at Dominique’s face…*

!!!!!CRASSSHHH!!!!!!!

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

*And it knocks Dominique BACKWARDS and through the table covered with candy canes! The shards go flying EVERYWHERE, and Dominique is OUT!*

Ralph: WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM!?!?

Bob: A Last-Ditch effort by Chibi Venus may have just saved the match for her!

*Dominique is NOT MOVING in the rubble, and Venus climbs out of the ring, and throws her back in! Venus flips up the apron and starts searching around!*

Bob: What’s she doing NOW?? All the weapons are already outside!

*She re-emerges, with HUGE gloves on, and holding a giant piece of broccoli!*

Ralph: THAT’S what!

Bob: And five years later, it all STILL comes full circle!

*Venus climbs into the ring, and grabs Dominique by her hair! She takes the broccoli and STUFFS it into her mouth! Then as a final insult, she picks up Dominque, and gives her a stunner, causing her to bite down and send a hunk of the broccoli down her throat! Dominique starts CONVULSING on the mat! The ref bends down, checking on her, and…*

Ref: THAT’S IT! SHE CAN’T CONTINUE! RING IT!!

!!!DING, DING, DING!!!

*”Still a Secret” starts playing again, as the ref raises Venus’ hand up high!*

Ralph: I don’t know what to make of that, honestly.

Bob: Ralph, it was a hardcore match with candy. Why WOULDN’T it end with Broccoli?

WINNER: Chibi Venus

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen.. The following match is scheduled for one fall, and it is a PREVIEW, for the First Annual April Fools Day “One Sided Fight” Extravaganza!!!

Ralph: What the hell??

Tckt… tckt… tckt.. Tckt…

*”Testing” By CKY kicks up, which is almost engulfed by a collective ROARING explosion of laughter from the crowd, that fills the night sky!*

Ralph: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! ONE SIDED X_X YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Bob: oh no.. it’s THIS match x_x

Ralph: AHAHAHAHAH ONE SI–AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*The Raging Idiot, SSS walks from behind the curtain with the look on his face that can only be described as “A normal assed human being about to fight Jeice” slowly saunters down to the ring! Hey, would YOU want to rush what might be the biggest beating of your post-professional career?! I know I wouldn’t!*

Bob: You.. You got to give this man credit.. He’s a man of his word! He’s going through with the match!

Ralph: HAHAHAA–*CHOKING* AHASDHHAHAHAHAH! ONE SIDED! THAT’S RICH! If you guys thought that Sano/Jann Lee match was short, don’t go to the bathroom! This one’s going to be over quicker than Britney Spears’ last trip to Rehab! AHAHAHAHAHAHA–

*Inside the ring, SSS turns to see what noise is making his ears ringing, and it’s Ralph bent backwards with his mouth WIDE open. Yeah, he’s laughing THAT hard!*

SSS: Jesus Tap-dancing Christ. -_-

Arzie: INTRODUCING FIRST, FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA… HE IS THE RETIRED RETARDED RISKTAKER… SHAWNNNNNNN SHANEEEE SHIEEELLLLDDDSSSSSS!!!

Ralph: DEAD MAN WALKING! DEAD MAN WALKING!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Bob: Ok, would you cool out with the Taz circa 2003 style of Commentating?

*Prodigy’s “Serial Thrilla” starts up next to a staggering ovation! Jeice steps onto the ramp, transitioned from his normal Presidential Suit into an all black with white stripes Track Suit with a matching cap and sweat towel! On the back of his Track Code, the words “THE JEICE EXPERIENCE” is embroidered into the fabric!*

Jeice: =D!!

Bob: and he wonders why he’s being sued so much! LOOK AT THAT COAT!

Arzie: And Introducing next… Now Residing in Las Vegas, Nevada… He is the former two time, and GREATEST ANIME CHAMPION THAT HAS EVER LIVED… HE IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UCTF.. THE ORANGE CRUSHER… JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ralph: GREATEST ENTRANCE OF THE NIGHT RIGHT THERE! GREATEST ENTRANCE OF THE NIGHT!

Bob: … *sighs*

Jeice vs. SSS

(Or, Watch Blue Haired Guy get owned again)

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: THE GREATEST ONE SIDED BOUT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UCTF HAS BEGUN!

Jeice: Alright Kid, let’s get this over wi—

!!HEY JEICE!!

Jeice: …

!!HEEEEEEEEEEEEYYY JEEEIICCCEEEE!!

*That slimy, graveling voice can only belong to one person, and it’s someone that Jeice or the UCTF hasn’t seen in a number of years! Sitting right in the front row, wearing an “Auntie Anne’s” pretzel hat from the concession stands is the big blue goofball known as Burter!*

Jeice: …

Burter: HEY JEICE!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUU!!! YOU SUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

*The complete RANDOMNESS of it all confuses the President, who is now left wide open for SSS to ROLL HIM UP INTO A SCHOOL BOY!*

Ref: 1………… 2…………….. 2.99999999999999999999999

*The surprised President is back to his feet before SSS, and is shocked that he was literally just .00000000000001 of a second away from being pinned in the first Singles Match in his career! …He’s not happy. e_e*

Jeice: >=|!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SSS: LOL FU–

*SSS ducks the western lariat before sliding out of the ring! He has to break out the old school heel tactics for this one! Running ALL the way around the ring with Jeice just a BREATH away from him, he pulls out the oldest heel trick in the book! He slides back into the ring, and greets the following Orange Crusher with several boots to the back! …Unfortunately, those hits to the Orange Crusher are the equivalent to being hit by a gnat! It’s WORTHLESS! Jeice catches one of SSS’s kicks–*

Bob: OH GOD NO

*Before FLIPPING SSS backwards with the lightest of flicks of his wrist, sending the Toothless Indy wrestler flat on his face!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOHHHH X_x

*He’s back up, holding his aching nose, and possibly through the miracle of Jesus Christ himself, ducks a SECOND Western Lariat attempt! Rolling behind the President, SSS rolls him up for a SECOND time, this time using a hand full of tights AND the top rope for added leverage!*

Ref: 1…………. 2…………… 2.999999999999999999999999!!!

*Jeice kicks out again! Diving for SSS to kill the bastard, he misses as the Game WISELY gets the fuck out of the ring!*

Crowd: LOLLOLLOLLOL X_x

Bob: SSS WITH TWO NEAR FALLS WITHIN A MINUTE!

Ralph: IS HE TRYING TO DIE?! IS HE TRYING TO DIE!? >=| JUST TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN!

Bob: MAYBE HE CAN BEAT JEICE BY OUTSMARTING HIM!

Ralph: DID HEERO INJURE YOUR BRAIN WHEN HE CHOKED YOU OUT? >=| SSS IS FIGHTING THE GREATEST HEEL IN UCTF HISTORY! OUTSMART HIM?! >=|

Jeice: You’re Starting to Piss me off, Kid!

SSS: *POSES* =D!!!!!

*Jeice damn near LEAPS over the top rope in attempt to grab SSS, who slides back into the ring BETWEEN the Orange Crusher’s legs! Now back to back, SSS locks Jeice’s arms, before falling forward into the BACKSLIDE FROM HEAVEN!*

Jeice: O_O!!!

Bob: BACKSLIDE FROM HEAVEN!! BACKSLIDE FROM HEAVEN!!!

Ref: 1…….. 2……………. 2.999999999999!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob: ANOTHER NEAR FALL X_X

Ralph: ……………………

*THAT’S IT. Seconds after the Blue Haired Bastard leaps out of the ring, Jeice attempts to take his head off with a Sliding Dropkick to the outside of the ring! Once again, SSS’s Guardian Angel pushes him under the kick, INCHES from being decapitated!*

Jeice: SDLKFJASDLFKADSJFLJ!!

SSS: >_<

*The former Champ crawls under the ring like a COMPLETE bitch! I’m serious! HE’S GONE.*

Jeice: ………

Ralph: OH COME THE HELL ON. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!

Bob: Ralph! We’re on regular Tv!

Ralph: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. I WANTED A MURDERING AND I’M NOT GETTING IT.

*And Shields is NOT coming back up! Seconds turn to minutes, as the President circles the ring!*

Ralph: IS HE JUST GOING TO STAY UNDER THERE?!

Bob: WHO KNOWS! HOW LONG CAN SSS POSSIBLY HIDE BEFORE JEICE JUST DESTROYS THE RING??? WE’LL BE BACK AFTER A COMMERCIAL BREAK!

*we see the backstage area of the UCTF arena, where Steve and Brian Babaganoush come to the back after a strenuous dark match!*

Steve: Man, ANOTHER loss! That’s our 767th one! We’re NEVER going to win!

Brian: Ahhh, it’s cool, bro!

Steve: COOL!?! WE’VE BEEN WRESTLING FOR YEARS AND WE’VE NEVER WON A MATCH! NOBODY EVEN REMEMBERS OUR NAMES!!! WE HAVE GENERIC BLACK TIGHTS!? HOW CAN IT BE COOL!?

Brian: Because dude…. I had Reese’s for breakfast!

Steve: O_____O!

*suddenly the background EXPLODES into mid-90′s colors and shapes flying across the screen!*

Steve: CANDY!?! FOR BREAKFAST!?!?

Brian: NOT CANDY!!!!

*He pulls out a HUGE bowl filled with cereal!*

Brian: REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER PUFFS!

*he THROWS the bowl at Steve, who catches the WHOLE DAMN THING in his mouth and crunches down on it! His eyes bug out of his head!*

Steve: WOW!!!!!!!!!

*The two of them converge in the middle of the screen!*

Steve & Brian: REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER PUFFS! IT’S CANDY, FOR BREAKFAST!!!!

*Back in the arena, Jeice is chillin at ring side, signing autographs for the fans. I mean, what else is he gonna do? Shawn hasn’t been seen since BEFORE the commercial break!*

Bob: ……..We’re back folks.

Ralph: He’s still under the ring. e_e You guys didn’t miss anything at all.

Bob: You’d almost think that SSS is TRYING to stink up the place tonight with his lackluster performance!

Jeice: e_e so who do you want me to make this out to?

Man: My son V–Uhh, sir, something’s happening on the other side of the ring.

*All the way across the ring, Shawn is FINALLY crawling from underneath the ring! The fans, now livid and in DIRE need of seeing this blue haired punk’s blood splattered all over the arena, SCREAM for Jeice’s attention! Jeice is no normal Face wrestler, he’ll actually PAY ATTENTION when the fans yell at him in unison!*

Jeice: E_E!

Ralph: HERE WE GO! Murdering time!

SSS: WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FU –OH SHIT GOTTA GO!

*A half second before the Orange Crusher, who’s now back in the squared circle, shows up, SSS goes RIGHT BACK UNDER THE RING!*

Jeice: OH GIVE ME A BLOODY BREAK! >=|.

Ralph: JUST PICK UP THE RING JEICE! YOU’RE SUPER POWERED!

Bob: ..that would be a pretty good idea…

Jeice: LOOK, I don’t want to have to pick up this ENTIRE RING, BUT I WILL! AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR POOR SOUL IF YOUR DILLY DALLYING AROUND CAUSES THIS SHOW TO GO OVER IT’S ALLOTTED TIME SLOT TONIGHT. E_E! GET OUT FROM UNDERNEATH THE RING!

Bob: Uh oh! Sounds like Jeice has finally had enough of–OH GOD NO, DON’T BE AN IDIOT!

*While the annoyed president focuses his full attention to the outside of the ring, Shawn slips back in from behind, holding a Baker’s dozen of Light tubes, tied together with an extension chord! Either years of being slammed on his head has diluted the former UCTF Champion into thinking this will bare ANY effect on Jeice whatsoever, or he just doesn’t care… Whatever the reason is, SSS NAILS the president from behind with the light tube structure!*

!!CRASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHH!!

*Jeice slowly turns around, looking at the shards of glass around the ring, and the smoking gun… The broken lighttube stubs still in The Game’s hand…*

SSS: ……….

Jeice: ……….o_o Did you just…

*He slowly reaches into his hair, and pulls out a shard of glass*

Jeice: ………………

*Lightly brushing it, dust from the broken lighttube falls to the mat. DUST.*

Jeice: *WORST GLARE IN HIS CAREER*

SSS: *BIGGEST MISTAKE IN HIS CAREER*

Ralph: *BIGGEST GRIN IN HIS CAREER*

*Oh God why didn’t SSS just take his initial beating like a man!? The poor bastard turns to run out of the ring again, but this time, Jeice has already ONE-PATTERNED in front of him, meeting the now full speed moving Shields with a DEVASTATING Western Lariat! SSS hits the canvas face first with SUCH force that he’s knocked BACK to his feet! Jeice is already there behind him, lifting the poor kid onto his shoulders! Without a second to think, SSS is already dropped on his back with a back breaking Electric Chair Drop! Jeice keeps it locked on, as he rolls through, standing himself back up with SSS still on his shoulders!*

Jeice: >=| YOU LIKE MESSING UP HAIR?!

*SSS is brought down for a SECOND Electric Chair Drop! Jeice rolls through, standing back up with SSS STILL on his shoulders!*

Bob: oh my god..

*Jeice throws SSS down into a reverse Electric Chair, bringing the poor bastard FACE FIRST on the canvas! Jeice ROLLS FORWARD, almost breaking SSS’s back in the process, before standing back to his feet.. STILL holding onto the retired Shields! He throws SSS backwards into the BACKDROP DRIVER!*

Crowd: *TURNS* X_X

*Jeice ROLLS THROUGH AGAIN! Standing back to his feet, he uses the fierce momentum to hit a SPINNING URANAGE SUPLEX! SSS of course, reacts like a student from Curt Hennig’s school of overselling, a.k.a. flopping around like a fucking fish out of water!*

SSS: X_X_X!

Jeice: YOU LIKE FUCKING UP HAIR HUH?!!?

Ralph: SAY IT.

Bob: S..Somebody..

Ralph: IF YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY IT E_E

Bob: SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!!!!!

*SSS INSTINCTIVELY rolls out of the fucking ring, after being slammed approximately 2348348 times in a span of .00000000001 seconds! Jeice is right behind him, however, and he’s talking shit the ENTIRE time!*

Jeice: SO YOU WANNA MESS UP MY EVENT HUH?! YOU WANNA HIDE UNDER THE RING AND TRY TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT?! YOU WANNA POSE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING?!!? WELL HERE, GET UNDERNEATH THE RING AGAIN! I’LL HELP YOU E_E!

*Using his Z Strength, Jeice tosses SSS back under the ring.. But unfortunately for the Game, the throw is a little TOO strong. Strong enough to send SSS flying through the OPPOSITE side of the ring apron and into the fan protective railings on the other side! His skull cracks open in the process, spewing out PINTS of blood all over the place like a Mel Gibson/Tarantino Collaboration movie!*

SSS: OH GOD!! OH GOD!!!! OH GODDDDDD

Jeice: WHOOPS, A LITTLE TOO HARD HUH!?

Bob: oh.. My.. GOD!

Ralph: YES! YES!! YES THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE!

*SSS is back to his feet with the aid of the dented Railing… He should have stayed down x_x! Jeice literally FLIES around the ring in a blur of orange ki, before delivering the BIGGEST ballshot in the history of the UCTF! SSS flies OVER the top rope and lands in the center of the ring!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH X_X!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob: LOW BLOW LOW BLOW LOW BLOW!!

Ralph: LMFAO!! SOMEONE GET A SURGEON! SSS’S BALLS ARE IN HIS CHEST!

*Back in the ring, Jeice stands over his downed opponent.*

Jeice: e_e Alright, I’ve made my point. Make your ten count, ref.

Ref: yes sir x_x

Bob: Whew.. He’s going to let it end here. Thank God.. I can’t see SSS taking much more of Jeice’s offense.

Ralph: ah man =(.. It was fun while it lasted, I guess.

*While the ref is making his ten count, The president, now with a microphone speaks to the crowd–*

Jeice: So guys, we’re running a vote on the UCTF.com Webpage right now.. How good was Shawn’s ass beating at the hands at the President? Polls are open now so hurry up and g— Hey, ref, why aren’t you counting? e_e

Ref: *points*

*Jeice turns around to see that SSS is BACK UP TO HIS FEET. Yeah, he’s holding onto the top rope, but he’s beat the ten count! Slowly.. He raises his right arm..*

Jeice: ……don’t you do it!

*He lifts his fist*

Jeice: DON’T YOU FUCKING DO IT.

*AND FLIPS JEICE OFF*

Ralph: YOU FUCKING

Bob: IDIOT!

*Jeice: CLOTHESLINES HIS DAMN HEAD OFF!*

SSS: X_X_X_X_X!!

Ralph: WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST STAY DOWN YOU IDIOT?!

Bob: BECAUSE HE’S A MORON! JUST LAY DOWN AND LET THE MATCH END, YOU IDIOT!

*Jeice CATCHES SSS’s flipping body in midair, hooking his arm, he turns SSS upside down into the stalling vertical suplex position!*

Bob: THIS DOESN’T LOOK GOOD!

*But instead of dropping backwards, Jeice turns it into the ORANGE CRUSHER PIN! The center of the ring embeds, almost causing the ring to implode on itself!*

Bob: THAT’S IT! HIS BACK IS BROKEN!

Ralph: YEP!

Ref: 1………….. 2…………………. O_O

*Jeice LIFTS SSS’s shoulders off the mat!*

Bob: oooh no.. X_x OH NO.

*Jeice picks him up AGAIN!*

Bob: I GUESS ONE ORANGE CRUSH WASN’T ENOUGH X_X

*SSS won’t let it happen again, however, he slips out of the vertical suplex, somehow landing on his feet! He quickly digs into his cargo pants, pulling out a GIANT baggy of salt! He spins around, CONNECTING it with Jeice’s eyes! The Orange Crusher Sells it violently! He hits the canvas back first like he’s just been hit by an 18 wheeler, and rolls around the ring in PURE agony!*

Everyone: O_O!!

Bob: OH MY GOD!!

Ralph: ASL;DFKJASD;FLKJ WHAT ?!!? THAT FUCKING BAG OF SALT?!!? WHAT THE HELL?!

Bob: HE’S BLINDED JEICE! HE’S BLINDED JEICE! SSS HAS A CHANCE OF WINNING!!

Ralph: >=| WHAT?!?! NO THIS ISN’T BULLSHIT. JEICE WILL NOT JOB TO A BAG OF FUCKING ROCK SALT!

*NONE THE LESS, the bloody mess known as Shawn Shane Shields is now digging under the ring! The first thing he pulls out? A LIVE BOARD WITH LIT LIGHT TUBES!*

Bob: OH GOD. OH GOD! THAT’S WHAT HE WAS DOING UNDER THE RING! HE WAS BUILDING SHIT TO USE AGAINST JEICE! X_X

*ANOTHER BOARD WITH BROKEN GLASS AND SALT*

Ralph: .. Oh shit.. o_o..

*Now that it’s in the ring, SSS then runs to the ramp, and from underneath it pulls out a TWENTY FIVE FOOT FUCKING LADDER!*

Ralph: … how damn long has he been planning this?!!?

Bob: I .. I don’t know!

*After setting it up, SSS goes back to the ramp and pulls out a SECOND TWENTY FIVE FOOT FUCKING LADDER! (That’s the name of the company “FUCKING LADDER”)*

Bob: A SECOND?!!?

*Meanwhile, Jeice is STILL writhing around in pain!*

Burter: *eating popcorn* LMFAO!! THIS IS RICH X_X

*SSS has set the ladders up, who then returns to the apron, he pulls out.. A TABLE!*

Bob: And as if the glass, the salt, the light tubes and the electric wiring weren’t enough, he’s got a TABLE. What in the FUCK does he want with the table?!

Ralph: Bob, we’re on free tv!

Bob: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! >=|

*Shawn places the table on the top rung of both the ladders, turning it into a makeshift bridge!*

Bob: … he’s not.. Don’t tell me he’s going to..

*With that trademark “SHIT EATING GRIN” he carries so well, SSS slowly picks the President back to his feet, who in return, bitch slaps the TASTE out of SSS’s mouth! Jeice was FAKING THE ENTIRE TIME!*

Jeice: I can’t believe you FELL for that! >=|

Shawn: O_O but.. The salt!

Jeice: I CLOSED MY EYES. PRO WRESTLING IS FAKE, DUMB ASS!

*Shawn swings desperately ONE last time! Jeice easily ducks, wraps his arms around SSS’s waist, and flies thirty feet in the air!*

Jeice: ORE GA JEICE!!!!!!!!!! >=|!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Jeice turns the backdrop driver into a CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE TABLE, THROUGH THE EXPOSED LIGHT TUBES, AND INTO THE BROKEN SHARDS OF GLASS WITH SALT*

Crowd: SLDKFJASDLFKDJFL!!

Bob: SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!! SOMEBODY CALL 9-1-1!!

Ralph: *CHOKING WITH LAUGHTER*

Ref: 1………….. 2…………. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*AND JUST FOR ADDED RANDOMNESS, SSS IS NOW ON FIRE!*

SSS: OH GOD, I’M ON FIRE! I’M ON FIRE!

Jeice: e_e get that whore AT to put you out, punk. e_e.

Bob: JEICE WINS! JEICE WINS!

Ralph: …Jeice… sold that salt so well, I was actually convinced SSS had a chance o_o…

*Okok, I’m nice, firemen come out and put SSS out, while Jeice walks away to Prodigy’s “Serial Thrilla!” And for the record, he’s STILL undefeated in single’s action!*

Winner: LOL Like you guys don’t know e_e

Arzie: The Following, is the BATTLE OF THE NINJAS match, and is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first… Hailing from Tokyo, Japan and currently residing in the Masenka Complex in ANIME CITY-

Crowd: *HUGE POP*

*The Crowd’s cheer’s are silenced when “Akaikajitsu” by SATTIN kicks up, bringing out not their beloved former Two Time Grand Champion, but Fubuki Kai!*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!!!! >=|!!

Arzie: –Standing at Five Feet, Five Inches.. And weighing in at 110lbs… She is a Former UCTF Tag Team and Anime Champion, and self proclaimed master of EVERY form of Ninjitsu known to man… FUUUUUBUUUKIIIII KAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

*The Self-Taught Kunoichi doesn’t react to the announcement of her credentials. She stays completely focused, eyes deadlocked at the entrance, awaiting her opponent.*

Bob: It’s The Evil Jealous Bitch Best Friend of Miko Mido!

Ralph: WAY TO STAY IMPARTIAL BOB! NO, SERIOUSLY! THAT WAS GREAT! Do you blame her for thinking she’s been in Miko’s Shadow for Years?! How many Grand Title matches did she get offered?! She was a former Anime AND Tag Team Champion!

Bob: None the less, she has something to prove!

Ralph: Something to prove! SOMETHING TO PROVE!? >=| YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT!!! SHE BEATS MIKO HERE AT THE 200TH SHOW AND SHE PROVES THAT SHE’S THE BETTER WOMAN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!

Bob: o_o

Ralph: NO I’M NOT GONNA CALM DOWN!

Bob: I didn’t say a damn word!

*As Akaikajitsu dies down, the fans are greeted with a few moments of pure silence, before the haunting sound of a single Shakuhachi flute begins playing “Taniguchi-Kumoijishi.” As the echoing sound of the wooden instrument fills the arena, several men of japanese descent, all wearing black shades to match their equally black suits slowly march from the back, all equipped with sheathed swords.*

Ralph: What the hell is THIS?!

*As the unnamed men surround the ring, Fubuki Kai barely gives them a glance, as she’s full aware that Miko’s simply playing mind games with her… Slowly, the Shakuhachih stops playing, and after a few more seconds of silence, Evanescence’s “Weight of the World” begins playing. Miko Mido, dressed in full Kimono garb slowly walks out, being escorted by two more suited men to a HUGE ovation!*

Arzie: And introducing next, Hailing from Tokyo, Japan and currently residing in the Masenka Complex in ANIME CITY.. Standing at five feet, six inches, and weighing in at 125lbs… She is only two time UCTF Grand Champion in the HISTORY of the organization… MIIIIIIIIKKKKOOOOO MIIIDDDDDOOOOO!

*The two Escorts remove Miko’s Kimono, revealing Miko’s custom-fit fishnet catsuit!*

Ralph: oh god.. Oh God I miss that uniform.. A lot x_x. BUT LOOK AT THIS E_E Fubuki had a simple ring entrance, and here comes Miko Mido, using up five minutes just to get to the ring, and having like 15 guys escort her down! Talk about Egos! >=|

*Miko FINALLY enters the ring, and stares into the ice cold blue eyes of her opponent!*

!!DING D–

*Fubuki springs forward at the sound of the bell, thrusting a forearm into Miko’s jaw that knocks the former Grand Champion into the corner!*

Bob: Fubuki on the attack not even a SECOND into the match!

*Fubuki fires away with a stiff roundhouse right with her leg, followed by a left! Miko catches the leg on the second strike, before sprinting out of the corner, sending Fubuki flying with a spinning Dragon Screw leg whip! Fubuki prepares for the move, however, as she rolls through the whip! They both kip up at the same time without hesitation! A half a second later, she lunges towards Miko again, connecting with a drop kick! Miko isn’t down for a complete second before kipping right back up to her feet! Fubuki attacks again, going for a high spinning roundhouse! Miko ducks, and takes her best friend’s leg out a low spin kick! Fubuki goes down, and kips back up less than a second later! Miko misses a lariat, and now finds herself locked around the waist! Fubuki throws Miko backwards with a Bridged release German Suplex! Miko flips out of it, landing on her feet. Fubuki, bent backwards into a back bridge throws her legs into the air just as Miko sprints towards her and locks them around the former Grand Champion’s neck! Fubuki tries to send Miko flying face first with a leg scissors, but Miko forces her center of gravity low with a horseback riding stance! Kai is in trouble now, as Miko uses her inhuman strength to lift Fubuki onto her shoulders! Spinning Fubuki’s lightweight body around, Miko now has her set up for the powerbomb! She tosses Fubuki down with tremendous force, only for the ninja to reverse it into the hurricanrana mid-flight! Fubuki lands on her feet with cat-like agility! The Former Grand Champion flips over from the momentum, only to throw her arms down and turn the momentum into a cartwheel, bringing herself back to her feet, and we have a stand off!*

Miko: o_o

Fubuki: e_e…

Bob: What a beautiful exchange by these two!

Ralph: SEE THAT LOOK ON MIKO’S FACE?! SHE DIDN’T THINK FUBUKI WOULD BE ABLE TO GO TOE TO TOE WITH HER LIKE THAT IN THE RING! KEEP ON HER FUBUKI!

Bob: Why can’t you just appreciate the athleticism?!

Ralph: OH YEAH, YOU SAY THAT NOW, BUT JUST WAIT TILL KUNOI COMES OUT HERE AND FACES MELVIC =| YOU PARTISAN MOTHERFUCKER >=|!

Bob: X_X

*Miko slowly walks over to Fubuki for a hand shake, and why not!? That last exchange was BADASS. Fubuki however, in the spirit of competition, slaps the SHIT out of the former two time Grand Champion while shaking her head! Miko almost spins COMPLETELY around from the hit!*

Miko: ……….

Bob: NOT A GOOD IDEA BY FUBUKI!

*Blinded by Anger, Miko swings wildly with a right! Fubuki catches the strike, flipping Miko over with an armdrag! Miko lands flips over, but lands on her feet! She kicks away Fubuki’s right arm, before grabbing the left, and VIOLENTLY twisting it over into the wrist lock! Fubuki, handspring forward to avoid getting her wrist broken in the middle of the ring before sending a kick toward Miko’s midsection! Miko catches the foot, before BITCHSLAPPING Fubuki right in the face!*

Bob: PAYBACK!

*Fubuki IS spun all the way around from the move! Miko leaps onto the ninjas arms before throwing herself backwards with a standing hurricanrana pin! Fubuki’s shoulders are on the mat for less than a second before reversing the pin into one of her own! Again, Miko’s shoulders are on the mat for less than a second before she rolls backwards and into her feet! Instinctively, Miko goes for a drop kick to the face! Fubuki however leans backwards, BARELY avoiding a free Rhinoplasty! Miko lands on her back, and is immediately covered by Fubuki, who gets less than a second! Miko uses Fubuki’s own momentum to roll herself onto Fubuki’s chest! Fubuki tosses Miko off at less than a second, before both women kip back to their feet in tandem!*

Fubuki: >=|

Miko: >=|!!!

Bob: Both women still evenly matched!

Ralph: And Miko is getting frustrated! Look at her! Veins are starting to pop out of her forehead!

*Miko suddenly rushes Fubuki, kicking her hard in the midsection, before Irish whipping the blonde into the corner! Fubuki’s not in the corner for more than a second before Miko attacks with her Ultimo kick combination! However, Fubuki blocks the left round house, then the right, then the left, then DUCKS the spin kick! This leaves Miko staggered and disoriented in the corner… EXACTLY where Fubuki Kai wants her! The Former Anime Champion rushes Miko, who, at the last second, uses the top rope to pull herself up, and lock her long legs around the neck of Fubuki!*

Fubuki: OH SH–

Miko: HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

*Miko launches herself from the corner for the spinning hurricanrana, only to have it reversed into a SITTING POWERBOMB in the center of the ring!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Bob: POWERBOMB! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!

Fubuki: YES!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >=|!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Fubuki climbs to the top rope and CELEBRATES after finally outsmarting Miko and putting her into the mat! The fans boo wildly!*

Ralph: WHAT?! THEY’RE BOOING THAT?! >=| WHY?!!?

Bob: uhh.. It’s BAD SPORTSMANSHIP!! THAT’S WHY!

*Fubuki sits up her rival, before pulling the ninja’s arms behind her back, aided with her knee embedding into her back!*

Bob: Fubuki now working on the lower back of Miko.. More than likely setting her up for the that flipping double knee drop we saw her use a few weeks ago!

*Miko battles her way back to her feet in an attempt to break the hold… Fubuki however, sweeps her best friend off of her feet, before driving Miko back down to the mat in an over the knee back breaker! Miko cries out, as Fubuki keeps her there, using all of her strength to bend Miko backwards over the knee! Miko again, tries everything in her power to not only stand back up, but flip Fubuki over with a hiptoss.*

Bob: Miko is trying SOMETHING here!

*Fubuki easily takes back control of the situation, flipping Miko into her shoulder into the Canadian backbreaker! Miko flails about in attempt to break the hold, but it’s not enough.. Fubuki falls to her knees, snapping Miko’s back even further!*

Ralph: Look at this Bob! Look at it! Fubuki is simply taking Miko apart! This isn’t even a contest!!

*Still locked in the Canadian Backbreaker, Miko is helpless as Fubuki begins a running start across the ring! Seconds later, Fubuki LAUNCHES Miko into the corner back first! Miko lands small of the back first on the top turnbuckle, before snapping back and landing on her face!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!

*Instinctively climbing back to her knees, Miko is in the PERFECT position, as Fubuki steps over her!*

Bob: Oh no.. OOOOH NO!

*Fubuki simply powers her into the air, before hitting ANOTHER sit out powerbomb in the center of the ring!*

Ralph: THAT’S IT!

Bob: I gotta agree! What a powerbomb!

Ref: 1…….. 2………. 2.9999!

Bob: or not!

Ralph: DAMNIT!

Bob: o_o and you talk about ME being partisan..

*Miko’s back to her knees, and being assaulted in the face with several rights by Fubuki! Miko’s not even putting her hands up in defense!*

Bob: I think that last powerbomb may have given her a concussion!

*Fubuki hits the ropes, gaining speed and momentum for what’s to come next! However, whatever that may be, we’ll never know, as Miko pops back to her feet, NAILING the SHINING WIZARD out of no where! Fubuki never sees it coming, and lays in the ring COMPLETELY spread eagled!*

Crowd: *POP!*

Ralph: WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!

Bob: NO CLUE! But she needs to get up and capitalize or it’ll mean nothing!

*Miko rubs her face as she climbs back to her feet.. And unfortunately for Fubuki Kai, she discovers something from the repeated blows to the face she received earlier… Blood.*

Miko: ……… e_e!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob and Ralph: oh God no!

*Fubuki, on her knees and with her back turned to the champion, has no idea what’s about to happen to her! Flying toward the ninja at FULL SPEED, Miko hits the SHINING ENSEGURI TO THE BACK TO THE HEAD!*

Everyone: ASLDKFJASDLKFDKL

Bob: OH MY GOD!!

Ralph: WTF IS SHE TRYING TO KILL HER?!!? >=| SHE COULD HAVE JUST GIVEN HER FRIEND A CAREER ENDING CONCUSSION!

*And if there wasn’t a question that Fubuki had a concussion before.. Miko pulls Fubuki back to her feet! She snaps Fubuki backwards, hitting the BACKDROP DRIVER in the center of the ring!*

Bob: BACKDROPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!1 BACKDROPPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

Ralph: JESUS CHRIST!!

*Miko covers!*

Ref: 1……….. 2…………. 2.99999999999999999!!!

*BUT FUBUKI KICKS OUT!*

Miko: O_O!!!!!!!!!!!

Ralph: YES!! YES!! YE–ldkfja;sdlkfj *BANGS ON TABLE* YES!!

Bob: Fubuki just kicked out of the damn backdrop driver! After A SHINING WIZARD AND SHINING ENSEGURI TO THE BACK OF THE DAMN HEAD >=|!!

*Miko DRAGS Fubuki to the corner, resting the blonde kunoichi’s head on the bottom rope! She grabs a chair, before climbing onto the top rope of the opposing side of the ring!*

Miko: e_e!!!

Ralph: SOMEBODY CALL RVD!!!! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A MOVE JACKING HERE ;_;

Bob: IF MIKO HITS THIS.. FUBUKI IS DEAD. DEAD! IN FACT, SOMEONE CALL 9-1-1 ALREADY SO WE CAN HAVE THEM ON STAFF.

*Miko leaps off the top rope for the “Mirokushu Termination!” SECONDS before it connects, Fubuki TELEPORTS out of the way! YES. THE BITCH TELEPORTED! Miko hits ALL turnbuckle chest first, with the chair SMACKING her in the face!*

Ralph: SDL;FAJSDF;LJK WHAT TH.. SHE TELEPOR– SHE FUCKING TELEPORTED! HAAHAHAHAHAH! THAT WAS AWESOME!!

Bob: Fubuki teleports onto the apron, and look at this! LOOK AT THIS!

*Tangled in the corner, Miko is in PERFECT position! Fubuki climbs onto the top rope with Miko’s head locked in! Fubuki flips backwards for the Sliced Bread #2, but turns it into the BACK CRACKER! The Double Knee strike into the lower back! Miko BOUNCES from the finisher!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ralph: THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT!

*However, Miko WISELY rolls out of the ring and falls to the floor to avoid being pinned!*

Bob: THAT’S THE SIGN OF A VETERAN RIGHT THERE! Miko gets the hell out of the ring so she can’t be pinned!

Ralph: WHAT?! THAT’S BULLSHIT! GET BACK IN THE RING AND TAKE YOUR LOSS LIKE A WOMAN!

*Fubuki is going INSANE inside the ring after missing her chance to pin Miko! She reaches over the top rope in attempt to grab Miko! Big mistake, as Miko SLINGSHOTS Fubuki throat first over the top turnbuckle!*

Ralph: SLKDFJA;SDLKFJ SHE’S CHEATING NOW!!!

*Fubuki rolls to her knees just as Miko slides back into the ring! Fubuki’s in the perfect position for Miko’s “JUGULAR KICK!” Miko swings her leg with ALL that she has, and MISSES as Fubuki Teleports out of the way! Miko spins 180, and is now facing Fubuki who’s back to her feet! Fubuki hits a stiff kick to the midsection! Miko doubles over, and is instantly lifted into Fubuki’s arms! Kai takes a few steps backwards….*

Bob: I think we’re going to see the slam dunk powerbomb pin!

*Fubuki sprints across the ring! Miko however, throws ALL of her weight forward, bringing Fubuki backwards into a pin! Miko drives ALL of her weight over Fubuki’s shoulders, ALONG WITH a hand full of Ninja Gi!*

Ref: 1…. 2…….. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

*Fubuki kicks out at 3.00000000000001! An INSTANT after making the MIRACLE pin, Miko is outside the ring, spread eagled on the concrete floor!*

Crowd: !HUGE POP!

Ralph: SHE USED THE–THAT’S BULLSHIT!! THAT’S ASLDKJSA;F BULLSHIT!

Bob: ..

Ralph: SAY SOMETHING!

Bob: MIKO WINS! WHAT A MATCH!!

Ralph: LDFKJSD;LKJDSF!!

*As “Weight of the World” begins playing once more, the camera gets a shot of Fubuki’s expression inside the ring… It is nothing more but PURE shock! The ref leaves the ring to raise the hand of Miko, who’s BARELY back to her feet!*

Bob: Miko picks up the win at UCTF: 200!

Ralph: FUBUKI WAS SCREWED! SCREWED!!

Winner: Miko Mido

*Backstage, we see President Jeice in his office, celebrating his OVERWHELMING victory over SSS! In the office with him is Intern slash current babysitter, Xiu.. Who has a special somebody in his arms eating ice cream.. JEICE’S LITTLE GIRL!*

Her: ^___^

Jeice: HEY *BLEEP* did you see me kick SSS’s arse out there??

Her: (HEY. FORGIVE ME.. IT’S BEEN FIVE YEARS AND I HAVEN’T THOUGHT OF A NAME FOR HER YET) ^_^ Daddy kick.. Arse.

!!KNOCK KNOCK!!

Jeice: ENTER!

*Slowly walking into the room in a timid nature is none other than the former FOUR TIME Anime Champion.. The man who just pinned the IG champion in the middle of the ring… SUICIDE!*

Suicide: uh.. C..c..can I talk to you for a second?

Jeice: e_e. Yeah. What’s up, mate.

Suicide: I uhh.. listened to what you said.. Stopped being a jerk.. Started kissing babies, shaking hands.. And uhh… do you think I can get another shot at Andre Tau for the UCTF Anime Title now?

*Jeice leans back in his chair, and thinks about it.*

Jeice: Hmm.. You’re right. You’ve made great strides since I chewed you out so many months ago.. And you even just got a win over Raven Darc. So………..

Suicide: ………

Jeice: You know what? e_e I kinda miss the old Suicide.

Suicide: ..what

Jeice: yeah! The loud mouthed, don’t give a shit about anyone Suicide! Sure you picked up a few wins since you reverted, but.. I don’t want my title being carried around by a pink camoflauge wearing pussy. e_e face it, Suicide.. You just don’t have it anymore.

Suicide: …………………………………………………………… I…. I….. I voted for… John Yarmuth…. o__o

*That’s the LAST thing Suicide wanted to hear! After all these months of.. SDLFKAJSD;LFKAJSDF;LKJ*

Suicide: saldkfjasdlfkjSDLKFAJSDLFKJASDLFKJASDF AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! >=|!!!

*Suicide’s entire body glows in a CAMOFLAUGE GREEN tinted Ki! Papers and other files go FLYING in the opposite direction! Xiu covers up *BLEEP*, which leaves Suicide, focused intensely on the President who just screwed him over!*

Jeice: o_o lol fu–

!!THHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*a THUNDEROUS right from the Military Brat destroys Jeice’s mouth, shattering EVERY tooth in his mouth! I’m not kidding, Jeice’s ENTIRE GRILL is no more than red colored debris across the room! Jeice himself is put THROUGH his desk, through a wall, and into another room!*

Jeice: X_X_X_X_X_X_X

Suicide: >=| !! WAS THAT NICE?!!? HUH?!!? YOU ORANGE ILLEGAL ALIEN SON OF A BITCH!?!?

*He turns around and storms out of the room.*

Suicide: AND YOU. CHANGE YOUR HAIR, YOU BLUE HAIRED DEGENERATE!!!! >=|

*Suicide looks down at the cute little five year old girl, still holding her vanilla ice cream*

Suicide: …e_e…

*Suicide KNOCKS it out of her hand before leaving the room*

Her: …………..WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Xiu: …o_o.. Boss?

Jeice: geth.. Me…a … denthisth x_x……….

*Elsewhere see a close up shot of the UCTF logo, as the camera zooms out, we see Backstage interviewer, Ukyo, standing next to former UCTF Grand Champion, William Clarke!*

Crowd: *HUGE POP!*

Ukyo: William, tonight marks your triumphant return to UCTF competition, as you’ve been called out by Legend Ranma Saotome. Thoughts?

William: That’s right.. And I want to personally thank Ranma Saotome for challenging me tonight… I didn’t want UCTF’s last image of me to being a naked possessed wreck destroying everything in my path.. I want them to remember me as being the kid who was addicted to competition. Ranma, I appreciate it. I’m going to bring 110% to the table tonight. I’m sure you’ll do the same.

Ukyo: Last Image?? What are you saying???

William: That this is it. This will be the last time you see me in the UCTF. Win. Lose, or Draw.

*Back inside the squared circle, the ring announcer prepares to speak..*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen… the following BATTLE OF THE LEGENDS match is scheduled for one fall!

*”Love Panic” starts up, and as one would expect, as the former champion makes his way out, wearing a boxing robe with his “ANYTHING GOES MARTIAL ARTS” school logo displaying prominently, the fans give him one of the biggest ovations of the night!*

Arzie: Introducing first, Hailing from Okinawa, Japan.. He stands at five feet, eight inches, and weighs in at 158lbs… He is the second ever UCTF Grand Champion in the history of the UCTF… RANMAAAAAAAA SAOOOOOOTOMEEEEEEEE!!

Bob: It’s finally time! This match is finally here! We get to see a DREAM match between two of the most athletically gifted individuals that this federation has ever seen! Both men have only suffered three losses in their entire UCTF career, both men have held the biggest prize in the business!

Ralph: You know, I hear Ranma challenged William because of the Xanthius incident. e_e. This is about more than just about seeing who’s better… William embarrassed Ranma years ago, and this kid just couldn’t let it go. He couldn’t move on.

Bob: Where did you hear that?!

Ralph: My sources. e_e

*Ranma springs to the apron before leaping a second time into the ring seamlessly.. Taking off his boxing robe, Ranma reveals he’s shirtless underneath with traditional kung fu fighting pants underneath. His smirk slowly turns into a more serious glare as he stretches inside the ring.. After a few seconds of silence, the sound of several violins playing a simple beat in unison begins sounding off throughout the arena, before Fort Minor’s “Remember The Name’s” Beat drops over the sound system! William slowly walks from the backstage area to a DEAFENING pop!*

Bob: I honestly NEVER thought I’d see this man in active competition!

Ralph: Hell, we thought he was dead for the last two years!

Bob: But tonight, he’s here… for just one more night.. In what could be the biggest match in his unfortunately short career!

Arzie: And next.. Hailing from the Fort Greene Section of Brooklyn, New York City.. He is the first and ONLY Grand Slam Winner in the history of the UCTF… WILLLIAAAAAAAAAMMMM CLARKEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

*William leaps into the ring in a similar fashion to Ranma’s just seconds ago.. He and the Anything Goes Martial Artist stand face to face in the center of the ring! The fans are 50% pro Clarke, and 50% pro Saotome! As the arena begins to shake from the opposing chants, fans litter the ring with Red, White, and Blue Streamers! Neither Ranma nor William take their eyes off of each other!*

Ralph: Jesus.. Streamers make EVERYTHING more badass!

Bob: INDEED! LET’S DO THIS! IT’S TIME!

!!DING DING DING!!

*The Match has officially started, but neither men make the first move! It’s a battle of wits in the center of the ring! Saotome and Clarke, battling for mental supremacy, never take their eyes off of each other! The fans, who are now rabid for action, begin a 50/50 chant for the two legends inside the squared circle!*

LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM!

*The Crowd is SPLIT!*

Bob: I’ve never seen anything like this before in my life!

Ralph: I don’t think either Ranma or William have either!

*They break eye contact to survey the cheering fans on their feet chanting throughout the arena…*

LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM! LET’S GO RANMA! LET’S GO WILLIAM!

*In the crowd, that one slow witted fan FINALLY throws his streamer into the ring. Ranma, who’s head is turned to the other side of the arena, catches a glimpse of an object coming toward him via peripheral vision, mistaking it for a sneak attack from William! Ranma reacts accordingly, swinging a lightning fast left! William blocks and parries the strike away equally as fast!*

Bob: HERE WE GO!

*Continuing the momentum, Ranma swings around with a right spinning heel kick, again easily blocked and pushed away! Ranma spins in the direction of the parry again, now attacking with the same foot, but this time with a spinning roundhouse. William catches Ranma’s foot and shoves the lighter fighter into the ropes! Hitting the ropes springs Ranma back even faster, as he leaps in the air! He strikes with his right foot, followed by a second kick with his left! William smacks away both kicks… which doesn’t discourage Saotome, who keeps the offense coming with a left punch. William uses circular motion to knock the left away, and when Ranma throws a right, William catches the attack, before winding his and Ranma’s arm into a lock that would have EASILY broken Saotome’s wrist, had he not rolled forward with the momentum. Using his remarkable agility, Ranma kips back to his feet before snatching his arm away from William. As he pulls away, he sends a flying roundhouse right into William’s face with almost enough speed to break the sound barrier! However, it’s NOT fast enough to connect with William, who CATCHES the kick!*

Ralph: OH SHI–

*William torque’s his body over, sending Ranma into a Dragon Screw Leg Lariat! However, Ranma lands in a handstand, before spring boarding back to his feet in a perfect stance! He goes to attack William, but comes to a screeching halt as The Kid from Brooklyn is one step ahead of him, already in the posture form known as the “Single Whip!”*

Crowd: *POPS!*

Ranma: DAMNIT! >=|

*Ranma POUNDS his fist into the top turnbuckle in frustration!*

Ralph: That’s not a Tae Kwon Do stance o_o

Bob: You’re right, it looks Chinese in nature, and I’ll be damned if whatever William has been doing over the last two years has worked! He looks as calm and confident as I’ve ever seen him! Ranma couldn’t land ONE SINGLE ATTACK!

Ralph: and William hasn’t made an offensive move yet o_o!

*Ranma SUDDENLY charges William, swinging wildly with a right! Again, William grabs the strike, followed by a swift low kick to Ranma’s new joint a half a second later, bringing the “Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu” master to the ground!*

Ralph: I TAKE THAT BACK!

*Saotome springs back to his feet, more angry than ever! A left is parried away, followed by a right, which William parries and locks, leaving Ranma now open for a BIG open palm strike to the back of the head! Ranma swings again, it’s parried away, and William UNLOADS on Ranma’s face, nailing four to five palm strikes in a row that sends Saotome flying across the ring, and almost through the ropes!*

Bob: Ranma’s down again! Ranma’s down again!

Ralph: And it looks like William is putting out little to no effort in those strikes he’s landing!

*Ranma slides out of the ring, before KICKING the steel steps, sending them flying into the fans guardrail!*

Bob: Ranma is not taking losing lightly!

Ralph: He’s certainly not in control right now.. e_e I’ve known this kid for 8 years, he HATES not being in control of a fight.

Bob: I still can’t believe the drastic fighting style change of Clarke! If I’m not mistaken, he’s using some form of Tai Chi Quan!

Ralph: What? That old folk shit!? >=| that geriatric bullshit?!

Bob: are you kidding?! LeiFang uses that style!

Ralph: Yeah, and you saw how her career went in the UCTF!

*Saotome leaps back into the ring, charging the former Grand Champion, who slinks back into his fighting position! A SECOND before attacking, Ranma comes to a sliding stop, before STOMPING on William’s foot, thumbing him in the eye, and finally, delivering the most BLATANT low blow in the HISTORY of the UCTF!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*William doubles over!*

Ralph: WHAT THE HELL?!

Bob: THAT DAMNED SAOTOME SCHOOL OF CHEATING!ASLDFKJADS;LFKJ

*As William falls to his knees, what WAS 50% William has now turned into 100% from the crowd!*

Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!

Ranma: e_e.. *shrugs*

*He resumes the attack, pummeling the downed William into the corner, REPEATEDLY stomping him in the lower extremities, as the crowd has now gone from loving him, to potentially RIOTING in the place! With William now collapsed in the corner, Ranma darts to the opposing side of the ring, before coming FULL SPEED at William with a thrust kick! William EATS it like a man, but also GRABS Ranma’s leg before standing up out of the corner!*

Bob: WILLIAM HAS THE FOOT!

*William SPINS Ranma around, before UNLOADING on the Martial Artist’s midsection with a non stop barrage of open palm strikes to a ERUPTING chorus of cheering from the crowd!*

Ralph: How is he up THAT quick from THAT many ballshots?!

Bob: I don’t know, but he’s letting the former Grand Champion have it!

*Ranma FIRES BACK with a open palm strike to William’s face!*

Crowd: BOO!!

*William shakes it off, firing back with a palm strike to Ranma’s face!*

Crowd: YAY!

*They begin trading hits on each other in the center of the ring! The fans react accordingly!*

YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO! YAY! BOO!

*William finally parries a punch from Ranma, who PARRIES THE PARRY, before NAILING William with a spin kick to the jaw!*

Ranma: >=|!

Ralph: uh oh…

*William attempts to parry another strike, but Ranma adapts, parrying away William’s reversal attempt, leaving William open for a BIG jumping spin kick, that takes the Grand Slam winner down to the canvas with INTENSE force!*

Bob: WILLIAM DOWN!

Ralph: William’s mistake is starting to catch up with him!

Bob: explain!

Ralph: Come on! Ranma’s martial art NATURALLY adapts to any fighter’s ability! That’s what makes Anything Goes the most dangerous martial art out there! If you don’t put Ranma away quickly enough, he’ll simply learn your style and defeat you with it! We’ve seen it happen with Jin, with Devilman! With Alex! Hystalin! William should have put Ranma away when he had the damn chance!

*Clarke climbs back to his feet, he manages to stave off a overhand right with a parry into a wrist lock with his land hand.. Using his right, he attempts to take Ranma down with a chop, but Saotome blocks with his left, snatching away his right arm, firing back with a back hand that takes William COMPLETELY around!*

Ranma: KACHU TENSHIN—

Bob: THIS IS IT!

Ranma: AMAGURIKEN!!!

*William spins RIGHT into the “Chestnuts over an Open Fire,” THREE HUNDRED punches finds it’s way into his midsection within ONE SECOND. I am not exaggerating here. ONE. SECOND! He staggers back, but for the most part, takes EVERY SINGLE PUNCH like a man!*

Bob: RANMA’S ULTIMATE ATTACK!

Ralph: o_o William didn’t…

Bob: HE MUST BE OUT ON HIS FEET!

*Ranma hits the ropes as HARD as he possibly can, exploding back towards William, who out of pure INSTINCT reverts to his Tae Kwon Do style, NAILING Ranma with the FIVE FORTY kick!*

Crowd: *POP!*

Bob: 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! 540!!! I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SEE THAT AGAIN!

*William covers!*

Ref: 1…….. 2…….. 2.99999999999999999!!!

*Ranma POWERS his way out of the pin at the LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!*

Ralph: HOLY SHIT HE KICKED OUT OF THAT!

Bob: RANMA KICKS OUT!!!

*William tries to get up, but FALLS back to the ground, holding his midsection in extreme pain! The Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken has taken it’s toll.. Meanwhile, Ranma is gradually climbing back to his feet, now covered in blood from the stiff kick to the face!*

Ranma: >=|!!

Bob: How is Ranma